Recap: Joey's over at Case Leery, where she and Dawson are watching a TV show about insect sex (yes really). Joey natters her way onto the topic of how human men are only attracted to supermodels...and Dawson admits that while there's some truth to that, girls also exhibit "pure animal instinct" when they choose a mate. Joey must agree with that theory, 'cause she reacts by staring back at him mutely.
The next day at the Ice House, Dawson, Pacey, Jen and Joey are discussing the upcoming Miss Windjammer beauty contest the local country club hosts every year. Joey expresses disdain about the misogyny that surrounds beauty contests in general, while Jen tells the gang that her mom entered her in a bunch of pageants when she was a kid. Dawson tries to tempt her to enter by telling her that the grand prize is $5,000 and a free trip to New York, but she's like, "Nope, still not interested" ... and after she and Joey wander off, Dawson tells Pacey he hasn't given up on the prospect of winning Jen back.
Joey complains to Jen that with less tourists dining at the Ice House, her tips are drying up...which means she's having a harder time saving up for college. Jen tells her that surely she's smart enough to earn a scholarship, then suggests that since they're no longer competing for Dawson's affection, maybe they can work towards being actual friends. Joey makes kind of an ew face, but then says she might be up for it if they're not obligated to talk about boys or do each other's hair.
Pacey tells Dawson that when his dad found out he was failing biology, he admonished him for being such a dumbass and wished he could be more like his brother, St. Doug. He adds that his dad is so uninterested in parenting him anymore he's been encouraging him to become an emancipated minor (ouch) ... so he's now looking for his own place, but can't afford even the cheapest hovel. He jokingly suggests that if he entered the Miss Windjammer beauty contest he'd get a crack at winning $5,000, then looks as though he just stumbled onto a brilliant idea and points out that it'd be gender discrimination if the pageant officials were to bar him from entering. Indeed it would, Pacey. Indeed it would.
While in the cafeteria line, Jen wanks Joey about how pretty she is and tells her that she should definitely enter the beauty contest - but Joey stares dejectedly at her lunch tray in her usual hang-dog fashion and argues that she's not pretty. Jen reminds her that if she wins the contest she'd be awarded $5,000, and Joey perks up at the prospect of a much needed cash windfall and decides 'ah, what the hell'.
Jen and Joey arrive at the country club to get Joey registered for the Miss Windjammer pageant...and Pacey is already at the front of the line, arguing to the pageant officials that the rule book doesn't specifically state that males can't enter. When Dawson ambles over, Jen tells him that she's acting as Joey's personal coach for the contest...and after he's done laughing out loud, an irked Joey translates his laughter to mean that he's amused an uggo such as herself would have the audacity to enter a contest that judges female beauty. Dawson hastily explains that he only chuckled 'cause he knows how she feels about beauty contests, and Joey sullenly says she could really use $5,000 and is annoyed that he finds this so hilarious.
During the beauty contest orientation, Capeside native and current it girl boarding school student Hannah von Wenning breezes in and gets a hero's welcome. When she learns that Pacey has entered himself as a contestant, she mocks his buffoonery and snootily wonders what on earth he'll perform for the talent portion of the contest.
That evening, Jen coaches Joey how to walk elegantly with a book atop her head, but Joey gets frustrated with the exercise and snappishly asks Jen why she's helping her out. Jen tells her she's never had many gal pals and has a hunch that Joey's perpetually cunty 'tude routinely drives prospective girl friends away so she figured 'why not give friendship a shot?'
Pacey seeks feedback on his vocal talent by singing Frank Sinatra's famous New York, New York song in front of Mitch and Dawson...and Mitch responds by asking him what other talents he has. LOL. Dawson tells Pacey that if he were to win the contest, it'd surely attract a media blitz...and Mitch concurs and says that by challenging the traditions of a local beauty contest, he's unwittingly become a political activist.
Joey asks Jen whassup with her and Dawson, and Jen shrugs and says they're still figuring things out. Jen then asks Joey whassup with her and Dawson...and when Joey says that Dawson will only ever see her as a friend, Jen breezily reminds her that there's plenty of fish in the sea. Amen to that.
Dawson tells Pacey he's never thought about Joey in a romantic sense, and Pacey says it's annoying he doesn't want to date her, but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to date her. It's also annoying that neither of them ever considers extending their dating pool beyond this circle of four.
A grumpy looking Joey arrives at the country club and is not pleased to see that Dawson is filming pre-interviews of the beauty contestants to prepare them for the all-important interview portion of the contest.
Hannah von Wenning laughs at Pacey as he practices his magic tricks for the talent show, specifically how deluded he is to think that he could actually win the contest. Pacey says he may not win - but would be more than satisfied if he even took one of the judge's votes away from her.
Joey gives snide answers to Dawson's pre-interview questions, including that she has no role model, and hopes to leave Capeside at the first available opportunity so she can have fun adventures. When Dawson stares back at her sadly, she haughtily tells him that everything changes eventually and that it's not unusual for people to want to experience life beyond their shitty little hometowns.
Pageant time! Jen is helping Joey with her makeup and advises her to use the vaseline on the teeth trick so her lips won't get stuck on them while keeping a smile pasted on her face all evening. Pacey, meanwhile, is getting dressed in the broom closet...and when Dawson pops in to see how he's doing, he asks Dawson if he's an idiot for entering a beauty contest. Dawson reminds him that he never cared about public opinion before, then says he definitely has courage to intentionally do something that could so easily end in public humiliation.
The contestants are introduced by name, and each makes their grand entrance on the stage in their evening wear. Joey is decked out in a black gown and has her hair swept up in an elegant bun...and as Dawson films the event and sees Joey through the camera lens, he does a dramatic double-take and openly ogles her while Jen looks on from a few feet away in jealous dismay.
The pageant progresses with the talent and interview segments, and Pacey does a good job of wittily answering his question and gets a standing ovation. Buoyed with confidence, he ambles over to Shaggy D.A., who's one of the judges, and she tells him that his charm is the only thing keeping her from nodding off during this wretched pageant - but also makes it clear that there's no way in hell these uppity judges are ever going to vote for a guy to become the next Miss Windjammer.
A nervous Joey takes the stage to sing On My Own, which she does looking as sad and doe-eyed as possible while sneaking wistful glances at Dawson.
Dawson returns to the broom closet to inform Pacey that it's his turn to perform his talent. A bummed looking Pacey asks him if he thinks there's even a slim chance he could be crowned Miss (Mr.? ) Windjammer, and Dawson's like, "Uh, no..?", then chuckles and goes, "I mean...come on." Pacey says he's soooo angry at being written off as a serious contender for what's been up until now a teenage girls' beauty pageant and decides that instead of performing a magic show, he's going to go down in a blaze of glory.
Pacey performs a boorish Braveheart-inspired monologue, making it clear how pissed off he is at the judges for not giving his quest to become the next Miss Windjammer the seriousness he feels it deserves. After he wraps it up, he gets ample applause from an audience that's part entertained but mostly bewildered.
Joey overhears Hannah telling another girl about what a total charity case she (Joey) is...and Dawson enters the room at that moment and eavesdrops on what she just eavesdropped on. As an embarrassed Joey starts to flee, Dawson stops her and points out that Hannah is being so bitchy 'cause she's clearly terrified that she (Joey) could actually win this contest, then says he's sooooo proud of her guts and talent.
The interviewer asks Joey what her words of advice to today's youth would be, so she warns the kids today about coming across small minds who think that looks and popularity are more important than character and integrity...and glares over at a sheepish looking Hannah as she's talking. She closes with, "Don't ever sell out. Don't judge people by their station in life" and gets a round of enthusiastic applause.
And the winner is...
Some random girl I don't recall seeing earlier, while Joey is declared first runner-up (and wins a free day of beauty at Betty's Hair Barn), and Hannah is voted second runner-up and gets an even shittier prize.
Shaggy D.A. tells Joey she voted for her 'cause she did such a marvellous job singing and calling out the superficial haters, then wanders off so that Dawson can gush about the way she burst out of her shell and looked so smokin' hot in her black evening gown. He tells her he feels like he's seeing her for the first time, and she [reacts in the opposite way a teenage girl who understands that males are visual creatures might react and] gets teary-eyed while muttering, "Something just isn't right about this" and says she feels stupid about dressing up in fancy clothes and wearing makeup. She says she'd rather he see her as the person she's always been, 'cause tomorrow she's going to go right back to being dungarees Joey again. Dawson mulls that over and says he'd like to probe the issue by engaging in a deep discussion on her non (?)-metamorphosis - but she sadly points out that he's had a lifetime to process his feelings for her, then dejectedly shuffles off.
Pacey finds Hannah moping outside by the dock and tells her he totally gets how she feels, given how much experience he has being a loser. Hannah self-piteously says that all of her siblings are super-achievers, while she can't even win a small-town beauty pageant...then applauds Pacey for having the balls to enter a girls' beauty contest. He tells her she's lucky to get to go to boarding school and be so far away from Capeside, and she wryly says she feels completely neglected by her family, and chuckles about how her pet dog spends more time with her parents than she does.
Jen wanders over to the Leery house and acknowledges to Dawson that she didn't give their relationship much of a chance and/or give him a plausible reason for their breakup. She asks him if it'd be too late for them to try again - but he says that now really isn't the best time 'cause he has to figure some [Joey-related] stuff out. A deflated Jen says, "You know where I am" and lumbers home.
Joey stares at herself in the mirror as she brushes her hair, then gives herself a smug grin...while Dawson stares contemplatively into space before he too breaks into a smile.
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Recap: Joey complains to Dawson that the horror movie they're watching sucks, and then the two engage in a non-sexually playful wrestling match to see who can gain control of the remote before Joey is able to grab it and shut off the TV. She tells Dawson that his fascination with the dark side is getting tiresome, and that horror movies are unnecessarily violent and exploitive to women. A few seconds later, she turns on the news so the two can catch the news brief about a serial killer (the press has nicknamed The Lady Killer) who has struck again in Boston. Joey cites this as proof that the world is demented enough without stupid horror movies, and Dawson calls her a "scaredy cat wuss", then slips off the bed while she's not looking and freaks her out when he slides out from under the bed wearing a Jason-esque Friday the 13th mask.
At school the next morning, Pacey asks Dawson what his Friday the 13th plans are, and Dawson just kind of shrugs and says he's done trying to turn his mundane life into an exciting movie, not least 'cause everything always ends up in disappointment, e.g. his flaccid romance with Jen. Pacey tells him he's missing an opportunity to do something suitably goulish on Friday the 13th when there's an actual serial killer on the loose...and a few seconds later, he opens his locker and gasps in horror when a fake skeleton pops out, and Dawson chuckles in satisfaction at his own juvenile-ness.
Scott Foley invites Jen out that evening, but she she makes an ew face and says she's not so much into "the dating thing" anymore. Scott Foley says it's probably 'cause she was dating Dawson - aka a guy who's not fun - but Jen insists that, on the contrary, he's a very fun and imaginative fellow. She changes her mind and tells Scott Foley she'll go out with him after all, and he stares contemplatively into space for a few seconds before giving her a quick goodbye and rushing off.
During lunch, Pacey warns Joey and Jen that The Lady Killer stalks young women about their age by writing them letters and calling them...before eventually slaying them by cutting their hearts out. As Jen twitches at the visual of that kind of grotesque violence, Dawson joins the table and announces that he's decided to host a seance at his house tonight. Jen says she can't make it 'cause she has plans with Scott Foley, then says she's more than a little miffed that he (Dawson) doesn't taunt her with the kind of inane pranks he's always inflicting on Pacey and Joey.
After film class, Scott Foley asks Dawson for advice on where to take Jen to give her an incredible evening out. Dawson gives him a seriously? look, mumbles something about how Jen just generally likes to have fun wherever she goes, and promises to get back to him after giving his cheeky request some more thought.
Jen finds a note in her locker that reads You are going to die tonight - just as Scott Foley appears from out of nowhere, I'm sure purely by coincidence. She shows him the note and says she suspects Dawson's trickery, and Scott Foley's like, "Uh, OK" and tells her that their date tonight is going to be a fabulous surprise.
Later that afternoon, Jen gets a crank call from a guy she assumes is Dawson - until he convincingly retorts, "Who's Dawson?" Jen somehow refrains from simply hanging up the phone and going about her day, and instead continues bantering with the creep while frantically running from room to room, including the one still occupied by Gramps' lifeless form. I keep forgetting that no one's pulled the plug on him yet. The caller ominously warns, "Don't look under the bed" - LOL - which prompts Jen to cry, "This no longer funny, Dawson!" then gets thoroughly freaked out when she hears someone at the back door, fiddling with the door knob. When she races downstairs and shrieks, "Who's therrrrrrrrrre?!" Grams enters the house carrying a bag of groceries and explains that she couldn't find her key for the front door. The crank caller says, "Soon, Jennifer. Soon" before hanging up.
