Recap: Dawson is in his room, continuing to mope two full days after getting the dumperoo from Jen. Joey tells him to get over it already, eat a meal, and stop spying on Jen through the window. Dawson moans about how depressssssssed he is 'cause of Jen rejecting him and all he stands for - LOL - and Joey points out that since he's only known Jen for three months, he really should be able to suck it up a lot better and get on with his mundane life. She turns on the TV to distract him, but winces when she sees what's on the TV: that awkward footage of Jen lumbering toward Dawson during the pilot.
Billy climbs into Jen's window and is stretched out on her bed when Grams enters the room and asks him who he is and what in the heck he thinks he's doing. Jen appears a few seconds later and is all, "Ack!" at the sight of Billy...and after Grams makes a huffy exit, he tells Jen that when he heard she dumped Dawson like yesterday's news, he figured she'd want a quick replacement and/or roll in the hay. Jen haughtily tells him she doesn't have a vacancy and that the only reason she hooked up with him in New York was 'cause she was weak and vulnerable. Billy looks stung by the words and grumbles, "You used to be fun" before climbing back out of the window.
Billy is sitting on the hood of his convertible when Dawson just happens to wander over. Billy tells Dawson he'd go insane if he had to live next door to Jen after getting dumped, then wryly says that the two of them now have something in common. He points out that there's plenty of fish in the sea and invites Dawson to accompany him on a road trip, aka to a bar in Providence that's always teeming with hot college gals. Dawson mulls that over, decides that some out-of-town clubbing is exactly what he needs this episode, and is more than happy to spend the day away from Capeside and leave Jen wondering where he is, assuming she could give a rat's ass.
Joey is walking to school when a jock named Warren Goering pulls up beside her in his jeep and offers to give her a ride. When she declines, he explains that he needs to earn his merit badge for some type of community service he's pretending to carry out, so she climbs into the passenger seat and starts prattling about something or other in her usual prattley manner. Warren remarks on her motor mouth and asks her if she and her boyfriend Dawson spend a lot of time talking, and Joey informs him that she and Dawson aren't dating. Warren's like, "Well duh, it's obvious that you're a virgin", and she admits she is, but haughtily clarifies that it's by choice.
When Pacey hears about the road trip, he tells Dawson he wants in...and a few minutes later, Billy announces to Jen and Joey that he's taking Pacey and Dawson to a place where "the women are friendly and take cash", which Joey translates to mean that the three are headed to a bordello. After the boys leave, Jen asks Joey if she slept with Warren Goering...and when Joey gives her a WTF? look and indignantly replies, "Of course not!", Jen informs her that Warren is telling everyone that she did.
Joey finds Warren in the cafeteria, pulls him aside, and sarcastically tells him that their sex wasn't very memorable, given that she doesn't remember having it. Warren urges her to go along with the sex rumor and says it can be a win-win for both of their reputations, and points out that since he's a popular jock, she should be flattered that he wants everyone to think they had sex. Joey scrunches her face with disgust and calls him a bastard, so Warren retorts, "I never said I'd be your boyfriend" in a deliberately loud voice so that everyone in the cafeteria can hear him and titter about the contrived spectacle. Joey shoots him the stink-eye and stomps out...and is followed by Jen, who assures Joey she could never believe she'd doink a creep like Warren. She then suggests they join forces to give Warren some much deserved payback, and Joey mulls it over and decides she likes the sound of that idea.
Aboard a ferry, Billy watches as two yokels harass the other passengers. He remarks to Dawson and Pacey how much he'd love to slash their truck tires - but Dawson tells him he has a much better, American Graffiti inspired idea.
Abby Morgan finds Joey in the photocopy room and fishes for details about her recent doinkfest with Warren. Joey fake cries as she moans, "He swore he wouldn't tell...he said he loved me." Abby stares back at her in shock as Joey adds that they didn't use protection and that Warren cried the first time they made love. She then tells Abby she's pregnant, and that Warren reacted by telling his friends that his bun being in her oven is her problem, and an outraged Abby cries, "That sorry puke!"
Dawson surreptitiously attaches a chain to the harassers' truck so that it's tethered to the ferry...and when the ferry pulls in, Pacey moons the harassers. They're all, "We're gonna git you for showing us your bare ass!" ... and the driver hits the gas, but realizes too late that the trunk is chained to the ferry, and damages the truck's rear axle. Dawson woots triumphantly as Billy squeals off...and in the next scene, the three are hanging in the Providence bar, shooting pool and scoping out college ladies.
