Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 22

And just like that...Brooke replaces Alison as Billy's main squeeze

"And the Winner Is..."
Original airdate: 2/27/1995

Episode summary: Sydney hatches a lame plot to win back Jake's heart. Alison befriends the coordinator of the Century Advertising Awards and unwittingly steals Amanda's thunder at the awards ceremony. Kimberly is increasingly miffed by all the time Michael is spending with Amanda.

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Recap: Michael encounters Kimberly in the hospital lounge as he's primping for his shift. He smarmily tells her he missed her while he was in New York...and when she makes it clear how furious she is that he and Amanda were staying in the same hotel room, he insists it would be utterly unthinkable that he'd ever behave in an unethical and inappropriate manner. Kimberly looks as if she doesn't quite buy what he's peddling and warns, "If you're lying, there's going to be hell to pay."

Kimberly calls Amanda to 1) welcome her home and 2) warn "keep your claws out of my husband" and sternly advises her to find her own man...and an unfazed Amanda's all, "Yeah, whatever."

After the opening credits, Amanda is at the hospital, making work calls as she gets her latest chemo treatment. Michael and some old doctor enter the room and chide her for making so many work calls - but she insists it's a necessity in order to keep D&D afloat. Dr. NoName disapprovingly pronounces that her career is working against them, not least 'cause it's raising her blood pressure and bringing on stress that can undo all of their progress. He suggests she take a leave of absence or at least reduce her work hours...and Michael concurs and announces that he made reservations at the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara so that she (while in his company) can get some much needed R&R. Amanda nixes that proposition and explains that she can't miss her industry's annual awards ceremony this weekend 'cause she's up for Print Ad of the Year. When Dr. NoName just shrugs disinterestedly at that and ambles out of the room, Amanda makes it clear to Michael she thinks the two of them going away together is unethical and somewhat gross. He argues that, as her primary physician, he needs to personally ensure that she gets at least one day of solid R&R, assures her there won't be any funny business while he tags along, and promises that she can still return to L.A. in time to attend the awards ceremony.

Later, Michael informs Kimberley he signed up for a weekend shift at the Santa Barbara Hospital...and fibs about how the money's so good he may take on these extra shifts for the foreseeable future. He further fibs about how he intends to use his earnings to pay for a holiday in Maui and give her the honeymoon they never had, and Kimberly squeals excitedly and gives him a happy hug.

Over at D&D, an elated Billy tells Amanda that Alison heroically saved the Franklin Cruise Lines account, and a vexed Amanda's all, "What do you mean save?" and snarlingly says the account was perfectly stable before she left for New York. Billy points out that, actually, the account was not stable given that she didn't leave them with a solid enough campaign...then credits Alison for turning the situation around. Amanda grumbles about how absolutely everything else at the company has gone to shit, and barks that she wants all quarterly reports updated asap. She then asks Alison if she submitted the entry form to Century Advertising Awards so that she (Amanda) can win Print Ad of the Year...and when Alison sheepishly admits that she hasn't yet gotten around to it, Amanda calls her ineptitude "a pathetic fumble" and orders her to personally deliver the form to Century's Long Beach office...and to maybe let it slip to the Century folk that she's very ill, in the hopes that the judges will take pity on her and vote for her - which, I must note, is a complete departure from her sentiments just two episodes ago: 

Amanda defensively insists that she can easily keep up with the workload - but Billy and Alison argue that she obviously can't, and that they're only trying to help. Amanda growlingly warns to not try to fill her shoes, then reminds them to keep their traps shut about her illness, 'cause if it's not business as usual at D&D, they're all going to be out of work.

"Feel free to mention my cancer to anyone who might throw some sympathy my way."

"Rest assured it's been already blabbed all over town."

Over at Shooters, Jake confirms to Sydney that he and Jane are officially dating...and Sydney reacts by wryly pronouncing that their togetherness is going to prove to be little more than a short-lived experiment, 'cause Jane is all about flash and style - not substance. She further warns that Jane likes her men to be window dressing, and that no way in hell can he fit into her world - but Jake looks unmoved by that and accuses her of being jealously biased.  

Alison arrives at the Century Advertising Awards office, where she's greeted by the awards coordinator, Brooke Armstrong (aka Charlotte from Sex and the City!). Alison submits the application for Amanda's campaign and comes right out and tells Brooke that Amanda is very ill and hopes that the judges will take that tidbit into consideration before awarding her Print Ad of the Year...but Brooke looks unimpressed by that and invokes Alison's brilliant work on the Glorious Gowns campaign and says she should definitely fill out a form so that her name can at least appear on the ballot. Alison chews on that idea for a few seconds, decides it'd be fun to be nominated [at a ceremony that Amanda thinks is going to be all about her], and agrees to submit the paperwork.