Dawson is decorating the house with scary ghouls when Joey and Pacey arrive, and then the three pile into Pacey's car to head downtown to buy snacks for the seance. When they arrive at the convenience store, Pacey tells Joey that for some reason he doesn't actually have a key for the car he's driving, so he's going to need her to wait inside the car so he can keep it running while he and Dawson get the snacks. Inside the store, Pacey and Dawson encounter a lunatic couple screaming at each other...and eventually the man storms off. The woman, whose name we soon learn is Ursula, looks over at Dawson and Pacey as they gawk in her direction and asks them if they're having a party. When they mindlessly nod, she offers to score them a bottle of wine...and by score, she means shoplift by slipping a bottle into her large purse without getting caught by the store clerk who's standing just a couple of feet away and well within earshot.
A middle-aged, bespectacled man wanders over to Pacey's car and motions at Joey to roll down her window, and she figures 'a serial killer is on the loose in the area, so why the hell not?' When she opens it halfway, he introduces himself as David and says he got lost on his way to Providence. She's like, "Wow, you really are lost" and gives him directions to the nearest highway...and he stares at her creepily and gushes about her "intense eyes". Dawson exits the convenience store at that moment and walks over, glares suspiciously at David, and asks whassup...and David looks visibly irked by the unwelcome interruption and thanks Joey for her help. After he ambles off, Dawson admonishes Joey for talking to the strange man and points out that he could have been The Lady Killer, but Joey chides him for being overly paranoid. Ursula, meanwhile, hands Pacey the bottle of wine she just stole - just as her insane boyfriend (Eddie) appears and orders her into his car. She bellows her refusal, and the two get into another screechfest before Ursula races over to Pacey's car and climbs in so the four can squeal off.
Scott Foley arrives at Grams' to pick up Jen for their night out, and Grams looks impressed by the clean cut youngster to the point of being positively giddy as she asks him to please have her granddaughter home by midnight. Jen asks Scott Foley where they're going, and he tells her they'll be attending a seance at her ex-boyfriend's house, and she's like, "Oh joy", 'cause, yep, that sounds like every girl's dream date.
Jen sarcastically thanks Dawson for the scary note he put in her locker and the earlier psychotic phone call, and he stares back at her blankly and says he has no earthly idea what she's talking 'bout.
Ursula opens the Leery fridge, finds a fake dead head that Dawson put in there to scare his seance guests, and starts laughing like a deranged hyena.
Scott Foley thanks Dawson for inviting him to his seance and says he's pretty sure that Jen is warming up to him (er not).
Seance time! Pacey and Ursula get the ball rolling by summoning spirits, and Pacey says he wants to try contacting The Lady Killer's victims...which leads to a general discussion about how the killer sent his victims notes and called them on the phone. Ursula says she has a scary story she'd like to share, then proceeds to regale them with the tale of a dimwitted teenager who flirts with an older woman in a local convenience store who just had a fight with her violent boyfriend, takes her to a friend's house, all the while having no idea how deranged she is after years of horrific abuse. She cackles that the woman carries a knife in her purse and enjoys slitting people's throats for her personal enjoyment...and as the Capeside teens stare at her in bewildered horror, the entire house suddenly goes dark. Eeeeeek!
Dawson declares the timing of the blackout suspicious, while Jen tries to call the utility company but finds that the phone line is predictably dead. Pacey wonders aloud if perhaps The Lady Killer could be lurking nearby in search of new victims...but then as he and Joey check the doors to make sure they're all locked, he tells her that the blackout is mostly likely Dawson being up to his usual tricks.
Jen is tiptoeing around the dark house when Scott Foley appears from out of nowhere. Jen tells him that while she's thoroughly freaked out, she's pretty sure that they're being set up. A few seconds later, the two look inside a closet, which has a blood soaked looking note that reads You're going to die tonight. Scott Foley says he's starting to wonder if maybe there is a psychopath on the loose who's looking to kill one or [better yet] all of them.
Dawson is fiddling with the fusebox, which he discovers was somehow jammed beyond his own jamming of it to make the house go dark during a pivotal moment of the seance. He glances over at Ursula as she rummages through her purse...and when she sees the look of unease on his face, she assures him that she doesn't actually stab people to death, and just told him and friends the grisly tale 'cause she's an aspiring actress and I guess was pretending she was auditioning for a part in a teen horror flick. She goes on to explain that her boyfriend Eddie is a violent maniac who served prison time for assault, but has no real desire to break up, him being her monster and all...and as she's telling him this, we see that someone - hi Eddie! - is hiding in the bushes and spying on them from outside the house. Dawson and Ursula head back inside to look for Joey, and when he opens the hall closet, she falls out looking dead and bloodied while Jen is holding a knife in the air. Eeeeeek!
After the commercial break and a shrill cry of terror by Dawson, Jen and Joey burst out laughing and yell, "Gotcha!" Dawson poutishly points out that his scary pranks don't entail anything more sinister than rubber snakes, so Jen explains that Joey's fake dead body was her way of getting revenge for the You're going to die notes and freaky phone call he made to her earlier. Dawson insists again that none of that was his doing, and she's all, "Wuh?" and asks him why he never plays pranks on her the way he does with his other [real] friends. Dawson shrugs and says it probably has everything to do with the fact that she dumped him like yesterday's news...then caresses her face and says he doesn't like how things are so strained between them right now. The two inch closer and almost kiss, but then stop and agree to just be platonic friends from now on.
As Pacey and Ursula chitchat on the front porch, a demented looking Eddie suddenly appears at the door and threatens to break in and kill them. They're all, "Ack!" and race inside, locking the door behind them. Ursula yells at Eddie that her new man will protect her - LOL - then announces that she's calling the police. When Eddie disappears from the front of the house, the Capeside teens soon realize that Eddie has climbed the ladder that leads to Dawson's bedroom window - a direct consequence of the Leerys' failure to tell Joey to just use the damn door whenever she comes and goes to visit Dawson at all hours of the night.
Eddie promptly attacks Pacey and rails at him for stealing his woman, and Joey comes to the rescue by hitting Eddie on the back of the head with a frying pan. Ursula's all, "Nooooo!" and rushes to Eddie's side and asks him if he's OK...and when he assures her that his thick skull is A-OK, the two coo about how much they looooove each other. She tells him, "These kids are weird", apologizes to Dawson for the damage to the house, and leaves with him.
As Scott Foley walks Jen home, she tells him there's nothing she likes less than being terrorized for an entire day, and he scrunches his face in puzzlement and says that Dawson told him the exact opposite, then admits to being the one who left her the You're going to die notes and made the creepy phone call. He says he gets the strong feeling she's still hung up on Dawson, and she sidesteps responding to that by telling him she's not in the market for a boyfriend right now...but if she were, she wouldn't want to date a weirdo who somehow thinks it's amusing to pretend to be a murdering psycho.
Grams appears at the front door and nods approvingly as Scott Foley leans towards Jen for a goodnight kiss, and Jen chuckles and tells Scott Foley that Grams clearly has the hots for him. She gives him a quick peck and goes inside, and Grams declares that she finds Scott Foley to be "good stock". I agree, but more so in his breakout Felicity role. Godspeed, Scott Foley!
Joey smugly reminds Dawson that she genuinely scared him when she pretended to be murdered, then lowers her eyes bashfully as she says she hopes that he'd be at least a little bit sad if she died. Dawson stares back at her with a look of dazed wonderment and assures her that he'd be utterly, positively, absolutely inconsolable if she died, and that it's the worst possible thing he could ever imagine happening. He then fishes for what her reaction to his death would be, and she says she'd definitely shed a few tears if he ever turned up dead. Satisfied with that answer, he asks her if she's sleeping over tonight, and she says she definitely is 'cause she's way too spooked to row home. He promises "no more tricks" - just as Joey pulls the blanket back and reveals a small colony of fake spiders scattered underneath. After the two chuckle at his relentless pranking, Dawson turns on the news so they can catch the latest news brief about The Lady Killer, who was just arrested in Capeside. The two stare silently at the TV screen, stunned to learn that the killer is the same guy who was talking to Joey when she was waiting in Pacey's car outside the convenience store, but failed in his somewhat half-hearted effort to make her his next victim.
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Recap: At Casa Leery, Dawson is railing to Joey about how Jen hasn't called him since the breakup. He somehow finds it odd that Jen wouldn't want to get together and go to the movies with him, and says he's disappointed that she wouldn't hold herself to the standard of remaining friends with the guy she unceremoniously dumped just two episodes ago. As he flops atop his bed and stares moodily into space, Joey urges him to face the reality that it's over with Jen, and to brace himself for the strong possibility that she's going to start hooking up with other guys.
Shaggy D.A. gets a work-related call from her ex-lover, and when Mitch learns that she was talking to Bob just now, he becomes enraged that the cheeky home-wrecker would dare call his house.
At Capeside High, Dawson runs into Jen, who asks him if he's up for the two of them being friends, and Dawson responds by staring back at her mutely.
In marine biology class, Dawson describes the interaction to Pacey, who points out that it's probably not possible for him to remain friends with Jen - but advises him to pretend that he's A-OK with the breakup for the sake of his dignity. A few seconds later, a reasonably cute girl named Mary Beth wanders over to inform Dawson that they're getting their midterms back today, and Dawson mumbles, "Oh joy." The teacher (Dr. Rand) enters the classroom soon after and announces that 1) he's about to hand back everyone's midterm, and that 2) he wants to see Pacey after class to discuss whaddup with his poopy performance on the midterm.
After class, Dr. Rand informs Pacey that he got an F on the midterm - but suspects he's a bright guy who's just not applying himself. He proposes that Pacey complete an extra credit project with another classmate so he doesn't fail the class, and Pacey seems grateful for the opportunity - until he learns that, by scripted coincidence, the classmate is Joey.
Dawson tells Jen he's now ready to answer her earlier question, then says he'd love nothing more than to be just friends with her. He asks her what she has planned this weekend, so she tells him that on Saturday she has a date to go to the carnival with Scott Foley. Dawson's like, "What a coincidence! I have a date to go to the carnival [with a to be determined female] on Saturday too!" He suggests they all meet up at the carnival and consider it a double date, and Jen mulls over the weirdness of that proposition, but then decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?'
In the cafeteria, Dawson tells Pacey he fibbed to Jen about having a date for the carnival on Saturday...and Pacey nods approvingly and says that at this stage of their post-breakup relationship, it's important that Jen see him "in action" with other girls. When Dawson points out that he doesn't actually have a date for the carnival, Pacey breezily says there are lots of girls who'd probably be willing to throw all good taste to the wind and be seen in public with him. When Dawson spots Mary Beth eating alone at a table, he quickly makes a beeline over to invite her to be his plus one at the carnival this weekend. She asks him if he's really ready to date so soon after getting the heave-ho by Jen, and Dawson assures her that he's positively absolutely, undeniably ready to start dating again. Mary Beth just kind of shrugs in a 'yeah sure, what the hell else do I have going on this Saturday?' kind of way. LOL.
Over in the science lab, Pacey looks bored by the extra credit project he's been assigned to work on with Joey and asks her what exactly they're supposed to be doing with the snails. Joey explains that their task is to determine which factors or conditions make it most conducive for the snails to reproduce, so Pacey jokingly suggests giving them a few drinks and dimming the lights. Joey chides him for not taking the project seriously and warns that if he doesn't straighten up, he could wind up in summer school with the rest of the Capeside High morons.
Mitch asks Dawson if anyone has called that he should know about...and by anyone he should know about, he really just means Bob. Dawson assures him that, as far as he knows, the man who's responsible for his cuckolding hasn't been calling the house.
When Joey returns to the science lab the next morning, she blows a gasket when she learns that the snails Pacey was supposed to be monitoring have inexplicably died. Pacey explains that since nothing amorous was happening between the two, he figured 'why not try to spark a ménage à trois by adding in the pretty little snail in the aquarium by the window?' ... then replays in his head what just spilled out of his mouth and admits that his thought process sounds a whole lot stupider when it's said aloud. Joey lets out a long growl and informs the dolt that 'the pretty snail in the aquarium by the window' is a carnivorous snail who must have eaten the two snails they were tasked with observing. Pacey's like, "Uh oooh.." and promises to somehow fix this debacle.
Later, at Casa Potter, Joey chides Dawson for using Mary Beth to make Jen jealous...and Dawson admits that, yep, that's exactly what he's doing - but that he still isn't willing to cancel the date. He says that Pacey suggested it would be a good idea to get back in the dating game in full view of Jen, and Joey just rolls her eyes and asks him why he'd take advice from someone who just tried to broker a snail three-way...then implores him to not make it a habit of being a cold-hearted jerk 'cause she considers him "one of the good ones". A few seconds later, Pacey arrives to take Joey on a hunt for replacement snails.
Dawson meets up with Mary Beth at the carnival - just as Jen and Scott Foley wander over to say hey. Mary Beth scrunches her face confusedly at the foursome she's suddenly a part of and asks Dawson if they could speak privately. She tells him what a truly horrible idea she thinks it is for him to be going on a double date with the ex-girlfriend he's so obviously still hung up on, not least 'cause he didn't even have the courtesy to let her know what was going on.
While canoeing in the creek, Pacey asks Joey what she got on her midterm, but she's like, "None of your damn business" and says they need to focus on the task of finding replacement snails.
