Recap: Pacey learns that he's just failed the written part of his driver's test and attempts to entice the instructor to change his score because it's his sixteenth birthday...but she's like, "I really don't give a shit about your birthday" and tells him to go pee up a rope.
Mitch is trying to engage Dawson in a father-son sex talk 'cause he's worried he might knock up Joey, but Dawson assures him it isn't necessary, given that they're both virgins who have no intention of doing anything more than kissing while fully clothed. Out on the front porch, meanwhile, Shaggy D.A. is showing Joey a book about how to prevent teenage pregnancy and telling her she's more than welcome to come to her with any sex-related questions she might have. Dawson overhears the last part of that conversation and hastily announces that he and Joey are heading off to school now...and as the two beat a hasty retreat, Mitch and Shaggy D.A. stare after them and agree on how fast their little dorkboy is growing up.
Grams barges into Jen's bedroom, opens the curtains to let in the sunshine, and chirps, "Rise and shine!" When Jen just grumbles about how she wants to stay under the covers all day, Grams sternly orders her to be out of bed and ready for school in the next five minutes.
Pacey glumly tells Dawson he failed his driver's test, but Dawson's just like, "Bummer" and natters about how obsessed with sex his parents are now that he's dating Joey. Pacey repeats that he failed his driver's test today of all days and asks Dawson if there are any special wishes he'd like to extend to him, then stalks off in frustration when Dawson just stares back at him blankly.
Pacey finds Jen moping by the pier and seats himself beside her. He moans about how he's suffering from "a bad case of the Molly Ringwalds", and she mulls that over for a few seconds and correctly guesses that everyone forgot about his sixteenth birthday. Pacey complains that Dawson always plans a special birthday road trip for the two of them - but forgot about it this year 'cause he's so preoccupied with his and Joey's new status as boyfriend/girlfriend. Jen's all 'fuck those two' and suggests he "live it up" by making his own birthday plans - and Pacey perks up at the notion of pursuing his own lead storyline rather than always being portrayed as Dawson's wisecracking sidekick.
Jen is excused from gym class due to fake menstrual issues, but gets assigned to clean-up duty, aka gathering up used towels from the bleachers. She runs into Abby Morgan, who brags about how she got out of gym class altogether by forging a doctor's note using letterhead she recently swiped from her doctor's office. Abby chides Jen for generally being lame and assumes that her life in New York was about as lame as it is in Capeside - but Jen's all, "Girrrrl, the things and places I have talked myself into and out of would blow your mind." Abby looks impressed by her new friend's cheesy bravado and says she'd be mostly interested in hearing about the various guys she hooked up with.
Over at Casa Potter, Dawson tells Joey he's sooooo happy to be dating her 'cause she totally gets what weirdos his parents are...and he also likes the fact that they don't have to wade through the kind of getting to know you crap they'd have to wade through if he didn't already know absolutely everything about her. Joey argues that he doesn't quite know everything about her - just as her nephew starts mewling from the next room. While Joey rushes out to check on the tot, Dawson notices her journal and decides 'what could go wrong with reading my girlfriend's deepest musings?' - but then looks visibly troubled by whatever trash talk she must have penned about him. When Joey comes back into the room, Dawson's like, "Gotta go!" and abruptly heads out, leaving a confused Joey staring after him.
Pacey is posting flyers about the birthday pier party he's decided to throw for himself when Dawson wanders over to complain about how Joey ridiculed his horror movie in her journal. When Pacey mutters, "So what?", Dawson adds that she also described him as "a talentless dreamer with no cinematic future". [Based on the snippet we saw of his horror movie, that sounds about right.] Pacey growls back that no one cares about his uninteresting life and filmmaking aspirations, pissily adds that he's sick and tired of hearing about his Joey drama, and snarls, "Get over yourself, Dawson. Deal!"
Andie introduces herself to Joey and tells her her brother Jack is interesting in working at the Ice House. Joey says they're always looking for help and tells her to have Jack drop in sometime and ask for her.
While ambling home from school, Dawson asks Joey what she thought of his horror movie, and she waxes on about what a masterpiece she thinks it is. Dawson says he's relieved to hear that 'cause it's sooooo important to him that she regard him as a talented filmmaker, and Joey shoots him a suspicious glare and asks him if, by chance, he read her insults about his movie-making abilities in her journal. When he sheepishly admits he did, she admonishes him for violating her privacy, snaps, "How dare you?!", and storms off.
Shaggy D.A. is at home planting flowers when Grams drops by to return a casserole dish and dispense marital advice - just as Mitch is discussing his marital woes with a fisherman friend. The fisherman tells him to avoid divorce at all costs 'cause the man always seems to lose everything when stuff gets divvied up (right??), while Grams advises Shaggy D.A. to do everything possible to keep her marriage intact. The fisherman suggests to Mitch that he redefine the notion of fidelity to include additional sex partners and nonsensically declares that he and Shaggy D.A. becoming a swinging couple might well be the only thing that can prevent a costly divorce...and Mitch stares contemplatively into space as he mulls over that grisly visual.
Pacey is putting his party flyers on the windshield of every car near the high school campus when he runs into Andie. The two bicker back and forth, a tropey indication that the two will soon fall for each other, and Andie half-heartedly apologizes for pranking him with Kristy last episode and says she's totes down with attending his little clambake.
Jen and Abby are hanging out in Jen's bedroom, ogling photos of Jen's ex, Charlie. Abby cackles about how super hot he is and asks Jen why she'd ever settle for a dork like Dawson...then suggests they get hammered on a giant bottle of bubbly she just happens to have in her purse and crash Pacey's pier party. Jen gigglingly agrees that that sounds like a fantastic idea.
Dawson shows up at the Ice House to plead with Joey to forgive him for reading her journal - just as Jack arrives to inquire about a job. Joey irritably directs him to the kitchen so that she can continue bickering with Dawson...but a few seconds later Jack returns to report that Bessie won't let him into the kitchen 'cause she's not actually aware he's been made an employee. Dawson puts his sad face on and admits to Joey that perhaps he doesn't know her at all, and Joey concurs and snarkishly adds, "Maybe you never did."
Andie arrives at Pacey's pier party decked out in a bright orange bikini and natters at Pacey about how meeting too many new people at once makes her nervous. Elsewhere, Jen and Abby drunkenly stumble onto the pier, and Abby eggs on Jen to smooch the next guy she sees. When Dawson makes his entrance at that exact moment, Jen scampers over and forcibly smooches him, but he's all, "The fuck is wrong with you?", and a humiliated Jen flees while Abby mutters, "Nice going, Romeo."
At the Ice House, Joey glumly tells Jack that she and Dawson just had their first fight as girlfriend/boyfriend, and he urges he to see the silver lining: now they can enjoy the pleasure of making up. He then offers to lock up the restaurant so she can go and sort everything out with Dawson, and she's like 'you've barely worked a single shift; why the hell not?'
Dawson finally twigs onto the fact that he forgot about his best friend's birthday and profusely apologizes to Pacey and promises to make it up to him. Pacey says he's bummed that everyone in Capeside seems to have written him off, and poutishly says that their friendship can no longer compare to his (Dawson's) budding romance with Joey.
Shaggy D.A. canoodles Mitch and suggests they redecorate the living room, and he tells her she's welcome to do whatever she wants, then coldly extricates himself from her smoochy closeness. He tells her that while he doesn't want to file for divorce, they're going to need to explore some new possibilities...and when Shaggy D.A. scrunches her face confusedly, he suggests they somehow "reclaim their honesty" by hitting the sheets with other people, and an aghast Shaggy D.A. just stares back at him in icked-out horror.
As rain pours, Joey and Dawson stare at each other from several feet away...then grin happily and slowly walk towards each other. The two embrace, then stroll down the street to recap the episode's drama. Dawson says he forgot all about Pacey's birthday and can't blame him for being hurt and angry...then changes the subject to her journal and asks if she really thinks that his dream of becoming a filmmaker is stupid. Joey explains that whenever she's feeling angry or frustrated she unleashes her wrath inside her journal 'cause she finds it cathartic to "trash life" without verbally alienating anyone. She then wanks him about how she's always believed in him 'cause of how extraordinary and talented he is, and considers herself his biggest fan. Dawson in turn gushes about how she amazes him every day, and Joey grins and approvingly says 'good' before the two get into some more smooching action.
A blitzed Jen and Abby are hunched over the pier as they vomit into the water, then glance over at Dawson and Joey kissing. Abby predicts that the two will soon sleep together, but Jen says she highly doubts that 'cause the dullards seem more like brother and sister. She adds that she desperately wants Dawson back, and an amused/aghast Abby assumes she's only saying that 'cause she's drunk...but when Jen insists that Dawson is the fella she wants, Abby promises they'll do something to connive her way into winning him back.
Andie seats herself next to a glum Pacey and gives him a wrapped birthday present, which turns out to be a fortune telling 8-ball. Pacey perks up and asks it if he's going to pass his next driver's test - all signs point to yes - but when Andie starts playing with it, she accidentally drops it into the water. She apologizes to Pacey for her clumsiness, but he just shrugs and says it's the thought that counts, then laments being Pacey Witter, aka the village idiot who's failing biology. Andie breezily suggests that maybe he's just a regular guy who's still trying to figure it all out [but who also should probably study more].
While cleaning up after the pier party, Dawson apologizes to Pacey for being such a jerk this episode, then natters about how everything is soooo complicated now that he and Joey are an item. As the two speed off by boat, Dawson assures him that they'll always be BFFs, and suggests they steal Mitch's car keys and go on a last minute annual birthday celebration road trip to Maine, and a happy Pacey says he definitely likes the sound of that.
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Recap: Dawson and Joey gaze at each other in wonderment after their Season 1 finale smooch...and when Dawson asks, "What now?", Joey's eyes glaze over as she mutters, "I dunno." When Dawson asks her if she regrets the kiss, she bitchily retorts that she doesn't have a thought in her head right now - [insert joke about Joey's empty-headedness here] - and assumes the remark implies that he regrets kissing her. She suggests they sleep on it, in separate beds, but he tells her to not even think about climbing through his bedroom window, and puckers up for a follow-up smooch.
