Recap: Jen is third-wheeling it with Joey and Dawson as the three spend the evening together watching movies in his bedroom. When the movie ends, Joey says she should probably head home and help Bessie around the house. Jen says she feels like she's intruding on a personal ritual and that she should be the one to leave, and Joey's like, "Yeah, you kinda are, but I still really need to leave", and blah blah blah...the girls end up leaving Dawson laying alone on his bed muttering that this three-way friendship has become waaaaay too complicated for his tiny brain to contend with. Bessie tells Bodie she can't wait to deliver her ginormous baby - just as Joey enters the house so the two can snipe back and forth. Bodie chides Joey for aggravating her pregnant sister and implores her to give her a break, then reminds them both that tomorrow he's off to Hyannis Port for the day to check out a French restaurant. Grams stares disapprovingly at an artsy nude calendar that Jen has pinned up in her room, so Jen cheekily points out to Grams that she regularly prays to a naked Jesus who's nailed on a cross. Grams clutches her pearls and moans, "What has happened to you?" and Jen just shrugs and says she no longer believes in the notion of a higher being and, for that matter, isn't sure she thinks much of mankind in general. Pacey tells Tamara - after she parks her car in front of the school (!) - that they need to take their relationship out of the bedroom and into somewhere public this weekend. He adds that he totally gets how uptight she is about repeatedly committing the felony of fucking a minor, but would really like it if she started acting as if they were in a real relationship. He suggests a weekend trip to Providence, aka where no one knows them, and she gazes back at him flirtily and agrees consider that horrible idea.
Inside the school's men's room, Pacey tells Dawson that Tamara agreed to consider his let's be seen publicly request, and cockily says he's pretty sure she'll cave...then insists that this unholy hookup means so much more to him than just getting his rocks off. He suddenly looks alarmed and quickly checks the bottom of each stall to make sure no one's eavesdropping...which is sort of like closing the barn door long after the horse has escaped, but OK. After the two exit the men's room, we see that a stoner named Kenny Leaverton is sitting atop one of the toilets with his feet up, smoking and muttering, "Oooooh man.." LOL. Oooooh man indeed, Kenny. Jen tells Dawson there's a disturbing-to-visualize rumor circulating around Capeside high that Pacey has been getting it on with Miss Jacobs, and Dawson's like, "Ack! I have to find Pacey asap and give him a heads up." An incredulous Jen stares back at him and asks if there's any truth to it, and he tells her to not ask him that question if she doesn't want him to lie to her. So, uh, yes Jen. It's true. Joey rushes over to Dawson and Jen to tell them she just heard something implausibly juicy - just as Pacey appears in the hall and gets approached by some random girl who asks him if it's really true that he's boning their English teacher. He stares over at Dawson with a look of panic etched across his face. In a vacant classroom, Dawson tells Pacey that it turns out Kenny Leaverton was hiding in the bathroom stall when they were talking about Tamara...and Pacey moans, "This is really really baaaaad" and hopes to hell that the rumor doesn't reach Tamara. Dawson reminds him that he's in full control of how he reacts to the rumor, and advises him to confidently saunter down the hall all casual-like as if nothing's happened. Pacey mulls that over and exits the room, and confidently bounces down the hall as his schoolmates point and titter. Tamara is discussing Romeo and Juliet with her English class when someone makes a crack about her hitting the sheets with a prepubescent boy. She looks startled at being outed, then glares over at Pacey. After school, Joey finds Pacey moping near the dock. She tells him she has no idea if the icky rumor is true, but is sorry that he's enduring the embarrassment. She reminds him that she knows exactly what it feels like to be talked shit about by other kids, e.g. her misfortune to have an unwed knocked-up sister, a mom who died of cancer, and a dad who's imprisoned for drug dealing. She assures Pacey that all he has to do is wait for the next scandal to come along, 'cause it'll quickly take the attention off of him. Jen is walking home with Dawson, railing about how much she and Grams irritate the shit out of each other. Dawson urges her to find a less abrasive way to interact with Grams - just as the old lady appears at the front door of her house and glares at them all judgey-like. Joey arrives home and finds Bessie and her truck helplessly stuck in the mud. Bessie explains that she was on her way to the clinic 'cause - surprise! - she just went into labor. She then doubles over in pain...and when a panicked Joey suggests they call an ambulance, Bessie says that unfortunately their phone isn't in working order and so she needs Joey to transport her to Dawson's house (instead of the nearest hospital). Joey reminds Bessie that the quickest way to get to Dawson's place is by rowboat, and Bessie's all, "Uh huh.." In the next scene, Joey is slowly rowing the two of them down the creek to Casa Leery. Bessie snappishly says if she were rowing any slower they'd be moving backwards, then grabs the oars and vigorously takes over...and as she's doing that, her water breaks. Joey bursts into Dawson's house to inform him that her sister is about to give birth on his front lawn. Dawson's all, "Ack!" and calls for an ambulance, but is told that there aren't any available 'cause there's a big traffic pileup on the freeway. Pacey is waiting at Tamara's beach house when she arrives home. She shoots him the stink-eye and says she's not having this conversation, then chides him for opening his big fat mouth about them bumping uglies. She reminds him that everything about their grotesque affair hinged on him not talking about it to anyone, and says that in a matter of one day everyone on the faculty knows, which means that soon the administration will get wind of it...and then it's only a matter of time before she's charged with a sex crime. As well the pedo should be. She snappishly declares them broken up, then rushes inside. A laboring Bessie cries, "Where's the damn ambulance!" while Dawson and Joey confer about how in blazes they're going to help get Bessie through this TV tropey medical emergency. Joey rushes next door and preemptively acknowledges to Grams that she's well aware of the bitter contempt she holds both her and Dawson in - but that she's going to have to put a pin in that for now 'cause Bessie's about to deliver her baby...and reminds here that, as a nurse, she's obligated to help. Grams responds by continuing to stare at her hatefully.