Dawson tells Mary Beth that he only agreed to the double date in order to take the pressure off of Jen, 'cause it's her first date with Scott Foley. Mary Beth chews on that fib for a few seconds and decides it's actually a pretty sweet thing for him to be doing.
As Joey and Pacey begin their snail hunt, Joey is aghast when she notices their canoe floating downstream and snappishly tells Pacey he obviously forgot to tie it to the dock.
Dawson and Scott Foley compete in a baseball/milk bottle throwing game...and when Scott Foley wins a stuffed animal for Jen, a miffed Dawson insists on another round. Mary Beth rolls her eyes in annoyance while muttering, "Classic pissing contest." Dawson eventually wins the second round and hands the stuffed animal prize to Mary Beth - after looking as though he would have preferred to give it to Jen - then tells Mary Beth, "We need to talk."
Pacey and Joey wade into the creek in an unsuccessful attempt to get the canoe back, then reemerge on shore soaking wet. They head back to Pacey's truck, where Pacey hands Joey a blanket and says, "Here change into this." Joey's like, "No way I'm getting undressed in front of you" - but Pacey points out that she could be risking pneumonia. He unashamedly rips off his clothes, then wraps a blanket around himself before getting into the driver's seat and covertly sneaking a peek at Joey while she undresses. When she climbs into the passenger seat, Pacey grins stupidly and tells her that when she doesn't act like a total bitch she's not entirely unbearable to be around.
Dawson ambles over to the carnival parking lot and finds a sheepish looking Mary Beth sitting on the back of car...and when she tells Dawson she's embarrassed by her pissing contest remark, he says he's the one who should be embarrassed. He admits that she was right about him not being over Jen, and that his motive in asking her out was purely to make Jen jealous. Mary Beth tries to keep a straight face while clarifying that she likes him - but doesn't like like him on account of he's such a neurotic freak-dork. A perplexed Dawson asks her why she got so upset then, so she confesses that she totally digs Scott Foley - but knows that she has zero chance with him 'cause he's soooo into Jen. She then perks up, motions in the direction of the carnival, and says, "Maybe we can still help each other out."
Mary Beth invites Scott Foley to ride the Ferris wheel with her, and he's all, "Say wuh?" while Jen scrunches her face confusedly.
Over at Casa Potter, Pacey asks Joey again what she got on her marine biology midterm. He assumes that she's embarrassed by her low grade, so he tells her he got 32% - yikes - so Joey reveals that she scored 98% ... then explains that she invests so much time studying 'cause she's desperate to earn a college scholarship and get the hell out of Capeside. Pacey assures her that she'll definitely escape Capeside, and that she's destined to go on to bigger and better things...whereas he, on the hand, is such a dead end loser that he'll most likely be stuck pumping gas for a living.
Dawson and Jen get stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel, while Mary Beth attempts to engage in chitchat with Scott Foley, but just gets a non-response. An irked looking Jen tells Dawson that, upon further reflection, she doesn't think they can really be friends after all. Dawson demands to know why she broke up with him...then answers his own question when he says it really just seems like she got tired of him and swiftly cut him loose so she could go out with more appealing, chill guys like Scott Foley.
That evening, Dawson is sitting on a bench, looking sad, when Pacey and Joey arrive at the carnival. Pacey pulls Dawson aside and says he needs his permission for something, then explains that the something is acting on his sudden attraction to Joey. Dawson chuckles in disbelief, but Pacey insists he's serious, and that he doesn't want to step on any toes, given the "long tortured subtext" that he and Joey have had going for years. Dawson assures him he doesn't give a rat's ass if he pursues Joey and gives him his blessing, but then stares morosely into space as Pacey happily scampers off.
After Pacey drives Joey home, he leans in and gives her a smooch - but she shoves him away and is all, "What the hell?" LOL...ouch. He explains that he had such a nice time with her today and figured she'd be up for some lip-on-lip action, but she's like 'uh, gross' and says she definitely does not feel the same way about him. He glumly asks her if she would have been thinking about someone else had she decided to kiss him back, and she's like, "Well duh."
Dawson heads over to the video rental store to inform Pacey that he's rescinding his blessing regarding him pursuing Joey. Pacey grins and smugly retorts, "You're a little late" and says that Joey was so turned on by his kiss that she kissed him back, offered to cook dinner for him tomorrow night, and agreed to accompany him to a romantic bed & breakfast this weekend. Dawson's like, "You're full of shit" and Pacey admits that, indeed, he is full of shit...then tells Dawson that one day soon he's going to have to ask himself, "Is it Jen or Joey? Do I prefer the blonde or the brunette?" As Dawson stares contemplatively into space, Pacey barks, "Decide already!" ... while not clarifying that "preferring" Jen would be pointless, given that she dumped him like yesterday's news.
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Recap: Dawson is in his room, continuing to mope two full days after getting the dumperoo from Jen. Joey tells him to get over it already, eat a meal, and stop spying on Jen through the window. Dawson moans about how depressssssssed he is 'cause of Jen rejecting him and all he stands for - LOL - and Joey points out that since he's only known Jen for three months, he really should be able to suck it up a lot better and get on with his mundane life. She turns on the TV to distract him, but winces when she sees what's on the TV: that awkward footage of Jen lumbering toward Dawson during the pilot.
Billy climbs into Jen's window and is stretched out on her bed when Grams enters the room and asks him who he is and what in the heck he thinks he's doing. Jen appears a few seconds later and is all, "Ack!" at the sight of Billy...and after Grams makes a huffy exit, he tells Jen that when he heard she dumped Dawson like yesterday's news, he figured she'd want a quick replacement and/or roll in the hay. Jen haughtily tells him she doesn't have a vacancy and that the only reason she hooked up with him in New York was 'cause she was weak and vulnerable. Billy looks stung by the words and grumbles, "You used to be fun" before climbing back out of the window.
Billy is sitting on the hood of his convertible when Dawson just happens to wander over. Billy tells Dawson he'd go insane if he had to live next door to Jen after getting dumped, then wryly says that the two of them now have something in common. He points out that there's plenty of fish in the sea and invites Dawson to accompany him on a road trip, aka to a bar in Providence that's always teeming with hot college gals. Dawson mulls that over, decides that some out-of-town clubbing is exactly what he needs this episode, and is more than happy to spend the day away from Capeside and leave Jen wondering where he is, assuming she could give a rat's ass.
Joey is walking to school when a jock named Warren Goering pulls up beside her in his jeep and offers to give her a ride. When she declines, he explains that he needs to earn his merit badge for some type of community service he's pretending to carry out, so she climbs into the passenger seat and starts prattling about something or other in her usual prattley manner. Warren remarks on her motor mouth and asks her if she and her boyfriend Dawson spend a lot of time talking, and Joey informs him that she and Dawson aren't dating. Warren's like, "Well duh, it's obvious that you're a virgin", and she admits she is, but haughtily clarifies that it's by choice.
When Pacey hears about the road trip, he tells Dawson he wants in...and a few minutes later, Billy announces to Jen and Joey that he's taking Pacey and Dawson to a place where "the women are friendly and take cash", which Joey translates to mean that the three are headed to a bordello. After the boys leave, Jen asks Joey if she slept with Warren Goering...and when Joey gives her a WTF? look and indignantly replies, "Of course not!", Jen informs her that Warren is telling everyone that she did.
Joey finds Warren in the cafeteria, pulls him aside, and sarcastically tells him that their sex wasn't very memorable, given that she doesn't remember having it. Warren urges her to go along with the sex rumor and says it can be a win-win for both of their reputations, and points out that since he's a popular jock, she should be flattered that he wants everyone to think they had sex. Joey scrunches her face with disgust and calls him a bastard, so Warren retorts, "I never said I'd be your boyfriend" in a deliberately loud voice so that everyone in the cafeteria can hear him and titter about the contrived spectacle. Joey shoots him the stink-eye and stomps out...and is followed by Jen, who assures Joey she could never believe she'd doink a creep like Warren. She then suggests they join forces to give Warren some much deserved payback, and Joey mulls it over and decides she likes the sound of that idea.
Aboard a ferry, Billy watches as two yokels harass the other passengers. He remarks to Dawson and Pacey how much he'd love to slash their truck tires - but Dawson tells him he has a much better, American Graffiti inspired idea.
Abby Morgan finds Joey in the photocopy room and fishes for details about her recent doinkfest with Warren. Joey fake cries as she moans, "He swore he wouldn't tell...he said he loved me." Abby stares back at her in shock as Joey adds that they didn't use protection and that Warren cried the first time they made love. She then tells Abby she's pregnant, and that Warren reacted by telling his friends that his bun being in her oven is her problem, and an outraged Abby cries, "That sorry puke!"
Dawson surreptitiously attaches a chain to the harassers' truck so that it's tethered to the ferry...and when the ferry pulls in, Pacey moons the harassers. They're all, "We're gonna git you for showing us your bare ass!" ... and the driver hits the gas, but realizes too late that the trunk is chained to the ferry, and damages the truck's rear axle. Dawson woots triumphantly as Billy squeals off...and in the next scene, the three are hanging in the Providence bar, shooting pool and scoping out college ladies.
When Mrs. Tringle gets wind of Joey's fake pregnancy, she lectures her about how girls pay a high price for mistakes and how difficult child rearing is, then suggests she enrol in the kind of mommy and me class where the girls are forced to carry around a doll baby all day so they can begin to grasp the commitment that is motherhood.
Warren finds a banner pasted on his locker that reads Anyone can make a baby! It takes a real man be a father! and tears it off, then looks irked when he finds baby paraphernalia inside his locker.
Billy gives Dawson some useful tips on how to approach strange women in a bar, and Dawson glances around and selects a woman with brown fuzzy hair wearing a Film Threat t-shirt: a young Melissa McBride from The Walking Dead! He wanders over, then introduces himself and prattles whatever over-engineered dialogue the writers weighed down the script with this episode...and after an initial rebuff, Melissa McBride's all 'ah fuck it' and decides she's up for some rube-on-woman flirtation after all.
Joey drops by Jen's house to tell her she wants to call off the Warren got me pregnant scheme, 'cause now teachers are starting to believe she's with child. Jen urges her to stick with it and reminds her how disrespectfully Warren treated her, then mutters that it's something she's all too familiar with. Joey prickles at that last thing and snarls at her for wanting to exact revenge on Warren after dumping the first decent guy she's ever dated. Jen accuses her of being scared that there's no longer any excuse for newly single Dawson to not want to date her...and Joey glares at her before storming out.
Melissa McBride tells Dawson she's in film school, and the two are chatting about their favorite movie directors when Billy interrupts the conversation to compliment Melissa McBride on her hotness. After a derisive eye roll, she asks Dawson if he wants to split, and the two promptly exit the bar. As they walk to her car, Dawson gets visibly nervous and admits to getting dumped and that he's not yet ready to lose his cherry with a virtual stranger. Melissa McBride nods approvingly, says he may have just restored her faith in the male sex, and gives him a chaste cheek kiss before climbing into her car and driving off.
Abby tells Jen that Warren was summoned to the nurse's office for a lecture on birth control...and adds that she's skeptical about Joey's pregnancy claim, given that she just talked to a friend who once dated Warren and was only too happy to dish about his flaccid penis issues. Jen's like, "Oh dear!" and makes a beeline over to Joey to share the amusing gossip.
Dawson returns to the bar and admits to Pacey and Billy that he weaselled out of hitting the sheets with Melissa McBride. Billy chides him for not going for it, then says it totally explains how he blew it with Jen. Dawson gets angry and is all, "You only wanted me to get laid so you could run and tell Jen!" and decrees that it'd be in Jen's best interest if he left town. Billy laughs and says he sounded exactly like Jen's dad just now, then sarcastically wishes him and Pacey a fun trip home without the convenience of his convertible, and storms out of the bar.
Joey stakes out Warren at his locker...and when he spots her lurking behind him, he smarmily tells her that one way to deal with a lie is to make it a truth. She laughingly declines and says she heard that knocking boots with him is "quite the anti-climax" ... and when he scrunches his face confusedly, she says she heard the bad reviews his flaccid penis has gotten, and that if he doesn't immediately retract the gossip he was spreading about them having sex, she'll blab about his erectile dysfunction to anyone who's interested. A chastened Warren explains that he gave her a ride to school this morning 'cause he thought it'd be nice to spend time talking to her [boy is as mad as a hatter], then asks her out for a proper Saturday night date - but she's all, "Fuuuuck no" and stomps off.
Dawson and Pacey are waiting at a bus stop...and when Pacey asks whaddup with the lipstick imprint on his cheek, Dawson blushingly explains that Melissa McBride gave him a PG kiss after walking her to her car and telling her that he was in no way ready for her to break his precious cherry.
Joey stops by Jen's house with a pint of ice cream to thank her for the Warren flaccid penis intel, and to inform her that Warren is now retracting the gossip about the two of them sexing. Jen asks her if they can somehow manage to keep Dawson from coming between their friendship, and Joey shrugs and says, "Sure. He's only in love with one of us." Jen concurs, but then says that she's merely "the object of his infatuation", and the two quietly ponder if Dawson could actually be boning someone as they speak.