The next morning, Joey and Dawson wake up in their respective beds staring happily into space, while Mitch wakes up to find Shaggy D.A. staring at him...and, OMFG, her over-poofed disheveled rat's nest is looking shaggier than ever. When he's all, "Why are you staring at me?", she tells him she has time to spare for a little marital hanky panky 'cause she's not due at the news station until later...then proceeds to mount him. He quickly puts the brakes on her advances and says he has to get showered for an early meeting and leaves a poutish Shaggy D.A. staring despondently into space.
Bessie remarks to Joey that she's in a rare good mood and asks if it has anything to do with where she was last night. Joey gets all smiley and tells her about the kiss - at the same time Dawson is spilling the beans to Pacey while the two are getting their hair washed and cut. Bessie asks Joey if she's still going to Paris this summer - at the same time Pacey is gazing across the salon to ogle Kristy Livingstone (Capeside High's hottest blonde it girl) and says Dawson and Joey hooking up means that any hookup is possible, then decides he needs a new look and asks the hair stylist to frost his tips.
Sporting newly frosted tips, Pacey decides to trail after Kristy while driving his brother's police car when a teenage girl [who we soon learn is new girl in town, Andie McPhee] driving a convertible accidentally smashes into him. She leaps out of the car and is all, "OMG! I'm soooo sorry. Please don't revoke my license! I just got it", and Pacey tries to look as authoritative as possible and refers to her as "little miss" before asking to see her registration and license. He berates her about the severity of what she's just done, threatens to take her in and book her, but ultimately "allows" the incident to slide. He warns that if she causes anymore trouble in town "Officer Pacey's coming after you", and she profusely thanks him for his understanding and scampers back to her car.
At school, Dawson greets Joey at her locker, and the two get all in each others' faces and beam happily close up. Joey announces that she made the dumb decision to turn down the opportunity to spend the summer in Paris, and Dawson woots happily, gives her a big hug, and calls himself a very lucky guy. Joey wonders aloud if they're making "a massive monumental mistake" by starting up this [ill-fated and obnoxious] romance, but Dawson breezily assures her it's all good, then suggests that tonight they go on a proper date to the Rialto, which is about to close permanently. Joey mulls the offer over - just as Jen lumbers by to inform them that Gramps finally slipped away, and that Grams is handling his death a lot better than she is. She then says she doesn't feel like staying at school any longer and is going home where she can mope in private.
Andie spots Pacey holding court in the hall and wanders over to sarcastically say hello to "Officer Pacey". As Pacey cackles at the earlier fun he had at her expense, Andie points out that it's illegal to impersonate an officer, then complains that she suffered major anxiety after believing she was in trouble with the law. Pacey reminds her that she did cause the accident - just as Kristy ambles by. As Pacey visibly salivates after the blonde hottie, Andie says she's become fast friends with Kristy and would be willing to set up an introduction between the two of them...and Pacey perks up and decides he definitely likes the sound of that.
Jen returns home and finds Grams packing up Gramps' clothing so she can donate it all to the local church charity drive. Jen scowls disapprovingly and asks if it isn't a little early to be cleaning out his closet, and Grams is like 'seriously?' and reminds her that Gramps was completely inert during the entirety of Season 1...and that by the time he finally took his last breath, she had had her fill of watching him waste away.
Shaggy D.A. rushes home and explains to Mitch that her afternoon meeting ran long, and that she hit a traffic jam while driving home and neeeeeeeds him to believe she's not carrying on an extramarital affair. Mitch assures her he buys that story, and for good measure says he heard all about the traffic jam on the radio. He then tells her he has a mystery appointment and promptly rushes off.
Pacey spots Andie chatting with Kristy...and a few seconds later, Andie wanders over to Pacey and says he should make his move. Pacey swaggers over to Kristy, tells her he'd like to get to know her better and decide if they could have a future together by taking her out to dinner and a movie tomorrow night, and she mulls that over for a few seconds and implausibly replies, "That sounds great."
Mitch's appointment turns out to be a meeting with a divorce lawyer. Ouch.
Jen is sitting on the swing in her backyard when Dawson wanders over with some food that Shaggy D.A. prepared for her and Grams. Jen remarks on him being all dressed up, so he explains that he's taking Joey to the movies for their first real date. Jen wryly asks him how that's working out...and when he shrugs and cryptically replies, "We'll always be Dawson and Joey. Whatever that means", Jen sadly asks, "What about Dawson and Jen?" Dawson says that clearly she could use a platonically supportive friend right now, and she nods in agreement and collapses against him in a hug. When the hug goes on for longer than what's reasonable, Dawson breaks away and says he has to get going, but urges Jen to stop moping and enjoy the rest of the lovely day.
Bessie finds Joey sitting on the dock near their house as she stares contemplatively into space. She tells Bessie it's weird for her to suddenly be in a romance with Dawson...though, that said, the kiss felt totes right. Bessie points out that the true test of the romance will be the second kiss, 'cause it's always about something more than the more impulsive/passionate first kiss...then assures a worried looking Joey that kiss #2 with Dawson is bound to be super awesome.
Dawson is speed-boating to Casa Potter while Joey primps in the bathroom. A few seconds later, she emerges from the house just as he arrives...and he reaches down and picks a yellow flower for her and says it's in lieu of a fancier gift to mark the occasion. Joey leans in his direction, eager to get kiss #2 under her belt and makes a weird joke about how they should check into a motel and just go for it - but Dawson suggests they start with something simple, like holding hands.
As the two are seated inside the Rialto, Dawson tells Joey he's dismayed that the legendary movie theater is being torn down...and he and Joey clasp hands as the lights dim and the film gets underway.
Pacey, meanwhile, is waiting for Kristy, who appears to be very late for their date. Shocker.
Jen rushes into the Rialto and sits next to Dawson, which prompts a predictable WTF? scowl from Joey. Jen explains that she really needed to get out of the house for awhile, then suggests they all grab a bite to eat after the movie...but when Joey responds by shooting her an extra squinty stink-eye, she correctly assumes she's not welcome to third-wheel it on their date and runs out to the lobby. Much to Joey's dismay, Dawson rushes out after her.
Jen bitterly asks Dawson if he had wished he were with Joey while the two of them were dating, and he's like, "Uh, no" and reminds her that they had oodles of fun when they were briefly boyfriend/girlfriend. Jen tells Dawson she regrets dumping him like yesterday's news and implores him to not jump in the sack with Joey too quickly on account of she frankly can't stand seeing them together - LOL - then snidely calls her life a joke, hints that she's contemplating ending it all, and storms out.
When Dawson returns to where he was sitting with Joey, he sees that Joey has left...and that she left the yellow flower he gave her behind. Ouch.
Kristy finally shows up for what ends up being her non-date with Pacey and tells him she can't stay long 'cause her boyfriend is waiting for her in the car. She applauds his courage in asking her out, then clucks sympathetically about the "heart stripe" with which he's afflicted that could kill him at any moment. She says she heard all about it from Andie, who also dished that he prefers to keep his "condition" a secret. She then bids him goodnight, calls him "quite a guy", and runs back to her boyfriend's car. Bwahaha! Nicely done, Andie.
After the movie, Grams is heading for the exit when she notices a miserable looking Jen sitting in a row by herself. Jen snidely asks Grams if she came out for the evening to "look for some action", then self-piteously whines about the shittiness that is her life after her negligent parents permanently dumped her in Capeside, where she has no friends except Grams. Grams hugs her, assures her she loves her even though they seem to bicker constantly, then reminisces about her first date with Gramps at the Rialto. She explains that she attended the theater's last screening to be with her beloved in spirit, and Jen sheepishly apologizes for the cunty remark she just made to her friggin' grandmother about looking for some action.
Pacey is out shopping, looking over various bottles of hair dye, when Andie enters the store. She wanders over to where he's standing and says that a boy in his condition should be in bed, then cackles about the "heart stripe" condition she made up for Kristy. Pacey explains that going on a date with Kristy represented the possibility of him overcoming his his status of being the town loser...and Andie's like, "Yeah, whatevs" and says she hates his frosted tips and advises him to dye his hair to a more natural shade.
Shaggy D.A. snappishly calls Mitch a liar, then holds up a business card from the divorce lawyer he just met with. Mitch admits that, yep, he did meet with the lawyer and explains that he isn't sure if he can stay married to someone he loves and hates in equal measure, and just wanted to know what his options are. Shaggy D.A. unhappily retorts that he has to either fully give her a second chance to be a non-cheating wife or move ahead with a divorce.
Dawson finds Joey moping by a downtown dock and assures her he's not still hung up on Jen. Joey tells him it's OK, then explains that she declined the chance to go to Paris this summer 'cause she considered the opportunity "the easy way out" and nonsensically decided that staying in Capeside would make her stronger. She says that their relationship is bound to be overly-complicated [given that she's in it], and Dawson agrees that, nope, it won't be simple, but nonetheless thinks they'll be super hot together. He then pretends that the creek they're standing next to is the Seine, and that Capeside is equally as exotic as Paris 'cause the town has French fries and French toast. The two wander over to a swing-set, where Dawson leans in to plant kiss #2 on Joey's lips...and as she marvels over its wondrousness, Dawson starts nattering about how the Rialto is being torn down so that a new movie theater can be built. Joey scrunches her face confusedly and says she doesn't get why something that works has to be changed, and Dawson shrugs and says that maybe it'll be an even better theater. He then tells her he's in the mood for kiss #3, and Joey looks all into it while the two cap off the episode with an intense looking lip-lock.
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Recap: Joey rows all the way to Dawson's place to tell him that she can't bear to spend another evening with him watching movies or TV re-runs, and Dawson's like, "Yeah, whatever" and turns the TV on and squeals about the cliffhanger he just flipped to. Joey rolls her eyes and says that cliffhangers are soooo predictable, then criticizes TV producers for putting characters in contrived positions in a season finale despite the fact that nothing ever changes. Dawson mulls over how the Dawson's Creek writers are going to handle the obnoxious 'will they?/won't they?' dynamic of their relationship at the end of this season finale and says, "Maybe this time it's different" - but Joey shakes her head and declares cliffhangers "just one big tease".
Grams is sitting by Gramps' bedside, telling him how great she and Jen are getting along - just as Jen pops in to ask how the inert old man is doing today. Grams says, "The same" ... but a few seconds later Gramps's eyes flutter open and he mutters something incoherent, and Grams and Jen are all, "Hurray! He's semi-lucid!"