Pacey is moping around town when he runs into his brother Doug, who smirkingly says he just heard a rumor about a Capeside kid who got it on with his teacher...and word on the street is that the kid made it all up. He says he has no problem believing he has a shameless liar for a brother - but is concerned about how all this trash-talking is affecting Tamara. He derisively asks Pacey if his lies were a pathetic cry for attention, then informs him that the superintendent just called an emergency board member to get to the bottom of the rumor and discuss whatever charges might be laid against Tamara. Dawson aims his videocamera at Bessie's nether regions and announces that he's taking it upon himself to film the birth for Bodie's benefit, and Bessie tells him she's A-OK with that - but then looks distressed at the arrival of Grams. Grams ignores her protests and takes her pulse, then promises to resist all urge to bond with her during and/or after the birthing process. Pacey arrives at City Hall and finds Tamara glumly sitting on a bench next to her attorney, who snarlingly tells Pacey to back off and only communicate with Tamara through her. Pacey scrunches his face into a hurt looking expression, mumbles, "Sorry", and dejectedly shuffles off. Laboring Bessie is shrieking in pain so loudly that Joey decides she can't bear the spectacle and makes a break for the front door. Tamara is facing a panel of stern looking school board members, who inform her that it's come to their attention that she's been indulging in icky sex romps with a minor. When the superintendent glares at her disapprovingly and demands to know if the rumor is true, Pacey bursts into the room and retorts, "No, it's not true" and admits to being the origin of the rumor. He natters about how he used to daydream that he was better looking, more sophisticated, and older...'cause only then would Tamara (or anyone else with any semblance of good taste) consider him datable. He refers to his "unrequited" crush on Miss Jacobs as "an adolescent fantasy" and fake assures the panel that she's been nothing more to him than an English teacher. When Jen unhelpfully points out that Bessie's laboring is turning into a literal bloody mess, Grams snaps at her shut it and assures a freaked out Bessie that excessive hemorrhaging is a perfectly natural part of the process...but then privately concurs to Jen that, yep, there's a whole lot more blood coming out than she's comfortable with. She encourages Bessie to recite The Lord's Prayer with her...and when this seems to have a calming effect on her, Jen's all, "Hmm.." and recites along.
Dawson exits the house to see whassup with Joey abandoning her sister during labor. He assures her that Bessie will be OK, and that she's in the hands of a capable, if curmudgeonly nurse. Joey explains that she got so freaked out 'cause Bessie's shrieking reminded her of the physical pain her dying mother was always in and how hard that was to watch. Dawson clucks sympathetically and points out that since she was willing to stay in the room while her mother suffered, she should sure as hell be willing to support Bessie while she temporarily suffers through childbirth. Doug encounters Tamara as she makes her way out of the courtroom and flirtily says he hopes she doesn't hold Pacey's fuckwittedness against all male Witters. Tamara retorts that she finds Pacey to be a sweet, sensitive, intelligent young man...then shoots him the stink-eye and snappishly says he can address her as Miss Jacobs. She then flounces out of City Hall, climbs into her car, and drives off. Across the street, Pacey stares after her with a sad look on his face. An exhausted, sweating Bessie makes one last push and finally squeezes out her spawn...and Grams declares the infant "healthy and beautiful". Pacey stops by Tamara's beach house for a sheepish chat. She tells him that his apology isn't needed (well duh, you're the adult pedo in this adult pedo/teenager scenario), and that she appreciates what he did for her during the hearing. Pacey promises to never again breathe a word about their illicit hanky panky - but she just kind of shrugs and says it's a moot issue now that she's made the decision to resign from Capeside High (yay!) and leave town (hurray!) and go live with her sister in Rochester. When he stares back at her all crestfallen, she tells him he must have known that the clock was always ticking on their fling, not least 'cause eventually he'd graduate high school and want to date someone his own age...and that she's thirty-six and kinda pushing the envelop with being able to have kids with a partner who's a fully grown male. Pacey asks her if he can have a goodbye kiss, but she declines and says that the two of them kissing started this whole grossness in the first place...so she gives him a hug, and he wishes her well in Rochester before sadly ambling off.
That evening, Jen says goodnight to Grams and remarks on what a long day it's been...and Grams beams back at her and says, "It was a good day." She then tells Jen she'd be very shocked if, after just witnessing the miracle of birth, she still holds no belief in God, and Jen's like, "Uh, no...I still have no belief in God" but that she's coming around to re-believing in the goodness of mankind. Bessie and Bodie are cooing over their new baby, then hand him over to Joey so that she too can coo over him. Pacey strolls along the beach and stares over at Tamara's beach house. He sadly watches as she turns out the lights and calls it a night. So long, pedo! See ya in Season 2. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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