Back at D&D, Alison tells Amanda that her entry form was successfully submitted to the Century Advertising Awards coordinator, and Amanda issues a curt thank you before ushering her and Billy into her office for a private chat. She tells them that since she doesn't have the energy to work at her usual optimal level, she's going to take an R&R day tomorrow, and then work from home next week. She laments the need to put her trust in two incompetent bozos such as themselves, then orders them to step up their completion of the quarterly market reports, which they need to fax to the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara. Alison squeals about how awesome that resort is and that surely she'll have a lovely, restful time...but Amanda just grumblingly remarks that she hopes the two of them will be able to function better as colleagues than they did as a girlfriend/boyfriend. Alison lets that needless insult slide and promises they'll do their absolute best to make her proud, and Amanda bitchily retorts, "That's what worries me." 

Jake and Jane return to Melrose Place after their date, which sounds like it was a formal affair at some fancy art gallery. Jane coos about how great he looks in his tux...and then the two smooch while Sydney glares disapprovingly from her apartment window above.

Elsewhere in Melrose Place, Billy and Alison are working late and feeding each other Chinese takeout food...and eventually they get amorous and press against each other for an impromptu smoochfest.

The next morning, Sydney marches over to Jane's apartment and makes it clear that she has a HUGE problem with her dating Jake...and that she should stop if she wants things to stay good between the two of them. Jane tells her she couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses what she thinks of her romance with Jake and mockingly points out that she (Sydney) and Jake were only a couple for about 10 minutes. Sydney argues that Jake is the love of her life (um, seriously?), and that, "All's fair in love and war. This will definitely be war."
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Over at the Royal Canyon Ranch, Michael confides to Amanda that his relationship with Kimberly is heading towards Splitsville...and that he's getting supremely turned off by her obsession with acquiring a baby and would really really like to hook up with a woman who's as into her career as he's into his career. Amanda looks impressed by his nonsense and calls that sentiment "a rarity in a man", and he responds by kissing her...and when she reminds him that he promised to behave in a strictly professional manner, he breezily says he just needed to get that kiss out of his system.

Back at D&D, Alison tells Billy she's off to lunch with Brooke Armstrong, then shares that she allowed herself to get talked into nominating herself for a Century Advertising Award for her work on the Glorious Gowns campaign. Billy just kinda shrugs and says that that sounds A-OK to him...and when Alison invokes their smooching last night and says they likely engaged in the smoochfest out of a sense of familiarity, Billy responds by planting another smooch on her lips and amusedly challenges, "Psycho-analyze that one."

Over lunch, Brooke tells Alison that she was something of a rising star at her last workplace - but the organization went belly-up before her promotion could take effect. She adds that she was regularly tormented by an older female supervisor who had it out for her, and asks Alison if women are generally unsupportive of each other in the advertising world...and Alison confirms that indeed there are uppity women in the industry who consider female colleagues competitors instead of teammates. Brooke says she'd looooooove to get into advertising, and wankingly adds that she wanted to talk to someone of Alison's calibre of talent and experience who could give her valuable insight into making the career change. Alison mulls that over and tells her there's currently a part-time internship available at D&D, and Brooke squeals happy and assures her that if she's hired for the position, she'll prove to be a very quick learner.

"Women in the workplace can definitely be catty bitches."

"Or doe-eyed, subtle man-stealers."

Back at the hospital, Matt wonders aloud where Michael is, and Kimberly says he took a shift at Santa Barbara Hospital this weekend to earn some extra cash. Matt grins in amusement and informs her that their hospitals are no longer doing that reciprocal shift exchange program anymore 'cause it was discontinued about a year ago...and Kimberly reacts by staring into space all peeved-like.

Jo is at D&D, delivering a batch of photographs she was commissioned to take for an official campaign...and when she asks Alison where Amanda is, Alison says she's taking an R&R day, then spills the beans about her cancer diagnosis. Jo's all, "OMG! She must be sooooo scared" - but Amanda just kind of shrugs and says she heard from Matt that the prognosis is good. She then gets a phone call from Kimberly, who pretends to be a nurse in Amanda's oncologist's office. When she says she needs to reach Amanda for an important but unspecified reason, Alison tells her she's at the Royal Canyon Ranch in Santa Barbara...and Kimberly responds by once again staring into space all peeved-like.

Jane and Jake are enjoying a romantic dinner when Sydney calls to faux report that her car just happened to break down while she was partying at the Palomino, a scarily seedy dive bar. She then cancels the need for help and breezily says she'll ask one of the roughnecks she's been flirting with to give her a hand - but Jake gets on the phone and orders her to sit tight while he rushes over to pick her up. Sydney hangs up the pay phone, grins mischievously to herself, then invites a group of roughnecks who are clearly up to no good to buy her a drink.

Back at the ranch, Amanda and Michael are kissing and canoodling in a private hot tub when a demented looking Kimberly appears out of nowhere, grabs a lamp, and threatens to electrocute the two of them. As Michael's all, "Ack!" and implores her to please put the lamp down, Amanda disgustedly calls him spineless and climbs out of the hot tub. When Kimberly reacts by smashes the lamp on the tile floor, Michael stammers about how he accompanied Amanda to Santa Barbara strictly as her physician. Kimberly calls him out on that bullcack, says that seeing them canoodle in the hot tub has made her sick to her stomach, then stalks out of the room. Amanda, meanwhile, is packing up her stuff...and when Michael asks whaddup with her leaving, she calls him out for being the pathological liar he is, and declares that life is too short to put up with the likes of him.