At school, Jen tells Dawson she's sooooo happy that Gramps momentarily regained consciousness that she'd like to let loose and have some fun. She asks him if he wants to do something later, but he declines and says he has plans with Joey - just as a grim-faced Joey spacily wanders by. When they ask her why she looks even more joyless than usual, she tells them that Mrs. Tringle informed her that she's been selected to spend a summer semester in Paris and has two days to decide [even though what's to decide?? Go to Paris!] Joey says she has to see about getting a passport, then shuffles off while Dawson stares after her sadly and Jen points out to the dolt what a fantastic opportunity this is for her.
Later at the Ice House, Joey tells Bessie she's not sure if she likes the idea of spending the summer in Paris, and Bessie says, regardless, that their dad will be proud of her when she tells him all about it during his birthday prison visit tomorrow. When Joey stares back at her in horror, Bessie reminds her that it's her turn to go...and that despite how angry at him she is, he's still their deadbeat, drug-dealing father.
Doug tracks down Pacey and tells him that their dad found out he failed all of his midterms and wants to berate him for being such a scholastic failure. Doug shakes his head in dismay and warns Pacey that one day soon he'll tire of being a punchline that no one wants to laugh at anymore.
Dawson agrees to tag along with Joey for her dad's prison visit. She tells him she hasn't seen her dad in two years and can't bring herself to forgive him for running drugs and cheating on her saintly mother...and also can't bring herself to decide if she wants to spend the summer in Paris. When she asks Dawson for advice, he half-heartedly tells her that if going to Paris makes her happy, then he's happy for her.
When the two arrive at the prison, the guard informs them they just missed visiting hours and couldn't care less about how long they just rode the bus to get here. As Joey irritably snorts and huffs, Dawson suggests they find a place to spend the night and come back first thing in the morning.
Dawson and Joey get a motel room for the night, and they both agree it's a bit weird to sleep together in a bed that's not his. As they settle onto the bed, Dawson tells Joey he'd really miss her if she went to France., and that he's been thinking a lot about the two of them lately...but can't seem to perform a thorough analysis of what's going on in his head and heart. Joey shoots him the stink-eye and snarls, "What are you so scared of?" and rolls over on her side, and Dawson scrunches his face confusedly at the bitchiness of her question, but then murmurs, "I dunno."
At the hospital, Grams tells Jen that Gramps' tests are going well, and that she's convinced it was her daily prayers that helped heal Gramps. Jen says she highly doubts that, and the two start bickering about the power (or not) of prayer, blah blah..
Dawson accompanies Joey inside the prison...and when Papa Potter enters the visitor's room, he gazes at his daughter and says, "Joey, you're beautiful" to which Joey sourly retorts, "No, I'm not." Pappa Potter says he's amazed at how grown up she is, then asks her about school...and she rolls her eyes and snarks, "Is that what you want to talk about?" He ignores her bitchy 'tude and says they can talk about whatever she wants, then laments how lonely prison is and that he really really misses her and Bessie. Joey snidely asks him if he misses her mother too, and he earnestly replies, "Very much" and invites her to tell him what she's thinking - but Joey just mumbles, "You don't want to know", calls this visit a mistake, then blurts out that she's going to France this summer (yay!). She then declares to her father that his family no longer exists, and storms out. Papa Potter implores Dawson to stay behind and tell him all about Joey...and Dawson describes her as a hostile chore to be around, even on the best of days - I mean smart, beautiful, funny, honest, and stubborn. He refers to her as his best friend, then glowingly adds, "She's everything."
When Joey and Dawson return to Capeside, Joey asks Dawson what her dad said after she stormed out of the room, and Dawson reports that Papa Potter expressed his deep fatherly love for her and that he misses her. Joey snorts derisively and says she still has to deal with the legacies he left behind and won't forgive him, so Dawson urges her to deal with her feelings of anger and resentment and tell her dad that - but Joey changes the subject and says she's definitely going to France this summer (yay!). Dawson argues that running away isn't the answer - even though spending a summer semester in Paris can hardly be considered "running away" - and when she fishes for a declaration of love by asking him to give her one reason she should stay in Capeside and he just stares back at her mutely, she snippily says, "I thought so" and climbs into her canoe to row home.
Grams breaks the bad news to Jen that Gramps suffered a stroke and is in the ICU. As Jen is all, "Wha-a-a-a?", Grams explains that his heart is very weak, but that God has a plan for everything [that hopefully includes mercifully unplugging the poor man already]. Jen argues that Gramps' weak heart won't change God, and Grams argues that prayer changes people, not God.
Pacey stops by the Ice House just as Joey is closing up, and begs her to find something for him to eat so he doesn't have to go home and dine with his shitty family. He stares sadly into space and (rhetorically?) asks her when he became the town loser and an embarrassment to his family, then recounts how his lousy excuse for a father would berate him whenever his pee-wee baseball team would lose, then turn to St. Doug and say, "At least I have you." Joey clucks sympathetically and says he really should tell his father how hurtful his horrendous parenting has been, then decides right then and there that she needs to follow her own advice and asks Pacey if he can scrounge up a car and give her a lift to her father's prison.
Jen sits at Gramps' hospital bed, holds his hand, and tearfully asks what she can do to bring him back into her life - but since he's inert and intubated, he's unable to respond.
When the prison guard informs Joey and Pacey that visiting hours are long over, Pacey pulls the guard aside and offers him $20 to arrange a visit at the fence between Joey and her father, and the guard's like 'sure, why the hell not?'.
Jen climbs through Dawson's bedroom window to tell Dawson that Gramps is barely clinging to life, and that it feels as though she's losing everyone. She laments blowing it with him, then asks him if she can spend the night in his room the way Joey's always doing...and he stares bewilderedly into space for a few seconds before hesitantly agreeing. The two settle onto the bed, and Jen cuddles with him before bursting into tears.
Through the prison's chain-link fence, Joey tells her dad how badly he messed up - mostly 'cause he doesn't even know his own daughter. She says she thinks she turned out pretty good, with no help from him, then squeaks, "Do you love me?" ... and Papa Potter tearfully replies, "More than you'll ever know" and says he thinks about her every minute of every day. Joey cries about how she self-piteously spends every day of her life feeling like no one loves her, so he assures her that nothing could be further from the truth, then points out that it's pretty obvious that Dawson is in love with her. Joey perks up at that and says that she's totes in love with the dork too, and Papa Potter urges her to tell him. The two clutch hands through the fence, and Joey tearfully says, "I love you, dad", then ambles off in search of Pacey so that he can whisk her back to Capeside.
The next morning, Jen and Dawson wake up in his bed - just as Joey is rowing towards Casa Leery. Oh dear. Jen caresses Dawson's face, then leans in for a kiss at the exact moment Joey appears in Dawson's bedroom window and gets an eyeful of the smooch. As she's all, "Ack!" and flees the scene, Dawson leaps out of bed and races down the ladder so he can explain why Jen was in his bed...but Joey has already started rowing away.
Grams tells Jen there's no change with Gramps, then invites her along to church later. Jen retires to her bedroom, looks at Grams' and Gramps' wedding photos, then lays in bed hugging one of the framed photos.
Dawson, meanwhile, is running all over Capeside in search of Joey, but can't find her anywhere.
Someone from the hospital calls Jen to inform her that Gramps has finally expired, and Jen passes the sad news along to Grams.
Later, Jen enters a church and finds Grams sitting alone in a pew. She seats herself beside her, and Grams tells her that Gramps is in the Lord's hands now, and the two pray and sob together.
Dawson returns home and finds Joey hiding in his closet. He insists that there's nothing going on between him and Jen, and she tells him how tired she is of the [aggravating to watch] manner in which they relate to one another, says they're in the same place with each other as they were in the series premiere, and that they both need to grow the hell up. Amen to that last thing. She then explains that she decided to stop by when he wasn't home and camp out in his closet until he stumbled upon her hiding spot so that she could declare she's officially moving on from their friendship/one-sided romance and spending the summer in France (yay!). Dawson implores her to give him a chance to grow with her, but she wearily says, "I'm so tired of dancing around these big words" and asks him if he's really truly absolutely ready for the truth...but then proceeds to stare at him in mute hostility before shaking her head and muttering, "I'll see ya, Dawson." Dawson stops her from climbing out of his window by rushing across the room and planting her with a giant smooch, which Joey quickly gets into...and then the camera pans to the exterior of the house, where we see the silhouette of the two smooching through his bedroom window.
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Recap: Joey's over at Case Leery, where she and Dawson are watching a TV show about insect sex (yes really). Joey natters her way onto the topic of how human men are only attracted to supermodels...and Dawson admits that while there's some truth to that, girls also exhibit "pure animal instinct" when they choose a mate. Joey must agree with that theory, 'cause she reacts by staring back at him mutely.
The next day at the Ice House, Dawson, Pacey, Jen and Joey are discussing the upcoming Miss Windjammer beauty contest the local country club hosts every year. Joey expresses disdain about the misogyny that surrounds beauty contests in general, while Jen tells the gang that her mom entered her in a bunch of pageants when she was a kid. Dawson tries to tempt her to enter by telling her that the grand prize is $5,000 and a free trip to New York, but she's like, "Nope, still not interested" ... and after she and Joey wander off, Dawson tells Pacey he hasn't given up on the prospect of winning Jen back.
Joey complains to Jen that with less tourists dining at the Ice House, her tips are drying up...which means she's having a harder time saving up for college. Jen tells her that surely she's smart enough to earn a scholarship, then suggests that since they're no longer competing for Dawson's affection, maybe they can work towards being actual friends. Joey makes kind of an ew face, but then says she might be up for it if they're not obligated to talk about boys or do each other's hair.
Pacey tells Dawson that when his dad found out he was failing biology, he admonished him for being such a dumbass and wished he could be more like his brother, St. Doug. He adds that his dad is so uninterested in parenting him anymore he's been encouraging him to become an emancipated minor (ouch) ... so he's now looking for his own place, but can't afford even the cheapest hovel. He jokingly suggests that if he entered the Miss Windjammer beauty contest he'd get a crack at winning $5,000, then looks as though he just stumbled onto a brilliant idea and points out that it'd be gender discrimination if the pageant officials were to bar him from entering. Indeed it would, Pacey. Indeed it would.
While in the cafeteria line, Jen wanks Joey about how pretty she is and tells her that she should definitely enter the beauty contest - but Joey stares dejectedly at her lunch tray in her usual hang-dog fashion and argues that she's not pretty. Jen reminds her that if she wins the contest she'd be awarded $5,000, and Joey perks up at the prospect of a much needed cash windfall and decides 'ah, what the hell'.