When Mrs. Tringle gets wind of Joey's fake pregnancy, she lectures her about how girls pay a high price for mistakes and how difficult child rearing is, then suggests she enrol in the kind of mommy and me class where the girls are forced to carry around a doll baby all day so they can begin to grasp the commitment that is motherhood.
Warren finds a banner pasted on his locker that reads Anyone can make a baby! It takes a real man be a father! and tears it off, then looks irked when he finds baby paraphernalia inside his locker.
Billy gives Dawson some useful tips on how to approach strange women in a bar, and Dawson glances around and selects a woman with brown fuzzy hair wearing a Film Threat t-shirt: a young Melissa McBride from The Walking Dead! He wanders over, then introduces himself and prattles whatever over-engineered dialogue the writers weighed down the script with this episode...and after an initial rebuff, Melissa McBride's all 'ah fuck it' and decides she's up for some rube-on-woman flirtation after all.
Joey drops by Jen's house to tell her she wants to call off the Warren got me pregnant scheme, 'cause now teachers are starting to believe she's with child. Jen urges her to stick with it and reminds her how disrespectfully Warren treated her, then mutters that it's something she's all too familiar with. Joey prickles at that last thing and snarls at her for wanting to exact revenge on Warren after dumping the first decent guy she's ever dated. Jen accuses her of being scared that there's no longer any excuse for newly single Dawson to not want to date her...and Joey glares at her before storming out.
Melissa McBride tells Dawson she's in film school, and the two are chatting about their favorite movie directors when Billy interrupts the conversation to compliment Melissa McBride on her hotness. After a derisive eye roll, she asks Dawson if he wants to split, and the two promptly exit the bar. As they walk to her car, Dawson gets visibly nervous and admits to getting dumped and that he's not yet ready to lose his cherry with a virtual stranger. Melissa McBride nods approvingly, says he may have just restored her faith in the male sex, and gives him a chaste cheek kiss before climbing into her car and driving off.
Abby tells Jen that Warren was summoned to the nurse's office for a lecture on birth control...and adds that she's skeptical about Joey's pregnancy claim, given that she just talked to a friend who once dated Warren and was only too happy to dish about his flaccid penis issues. Jen's like, "Oh dear!" and makes a beeline over to Joey to share the amusing gossip.
Dawson returns to the bar and admits to Pacey and Billy that he weaselled out of hitting the sheets with Melissa McBride. Billy chides him for not going for it, then says it totally explains how he blew it with Jen. Dawson gets angry and is all, "You only wanted me to get laid so you could run and tell Jen!" and decrees that it'd be in Jen's best interest if he left town. Billy laughs and says he sounded exactly like Jen's dad just now, then sarcastically wishes him and Pacey a fun trip home without the convenience of his convertible, and storms out of the bar.
Joey stakes out Warren at his locker...and when he spots her lurking behind him, he smarmily tells her that one way to deal with a lie is to make it a truth. She laughingly declines and says she heard that knocking boots with him is "quite the anti-climax" ... and when he scrunches his face confusedly, she says she heard the bad reviews his flaccid penis has gotten, and that if he doesn't immediately retract the gossip he was spreading about them having sex, she'll blab about his erectile dysfunction to anyone who's interested. A chastened Warren explains that he gave her a ride to school this morning 'cause he thought it'd be nice to spend time talking to her [boy is as mad as a hatter], then asks her out for a proper Saturday night date - but she's all, "Fuuuuck no" and stomps off.
Dawson and Pacey are waiting at a bus stop...and when Pacey asks whaddup with the lipstick imprint on his cheek, Dawson blushingly explains that Melissa McBride gave him a PG kiss after walking her to her car and telling her that he was in no way ready for her to break his precious cherry.
Joey stops by Jen's house with a pint of ice cream to thank her for the Warren flaccid penis intel, and to inform her that Warren is now retracting the gossip about the two of them sexing. Jen asks her if they can somehow manage to keep Dawson from coming between their friendship, and Joey shrugs and says, "Sure. He's only in love with one of us." Jen concurs, but then says that she's merely "the object of his infatuation", and the two quietly ponder if Dawson could actually be boning someone as they speak.
Dawson arrives home and finds Joey waiting for him in his bedroom. She tells him she got fake knocked up today, then asks him if he enjoyed "some good clean fun" ... and he's like, "Mmm, not exactly" and says he'll have to tell her all about it later 'cause right now he's way too exhausted to get into it. He happily mumbles that nothing that happened on the road trip reminded him of Jen, then drifts off as Joey sits on a chair near his bedside and stares at him wistfully.
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