"I've caught you in the act and now I'm going to electrocute you!"

"We were merely convening a doctor-patient consultation in the cozy comfort of a hot tub."

Back at the Palomino, Sydney is continuing to hold court with the roughnecks when someone announces that a Black Bra Contest is about to get underway. One of the roughnecks (Cal) proposes that Sydney represent their corner of the bar and enter the contest...and when Sydney jokes that she's not qualified, the roughnecks manhandle her to see what color bra she's wearing, see that it is indeed black, and drag her onto the stage. A few seconds later, Jake storms into the bar and marches over to the stage to rescue Sydney by slinging her over his shoulder and beating a hasty retreat. Once they're outside, Jake chides Sydney for going to such a shitty dump - just as Cal races over and orders Sydney to get off of Jake's motorcycle and pleasure him with enough sexual favors to compensate him for the $20 he spent on drinks. Jake tells him to get lost...and the two get into a brief fist fight before he levels Cal and motors off with Sydney.

The next morning, Amanda drops by Alison's apartment to rail at her for unwittingly telling Kimberly where she was spending her R&R day...and Alison's all, "Wuh..?" before it dawns on her that the call she got from the faux nurse was actually Kimberly, who so easily tricked her into revealing where Amanda and Michael had sneaked off to. Amanda grumbles that her retreat turned into a sordid nightmare, then changes the subject to the limo arrangements for the evening's Century Advertising Awards ceremony. When Alison says she took care of it, Amanda snarls, "At least you're not totally useless" ... and Alison sweetly assures her she wants to be there for her during her cancer treatment journey, and vows to not screw her over at D&D.

Michael returns to the beach house and finds Kimberly in bed, sobbing. He somehow manages to keep a straight face when he insists he's only spending time with Amanda 'cause she's sooooo terrified her life is soon going to end...and he's very concerned that if he rejects her advances, the resulting devastation could jeopardize her chemo treatment. He acknowledges that, yeah, it's put a strain on their marriage, and therefore faux promises to put an abrupt end to it. Kimberly listlessly retorts, "You do what you have to do" ... and when Michael thanks her for being so understanding, she tears up and reminds him that she knows his faults like no one else, loves him regardless, and is more than happy to let him be true to his very shitty self. She then comes right out and begs, "Pleeeeeease don't leave me", and Michael assures her he knows how good he has it with her, and gives her a comforting hug.

​Jane drops by Jake's apartment to tell him it's becoming too icky for her to be hitting the sheets with the same guy who bedded her sister, and the two agree to abruptly stop dating...and thank goodness, 'cause there was zero chemistry happening there.

Alison drops by Amanda's apartment while she's readying herself for the awards ceremony. Amanda then gets an unexpected call from Michael, who insists on being her plus one to the event, and declares that his marriage with Kimberly is officially dunzo. Amanda wryly retorts that she finds it hard to believe a word he says - but he ignores that and says he'll be at her place with a limo in 15 minutes. When Michael hangs up the phone, he's all, "Ack!" when he sees that Kimberly has been eavesdropping on the last part of the conversation. He fibs about having no choice but to escort Amanda to tonight's awards ceremony...but that it'll be the last time he "babysits" the clingy twit. Kimberly reacts by staring back at him with a look of suspicious incredulousness, and it remains unclear why she thinks it's, in any way, worth it to soldier on in this ridiculous marriage.

Sydney drops by Jake's apartment to apologize for causing him to brawl with Cal at the Palomino the night before - but he makes it clear he has no desire for them to hang out and quickly ushers her out the door. Sydney then runs into Jane and tauntingly tells her that Jake got into a physical fight over her last night. Jane mockingly calls the Palomino a real classy joint, then informs her sister that she and Jake have decided to end their chemistry-free budding romance...and Sydney coldly replies that it's for the best, since she doesn't have the kind of sex appeal a woman needs to have in order to be worthy of dating a stud like Jake. Meow.

Century Advertising Awards ceremony! Michael leans in and smooches Amanda, which elicits understandably stunned reactions from Billy and Alison. A few seconds later, the nominees for Print Ad of the Year are read aloud, and Amanda's all, "The fuck?" when she hears Alison's name mentioned as a nominee for the Glorious Gowns campaign. She glares at Alison and calls it "a heartless manoeuvre" before Alison is declared the winner. When she gets up to accept her award, Brooke slips into her vacated seat, presses her shoulder against a befuddled looking Billy, and smugly says, "I knew she would win all along." Everyone in the room then claps as a stunned Alison stands at the podium, doing her best to stutter out an acceptance speech.

"And the Oscar goes to.."

"I'm mortifyingly flattered."

A devastated Amanda hastily exits the room with Michael racing after her. She sadly laments that everything is being taken away from her, to which he coos, "Not everything", then professes, "I love you, Amanda. Like I've never loved anyone." She stares back at him with an expression of sad defeat, then presses herself against him for a comforting hug.   

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