Jen and Joey arrive at the country club to get Joey registered for the Miss Windjammer pageant...and Pacey is already at the front of the line, arguing to the pageant officials that the rule book doesn't specifically state that males can't enter. When Dawson ambles over, Jen tells him that she's acting as Joey's personal coach for the contest...and after he's done laughing out loud, an irked Joey translates his laughter to mean that he's amused an uggo such as herself would have the audacity to enter a contest that judges female beauty. Dawson hastily explains that he only chuckled 'cause he knows how she feels about beauty contests, and Joey sullenly says she could really use $5,000 and is annoyed that he finds this so hilarious.
During the beauty contest orientation, Capeside native and current it girl boarding school student Hannah von Wenning breezes in and gets a hero's welcome. When she learns that Pacey has entered himself as a contestant, she mocks his buffoonery and snootily wonders what on earth he'll perform for the talent portion of the contest.
That evening, Jen coaches Joey how to walk elegantly with a book atop her head, but Joey gets frustrated with the exercise and snappishly asks Jen why she's helping her out. Jen tells her she's never had many gal pals and has a hunch that Joey's perpetually cunty 'tude routinely drives prospective girl friends away so she figured 'why not give friendship a shot?'
Pacey seeks feedback on his vocal talent by singing Frank Sinatra's famous New York, New York song in front of Mitch and Dawson...and Mitch responds by asking him what other talents he has. LOL. Dawson tells Pacey that if he were to win the contest, it'd surely attract a media blitz...and Mitch concurs and says that by challenging the traditions of a local beauty contest, he's unwittingly become a political activist.
Joey asks Jen whassup with her and Dawson, and Jen shrugs and says they're still figuring things out. Jen then asks Joey whassup with her and Dawson...and when Joey says that Dawson will only ever see her as a friend, Jen breezily reminds her that there's plenty of fish in the sea. Amen to that.
Dawson tells Pacey he's never thought about Joey in a romantic sense, and Pacey says it's annoying he doesn't want to date her, but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to date her. It's also annoying that neither of them ever considers extending their dating pool beyond this circle of four.
A grumpy looking Joey arrives at the country club and is not pleased to see that Dawson is filming pre-interviews of the beauty contestants to prepare them for the all-important interview portion of the contest.
Hannah von Wenning laughs at Pacey as he practices his magic tricks for the talent show, specifically how deluded he is to think that he could actually win the contest. Pacey says he may not win - but would be more than satisfied if he even took one of the judge's votes away from her.
Joey gives snide answers to Dawson's pre-interview questions, including that she has no role model, and hopes to leave Capeside at the first available opportunity so she can have fun adventures. When Dawson stares back at her sadly, she haughtily tells him that everything changes eventually and that it's not unusual for people to want to experience life beyond their shitty little hometowns.
Pageant time! Jen is helping Joey with her makeup and advises her to use the vaseline on the teeth trick so her lips won't get stuck on them while keeping a smile pasted on her face all evening. Pacey, meanwhile, is getting dressed in the broom closet...and when Dawson pops in to see how he's doing, he asks Dawson if he's an idiot for entering a beauty contest. Dawson reminds him that he never cared about public opinion before, then says he definitely has courage to intentionally do something that could so easily end in public humiliation.
The contestants are introduced by name, and each makes their grand entrance on the stage in their evening wear. Joey is decked out in a black gown and has her hair swept up in an elegant bun...and as Dawson films the event and sees Joey through the camera lens, he does a dramatic double-take and openly ogles her while Jen looks on from a few feet away in jealous dismay.
The pageant progresses with the talent and interview segments, and Pacey does a good job of wittily answering his question and gets a standing ovation. Buoyed with confidence, he ambles over to Shaggy D.A., who's one of the judges, and she tells him that his charm is the only thing keeping her from nodding off during this wretched pageant - but also makes it clear that there's no way in hell these uppity judges are ever going to vote for a guy to become the next Miss Windjammer.
A nervous Joey takes the stage to sing On My Own, which she does looking as sad and doe-eyed as possible while sneaking wistful glances at Dawson.
Dawson returns to the broom closet to inform Pacey that it's his turn to perform his talent. A bummed looking Pacey asks him if he thinks there's even a slim chance he could be crowned Miss (Mr.? ) Windjammer, and Dawson's like, "Uh, no..?", then chuckles and goes, "I mean...come on." Pacey says he's soooo angry at being written off as a serious contender for what's been up until now a teenage girls' beauty pageant and decides that instead of performing a magic show, he's going to go down in a blaze of glory.
Pacey performs a boorish Braveheart-inspired monologue, making it clear how pissed off he is at the judges for not giving his quest to become the next Miss Windjammer the seriousness he feels it deserves. After he wraps it up, he gets ample applause from an audience that's part entertained but mostly bewildered.
Joey overhears Hannah telling another girl about what a total charity case she (Joey) is...and Dawson enters the room at that moment and eavesdrops on what she just eavesdropped on. As an embarrassed Joey starts to flee, Dawson stops her and points out that Hannah is being so bitchy 'cause she's clearly terrified that she (Joey) could actually win this contest, then says he's sooooo proud of her guts and talent.
The interviewer asks Joey what her words of advice to today's youth would be, so she warns the kids today about coming across small minds who think that looks and popularity are more important than character and integrity...and glares over at a sheepish looking Hannah as she's talking. She closes with, "Don't ever sell out. Don't judge people by their station in life" and gets a round of enthusiastic applause.
And the winner is...
Some random girl I don't recall seeing earlier, while Joey is declared first runner-up (and wins a free day of beauty at Betty's Hair Barn), and Hannah is voted second runner-up and gets an even shittier prize.
Shaggy D.A. tells Joey she voted for her 'cause she did such a marvellous job singing and calling out the superficial haters, then wanders off so that Dawson can gush about the way she burst out of her shell and looked so smokin' hot in her black evening gown. He tells her he feels like he's seeing her for the first time, and she [reacts in the opposite way a teenage girl who understands that males are visual creatures might react and] gets teary-eyed while muttering, "Something just isn't right about this" and says she feels stupid about dressing up in fancy clothes and wearing makeup. She says she'd rather he see her as the person she's always been, 'cause tomorrow she's going to go right back to being dungarees Joey again. Dawson mulls that over and says he'd like to probe the issue by engaging in a deep discussion on her non (?)-metamorphosis - but she sadly points out that he's had a lifetime to process his feelings for her, then dejectedly shuffles off.
Pacey finds Hannah moping outside by the dock and tells her he totally gets how she feels, given how much experience he has being a loser. Hannah self-piteously says that all of her siblings are super-achievers, while she can't even win a small-town beauty pageant...then applauds Pacey for having the balls to enter a girls' beauty contest. He tells her she's lucky to get to go to boarding school and be so far away from Capeside, and she wryly says she feels completely neglected by her family, and chuckles about how her pet dog spends more time with her parents than she does.
Jen wanders over to the Leery house and acknowledges to Dawson that she didn't give their relationship much of a chance and/or give him a plausible reason for their breakup. She asks him if it'd be too late for them to try again - but he says that now really isn't the best time 'cause he has to figure some [Joey-related] stuff out. A deflated Jen says, "You know where I am" and lumbers home.
Joey stares at herself in the mirror as she brushes her hair, then gives herself a smug grin...while Dawson stares contemplatively into space before he too breaks into a smile.
Recap: Joey complains to Dawson that the horror movie they're watching sucks, and then the two engage in a non-sexually playful wrestling match to see who can gain control of the remote before Joey is able to grab it and shut off the TV. She tells Dawson that his fascination with the dark side is getting tiresome, and that horror movies are unnecessarily violent and exploitive to women. A few seconds later, she turns on the news so the two can catch the news brief about a serial killer (the press has nicknamed The Lady Killer) who has struck again in Boston. Joey cites this as proof that the world is demented enough without stupid horror movies, and Dawson calls her a "scaredy cat wuss", then slips off the bed while she's not looking and freaks her out when he slides out from under the bed wearing a Jason-esque Friday the 13th mask.
At school the next morning, Pacey asks Dawson what his Friday the 13th plans are, and Dawson just kind of shrugs and says he's done trying to turn his mundane life into an exciting movie, not least 'cause everything always ends up in disappointment, e.g. his flaccid romance with Jen. Pacey tells him he's missing an opportunity to do something suitably goulish on Friday the 13th when there's an actual serial killer on the loose...and a few seconds later, he opens his locker and gasps in horror when a fake skeleton pops out, and Dawson chuckles in satisfaction at his own juvenile-ness.
Scott Foley invites Jen out that evening, but she she makes an ew face and says she's not so much into "the dating thing" anymore. Scott Foley says it's probably 'cause she was dating Dawson - aka a guy who's not fun - but Jen insists that, on the contrary, he's a very fun and imaginative fellow. She changes her mind and tells Scott Foley she'll go out with him after all, and he stares contemplatively into space for a few seconds before giving her a quick goodbye and rushing off.
During lunch, Pacey warns Joey and Jen that The Lady Killer stalks young women about their age by writing them letters and calling them...before eventually slaying them by cutting their hearts out. As Jen twitches at the visual of that kind of grotesque violence, Dawson joins the table and announces that he's decided to host a seance at his house tonight. Jen says she can't make it 'cause she has plans with Scott Foley, then says she's more than a little miffed that he (Dawson) doesn't taunt her with the kind of inane pranks he's always inflicting on Pacey and Joey.
After film class, Scott Foley asks Dawson for advice on where to take Jen to give her an incredible evening out. Dawson gives him a seriously? look, mumbles something about how Jen just generally likes to have fun wherever she goes, and promises to get back to him after giving his cheeky request some more thought.
Jen finds a note in her locker that reads You are going to die tonight - just as Scott Foley appears from out of nowhere, I'm sure purely by coincidence. She shows him the note and says she suspects Dawson's trickery, and Scott Foley's like, "Uh, OK" and tells her that their date tonight is going to be a fabulous surprise.