Dawson arrives home and finds Joey waiting for him in his bedroom. She tells him she got fake knocked up today, then asks him if he enjoyed "some good clean fun" ... and he's like, "Mmm, not exactly" and says he'll have to tell her all about it later 'cause right now he's way too exhausted to get into it. He happily mumbles that nothing that happened on the road trip reminded him of Jen, then drifts off as Joey sits on a chair near his bedside and stares at him wistfully.
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Recap: Dawson is watching TV in his room when Joey climbs in through the window and complains that she can't get any sleep at her house 'cause of her mewling nephew. Dawson suggests she crash in his room, and she takes him up on his offer and falls asleep while he prattles about Gary Cooper.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch are having awkward but civil chit-chat in the kitchen when Dawson comes downstairs, senses the tension, and tells his parents he's running late and has no time for breakfast.
Downtown, Pacey is railing to some wrinkly old guy parked on a bench about the daily boredom that is Capeside...and a few seconds later, he's nearly run over by a teenager driving a red convertible. He admonishes the reckless driver, who asks Pacey if he can give him directions to the local high school. Pacey points down the street and says he's actually headed there and would appreciate a lift, but the guy smirkingly says he's probably too reckless of a driver to be taking any passengers, then squeals off.
Joey snarks at Bodie to hurry up in the bathroom so she can wash up for school, then bitches to Bessie about how her spawn's constant crying is keeping her up at night and causing her grades to suffer.
Jen arrives at school, kisses Dawson hello, and spots the red convertible guy enter through the front doors. She's all, "Ack!", tells Dawson she'll catch up with him later, then ambles over to the guy (whose name we soon learn is Billy) and asks him what the hell he's doing in Capeside. As Dawson eavesdrops from around the corner, Billy leans in to kiss her and says he drove all night to see her...and when Jen points out that New York is only four hours away, he jokingly (or not?) says that he got lost on the way. Jen reminds Billy that her parents exiled her to Capeside mostly to get her away from him, but then agrees to go for a quick car ride with him so they can get caught up on their lives.
A dismayed looking Dawson runs into Scott Foley, who says he's having a beach barbecue on Saturday and wants to invite Jen...then tells Dawson he's welcome to tag along if he feels the need to. He inquires, "Jen doesn't have a boyfriend, does she?", and Dawson's like, "Uh, I'm her boyfriend" ... and Scott Foley stares into space with a look of incredulity etched on his face before mumbling, "That's terrific, man" and ambles off.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch are trying to decide what activities they should engage in to begin healing their marriage. Shaggy D.A. suggests sailing lessons or scuba diving, to which Mitch snarks that it all sounds expensive, though probably not a problem for her since she's the main breadwinner. Shaggy D.A. reminds him that the therapist recommended they do things they've never done before, so he snappishly retorts, "Then how about swinging or spouse swapping?" Shaggy D.A. stares sadly into space and asks him when he's going to stop punishing her, and he growls, "When I can get the vision of my naked wife playing hide the..." but doesn't finish the sentence [by punctuating it with sausage or trouser snake]. He then amends his answer by saying, "When it stops hurting."
After school, Jen tells Billy that moving to Capeside has been really good for her, and that it'd probably be best if he left. Billy says he's too tired to make the drive back to New York, then whines that he has no cash or place to crash. Dawson, who just happens to be walking by at that moment, asks Jen if everything is OK...and Jen pulls him aside and asks him if her old pal Billy could crash at his place for the night. Dawson makes a seriously? face and asks her if Billy is more than just a pal, and she confesses that, well yep, Billy's the guy her parents caught her doinking in their bed right before they shipped her off to Grams'. She says she'd really appreciate this favor and assures him that Billy no longer means anything to her. Dawson reluctantly agrees, and Billy's all, "Woo hoo!" as he grabs his overnight bag and cheerfully thanks him for the invitation. LOL.
Billy acknowledges to Dawson that it must be awkward to be hanging out with his girlfriend's ex, then says he has no plans to leave Capeside until he's able to win Jen back. He challenges, "Whatcha gonna do about it?" ... and when Dawson responds by shooting him the stink-eye, Billy chuckles and says he'll probably end up splitting tomorrow. He urges Dawson to ask him anything he wants about how wild Jen was during her slutty phase, then adds that he highly doubts Jen "filled in the blanks" about their racy sexcapades.
Dawson races over to Joey's house to complain about Jen's ex staying at his place, and moans about what a mess his life is. He admits to feeling really really insecure with Billy being around, but doesn't want to kick him out and risk looking petty. He wonders aloud how much humiliation a relationship can endure, and Joey's like, "Are you still talking about yourself - or your dad's cuckolding?"
The next morning, Jen thanks Dawson for letting Billy crash with him, and Dawson tells her that Billy made it clear he came to Capeside is to win her back. Jen says she told Billy that their relationship is over...but then quickly back pedals on that and says she never really got a chance to say goodbye to him after getting caught in the sack with him, which is a shame 'cause Billy always treated her with respect. Dawson asks her point-blank if she wants to get back together with Billy...and when she looks as if she's actually mulling that over, Dawson gets miffed and decrees: 1) he wants her to attend Scott Foley's beach barbecue with him, and 2) he wants Billy gone. Jen says she doesn't think she can bring herself to tell Billy to get lost and implores Dawson to be more understanding, and he reacts by bitchily storming off.
Joey drops by the video store to rent The English Patient 'cause apparently it's the one thing that puts her nephew to sleep. She natters at Pacey about what a charmer Jen's ex is, and Pacey says she's only saying that 'cause Billy being in town puts a wedge between Jen and Dawson. When Joey doth protests too much, Pacey says it's soooo obvious that she's obsessed with Dawson, and she retorts with, "Bite me" while storming off.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch return home and bicker about their first scuba diving lesson. Upstairs, Dawson looks upset by the sniping and shuts his bedroom door.
Joey is frazzled during a busy waitressing shift at the Ice House when Pacey shows up and urges her to accompany him to Scott Foley's beach barbecue...and sweetens the deal by telling her that Dawson will be there. Bessie overhears the conversation, says that that sounds like a fine idea, and assures Joey she's perfectly capable of running the restaurant without her.
Mitch pops into Dawson's room for a quick father-son briefing and to ask whassup with the Billy situation. Dawson glumly says that right now Billy is hanging with Jen, which he's super bummed about...and Mitch tells him that being cuckolded is a normal part of life so he should get used to it, and that he's super bummed about having to take scuba diving lessons as part of a marital rebuilding exercise - all because Shaggy D.A. went out and extramaritally doinked her newsroom colleague.
Billy tells Jen that he really really wants her to ditch her dorky boyfriend and return to New York with him, but Jen insists that Capeside is her home now and that she should probably be getting to the beach barbecue and hang with Dawson. Billy promises to leave town if she gives him one last kiss, and she indulges him with a light smooch, then coldly says goodbye before wandering off.
Beach barbecue! Joey is staring despondently into space as Pacey scopes out an unsuspecting girl to hit on. Dawson arrives and makes a beeline over to Joey, and the two joke about how much they don't fit in with the beach barbecue crowd. He suggests they have one quick drink before hitting the video store, and she beams in response. A few seconds later, Jen makes her appearance at the party, finds Dawson at the punch bowl, and apologizes to him for all the Billy drama...and the two kiss and make up before walking, hand in hand, along the beach. As that's happening, a long haired blonde hunk offers Joey a drink...and when she says that Dawson is already getting her one, he's like, "Uh, that dude went to the beach with another girl" and points at Dawson and Jen walking along the sand together. Joey looks crestfallen and accepts the drink.
Jen admits to Dawson that she could have handled things better with Billy's sudden appearance in town - just as Billy appears out of nowhere and smugly informs Dawson that he and Jen just smooched. When Dawson stares questioningly at Jen, she sheepishly explains that it was merely a goodbye kiss.
Pacey cautions Joey to pace herself with the spiked punch, but she just shrugs unconcernedly when the blonde hunk whisks her away for what he hopes is a romp in the sand.
Jen mumbles about how confusing this situation is and that she can't, in all honesty, describe her kiss with Billy as purely a goodbye kiss. Billy snarks at Dawson for being a third wheel and says that he and Jen were an item long before she ever entered into his "fantasies" and Dawson dickishly retorts, "You and everyone else." Jen shoots him the stink-eye at being called out for her slutty past and mocks him for living in a fantasy world...and Dawson's like, "Whatever" and asks her who the third wheel in this scenario is. A deflated Jen replies, "I think I am" and staggers off.
Joey is canoodling with the blonde hunk when Pacey rushes over to prevent what looks to be an imminent acquaintance rape. When Blondie snarls at him to get lost, Pacey is somehow able to knock him out with one punch. The spectacle causes Dawson to come running...and when Joey drunkenly topples over, he kneels next to her and asks her if she's OK. She stares up at him lovingly and breathily thanks him for being her hero, while a miffed Pacey's all, "Excuse me?"
Dawson and Pacey deposit Joey inside her house and do their best to move about quietly so they don't wake the baby. Dawson hovers over Joey on her couch bed and tells her it's A-OK that she took a much needed break from life by getting hammered, and that even though things are confusing between them right now, he'll always be there for her. Joey responds by caressing his face, then pulling him towards her for a full-on, tongue-on-tongue smooch.
Shaggy D.A. acknowledges to Mitch that the two of them going scuba diving together was a stupid idea, and he's like, "Well duh" and points out that they should probably focus more on what went wrong in their marriage. Mitch says he still loves her and suggests they do something simple, then plays some romantic music and invites her to dance with him on the porch.
While canoeing back to Casa Leery, Dawson tells Pacey that Joey gave him a real smooch just now, then adds that since she was drunk she probably didn't realize what she was doing. Pacey shakes his head and says he's clearly oblivious to the fact that Joey is totally in love with him - but Dawson chuckles at the notion and says they're merely friends...unlike the excitingly romantic love that he and Jen feel for each other.
Er, about that..
Billy is in Dawson's room, packing up his stuff, when he concedes to Dawson, "You won" and announces that he's leaving town to head up the coast, 'cause turns out that Jen wasn't very confused about not wanting to re-hook up with him after all. After he leaves, Dawson glances out the window and spots Jen milling around the dock, so he heads outside to apologize for the cunty remark he made about her earlier. Jen tells him that despite how pretty she is and fortunate she's been in life, she's always felt deeply unhappy and developed a self-destructive habit of leaping head-first into ill-fated relationships. She says she made it clear to Billy that it's over between them - and that she's now saying the same thing to him. As Dawson pales and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", she says she wants to try being on her own for awhile, and that she's OK with the fact that she might one day regret her decision to give him the dumperoo. She adds that if she's ever ready to crawl back to him, he'd have every right to tell her to get lost 'cause he's with someone else. Dawson snarkishly says that his next girlfriend is going to be someone who's capable of being in a committed relationship, snaps, "Somebody who's nothing like you!", and bitchily storms off. He pauses for a few seconds to turn around to stare back at her, but then continues storming off.
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Recap: Joey and Dawson are hanging in his bedroom watching movies when Dawson gets so disgusted with the movie's car chase scene that he abruptly shuts off the TV. He complains that it's sooooo unrealistic for a woman to be most attracted to the guy who can drag race the fastest, not be the most romantic. Joey disagrees...and after playfully wrestling - mmm hmm - over the remote, Joey points out that women have every right to be just as superficial as guys and choose the one with the biggest penis. When Dawson insists that women prefer guys who know what they're doing in the romance department, Joey questions that logic by asking him why Jen has seemingly zero interest in hitting the sheets with him - ouch - and Dawson stares forlornly into space for a few seconds before sheepishly turning the TV back on.
At school the next day, Joey is delivering a presentation on seventeenth century Japan...and when she makes mention of its icky practice of concubinage, a smug jock named Grant perks up and woots appreciatively at the notion of a man having a harem at his disposal and asks how much like a shogun a school stud such as himself is, aka a guy who all the girls want a piece of. Joey asks him to hold his misogynistic questions until she's done delivering her report - but Grant's like, "Nah, I wanna cackle about female subservience some more", so Joey snarls about his low I.Q. and gets no help with reining in Grant's sexist belligerence from the teacher, who's loitering uselessly at the back of the room.
Dawson spots Jen at her locker giggling with Pacey and hastily marches over to ask them whassup with them laughing so hard. Jen and Pacey breezily tell him it's an inside joke and then refuse to elaborate...and after Pacey rushes off to class, Jen and Dawson stroll down the hall, hand in hand. She suggests they do something sexily wild this weekend, like river rafting or jumping out of a plane naked, and Dawson throws his usual prudish reserve to the wind and looks intrigued by the thought of doing anything naked with Jen.
While changing for gym class, Dawson grills Pacey on what he and Jen were giggling about earlier 'cause he's so worried they were trash-talking him...and Pacey confesses that he told Jen about the old nickname he (Pacey) gave him (Dawson): Oompa Loompa. He adds that Jen thought it was hilarious, and Dawson looks less than amused at being made the butt of a joke in front of a girl he's so anxious to break his hallowed cherry with.