Later that afternoon, Jen gets a crank call from a guy she assumes is Dawson - until he convincingly retorts, "Who's Dawson?" Jen somehow refrains from simply hanging up the phone and going about her day, and instead continues bantering with the creep while frantically running from room to room, including the one still occupied by Gramps' lifeless form. I keep forgetting that no one's pulled the plug on him yet. The caller ominously warns, "Don't look under the bed" - LOL - which prompts Jen to cry, "This no longer funny, Dawson!" then gets thoroughly freaked out when she hears someone at the back door, fiddling with the door knob. When she races downstairs and shrieks, "Who's therrrrrrrrrre?!" Grams enters the house carrying a bag of groceries and explains that she couldn't find her key for the front door. The crank caller says, "Soon, Jennifer. Soon" before hanging up.
Dawson is decorating the house with scary ghouls when Joey and Pacey arrive, and then the three pile into Pacey's car to head downtown to buy snacks for the seance. When they arrive at the convenience store, Pacey tells Joey that for some reason he doesn't actually have a key for the car he's driving, so he's going to need her to wait inside the car so he can keep it running while he and Dawson get the snacks. Inside the store, Pacey and Dawson encounter a lunatic couple screaming at each other...and eventually the man storms off. The woman, whose name we soon learn is Ursula, looks over at Dawson and Pacey as they gawk in her direction and asks them if they're having a party. When they mindlessly nod, she offers to score them a bottle of wine...and by score, she means shoplift by slipping a bottle into her large purse without getting caught by the store clerk who's standing just a couple of feet away and well within earshot.
A middle-aged, bespectacled man wanders over to Pacey's car and motions at Joey to roll down her window, and she figures 'a serial killer is on the loose in the area, so why the hell not?' When she opens it halfway, he introduces himself as David and says he got lost on his way to Providence. She's like, "Wow, you really are lost" and gives him directions to the nearest highway...and he stares at her creepily and gushes about her "intense eyes". Dawson exits the convenience store at that moment and walks over, glares suspiciously at David, and asks whassup...and David looks visibly irked by the unwelcome interruption and thanks Joey for her help. After he ambles off, Dawson admonishes Joey for talking to the strange man and points out that he could have been The Lady Killer, but Joey chides him for being overly paranoid. Ursula, meanwhile, hands Pacey the bottle of wine she just stole - just as her insane boyfriend (Eddie) appears and orders her into his car. She bellows her refusal, and the two get into another screechfest before Ursula races over to Pacey's car and climbs in so the four can squeal off.
Scott Foley arrives at Grams' to pick up Jen for their night out, and Grams looks impressed by the clean cut youngster to the point of being positively giddy as she asks him to please have her granddaughter home by midnight. Jen asks Scott Foley where they're going, and he tells her they'll be attending a seance at her ex-boyfriend's house, and she's like, "Oh joy", 'cause, yep, that sounds like every girl's dream date.
Jen sarcastically thanks Dawson for the scary note he put in her locker and the earlier psychotic phone call, and he stares back at her blankly and says he has no earthly idea what she's talking 'bout.
Ursula opens the Leery fridge, finds a fake dead head that Dawson put in there to scare his seance guests, and starts laughing like a deranged hyena.
Scott Foley thanks Dawson for inviting him to his seance and says he's pretty sure that Jen is warming up to him (er not).
Seance time! Pacey and Ursula get the ball rolling by summoning spirits, and Pacey says he wants to try contacting The Lady Killer's victims...which leads to a general discussion about how the killer sent his victims notes and called them on the phone. Ursula says she has a scary story she'd like to share, then proceeds to regale them with the tale of a dimwitted teenager who flirts with an older woman in a local convenience store who just had a fight with her violent boyfriend, takes her to a friend's house, all the while having no idea how deranged she is after years of horrific abuse. She cackles that the woman carries a knife in her purse and enjoys slitting people's throats for her personal enjoyment...and as the Capeside teens stare at her in bewildered horror, the entire house suddenly goes dark. Eeeeeek!
Dawson declares the timing of the blackout suspicious, while Jen tries to call the utility company but finds that the phone line is predictably dead. Pacey wonders aloud if perhaps The Lady Killer could be lurking nearby in search of new victims...but then as he and Joey check the doors to make sure they're all locked, he tells her that the blackout is mostly likely Dawson being up to his usual tricks.
Jen is tiptoeing around the dark house when Scott Foley appears from out of nowhere. Jen tells him that while she's thoroughly freaked out, she's pretty sure that they're being set up. A few seconds later, the two look inside a closet, which has a blood soaked looking note that reads You're going to die tonight. Scott Foley says he's starting to wonder if maybe there is a psychopath on the loose who's looking to kill one or [better yet] all of them.
Dawson is fiddling with the fusebox, which he discovers was somehow jammed beyond his own jamming of it to make the house go dark during a pivotal moment of the seance. He glances over at Ursula as she rummages through her purse...and when she sees the look of unease on his face, she assures him that she doesn't actually stab people to death, and just told him and friends the grisly tale 'cause she's an aspiring actress and I guess was pretending she was auditioning for a part in a teen horror flick. She goes on to explain that her boyfriend Eddie is a violent maniac who served prison time for assault, but has no real desire to break up, him being her monster and all...and as she's telling him this, we see that someone - hi Eddie! - is hiding in the bushes and spying on them from outside the house. Dawson and Ursula head back inside to look for Joey, and when he opens the hall closet, she falls out looking dead and bloodied while Jen is holding a knife in the air. Eeeeeek!
After the commercial break and a shrill cry of terror by Dawson, Jen and Joey burst out laughing and yell, "Gotcha!" Dawson poutishly points out that his scary pranks don't entail anything more sinister than rubber snakes, so Jen explains that Joey's fake dead body was her way of getting revenge for the You're going to die notes and freaky phone call he made to her earlier. Dawson insists again that none of that was his doing, and she's all, "Wuh?" and asks him why he never plays pranks on her the way he does with his other [real] friends. Dawson shrugs and says it probably has everything to do with the fact that she dumped him like yesterday's news...then caresses her face and says he doesn't like how things are so strained between them right now. The two inch closer and almost kiss, but then stop and agree to just be platonic friends from now on.
As Pacey and Ursula chitchat on the front porch, a demented looking Eddie suddenly appears at the door and threatens to break in and kill them. They're all, "Ack!" and race inside, locking the door behind them. Ursula yells at Eddie that her new man will protect her - LOL - then announces that she's calling the police. When Eddie disappears from the front of the house, the Capeside teens soon realize that Eddie has climbed the ladder that leads to Dawson's bedroom window - a direct consequence of the Leerys' failure to tell Joey to just use the damn door whenever she comes and goes to visit Dawson at all hours of the night.
Eddie promptly attacks Pacey and rails at him for stealing his woman, and Joey comes to the rescue by hitting Eddie on the back of the head with a frying pan. Ursula's all, "Nooooo!" and rushes to Eddie's side and asks him if he's OK...and when he assures her that his thick skull is A-OK, the two coo about how much they looooove each other. She tells him, "These kids are weird", apologizes to Dawson for the damage to the house, and leaves with him.
As Scott Foley walks Jen home, she tells him there's nothing she likes less than being terrorized for an entire day, and he scrunches his face in puzzlement and says that Dawson told him the exact opposite, then admits to being the one who left her the You're going to die notes and made the creepy phone call. He says he gets the strong feeling she's still hung up on Dawson, and she sidesteps responding to that by telling him she's not in the market for a boyfriend right now...but if she were, she wouldn't want to date a weirdo who somehow thinks it's amusing to pretend to be a murdering psycho.
Grams appears at the front door and nods approvingly as Scott Foley leans towards Jen for a goodnight kiss, and Jen chuckles and tells Scott Foley that Grams clearly has the hots for him. She gives him a quick peck and goes inside, and Grams declares that she finds Scott Foley to be "good stock". I agree, but more so in his breakout Felicity role. Godspeed, Scott Foley!
Joey smugly reminds Dawson that she genuinely scared him when she pretended to be murdered, then lowers her eyes bashfully as she says she hopes that he'd be at least a little bit sad if she died. Dawson stares back at her with a look of dazed wonderment and assures her that he'd be utterly, positively, absolutely inconsolable if she died, and that it's the worst possible thing he could ever imagine happening. He then fishes for what her reaction to his death would be, and she says she'd definitely shed a few tears if he ever turned up dead. Satisfied with that answer, he asks her if she's sleeping over tonight, and she says she definitely is 'cause she's way too spooked to row home. He promises "no more tricks" - just as Joey pulls the blanket back and reveals a small colony of fake spiders scattered underneath. After the two chuckle at his relentless pranking, Dawson turns on the news so they can catch the latest news brief about The Lady Killer, who was just arrested in Capeside. The two stare silently at the TV screen, stunned to learn that the killer is the same guy who was talking to Joey when she was waiting in Pacey's car outside the convenience store, but failed in his somewhat half-hearted effort to make her his next victim.
Recap: At Casa Leery, Dawson is railing to Joey about how Jen hasn't called him since the breakup. He somehow finds it odd that Jen wouldn't want to get together and go to the movies with him, and says he's disappointed that she wouldn't hold herself to the standard of remaining friends with the guy she unceremoniously dumped just two episodes ago. As he flops atop his bed and stares moodily into space, Joey urges him to face the reality that it's over with Jen, and to brace himself for the strong possibility that she's going to start hooking up with other guys.
Shaggy D.A. gets a work-related call from her ex-lover, and when Mitch learns that she was talking to Bob just now, he becomes enraged that the cheeky home-wrecker would dare call his house.
At Capeside High, Dawson runs into Jen, who asks him if he's up for the two of them being friends, and Dawson responds by staring back at her mutely.
In marine biology class, Dawson describes the interaction to Pacey, who points out that it's probably not possible for him to remain friends with Jen - but advises him to pretend that he's A-OK with the breakup for the sake of his dignity. A few seconds later, a reasonably cute girl named Mary Beth wanders over to inform Dawson that they're getting their midterms back today, and Dawson mumbles, "Oh joy." The teacher (Dr. Rand) enters the classroom soon after and announces that 1) he's about to hand back everyone's midterm, and that 2) he wants to see Pacey after class to discuss whaddup with his poopy performance on the midterm.
After class, Dr. Rand informs Pacey that he got an F on the midterm - but suspects he's a bright guy who's just not applying himself. He proposes that Pacey complete an extra credit project with another classmate so he doesn't fail the class, and Pacey seems grateful for the opportunity - until he learns that, by scripted coincidence, the classmate is Joey.