Elsewhere on campus, Mr. Pickering is leading his health class in a discussion on euthanasia...and when Jen voices her opinion, he haughtily admonishes, "I don't know what you New York barbarians do, but in Capeside we raise our hands before we speak." Jen shrugs and says she thought they were having a semi-mature discussion, then says she's pro-euthanasia when it's a dying with dignity type situation - and Mr. Pickering gasps incredulously and asks her if that's not just a euphemism for murder and suicide. Jen's like, "Uh, no" and points out that some people reach the stage where they simply want to be put out of their misery, and he gasps even more incredulously and cries, "Life is God's most precious gift!" to which Jen snidely retorts, "Life's a bitch for someone who's slowly dying." Mr. Pickering shoots her the stink-eye and nonsensically chides, "This is not Times Square, Miss Lindley" and sentences her to Saturday detention.
Joey is in the cafeteria food line when Grant cuts ahead of her in line and taunts her about the dickish way he acts as if he owns the school. He then pompously refers to himself and his minions as shoguns, describes the school as "our castle...whatever we want, we get", and asks Joey how she'd prefer to serve him: as his servant or concubine? Joey responds by punching him twice and smashing her food tray into his friend's face, them looms over him and smugly says, "Neither."
Pacey convinces Dawson to stay after gym class and play some one-on-one in front of the cheerleaders...and Dawson agrees, but quickly gets irked when Pacey scores a few baskets and mockingly calls him Oompa Loompa. Oompa Loompa reacts by flying into a rage and aiming the basketball at Pacey's head, hitting him squarely in the face. The horrified cheerleaders are all, "The fuck?" and rush over to Pacey's aid, while the coach storms over and angrily informs Dawson that he's being sentenced to Saturday detention.
On Saturday morning, Dawson and Jen arrive at Capeside High, ready to serve their time in detention. They amble into the library, where Pacey (with his broken nose and blackened eyes) is sitting at one of the tables. A puzzled Jen asks him what on earth he did to get detention, but he just hangs his head shamefully and mumbles, "It's a long story." Resident shit-stirrer Abby Morgan arrives amid protests that she could be better spending her weekend serving the community. When she sees Pacey, Dawson, and Jen, she contorts her face into an ew expression and mockingly says, "It's Howdy Doody Time" ... and if by Howdy Doody Time she means an imminent emotional disembowelling of angsty teenage inner turmoil The Breakfast Club style, then yep, it's definitely Howdy Doody Time. Mrs. Tringle, the school authoritarian in the scenario, snaps at Abby to shut it, then informs everyone that today's detention will be about penance. She looks over her list and notes that someone is missing - just as Joey lumbers in, mumbles, "I'm here" and slumps into a chair. Mrs. Tringle warns the five that if they misbehave, she'll have no compunction about making them shelve books and sort library cards - egads! - but in the meantime is off to the Audio-Visual Room to watch her stories and will leave them completely unsupervised until she inevitably catches them when they break her don't leave the library rule.
Abby polls everyone about what they did to deserve Saturday detention...and when Pacey refuses to disclose his crime, she chuckles and says he probably made up another story about boning his English teacher. When the others demand to know what she did, she nonchalantly says it probably had something to do with taking ecstasy, then being the star attraction in the boys' locker room orgy.
An hour later, everyone complains about being soooooo bored, and Dawson remarks, "This is soooooo Breakfast Club" as if the blatant we're-stuck-together-in-the-library-for-Saturday-detention rip-off could somehow have escaped viewers.
As Mrs. Tringle watches Days of Our Lives in her office, Abby suggests they play Truth or Dare and targets Pacey first. He chooses truth - but when Abby asks him why he's in detention, he opts for dare...and is dared to give Jen a smooch for ten full seconds. As everyone stares at each other in fascinated wonderment as to whether or not Pacey is actually going to follow through with the dare just 'cause Abby declared that they're all playing this game now, Jen says she'll gladly abide by the rules and puckers up. The two lock lips under Dawson's disapproving gaze, and Pacey then targets Joey to reveal the truth about who she's in love with. Joey decides she'd rather not let that cat out of the bag - despite it being fully out of the bag since the pilot - and goes with dare...and not surprisingly is dared to smooch Dawson for a full fifteen seconds. The two share a slurpy smooch while Joey tenderly touches his face...and Abby, Pacey, and Jen look on with varying degrees of annoyance/glee.
After that smoochfest, Joey targets Jen, who picks truth, and bitchily asks her if she finds Dawson the most attractive guy at Capeside High. Jen's like, "Uh, define attracted to" - bwahahaha! - before dismissively calling that a stupid question...and an insulted looking Dawson asks her why it's so stupid. Jen rolls her eyes and sarcastically fibs, "Yes, I lust for Dawson", then turns her attention to Joey and snarls, "Maybe if you spent less time dwelling on me and Dawson, you might have a boyfriend of your own." Joey replies by babbling nonsensically [I can't elaborate further 'cause my brain tuned her out] until Dawson proposes they all make a jail break.
The five sneak past Mrs. Tringle's office and head over to the photocopy room where they photocopy their butts, then play Guess My Butt. Jen correctly guesses Pacey's butt, which he proudly considers a turn-on for the ladies. Dawson gets visibly steamed by his buttock boasting, so Pacey accuses him of being jealous. ..and when Dawson counters that he's a laughingstock, Pacey challenges him to a one-on-one in the gym to prove who the bigger laughingstock is ['cause admittedly it's a tough call].
Joey snidely urges Jen to get her pom poms so she can cheer Dawson on, and Jen asks her whassup with her always acting such a catty bitch when all she's ever done was try to be her friend. Abby points out the obvious - Joey is in love with Dawson and fighting over him with Jen - and when Joey weakly denies it, Abby reminds her about the passionate smooch she and Dawson shared just a few scenes ago. She then excuses herself so that the two can go at it in private...and Joey chides Jen for being too nice to her, and that it'd be a lot easier to hate her if she were a total bitch. Abby glances over at the clock and screeches at everyone that they have to get back to the library right now! ... and the five flail about the halls in an attempt to reach the library before Mrs. Tringle notices they're gone, but soon encounter her standing in the middle of the hall, glaring angrily. Abby explains that they were so desperately hungry they had no choice but to scrounge for food in the gym while Pacey and Dawson played basketball, and Mrs. Tringle responds to that cheekiness by dumping a drawer of catalogue cards on the floor and ordering them to have the entire thing put back in alphabetical order by 5pm.
Shortly before 5pm, the five manage to finish putting the cards in order. Abby proudly presents the drawer to Mrs. Tringle, who lets it slip that she's in detention because of her excessive number of tardies (in other words, not because of a drug-fuelled orgy). When Pacey laughs at her for the lameness of her detention crime, she demands to know what he did - but he sullenly refuses to talk about it. Dawson bickers at him about his dare kiss with Jen and tells him that being called Oompa Loompa makes him so fuckin' angry 'cause it gets to the heart of all of his insecurities: he's an obnoxiously sanctimonious virgin, not a sex stud like Pacey. Pacey laughs about being called a sex stud [and I laughed too] then decides to needlessly bare his soul and confess the reason he was sentenced to Saturday detention: the basketball coach caught him buffin' his muffin in the locker room after he got so turned by the cheerleaders sympathetically clucking over his broken nose. Abby laughingly says that that's the most embarrassing story she's ever heard - LOL - and Pacey sheepishly tells Dawson that he considers himself to be far too pathetic ever be likened to Don Juan and self-piteously calls himself a screwup. Abby concurs with a well duh nod, while a de-prickled Dawson apologizes for taking his frustrations out on him.
Dawson explains that he's been looking for reasons to explain why Jen continually avoids hitting the sheets with him, and Jen's all, "Say wuh?" and assures him that she likes him soooooo much. Dawson whines, "I want you to want me" ... and Jen natters about what a godsend he is despite her lack of belief in God, and that amid her shitty new life in Capeside, he's this great romantic guy that gets her through the bad days. Yeesh, sounds like someone really doesn't want to go to bed with Dawson. Dawson sourly retorts, "That's all well and good, but I still want to bam-bam in the ham", and Joey takes the opportunity to rail about how appalled she is that everyone [and by everyone she mostly means the Dawson's Creek writers] is so obsessed with sex. She bitterly tells Dawson he can rest easy knowing that at least one of his friends will go to her grave being a virgin...and when Dawson assures her that eventually she'll find the right person, she visibly deflates while squeaking, "I have." Dawson stares back at her in phoney puzzlement as she sobs about her feelings of loneliness and inability to bring herself to express "all these weird feelings" she's been having. Dawson urges her to come right out and say what's in her heart, but she refuses and says, "If I say these things, I can't ever take them back" and worries that "it'll change everything" ... which is so nonsensically stupid, since it's painfully obvious what these things are and so far they haven't seemed to change her platonic (or not?) friendship with Dawson in any significant way.
Mrs. Tringle makes a final appearance to congratulate the group on serving their time, then dismisses them...and Pacey and Jen gaze despondently into space while Dawson continues to stare worriedly at Joey.
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Recap: Jen is third-wheeling it with Joey and Dawson as the three spend the evening together watching movies in his bedroom. When the movie ends, Joey says she should probably head home and help Bessie around the house. Jen says she feels like she's intruding on a personal ritual and that she should be the one to leave, and Joey's like, "Yeah, you kinda are, but I still really need to leave", and blah blah blah...the girls end up leaving Dawson laying alone on his bed muttering that this three-way friendship has become waaaaay too complicated for his tiny brain to contend with.
Bessie tells Bodie she can't wait to deliver her ginormous baby - just as Joey enters the house so the two can snipe back and forth. Bodie chides Joey for aggravating her pregnant sister and implores her to give her a break, then reminds them both that tomorrow he's off to Hyannis Port for the day to check out a French restaurant.
Grams stares disapprovingly at an artsy nude calendar that Jen has pinned up in her room, so Jen cheekily points out to Grams that she regularly prays to a naked Jesus who's nailed on a cross. Grams clutches her pearls and moans, "What has happened to you?" and Jen just shrugs and says she no longer believes in the notion of a higher being and, for that matter, isn't sure she thinks much of mankind in general.
Pacey tells Tamara - after she parks her car in front of the school (!) - that they need to take their relationship out of the bedroom and into somewhere public this weekend. He adds that he totally gets how uptight she is about repeatedly committing the felony of fucking a minor, but would really like it if she started acting as if they were in a real relationship. He suggests a weekend trip to Providence, aka where no one knows them, and she gazes back at him flirtily and agrees consider that horrible idea.
Inside the school's men's room, Pacey tells Dawson that Tamara agreed to consider his let's be seen publicly request, and cockily says he's pretty sure she'll cave...then insists that this unholy hookup means so much more to him than just getting his rocks off. He suddenly looks alarmed and quickly checks the bottom of each stall to make sure no one's eavesdropping...which is sort of like closing the barn door long after the horse has escaped, but OK. After the two exit the men's room, we see that a stoner named Kenny Leaverton is sitting atop one of the toilets with his feet up, smoking and muttering, "Oooooh man.." LOL. Oooooh man indeed, Kenny.
Jen tells Dawson there's a disturbing-to-visualize rumor circulating around Capeside high that Pacey has been getting it on with Miss Jacobs, and Dawson's like, "Ack! I have to find Pacey asap and give him a heads up." An incredulous Jen stares back at him and asks if there's any truth to it, and he tells her to not ask him that question if she doesn't want him to lie to her. So, uh, yes Jen. It's true.
Joey rushes over to Dawson and Jen to tell them she just heard something implausibly juicy - just as Pacey appears in the hall and gets approached by some random girl who asks him if it's really true that he's boning their English teacher. He stares over at Dawson with a look of panic etched across his face.
In a vacant classroom, Dawson tells Pacey that it turns out Kenny Leaverton was hiding in the bathroom stall when they were talking about Tamara...and Pacey moans, "This is really really baaaaad" and hopes to hell that the rumor doesn't reach Tamara. Dawson reminds him that he's in full control of how he reacts to the rumor, and advises him to confidently saunter down the hall all casual-like as if nothing's happened. Pacey mulls that over and exits the room, and confidently bounces down the hall as his schoolmates point and titter.
Tamara is discussing Romeo and Juliet with her English class when someone makes a crack about her hitting the sheets with a prepubescent boy. She looks startled at being outed, then glares over at Pacey.
After school, Joey finds Pacey moping near the dock. She tells him she has no idea if the icky rumor is true, but is sorry that he's enduring the embarrassment. She reminds him that she knows exactly what it feels like to be talked shit about by other kids, e.g. her misfortune to have an unwed knocked-up sister, a mom who died of cancer, and a dad who's imprisoned for drug dealing. She assures Pacey that all he has to do is wait for the next scandal to come along, 'cause it'll quickly take the attention off of him.
Jen is walking home with Dawson, railing about how much she and Grams irritate the shit out of each other. Dawson urges her to find a less abrasive way to interact with Grams - just as the old lady appears at the front door of her house and glares at them all judgey-like.
Joey arrives home and finds Bessie and her truck helplessly stuck in the mud. Bessie explains that she was on her way to the clinic 'cause - surprise! - she just went into labor. She then doubles over in pain...and when a panicked Joey suggests they call an ambulance, Bessie says that unfortunately their phone isn't in working order and so she needs Joey to transport her to Dawson's house (instead of the nearest hospital). Joey reminds Bessie that the quickest way to get to Dawson's place is by rowboat, and Bessie's all, "Uh huh.."
In the next scene, Joey is slowly rowing the two of them down the creek to Casa Leery. Bessie snappishly says if she were rowing any slower they'd be moving backwards, then grabs the oars and vigorously takes over...and as she's doing that, her water breaks.
Joey bursts into Dawson's house to inform him that her sister is about to give birth on his front lawn. Dawson's all, "Ack!" and calls for an ambulance, but is told that there aren't any available 'cause there's a big traffic pileup on the freeway.
Pacey is waiting at Tamara's beach house when she arrives home. She shoots him the stink-eye and says she's not having this conversation, then chides him for opening his big fat mouth about them bumping uglies. She reminds him that everything about their grotesque affair hinged on him not talking about it to anyone, and says that in a matter of one day everyone on the faculty knows, which means that soon the administration will get wind of it...and then it's only a matter of time before she's charged with a sex crime. As well the pedo should be. She snappishly declares them broken up, then rushes inside.
A laboring Bessie cries, "Where's the damn ambulance!" while Dawson and Joey confer about how in blazes they're going to help get Bessie through this TV tropey medical emergency.
Joey rushes next door and preemptively acknowledges to Grams that she's well aware of the bitter contempt she holds both her and Dawson in - but that she's going to have to put a pin in that for now 'cause Bessie's about to deliver her baby...and reminds here that, as a nurse, she's obligated to help. Grams responds by continuing to stare at her hatefully.
Pacey is moping around town when he runs into his brother Doug, who smirkingly says he just heard a rumor about a Capeside kid who got it on with his teacher...and word on the street is that the kid made it all up. He says he has no problem believing he has a shameless liar for a brother - but is concerned about how all this trash-talking is affecting Tamara. He derisively asks Pacey if his lies were a pathetic cry for attention, then informs him that the superintendent just called an emergency board member to get to the bottom of the rumor and discuss whatever charges might be laid against Tamara.
Dawson aims his videocamera at Bessie's nether regions and announces that he's taking it upon himself to film the birth for Bodie's benefit, and Bessie tells him she's A-OK with that - but then looks distressed at the arrival of Grams. Grams ignores her protests and takes her pulse, then promises to resist all urge to bond with her during and/or after the birthing process.
Pacey arrives at City Hall and finds Tamara glumly sitting on a bench next to her attorney, who snarlingly tells Pacey to back off and only communicate with Tamara through her. Pacey scrunches his face into a hurt looking expression, mumbles, "Sorry", and dejectedly shuffles off.
Laboring Bessie is shrieking in pain so loudly that Joey decides she can't bear the spectacle and makes a break for the front door.
Tamara is facing a panel of stern looking school board members, who inform her that it's come to their attention that she's been indulging in icky sex romps with a minor. When the superintendent glares at her disapprovingly and demands to know if the rumor is true, Pacey bursts into the room and retorts, "No, it's not true" and admits to being the origin of the rumor. He natters about how he used to daydream that he was better looking, more sophisticated, and older...'cause only then would Tamara (or anyone else with any semblance of good taste) consider him datable. He refers to his "unrequited" crush on Miss Jacobs as "an adolescent fantasy" and fake assures the panel that she's been nothing more to him than an English teacher.
When Jen unhelpfully points out that Bessie's laboring is turning into a literal bloody mess, Grams snaps at her shut it and assures a freaked out Bessie that excessive hemorrhaging is a perfectly natural part of the process...but then privately concurs to Jen that, yep, there's a whole lot more blood coming out than she's comfortable with. She encourages Bessie to recite The Lord's Prayer with her...and when this seems to have a calming effect on her, Jen's all, "Hmm.." and recites along.
Dawson exits the house to see whassup with Joey abandoning her sister during labor. He assures her that Bessie will be OK, and that she's in the hands of a capable, if curmudgeonly nurse. Joey explains that she got so freaked out 'cause Bessie's shrieking reminded her of the physical pain her dying mother was always in and how hard that was to watch. Dawson clucks sympathetically and points out that since she was willing to stay in the room while her mother suffered, she should sure as hell be willing to support Bessie while she temporarily suffers through childbirth.
Doug encounters Tamara as she makes her way out of the courtroom and flirtily says he hopes she doesn't hold Pacey's fuckwittedness against all male Witters. Tamara retorts that she finds Pacey to be a sweet, sensitive, intelligent young man...then shoots him the stink-eye and snappishly says he can address her as Miss Jacobs. She then flounces out of City Hall, climbs into her car, and drives off. Across the street, Pacey stares after her with a sad look on his face.
An exhausted, sweating Bessie makes one last push and finally squeezes out her spawn...and Grams declares the infant "healthy and beautiful".
Pacey stops by Tamara's beach house for a sheepish chat. She tells him that his apology isn't needed (well duh, you're the adult pedo in this adult pedo/teenager scenario), and that she appreciates what he did for her during the hearing. Pacey promises to never again breathe a word about their illicit hanky panky - but she just kind of shrugs and says it's a moot issue now that she's made the decision to resign from Capeside High (yay!) and leave town (hurray!) and go live with her sister in Rochester. When he stares back at her all crestfallen, she tells him he must have known that the clock was always ticking on their fling, not least 'cause eventually he'd graduate high school and want to date someone his own age...and that she's thirty-six and kinda pushing the envelop with being able to have kids with a partner who's a fully grown male. Pacey asks her if he can have a goodbye kiss, but she declines and says that the two of them kissing started this whole grossness in the first place...so she gives him a hug, and he wishes her well in Rochester before sadly ambling off.
That evening, Jen says goodnight to Grams and remarks on what a long day it's been...and Grams beams back at her and says, "It was a good day." She then tells Jen she'd be very shocked if, after just witnessing the miracle of birth, she still holds no belief in God, and Jen's like, "Uh, no...I still have no belief in God" but that she's coming around to re-believing in the goodness of mankind.
Bessie and Bodie are cooing over their new baby, then hand him over to Joey so that she too can coo over him.
Pacey strolls along the beach and stares over at Tamara's beach house. He sadly watches as she turns out the lights and calls it a night.
So long, pedo! See ya in Season 2.
Recap: Dawson and Joey are hanging out in Dawson's bedroom watching movies. After the movie ends, Dawson clicks onto the local TV station in time to hear a local hurricane warning and then an announcement that all schools in Capeside will be closed tomorrow. After the two woot and cheer, Dawson gets irked by the sight of his mom bantering with her co-anchor Bob and angrily shuts off the TV. He tells Joey he's not in the mood to watch movies anymore...and she tells him that at some point he's going to have to deal with his mom's infidelity, then climbs out the window while Dawson turns the TV back on to grimace at the rest of his mom's newscast.
Around town, Capeside extras are busily boarding up their windows and moving patio furniture indoors. Shaggy D.A. complains to Mitch that the network has assigned Bob (and not her) to cover the hurricane, and sourly adds that he only got the assignment 'cause he's a man. Mitch is like, "Yeah, whatever" and says he's going next door to check on Grams and Jen and invite them to ride out the storm at Casa Leery. Once he's out of earshot, Dawson moans about what a monumental jerk Bob is compared to what a super awesome guy his dad is, and Shaggy D.A. contorts her face into a stricken expression while muttering, "Oh boy.."
Pacey helps his cop brother Doug post no swimming signs on the beach, then needles him to the point of obnoxiousness about being gay. Doug doth protests too much about how he couldn't possibly be any straighter, but Pacey argues that his CD collection containing Barbra Streisand tunes and the Les Misérables soundtrack contradicts that.
Joey helps Bessie and Bodie bring in anything that's laying around their property that could become a projectile during a hurricane, then suggests that the three of them retreat to the safety of the Leery house until the storm passes.
Pacey spots Tamara on the porch of her beach house as she's bringing her flower pots inside. He scampers over and leans in to kiss her - but she's like, "No! Don't!" just as Doug appears from the side of the house and offers to help secure her place. Doug razzes Pacey about his presumably subpar performance in Tamara's English class, then exchanges flirty banter with Tamara while a jealous Pacey stares daggers at him.
Grams and Jen decide to take Mitch up on his offer to ride out the hurricane at his house, and Jen finds Dawson cleaning up the porch and explains that Gramps' corpse won't be joining them 'cause he's in the hospital, undergoing tests. She offers to help him secure the outdoor furniture, but he declines...and when she calls him out on the cold way he's acting towards her, he pretends that it has less to do with her slutty reveal during the previous episode than the lengthy to do list that's currently floating around his head.
Dawson eavesdrops on his mother, who's sitting on the stairs while chatting with Bob and making kisses noises at him over the phone. Subtle, Shaggy. She's all, "Ack!" when she notices Dawson looming over her from the upper landing and hastily ends the call. Dawson sourly congratulates her on the new award he'd like to present her with: a scarlet A for Adulteress. She rolls her eyes in response and mutters, "Oh fer fuck's sake.." [sorry, no, that was my reaction] and races upstairs after him to try to explain why she felt the need to start hitting the sack with her co-anchor. Dawson's like, "Ew.." and says she should probably be telling this to her spouse, not her son...which is probably true enough. He then storms into his bedroom, where Jen has been hiding out, and rhetorically barks, "Is the proposition of monogamy a Jurassic notion?" and Jen somehow refrains from asking why in the hell everything that comes out of his mouth has to be the kind of wordy gibberish that no fifteen year old would formulate ahead of time and articulate, much less blurt out during the course of normal conversation. Jen points out that, the extramarital shagging notwithstanding, Shaggy D.A. is generally a good person...and when Dawson lets out a bitter sounding guffaw, she takes that as an insult about her own slutty past and storms out of the room. A few seconds later, Dawson realizes that Joey has been eavesdropping from inside his closet, and she sheepishly tells him she went in there to reminisce about all the times they used to sit in the dark and recite the script from Jaws, which...um, OK. She then lectures him for daring to ask why his mom is cheating instead of thanking his lucky stars that he has a mom.
Mitch and Shaggy D.A. are watching Bob's coverage of the Capeside hurricane...and when Mitch says he hopes that Bob is being careful, Joey snarkishly says he doesn't need to worry about a shithead like Bob, who's perfectly capable of looking out for himself. She then wanders over to the foyer to sit at the foot of the stairs and stare mopishly into space...and is soon joined by Shaggy D.A., who admits that she's really screwed the pooch on her marriage and is thinking seriously about ending her affair with Bob, which is kinda like closing the barn door long after the horse has gotten out.
Tamara has prepared Doug and Pacey something to eat, and they're about to sit at the table and dig in when they hear a crashing noise on the porch. When Doug rushes out to see what happened, Pacey takes the opportunity to get canoodly with Tamara. She giggles and half-heartedly pushes him away while saying, "Quick reminder: this is a felony" - but then giggles again and allows him to get within kissing range of her lips. In mid-kiss, the two tumble to the floor and accidentally pull the tablecloth with them, which causes their dinner to crash to the floor. Doug bursts in to see whassup, and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?" when he sees the two sprawled on the floor together.
Dawson interrupts his dad while he's working on a model of his dream restaurant chain and is about to spill the beans about his wife's infidelity when Shaggy D.A. enters the room and tells them she has something to confess. She natters about how much she looooves her news anchoring job, despite not having the journalistic chops to become the next Diane Sawyer or Barbara Walters...and eventually Mitch tells her to stop prattling and just say what she came to say. She takes a deep breath and admits that for the last two months she's been bumping uglies with another man...and a stunned Mitch stares back at her with his default dumb-faced expression before the storm cuts the power and plunges them into darkness.
After the commercial break, Mitch directs his anger at learning that another man has been balling his wife for the last couple of months towards a frenetic search for batteries. When Shaggy D.A. starts sobbing, he shoots her the stink-eye and growls, "You don't get to cry!" and storms out of the room - just as Grams pokes her head in to ask if everything's OK.
Tamara tells Doug that she and Pacey clumsily tripped at the same time and simultaneously tumbled to the floor, and Doug appears to buy that implausible explanation and suggests they play the 'if' game so they can get to know each other better. His first question to Tamara is 'if you could live in any city, where would you live?' and she says New York, aka her hometown.
Bessie is nattering to Bodie about the perils of circumcising their soon-to-be infant...and when Bodie points out that they don't even know if the baby is a boy, Grams chimes in, "Or black or white", then quickly diverts attention from that openly racist jab by pretending that what she most objects to is "when children raise children". She tells Bodie to buckle up and get ready for his child to be identified as different, to which Bessie tearfully retorts that it's irrelevant that her baby will be half white, half black, 'cause he/she will be 100% loved. So suck on that, Grams.