Dawson tells Jen he's now ready to answer her earlier question, then says he'd love nothing more than to be just friends with her. He asks her what she has planned this weekend, so she tells him that on Saturday she has a date to go to the carnival with Scott Foley. Dawson's like, "What a coincidence! I have a date to go to the carnival [with a to be determined female] on Saturday too!" He suggests they all meet up at the carnival and consider it a double date, and Jen mulls over the weirdness of that proposition, but then decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?'
In the cafeteria, Dawson tells Pacey he fibbed to Jen about having a date for the carnival on Saturday...and Pacey nods approvingly and says that at this stage of their post-breakup relationship, it's important that Jen see him "in action" with other girls. When Dawson points out that he doesn't actually have a date for the carnival, Pacey breezily says there are lots of girls who'd probably be willing to throw all good taste to the wind and be seen in public with him. When Dawson spots Mary Beth eating alone at a table, he quickly makes a beeline over to invite her to be his plus one at the carnival this weekend. She asks him if he's really ready to date so soon after getting the heave-ho by Jen, and Dawson assures her that he's positively absolutely, undeniably ready to start dating again. Mary Beth just kind of shrugs in a 'yeah sure, what the hell else do I have going on this Saturday?' kind of way. LOL.
Over in the science lab, Pacey looks bored by the extra credit project he's been assigned to work on with Joey and asks her what exactly they're supposed to be doing with the snails. Joey explains that their task is to determine which factors or conditions make it most conducive for the snails to reproduce, so Pacey jokingly suggests giving them a few drinks and dimming the lights. Joey chides him for not taking the project seriously and warns that if he doesn't straighten up, he could wind up in summer school with the rest of the Capeside High morons.
Mitch asks Dawson if anyone has called that he should know about...and by anyone he should know about, he really just means Bob. Dawson assures him that, as far as he knows, the man who's responsible for his cuckolding hasn't been calling the house.
When Joey returns to the science lab the next morning, she blows a gasket when she learns that the snails Pacey was supposed to be monitoring have inexplicably died. Pacey explains that since nothing amorous was happening between the two, he figured 'why not try to spark a ménage à trois by adding in the pretty little snail in the aquarium by the window?' ... then replays in his head what just spilled out of his mouth and admits that his thought process sounds a whole lot stupider when it's said aloud. Joey lets out a long growl and informs the dolt that 'the pretty snail in the aquarium by the window' is a carnivorous snail who must have eaten the two snails they were tasked with observing. Pacey's like, "Uh oooh.." and promises to somehow fix this debacle.
Later, at Casa Potter, Joey chides Dawson for using Mary Beth to make Jen jealous...and Dawson admits that, yep, that's exactly what he's doing - but that he still isn't willing to cancel the date. He says that Pacey suggested it would be a good idea to get back in the dating game in full view of Jen, and Joey just rolls her eyes and asks him why he'd take advice from someone who just tried to broker a snail three-way...then implores him to not make it a habit of being a cold-hearted jerk 'cause she considers him "one of the good ones". A few seconds later, Pacey arrives to take Joey on a hunt for replacement snails.
Dawson meets up with Mary Beth at the carnival - just as Jen and Scott Foley wander over to say hey. Mary Beth scrunches her face confusedly at the foursome she's suddenly a part of and asks Dawson if they could speak privately. She tells him what a truly horrible idea she thinks it is for him to be going on a double date with the ex-girlfriend he's so obviously still hung up on, not least 'cause he didn't even have the courtesy to let her know what was going on.
While canoeing in the creek, Pacey asks Joey what she got on her midterm, but she's like, "None of your damn business" and says they need to focus on the task of finding replacement snails.
Dawson tells Mary Beth that he only agreed to the double date in order to take the pressure off of Jen, 'cause it's her first date with Scott Foley. Mary Beth chews on that fib for a few seconds and decides it's actually a pretty sweet thing for him to be doing.
As Joey and Pacey begin their snail hunt, Joey is aghast when she notices their canoe floating downstream and snappishly tells Pacey he obviously forgot to tie it to the dock.
Dawson and Scott Foley compete in a baseball/milk bottle throwing game...and when Scott Foley wins a stuffed animal for Jen, a miffed Dawson insists on another round. Mary Beth rolls her eyes in annoyance while muttering, "Classic pissing contest." Dawson eventually wins the second round and hands the stuffed animal prize to Mary Beth - after looking as though he would have preferred to give it to Jen - then tells Mary Beth, "We need to talk."
Pacey and Joey wade into the creek in an unsuccessful attempt to get the canoe back, then reemerge on shore soaking wet. They head back to Pacey's truck, where Pacey hands Joey a blanket and says, "Here change into this." Joey's like, "No way I'm getting undressed in front of you" - but Pacey points out that she could be risking pneumonia. He unashamedly rips off his clothes, then wraps a blanket around himself before getting into the driver's seat and covertly sneaking a peek at Joey while she undresses. When she climbs into the passenger seat, Pacey grins stupidly and tells her that when she doesn't act like a total bitch she's not entirely unbearable to be around.
Dawson ambles over to the carnival parking lot and finds a sheepish looking Mary Beth sitting on the back of car...and when she tells Dawson she's embarrassed by her pissing contest remark, he says he's the one who should be embarrassed. He admits that she was right about him not being over Jen, and that his motive in asking her out was purely to make Jen jealous. Mary Beth tries to keep a straight face while clarifying that she likes him - but doesn't like like him on account of he's such a neurotic freak-dork. A perplexed Dawson asks her why she got so upset then, so she confesses that she totally digs Scott Foley - but knows that she has zero chance with him 'cause he's soooo into Jen. She then perks up, motions in the direction of the carnival, and says, "Maybe we can still help each other out."
Mary Beth invites Scott Foley to ride the Ferris wheel with her, and he's all, "Say wuh?" while Jen scrunches her face confusedly.
Over at Casa Potter, Pacey asks Joey again what she got on her marine biology midterm. He assumes that she's embarrassed by her low grade, so he tells her he got 32% - yikes - so Joey reveals that she scored 98% ... then explains that she invests so much time studying 'cause she's desperate to earn a college scholarship and get the hell out of Capeside. Pacey assures her that she'll definitely escape Capeside, and that she's destined to go on to bigger and better things...whereas he, on the hand, is such a dead end loser that he'll most likely be stuck pumping gas for a living.
Dawson and Jen get stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel, while Mary Beth attempts to engage in chitchat with Scott Foley, but just gets a non-response. An irked looking Jen tells Dawson that, upon further reflection, she doesn't think they can really be friends after all. Dawson demands to know why she broke up with him...then answers his own question when he says it really just seems like she got tired of him and swiftly cut him loose so she could go out with more appealing, chill guys like Scott Foley.
That evening, Dawson is sitting on a bench, looking sad, when Pacey and Joey arrive at the carnival. Pacey pulls Dawson aside and says he needs his permission for something, then explains that the something is acting on his sudden attraction to Joey. Dawson chuckles in disbelief, but Pacey insists he's serious, and that he doesn't want to step on any toes, given the "long tortured subtext" that he and Joey have had going for years. Dawson assures him he doesn't give a rat's ass if he pursues Joey and gives him his blessing, but then stares morosely into space as Pacey happily scampers off.
After Pacey drives Joey home, he leans in and gives her a smooch - but she shoves him away and is all, "What the hell?" LOL...ouch. He explains that he had such a nice time with her today and figured she'd be up for some lip-on-lip action, but she's like 'uh, gross' and says she definitely does not feel the same way about him. He glumly asks her if she would have been thinking about someone else had she decided to kiss him back, and she's like, "Well duh."
Dawson heads over to the video rental store to inform Pacey that he's rescinding his blessing regarding him pursuing Joey. Pacey grins and smugly retorts, "You're a little late" and says that Joey was so turned on by his kiss that she kissed him back, offered to cook dinner for him tomorrow night, and agreed to accompany him to a romantic bed & breakfast this weekend. Dawson's like, "You're full of shit" and Pacey admits that, indeed, he is full of shit...then tells Dawson that one day soon he's going to have to ask himself, "Is it Jen or Joey? Do I prefer the blonde or the brunette?" As Dawson stares contemplatively into space, Pacey barks, "Decide already!" ... while not clarifying that "preferring" Jen would be pointless, given that she dumped him like yesterday's news.
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Recap: Dawson is in his room, continuing to mope two full days after getting the dumperoo from Jen. Joey tells him to get over it already, eat a meal, and stop spying on Jen through the window. Dawson moans about how depressssssssed he is 'cause of Jen rejecting him and all he stands for - LOL - and Joey points out that since he's only known Jen for three months, he really should be able to suck it up a lot better and get on with his mundane life. She turns on the TV to distract him, but winces when she sees what's on the TV: that awkward footage of Jen lumbering toward Dawson during the pilot.
Billy climbs into Jen's window and is stretched out on her bed when Grams enters the room and asks him who he is and what in the heck he thinks he's doing. Jen appears a few seconds later and is all, "Ack!" at the sight of Billy...and after Grams makes a huffy exit, he tells Jen that when he heard she dumped Dawson like yesterday's news, he figured she'd want a quick replacement and/or roll in the hay. Jen haughtily tells him she doesn't have a vacancy and that the only reason she hooked up with him in New York was 'cause she was weak and vulnerable. Billy looks stung by the words and grumbles, "You used to be fun" before climbing back out of the window.
Billy is sitting on the hood of his convertible when Dawson just happens to wander over. Billy tells Dawson he'd go insane if he had to live next door to Jen after getting dumped, then wryly says that the two of them now have something in common. He points out that there's plenty of fish in the sea and invites Dawson to accompany him on a road trip, aka to a bar in Providence that's always teeming with hot college gals. Dawson mulls that over, decides that some out-of-town clubbing is exactly what he needs this episode, and is more than happy to spend the day away from Capeside and leave Jen wondering where he is, assuming she could give a rat's ass.
Joey is walking to school when a jock named Warren Goering pulls up beside her in his jeep and offers to give her a ride. When she declines, he explains that he needs to earn his merit badge for some type of community service he's pretending to carry out, so she climbs into the passenger seat and starts prattling about something or other in her usual prattley manner. Warren remarks on her motor mouth and asks her if she and her boyfriend Dawson spend a lot of time talking, and Joey informs him that she and Dawson aren't dating. Warren's like, "Well duh, it's obvious that you're a virgin", and she admits she is, but haughtily clarifies that it's by choice.