Jen and Joey sit on the front porch and watch Mitch sitting alone in the driver's seat of his SUV, miserably contemplating his cuckolding. Joey tells Jen that Dawson was wrong to spew his anger about Shaggy D.A. onto her for her slutty past, and says he's probably indignant that she dared go to bed with anyone prior to meeting him. The two then wonder about the dimensions of Dawson's manhood (e.g. does his penis most resemble a pistol, rifle, or BB gun?), and Joey blushingly muses that when factoring in his height and hand size, his nether regions likely measure higher than average.
Pacey, Doug, and Tamara play Monopoly and talk about their favorite movies. Doug invites Tamara to accompany him to the Rialto for a showing of the old classics and says they can leave Pacey at home and make a romantic night of it: dinner and a movie. Tamara chuckles and points out that it wouldn't be a real date on account of his gayness, and he's all, "Wha-at?" and glares over at Pacey. Tamara hastily says that she guessed his orientation 'cause of her stronger-than-usual gaydar - and Doug is all 'since I'm nowhere near ready to come out of the closet', he pulls his service revolver on Pacey and demands that he confirm his heterosexuality. Pacey's like, "OK, OK, you're not gay" while Tamara stares at Doug in horror.
A soaking wet Shaggy D.A. climbs into the passenger seat of Mitch's SUV, and he contorts his face into a pained expression as he reminisces about the first time he saw her and decided it was love at first sight. His face then darkens when he adds that as quick as that love came will be his rapid decision to hate her now. Shaggy D.A. cries, "Nooooooo Mitch!", but he yells at her to get out of his SUV before he physically removes her from it. Yeesh. She hastily climbs out, and he squeals off while she stares after him, weeping in the heavy rain.
By the next day, the hurricane changes course and doesn't end up causing too much damage in Capeside, and eventually the residents emerge from their homes and remove all the plywood covering their windows. Tamara thanks Pacey and Doug for keeping her company all night...and when Doug insists that he really really wants to take her out, she declines and tells him she's committing a felony by doinking his underage brother - I mean, seeing someone right now. Pacey grins happily.
Dawson runs into Jen, who explains that she lost her virginity when she was twelve (holy fucking crap) to some older guy who got her drunk. After that, her sexcapades were a blur of getting it with multiple partners on while drunk and avoiding pregnancy scares. It all came to a head (no pun intended) when her parents caught her having sex in their bed, and figured a reasonable response was shipping her off to Capeside and fobbing her off on Grams...as if the elderly woman didn't have enough to worry about, caring for her inert husband. Jen insists to Dawson that she's not "that girl" anymore, but that she's also not as pure as the driven snow...and is somewhere in between. Dawson admits that he has his own idiotic hangups, and that he assumed his parents had a happy marriage just 'cause they always made such a show of pretending like they didn't want to get caught by Dawson or his friends while smooching or dry humping in the living room. He then sheepishly admits that his behavior has been horrible and hopes that Jen even wants him back, and she says she'd loooove for him to be part of her effort to start over, then hugs him and says, "Take two..?"
Pacey returns to Tamara’s place and says he has one more 'if' question and asks her what she'd redo in life if she had the chance. She says she wouldn't have married her shitty New York husband...and he laments not being of age and not having the ability to enjoy consenting adult type sex with the grown ass woman he's nailing. He gives her a from behind canoodle, and she tells him they're going to have to end this 'cause it's too dangerous [AND, as she earlier admitted, A FELONY] - but Pacey points out that that's exactly what makes it such a turn on. He then asks her what she'd do right now if she could do anything, and she shoots him a saucy grin and grabs him by the shirt and pulls him inside her house...and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that.
Mitch returns home and finds his wife sitting on a chair on the front porch, staring despondently into space. He lowers himself on the front steps and asks her why she started an extramarital affair, and she sheepishly tells him that the reason is completely preposterous: she got restless by her perfect, happy life and "wanted to want" again, and figured that hitting the sheets with Bob would satisfy that want. That said, all she wants right now is to have everything back that she lost overnight. She cries, "I'm sooooooo sorry", but Mitch tells her to shut it 'cause he doesn't want to talk anymore...and the two just sit quietly in front of the house.
Upstairs, Dawson apologizes to Joey for his rude 'tude lately and promises to rectify his belligerent ways and make every effort to be a friend worthy of her. Joey apologizes for using "the mother card", and admits that she's always putting her sainted late mother on a pedestal. She suggests they go back to being friends and do something fun, like reciting the Jaws script inside his closet...and when he says he's game, they laughingly scamper into the closet, where Dawson parrots, "Sheriff Brody, that's a twenty-footer."
Recap: Dawson is watching the Jen scenes of his swamp creature movie and dreamily tells Joey how gorgeous and perfect his new girlfriend is...but Joey makes a blech face and says she doesn't think Jen is all that, and that she can predict her boring future just by looking at her well tended exterior: after attending a small liberal arts college in New England, she'll marry a rich bond trader and squeeze out three kids. Dawson jokingly calls her Nostradamus and says he'd prefer to let Jen surprise him, then changes the subject to his parents' twentieth anniversary and asks her if she has any gift ideas. Joey is about to make a suggestion - just as Tamara suddenly appears in the movie footage, orgasmically writhing against an unseen male. Dawson's all, "Wha-at is this? I didn't shoot this!", and the two scratch their heads as to who the Capeside High English teacher could possibly be getting boned by.
The next day at the Ice House restaurant, Dawson and Joey tell Pacey and Jen about the Tamara sex footage that Dawson unwittingly caught on camera after he left it rolling, and an alarmed looking Pacey scrunches his face concernedly. He asks if the guy was visible in the footage, but Dawson says the camera didn't capture his face...and Pacey says that he very urgently needs to get a look at the sex video asap.
Dawson and Jen walk home, hand in hand. When they arrive in front of her house, he leans in to kiss her - but she stops him when she spots Grams nosily peeking out the front window and tells him he's going to have to repress his desire for a later time. A few seconds later, she decides 'ah screw it' and defiantly smooches him in front of an appalled Grams.
Grams asks Jen if she does "these things" to upset her, then reminds her that her parents shipped her to Capeside with a one way ticket 'cause of her unacceptably slutty behavior in New York. Jen rolls her eyes and says she's tired of them having the same conversation over and over, points out that she and Dawson were merely kissing, then pours herself a glass of milk before exiting the room.
Dawson enters his bedroom and finds a frantic Pacey rifling through his boxes of videotapes. He cries, "Stop! You're messing up my dailies!" - LOL - and Pacey tells him he neeeeeeeds to have the Tamara sex tape right now. Dawson tells him to chillax, retrieves the tape from a box near the door, and hands it to him. Pacey clutches it and starts nattering about what a loser he knows everyone at school thinks he is before declaring, "I got the girl this time." Dawson's all, "Huh? What girl?", and Pacey continues with his nonsensical nattering before confessing that he's the unseen man in the Tamara sex tape. He adds that he doesn't want the secret getting out - 'cause not only would it be mortifying for his first sexual encounter to be on full display for all to see, it could be career-ending for Tamara, who would have to admit that she threw all good taste and common sense to the wind when she decided it was a good idea to start screwing a fifteen year old dork boy. Pacey asks Dawson if it looked like he was cutting it performance-wise, and Dawson says it looked like he was doing just fine, and promises to keep the disturbing secret under his hat.
Dawson takes Joey along for a shopping trip in downtown Capeside to help him pick something out for his parents' anniversary gift. He tells her he's a bit jealous of the way the two are always making out and dry humping in the living room, and Joey changes the subject to Jen and snidely says she figured that "blondie" would have been putting out by now...even though she knows full well that had Dawson had lost his sainted, Donna Martin level virginity, it would have been the popped cherry heard all over Capeside. Dawson glances around the store and notices his mother helping Bob try on sports jackets in the shop next door. He ambles over to say hey and fails to notice how startled Shaggy D.A. looks at the sight of him and a scowling Joey - but pretends that 'nope, nothing's amiss here' and introduces the two to Bob. After some pleasant chit-chat, Shaggy D.A. and Bob rush back to the news studio, and a clueless Dawson tells Joey that the guy [who's balling his mom] seems like a really nice person.
Jen tells Grams she's going out with Dawson tonight, and Grams makes an ew face and says he probably only wants one thing from her, as is evidenced by the scandalousness of Joey climbing up the ladder and into his bedroom every night. Jen breezily says that the two are just friends and that somehow she's starting to develop real feelings for Dawson.
Pacey sees Tamara sitting at an outdoor cafe and scampers across the street to join her. When she tells him she's currently trying to decide which book to select as assigned reading for her next English class, Pacey suggests something with a lot of sex...then rails about the suckiness of sex in literature and insists that it is possible for two people to sleep together and for things to work out fine. Tamara mulls that over and asks him if it really is possible [including when it's a felony], and he answers by placing his hand over hers...but after a few seconds, she pulls her hand away before any icked out passersby happen to notice.
Dawson shows Jen some of the scenes of his swamp creature movie, which is still in progress, and she wanks him about awesomely it's coming along. He tells her that tomorrow he has plans to do some sound editing at the news station where his mom works and invites her along...then remarks that, in the old days, movie censors used to make actors keep one foot on the floor during amorous scenes. He gives her a kiss that quickly gets intense, and she gently shoves him away and tells him they have plenty of time to allow their kissing to become progressively naughty.
At the news station studio the next day, Dawson is getting help in the control room from one of the video editors as Jen dubs over her screams for one of the swamp creature scenes. When Jen looks all screeched out, Dawson suggests they take a break...and the two head over to the hall to get a [product placed] Diet Pepsi out of the vending machine. By scripted coincidence, Bob and Shaggy D.A. appear in the nearby hall and obliviously enjoy an intense smooch - which incidentally seems like a pretty indiscreet thing to be doing at the workplace - and Dawson's eyes widen in horror at the disturbing spectacle while Jen stands behind him and cringes.
Jen accompanies a wigged out Dawson to a nearby park, where he seats himself on a bench and stares despondently into space. Jen does her best to comfort him and says that whenever he's ready to bare his soul about the grossness of witnessing his mother's extramarital smooching of Bob, she's here for him - but he doesn't respond and just continues to mutely stare.
As anyone could predict, Dawson makes a beeline over to Joey's place to dish about his mom's infidelity. When she admits that, yep, she found out what was going on two episodes ago and figured that eventually he'd twig onto it too, he gets angry at her for keeping the bombshell to herself. He accuses her of "disengaging the friendship", and bitterly snarks, "Bye! See ya later! Have a nice life!" while bitchily storming off.
Downtown, Pacey sees Tamara at the outdoor cafe enjoying the company of the Mel Silver twin, and scrunches his face disapprovingly.
Dawson runs into his mom when she arrives home from work. She asks whassup with his sour expression, but he refuses to say and goes next door to talk to Jen. When Grams answers the door, Dawson acknowledges that it's obvious she dislikes him, then assures her that he's not a sex-crazed teen who's trying to corrupt her granddaughter, but rather an undefiled yokel who's in desperate need of a friendly ear.
Dawson and Jen wander around in nature while he unburdens his feelings about the unholy thing that's going on between his mom and Bob. Jen admits that she felt hurt when he immediately rushed over to Joey's place to pour his heart out, then says that secrets destroy relationship and that she no longer wants any secrets between them. To that end, she 'fesses up about the real reason her parents dumped her in Capeside: her slutty track record in New York. A shocked Dawson's all, "Wha-a-a-a? You're not a virgin??!", and Jen confirms that, nope, she's pretty much the opposite of a virgin...and Dawson pretends that he's not totally freaked out by the admission and can barely bring himself to hold her hand.
The next day at Capeside High, Pacey walks past Tamara's classroom and looks dismayed when he sees her flirtily bantering with the Mel Silver twin. Jen, meanwhile, runs into Dawson in the hall and suggests they catch a movie later - but he declines and pretends to be waaaay too busy with homework, and brusquely promises to call her later.
Pacey returns to Tamara's classroom when she's alone and admonishes her flirtiness with the Mel Silver twin. He challenges her to be honest with him if she's sleeping with both of them 'cause of the rampant scourge of AIDS and STDs, then demands to know who she likes better: him or Mel Silver. Tamara rolls her eyes and says, "You know, you're very disarming when you start sounding your age" - a remark that might prompt a wiser grown woman who, for God knows why reason, bedded a fifteen year old boy to face palm herself hard and wonder what in the fuckety fuck she's doing, bedding a fifteen year old boy. She assures Pacey that she's not Mel Silver's type...and by type she means female. Pacey gleefully blurts out, "He's gay?!" and she shushes him and makes him promise to keep that tidbit on the down low, as well as the May-December abomination they currently find themselves caught up in.
Jen asks Dawson if he's truly OK with her earlier confession, and he pretends he's totes fine with it. A skeptical Jen calls him out on the not-so-subtle way he's been avoiding her at school and asks him to be honest with her if he's repulsed by her slutty past, and instead of giving her a straight answer, he huffily storms off.
Dawson complains to Pacey that he can't help being judgey about Jen's sleazy past, and Pacey encourages him to instead think of it as an in to finally gettin' some. When Dawson sanctimoniously says that he much prefers romance to sex, Pacey tells him that the Dream Jen he's put on a pedestal doesn't actually exist, and that he should take the stick out of his butt and embrace his girlfriend's sexual looseness. Dawson says he can't do that and grumbles about all the undesired "plot twists" of his life, which include his parents' soon-to-be fractured twenty year marriage.