When Pacey hears about the road trip, he tells Dawson he wants in...and a few minutes later, Billy announces to Jen and Joey that he's taking Pacey and Dawson to a place where "the women are friendly and take cash", which Joey translates to mean that the three are headed to a bordello. After the boys leave, Jen asks Joey if she slept with Warren Goering...and when Joey gives her a WTF? look and indignantly replies, "Of course not!", Jen informs her that Warren is telling everyone that she did.
Joey finds Warren in the cafeteria, pulls him aside, and sarcastically tells him that their sex wasn't very memorable, given that she doesn't remember having it. Warren urges her to go along with the sex rumor and says it can be a win-win for both of their reputations, and points out that since he's a popular jock, she should be flattered that he wants everyone to think they had sex. Joey scrunches her face with disgust and calls him a bastard, so Warren retorts, "I never said I'd be your boyfriend" in a deliberately loud voice so that everyone in the cafeteria can hear him and titter about the contrived spectacle. Joey shoots him the stink-eye and stomps out...and is followed by Jen, who assures Joey she could never believe she'd doink a creep like Warren. She then suggests they join forces to give Warren some much deserved payback, and Joey mulls it over and decides she likes the sound of that idea.
Aboard a ferry, Billy watches as two yokels harass the other passengers. He remarks to Dawson and Pacey how much he'd love to slash their truck tires - but Dawson tells him he has a much better, American Graffiti inspired idea.
Abby Morgan finds Joey in the photocopy room and fishes for details about her recent doinkfest with Warren. Joey fake cries as she moans, "He swore he wouldn't tell...he said he loved me." Abby stares back at her in shock as Joey adds that they didn't use protection and that Warren cried the first time they made love. She then tells Abby she's pregnant, and that Warren reacted by telling his friends that his bun being in her oven is her problem, and an outraged Abby cries, "That sorry puke!"
Dawson surreptitiously attaches a chain to the harassers' truck so that it's tethered to the ferry...and when the ferry pulls in, Pacey moons the harassers. They're all, "We're gonna git you for showing us your bare ass!" ... and the driver hits the gas, but realizes too late that the trunk is chained to the ferry, and damages the truck's rear axle. Dawson woots triumphantly as Billy squeals off...and in the next scene, the three are hanging in the Providence bar, shooting pool and scoping out college ladies.
When Mrs. Tringle gets wind of Joey's fake pregnancy, she lectures her about how girls pay a high price for mistakes and how difficult child rearing is, then suggests she enrol in the kind of mommy and me class where the girls are forced to carry around a doll baby all day so they can begin to grasp the commitment that is motherhood.
Warren finds a banner pasted on his locker that reads Anyone can make a baby! It takes a real man be a father! and tears it off, then looks irked when he finds baby paraphernalia inside his locker.
Billy gives Dawson some useful tips on how to approach strange women in a bar, and Dawson glances around and selects a woman with brown fuzzy hair wearing a Film Threat t-shirt: a young Melissa McBride from The Walking Dead! He wanders over, then introduces himself and prattles whatever over-engineered dialogue the writers weighed down the script with this episode...and after an initial rebuff, Melissa McBride's all 'ah fuck it' and decides she's up for some rube-on-woman flirtation after all.
Joey drops by Jen's house to tell her she wants to call off the Warren got me pregnant scheme, 'cause now teachers are starting to believe she's with child. Jen urges her to stick with it and reminds her how disrespectfully Warren treated her, then mutters that it's something she's all too familiar with. Joey prickles at that last thing and snarls at her for wanting to exact revenge on Warren after dumping the first decent guy she's ever dated. Jen accuses her of being scared that there's no longer any excuse for newly single Dawson to not want to date her...and Joey glares at her before storming out.
Melissa McBride tells Dawson she's in film school, and the two are chatting about their favorite movie directors when Billy interrupts the conversation to compliment Melissa McBride on her hotness. After a derisive eye roll, she asks Dawson if he wants to split, and the two promptly exit the bar. As they walk to her car, Dawson gets visibly nervous and admits to getting dumped and that he's not yet ready to lose his cherry with a virtual stranger. Melissa McBride nods approvingly, says he may have just restored her faith in the male sex, and gives him a chaste cheek kiss before climbing into her car and driving off.
Abby tells Jen that Warren was summoned to the nurse's office for a lecture on birth control...and adds that she's skeptical about Joey's pregnancy claim, given that she just talked to a friend who once dated Warren and was only too happy to dish about his flaccid penis issues. Jen's like, "Oh dear!" and makes a beeline over to Joey to share the amusing gossip.
Dawson returns to the bar and admits to Pacey and Billy that he weaselled out of hitting the sheets with Melissa McBride. Billy chides him for not going for it, then says it totally explains how he blew it with Jen. Dawson gets angry and is all, "You only wanted me to get laid so you could run and tell Jen!" and decrees that it'd be in Jen's best interest if he left town. Billy laughs and says he sounded exactly like Jen's dad just now, then sarcastically wishes him and Pacey a fun trip home without the convenience of his convertible, and storms out of the bar.
Joey stakes out Warren at his locker...and when he spots her lurking behind him, he smarmily tells her that one way to deal with a lie is to make it a truth. She laughingly declines and says she heard that knocking boots with him is "quite the anti-climax" ... and when he scrunches his face confusedly, she says she heard the bad reviews his flaccid penis has gotten, and that if he doesn't immediately retract the gossip he was spreading about them having sex, she'll blab about his erectile dysfunction to anyone who's interested. A chastened Warren explains that he gave her a ride to school this morning 'cause he thought it'd be nice to spend time talking to her [boy is as mad as a hatter], then asks her out for a proper Saturday night date - but she's all, "Fuuuuck no" and stomps off.
Dawson and Pacey are waiting at a bus stop...and when Pacey asks whaddup with the lipstick imprint on his cheek, Dawson blushingly explains that Melissa McBride gave him a PG kiss after walking her to her car and telling her that he was in no way ready for her to break his precious cherry.
Joey stops by Jen's house with a pint of ice cream to thank her for the Warren flaccid penis intel, and to inform her that Warren is now retracting the gossip about the two of them sexing. Jen asks her if they can somehow manage to keep Dawson from coming between their friendship, and Joey shrugs and says, "Sure. He's only in love with one of us." Jen concurs, but then says that she's merely "the object of his infatuation", and the two quietly ponder if Dawson could actually be boning someone as they speak.
Dawson arrives home and finds Joey waiting for him in his bedroom. She tells him she got fake knocked up today, then asks him if he enjoyed "some good clean fun" ... and he's like, "Mmm, not exactly" and says he'll have to tell her all about it later 'cause right now he's way too exhausted to get into it. He happily mumbles that nothing that happened on the road trip reminded him of Jen, then drifts off as Joey sits on a chair near his bedside and stares at him wistfully.
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Recap: Dawson is watching TV in his room when Joey climbs in through the window and complains that she can't get any sleep at her house 'cause of her mewling nephew. Dawson suggests she crash in his room, and she takes him up on his offer and falls asleep while he prattles about Gary Cooper.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch are having awkward but civil chit-chat in the kitchen when Dawson comes downstairs, senses the tension, and tells his parents he's running late and has no time for breakfast.
Downtown, Pacey is railing to some wrinkly old guy parked on a bench about the daily boredom that is Capeside...and a few seconds later, he's nearly run over by a teenager driving a red convertible. He admonishes the reckless driver, who asks Pacey if he can give him directions to the local high school. Pacey points down the street and says he's actually headed there and would appreciate a lift, but the guy smirkingly says he's probably too reckless of a driver to be taking any passengers, then squeals off.
Joey snarks at Bodie to hurry up in the bathroom so she can wash up for school, then bitches to Bessie about how her spawn's constant crying is keeping her up at night and causing her grades to suffer.
Jen arrives at school, kisses Dawson hello, and spots the red convertible guy enter through the front doors. She's all, "Ack!", tells Dawson she'll catch up with him later, then ambles over to the guy (whose name we soon learn is Billy) and asks him what the hell he's doing in Capeside. As Dawson eavesdrops from around the corner, Billy leans in to kiss her and says he drove all night to see her...and when Jen points out that New York is only four hours away, he jokingly (or not?) says that he got lost on the way. Jen reminds Billy that her parents exiled her to Capeside mostly to get her away from him, but then agrees to go for a quick car ride with him so they can get caught up on their lives.
A dismayed looking Dawson runs into Scott Foley, who says he's having a beach barbecue on Saturday and wants to invite Jen...then tells Dawson he's welcome to tag along if he feels the need to. He inquires, "Jen doesn't have a boyfriend, does she?", and Dawson's like, "Uh, I'm her boyfriend" ... and Scott Foley stares into space with a look of incredulity etched on his face before mumbling, "That's terrific, man" and ambles off.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch are trying to decide what activities they should engage in to begin healing their marriage. Shaggy D.A. suggests sailing lessons or scuba diving, to which Mitch snarks that it all sounds expensive, though probably not a problem for her since she's the main breadwinner. Shaggy D.A. reminds him that the therapist recommended they do things they've never done before, so he snappishly retorts, "Then how about swinging or spouse swapping?" Shaggy D.A. stares sadly into space and asks him when he's going to stop punishing her, and he growls, "When I can get the vision of my naked wife playing hide the..." but doesn't finish the sentence [by punctuating it with sausage or trouser snake]. He then amends his answer by saying, "When it stops hurting."
After school, Jen tells Billy that moving to Capeside has been really good for her, and that it'd probably be best if he left. Billy says he's too tired to make the drive back to New York, then whines that he has no cash or place to crash. Dawson, who just happens to be walking by at that moment, asks Jen if everything is OK...and Jen pulls him aside and asks him if her old pal Billy could crash at his place for the night. Dawson makes a seriously? face and asks her if Billy is more than just a pal, and she confesses that, well yep, Billy's the guy her parents caught her doinking in their bed right before they shipped her off to Grams'. She says she'd really appreciate this favor and assures him that Billy no longer means anything to her. Dawson reluctantly agrees, and Billy's all, "Woo hoo!" as he grabs his overnight bag and cheerfully thanks him for the invitation. LOL.