Mitch is getting dressed up for his anniversary dinner when Dawson enters the room and solemnly says he needs to speak to him - but Mitch does that annoying TV tropey thing where he pretends to not notice the troubled expression on Dawson's face and chatters incessantly about the awesomeness of being married to his true love for the last twenty years. Before Dawson has a chance to blow the whistle on his unfaithful mom, she breezes into the room looking all gussied up, and the happy couple heads out for their celebratory dinner.
Jen stops by the Ice House after hours to ask Joey for advice on Dawson's puritanical hangups about dating a non-virgin. Joey tells her that Dawson's sex life is non-existent, and that he's only capable of seeing anything sex-related as black and white 'cause anything else confuses his pea-sized brain. When Jen asks her if she's trying to scare her off Dawson, Joey assures her she's not, but then points out that most good men were probably sexless dorks as teenagers...and blushingly adds that if she were the one dating Dawson, she'd patiently wait for however long it took his penis to come around.
Pacey is over at Tamara's place, sitting on her bed reading a magazine while she grades papers. He asks her approximately how old she is and how many men she's doinked, and she's like, "Thirty-five-ish. And around three." She says there was one high school boy she hooked up with, and a couple of fully grown men...then blushingly adds that by high school boy, she wasn't referring to her high school. Pacey responds with a happy grin, while I looked for the nearest trash can to retch into.
Jen laments to her comatose grandfather that Dawson has clearly written her off as a slut, but also acknowledges that it probably wasn't the smartest decision to hit the sack with so many different boys at such a young age.
Dawson is moping at the ruins (aka the location of his last film shoot with Jen) staring contemplatively at the harbor. Joey ambles over to report that Jen stopped by the Ice House to get some insight into his judgey 'tude about her sex-filled past - but Dawson immediately shuts her down and says he doesn't want to talk about Jen with her. He questions whether they're even friends anymore 'cause they don't get along the way they used to, and Joey counters that lately he's been getting mad at her too easily...and when he responds that she's too critical of him, the two pause for a moment and chuckle at the prickly back-and-forth. He mutters some nonsense about how they were probably married for fifty years in an alternate universe, causing Joey to ponder who he took home after their wedding: her or his girlfriend. She then breezily says she was probably busy flirting with the rich guy sitting at the bar, which Dawson interprets as a fictional situation she'd need him to bail her out of. Joey asks Dawson whether or not they saved each other that night...and just as my brain started tuning out the metaphorical nonsense that is this mind-numbing dialogue, Joey says, "All this subtext is making me tired." She tells him she's sure she had a great time at their fictional, 'alternate universe' wedding, and wanders off as Dawson continues to stare at the water.
Recap: Joey and Dawson are sacked out in Dawson's bedroom watching From Here to Eternity...and during the iconic beach kissing scene, Dawson dreamily predicts that this is exactly what his first kiss with Jen will be like. Joey rolls her eyes and wearily says, "Just kiss her already" and not expect it to be a perfectly crafted cinematic moment 'cause, unlike the real world, kissing scenes in movies have been engineered to have the perfect sunset as a backdrop, carefully scripted dialogue, and a curated soundtrack playing in the background. Dawson chides Joey for being such a bitter and jaded un-romantic, and insists that the deluded fantasy world he likes to inhabit could one day become a reality.
At Capeside High, the Mel Silver twin leads his film class on a discussion of potential storylines to wrap up Capeside's production, Helmets of Glory. As the students struggle to come up with reasonable plot ideas, Dawson rolls his eyes derisively and is unable to refrain from blurting out that they need to create dramatic tension, e.g. by structuring the movie around an underdog who desperately needs to win the football game...then cites Rocky and The Karate Kid as examples. Nellie Oleson calls his outburst pathetic, and an irked Mel Silver reminds Dawson that he had agreed to keep his pie-hole shut while sitting in on his film class.
Tamara gives Pacey back his latest English quiz and grimly tells him he failed...and that she's heard from other teachers that he's failing across the board. Pacey stupidly "explains" that a lot of energy goes into the boneheadedness he's demonstrating in deliberately failing all of his classes, then saucily requests one-on-one tutoring sessions with her so that she can sexily slave-drive him into improving his English grade. Tamara agrees to the tutoring part of that request and tells him to come back this evening after she's done with her teacher's meeting and everyone else has gone home for the night...and Pacey beams at that disturbingly mixed message and happily accepts her offer.
Joey is slingin' hash, along with her pregnant sister and boyfriend-in-law in the family's restaurant, the Ice House. She heads onto the patio, where Dawson is complaining to Pacey that Mel Silver assigned him to be Nellie's production assistant on the set of Helmets of Glory. He then natters about his plans to shoot the last scene of his swamp creature flick on a privately owned Greece-inspired estate 'cause it's the perfect venue for his movie and will make a romantic backdrop for a cinematically perfect first kiss with Jen. Pacey says that he too has a date (sort of) tonight and orders a bagful of female-orgasm-inducing oysters - just as a cute guy entering the restaurant glances over at Joey, and the two openly ogle each other. Dawson notices the ogling and asks Joey who the guy is, and Joey feigns confusion by going, "Who's who?", then threatens to kill Pacey in his sleep after he loudly announces in the cute guy's direction that Joey is finally noticing the opposite sex and finds him very attractive.
Dawson is toiling away on the set of Helmets of Glory when Jen shows up dressed as a cheerleader and explains that Scott Foley cast her as an extra.
During the after hours one-on-one tutoring session, Pacey asks Tamara if she would have debased herself by dating a flunky such as himself when she was in high school, and she says, "Probably not", then adds that her high school years were a long time ago (um, right?) and that she's a lot smarter now...despite the fact that her confounding lack of judgement in smooching Pacey on two separate occasions strongly suggests otherwise. Tamara shifts the conversation back to their one-on-one tutoring and gives Pacey a series of questions on Ethan Frome to contemplate and provide answers for.
While tossing a bag of trash into the Ice House's dumpster, Joey hears live music and ambles down the dock to investigate. She finds the cute guy she smiled at earlier sitting on a boat, playing a violin. He introduces himself as Anderson Crawford - aka a rich boarding school kid - and invites her sailing tomorrow...and Joey introduces herself as Deborah Carson, fibs about being a fellow rich kid, and happily accepts his invitation to go sailing.
Nellie overhears Dawson mocking the inanity of the Helmets of Glory script and threatens to tattle to Mel Silver about his negative 'tude. Filming abruptly comes to a halt while everyone within earshot listens to Nellie as she rails at Dawson for trashing a script she worked hard on all summer, then snarks at him to shape up and show some damn gratitude for being allowed to participate in this project. As Dawson stalks off shame-faced, the cast and crew resume filming.
After a marathon tutoring session, Pacey is finally able to answer the most basic questions about Ethan Frome. He tells Tamara he'd like a reward for demonstrating his smarts and starts getting all touchy feely with her...and she's like, "Not here, not now, this is my place of employment." And it's a felony. When Pacey points out that everyone has gone home for the night, she calls his bluff and starts unbuttoning her blouse, shuts off the lights, and orders him to strip so they can get it on atop her desk...and Pacey sullenly says that this isn't exactly the romantic tryst he envisioned for the popping of his cherry. Tamara wearily tells him to go home and find a girl his own age - aka not some "insane, middle aged woman" - and tells him that their flirtation is "beyond wrong" ... to which Pacey argues that sometimes it's right to do the wrong thing. Though not when it comes to anything resembling a pedophilia-related sex romp, 'cause what in the actual fuck, writers??!
Joey meets up with Anderson for their sailing date and fibs about attending Choate and how she considers her life at boarding school as "a privileged existence". The two sail to a deserted island and play frisbee on the sand, where she continues to fib about being the daughter of a rich CEO...and Anderson tells her that the number one attribute he looks for in a girl is honesty.
The Helmets of Glory cameraman is having a tough time jogging while filming two football players who are jogging and talking without the footage looking jiggly. Dawson tells Nellie he knows of a technique that can solve this problem - but she snaps at him to shut up and fetch more film. While on that errand, Dawson runs into Jen and bitches about how horrible the film is, then asks Jen why she volunteered to be a part of this amateur dreck. When she replies, "'Cause I knew you'd be here, hellooo..?", Dawson perks up and asks her if she'd like to meet up with him later to film the final scene of his swamp creature flick...and she happily agrees and wanks him by adding that she can't wait to work with a real director. Bwahahaha!
Joey and Anderson are bantering about JFK and UFOs as they clown around and sensually wrestle atop the sand. When he hovers over her in a pre-kiss position, she says they should probably head back 'cause her parents are expecting her. She adds that while today was fun, he needs to know the truth...and by the truth she nonsensically explains, "I'm not Cinderella", and a confused Anderson's all, "OK. Wait - huh?"
When Nellie and her film crew prove unable to resolve the conundrum of the jiggly jogging scene, Scott Foley allows Dawson to step in and try his suggested technique, which is holding the camera steady while sitting in a wheelchair that Pacey is swiftly pulling across the football field. When the scene results in the desired jiggle-free footage, a delighted Scott Foley yells, "Cut! Perfect!" while the rest of the crew cheers at Dawson, who takes a sanctimonious bow.
Joey is working another shift at the Ice House when she spots Anderson arrive. She hastily seats herself at the counter beside Dawson and Jen, who have just placed a sandwich order, and tells them she's taking a quick break. Anderson enters the restaurant, looks over at Joey and goes, "Hey Deborah", and a slow-on-the-uptake Dawson is all, "Wuh? Deborah? Who's Deborah?" - while Jen, who has managed to swiftly grasp the situation, "explains" to Anderson that it's startling to hear him call their friend Deborah 'cause they usually address her simply as Deb. Anderson ignores the weirdness of that exchange and tells Joey he's here to order some takeout and invite her out tonight - just as Bessie pops out of the kitchen and snarks at Joey to get back to work 'cause her sandwich order is up. Joey pretends she's not the person Bessie is talking to and accepts Anderson's invitation, then beams gratefully at Bodie when he emerges from the kitchen a few seconds later to wink knowingly at Joey and hand deliver Dawson's/Jen's sandwiches.
Pacey eavesdrops on Tamara flirtily bantering with Mel Silver and gets incensed when he offers to walk her home. He angrily confronts Tamara, who warns him that Mel is within hearing range and to stop acting like a jealous boyfriend before things get out of hand. Pacey rightly points out that the horse is already out of the barn with this pedo/underage boy situation, then blurts out that he wants her...and Tamara responds by staring back at him in mute, stupid helplessness.
Dawson brings Jen to the Greece-inspired estate to surreptitiously film the final scene of his swamp creature flick. He leads her over to a giant fountain that will provide a romantic/haunting backdrop as she stares sadly into space after the horror of learning that she just killed the swamp creature, who was somehow also the man she loved. LOL. Jen obliges...and her sorrowful gaze pleases Dawson so much that he goes, "Cut! Print!" to the non-existent crew and waxes on about how amaaaaaaazing her performance was. He then glances around and says it seems a shame to waste all of this great production design - sunset, music, soft candlelight - and leans in for a smooch. When a startled Jen notices that the camera is still rolling, she asks him what in blazes he's doing...and he stares over at his equipment and stammers, "Um.."
Joey finds Anderson aboard his boat, playing the violin. He tells that he and his parents are heading back east tomorrow, but that he goes to New York often and would love to meet up with her there sometime. Joey tries to politely rebuff him, but he insists on giving her his number and invites her to call him sometime...then leans in and plants a sweet smooch on her lopsided mouth.
Jen admonishes Dawson for trying to sneakily film an intimate moment between them, so he natteringly explains that he sooooooo badly wanted to create the most special environment possible for their first kiss. Jen says he's trying way too hard and asks him why he can't just be a normal guy and let the kiss happen in a more natural way...and Dawson admits that being an overzealous dork is his downfall - but insists that his intentions are honorable. He then moans that he wants to kiss her soooooo bad that he's worried he'll explode...and Jen says it wigs her out that he's building up their first kiss into being such a big fucking deal that she's worried her lips will prove to be a UGE disappointment for him.
Joey climbs into Bodie's pickup truck to hitch a ride home with him and Bessie...then stares morosely at the piece of paper with Anderson's phone number written on it before tossing it out the window.
Dawson hears someone approach their makeshift movie set and tells Jen it could be the crotchety owner of the estate and that they should probably hide. The two crouch behind a cobwebbed wooden fence as an oblivious Pacey and Tamara flounce over and head towards the fountain. Jen and Dawson remain hidden...and when Dawson helps Jen pull cobwebs out of her hair, the two stare at each other longingly before mashing their lips together in a tender looking smooch. Tamara, meanwhile, is unwittingly being filmed with Dawson's still rolling camera as she climaxes while gyrating atop an unseen Pacey's baloney pony...and afterwards she and Pacey spoon naked while the scene fades to black so that viewers have no choice but to mentally chew on that horrific visual. OMFG.