Billy acknowledges to Dawson that it must be awkward to be hanging out with his girlfriend's ex, then says he has no plans to leave Capeside until he's able to win Jen back. He challenges, "Whatcha gonna do about it?" ... and when Dawson responds by shooting him the stink-eye, Billy chuckles and says he'll probably end up splitting tomorrow. He urges Dawson to ask him anything he wants about how wild Jen was during her slutty phase, then adds that he highly doubts Jen "filled in the blanks" about their racy sexcapades.
Dawson races over to Joey's house to complain about Jen's ex staying at his place, and moans about what a mess his life is. He admits to feeling really really insecure with Billy being around, but doesn't want to kick him out and risk looking petty. He wonders aloud how much humiliation a relationship can endure, and Joey's like, "Are you still talking about yourself - or your dad's cuckolding?"
The next morning, Jen thanks Dawson for letting Billy crash with him, and Dawson tells her that Billy made it clear he came to Capeside is to win her back. Jen says she told Billy that their relationship is over...but then quickly back pedals on that and says she never really got a chance to say goodbye to him after getting caught in the sack with him, which is a shame 'cause Billy always treated her with respect. Dawson asks her point-blank if she wants to get back together with Billy...and when she looks as if she's actually mulling that over, Dawson gets miffed and decrees: 1) he wants her to attend Scott Foley's beach barbecue with him, and 2) he wants Billy gone. Jen says she doesn't think she can bring herself to tell Billy to get lost and implores Dawson to be more understanding, and he reacts by bitchily storming off.
Joey drops by the video store to rent The English Patient 'cause apparently it's the one thing that puts her nephew to sleep. She natters at Pacey about what a charmer Jen's ex is, and Pacey says she's only saying that 'cause Billy being in town puts a wedge between Jen and Dawson. When Joey doth protests too much, Pacey says it's soooo obvious that she's obsessed with Dawson, and she retorts with, "Bite me" while storming off.
Shaggy D.A. and Mitch return home and bicker about their first scuba diving lesson. Upstairs, Dawson looks upset by the sniping and shuts his bedroom door.
Joey is frazzled during a busy waitressing shift at the Ice House when Pacey shows up and urges her to accompany him to Scott Foley's beach barbecue...and sweetens the deal by telling her that Dawson will be there. Bessie overhears the conversation, says that that sounds like a fine idea, and assures Joey she's perfectly capable of running the restaurant without her.
Mitch pops into Dawson's room for a quick father-son briefing and to ask whassup with the Billy situation. Dawson glumly says that right now Billy is hanging with Jen, which he's super bummed about...and Mitch tells him that being cuckolded is a normal part of life so he should get used to it, and that he's super bummed about having to take scuba diving lessons as part of a marital rebuilding exercise - all because Shaggy D.A. went out and extramaritally doinked her newsroom colleague.
Billy tells Jen that he really really wants her to ditch her dorky boyfriend and return to New York with him, but Jen insists that Capeside is her home now and that she should probably be getting to the beach barbecue and hang with Dawson. Billy promises to leave town if she gives him one last kiss, and she indulges him with a light smooch, then coldly says goodbye before wandering off.
Beach barbecue! Joey is staring despondently into space as Pacey scopes out an unsuspecting girl to hit on. Dawson arrives and makes a beeline over to Joey, and the two joke about how much they don't fit in with the beach barbecue crowd. He suggests they have one quick drink before hitting the video store, and she beams in response. A few seconds later, Jen makes her appearance at the party, finds Dawson at the punch bowl, and apologizes to him for all the Billy drama...and the two kiss and make up before walking, hand in hand, along the beach. As that's happening, a long haired blonde hunk offers Joey a drink...and when she says that Dawson is already getting her one, he's like, "Uh, that dude went to the beach with another girl" and points at Dawson and Jen walking along the sand together. Joey looks crestfallen and accepts the drink.
Jen admits to Dawson that she could have handled things better with Billy's sudden appearance in town - just as Billy appears out of nowhere and smugly informs Dawson that he and Jen just smooched. When Dawson stares questioningly at Jen, she sheepishly explains that it was merely a goodbye kiss.
Pacey cautions Joey to pace herself with the spiked punch, but she just shrugs unconcernedly when the blonde hunk whisks her away for what he hopes is a romp in the sand.
Jen mumbles about how confusing this situation is and that she can't, in all honesty, describe her kiss with Billy as purely a goodbye kiss. Billy snarks at Dawson for being a third wheel and says that he and Jen were an item long before she ever entered into his "fantasies" and Dawson dickishly retorts, "You and everyone else." Jen shoots him the stink-eye at being called out for her slutty past and mocks him for living in a fantasy world...and Dawson's like, "Whatever" and asks her who the third wheel in this scenario is. A deflated Jen replies, "I think I am" and staggers off.
Joey is canoodling with the blonde hunk when Pacey rushes over to prevent what looks to be an imminent acquaintance rape. When Blondie snarls at him to get lost, Pacey is somehow able to knock him out with one punch. The spectacle causes Dawson to come running...and when Joey drunkenly topples over, he kneels next to her and asks her if she's OK. She stares up at him lovingly and breathily thanks him for being her hero, while a miffed Pacey's all, "Excuse me?"
Dawson and Pacey deposit Joey inside her house and do their best to move about quietly so they don't wake the baby. Dawson hovers over Joey on her couch bed and tells her it's A-OK that she took a much needed break from life by getting hammered, and that even though things are confusing between them right now, he'll always be there for her. Joey responds by caressing his face, then pulling him towards her for a full-on, tongue-on-tongue smooch.
Shaggy D.A. acknowledges to Mitch that the two of them going scuba diving together was a stupid idea, and he's like, "Well duh" and points out that they should probably focus more on what went wrong in their marriage. Mitch says he still loves her and suggests they do something simple, then plays some romantic music and invites her to dance with him on the porch.
While canoeing back to Casa Leery, Dawson tells Pacey that Joey gave him a real smooch just now, then adds that since she was drunk she probably didn't realize what she was doing. Pacey shakes his head and says he's clearly oblivious to the fact that Joey is totally in love with him - but Dawson chuckles at the notion and says they're merely friends...unlike the excitingly romantic love that he and Jen feel for each other.
Er, about that..
Billy is in Dawson's room, packing up his stuff, when he concedes to Dawson, "You won" and announces that he's leaving town to head up the coast, 'cause turns out that Jen wasn't very confused about not wanting to re-hook up with him after all. After he leaves, Dawson glances out the window and spots Jen milling around the dock, so he heads outside to apologize for the cunty remark he made about her earlier. Jen tells him that despite how pretty she is and fortunate she's been in life, she's always felt deeply unhappy and developed a self-destructive habit of leaping head-first into ill-fated relationships. She says she made it clear to Billy that it's over between them - and that she's now saying the same thing to him. As Dawson pales and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", she says she wants to try being on her own for awhile, and that she's OK with the fact that she might one day regret her decision to give him the dumperoo. She adds that if she's ever ready to crawl back to him, he'd have every right to tell her to get lost 'cause he's with someone else. Dawson snarkishly says that his next girlfriend is going to be someone who's capable of being in a committed relationship, snaps, "Somebody who's nothing like you!", and bitchily storms off. He pauses for a few seconds to turn around to stare back at her, but then continues storming off.
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Recap: Joey and Dawson are hanging in his bedroom watching movies when Dawson gets so disgusted with the movie's car chase scene that he abruptly shuts off the TV. He complains that it's sooooo unrealistic for a woman to be most attracted to the guy who can drag race the fastest, not be the most romantic. Joey disagrees...and after playfully wrestling - mmm hmm - over the remote, Joey points out that women have every right to be just as superficial as guys and choose the one with the biggest penis. When Dawson insists that women prefer guys who know what they're doing in the romance department, Joey questions that logic by asking him why Jen has seemingly zero interest in hitting the sheets with him - ouch - and Dawson stares forlornly into space for a few seconds before sheepishly turning the TV back on.
At school the next day, Joey is delivering a presentation on seventeenth century Japan...and when she makes mention of its icky practice of concubinage, a smug jock named Grant perks up and woots appreciatively at the notion of a man having a harem at his disposal and asks how much like a shogun a school stud such as himself is, aka a guy who all the girls want a piece of. Joey asks him to hold his misogynistic questions until she's done delivering her report - but Grant's like, "Nah, I wanna cackle about female subservience some more", so Joey snarls about his low I.Q. and gets no help with reining in Grant's sexist belligerence from the teacher, who's loitering uselessly at the back of the room.
Dawson spots Jen at her locker giggling with Pacey and hastily marches over to ask them whassup with them laughing so hard. Jen and Pacey breezily tell him it's an inside joke and then refuse to elaborate...and after Pacey rushes off to class, Jen and Dawson stroll down the hall, hand in hand. She suggests they do something sexily wild this weekend, like river rafting or jumping out of a plane naked, and Dawson throws his usual prudish reserve to the wind and looks intrigued by the thought of doing anything naked with Jen.
While changing for gym class, Dawson grills Pacey on what he and Jen were giggling about earlier 'cause he's so worried they were trash-talking him...and Pacey confesses that he told Jen about the old nickname he (Pacey) gave him (Dawson): Oompa Loompa. He adds that Jen thought it was hilarious, and Dawson looks less than amused at being made the butt of a joke in front of a girl he's so anxious to break his hallowed cherry with.
Elsewhere on campus, Mr. Pickering is leading his health class in a discussion on euthanasia...and when Jen voices her opinion, he haughtily admonishes, "I don't know what you New York barbarians do, but in Capeside we raise our hands before we speak." Jen shrugs and says she thought they were having a semi-mature discussion, then says she's pro-euthanasia when it's a dying with dignity type situation - and Mr. Pickering gasps incredulously and asks her if that's not just a euphemism for murder and suicide. Jen's like, "Uh, no" and points out that some people reach the stage where they simply want to be put out of their misery, and he gasps even more incredulously and cries, "Life is God's most precious gift!" to which Jen snidely retorts, "Life's a bitch for someone who's slowly dying." Mr. Pickering shoots her the stink-eye and nonsensically chides, "This is not Times Square, Miss Lindley" and sentences her to Saturday detention.
Joey is in the cafeteria food line when Grant cuts ahead of her in line and taunts her about the dickish way he acts as if he owns the school. He then pompously refers to himself and his minions as shoguns, describes the school as "our castle...whatever we want, we get", and asks Joey how she'd prefer to serve him: as his servant or concubine? Joey responds by punching him twice and smashing her food tray into his friend's face, them looms over him and smugly says, "Neither."
Pacey convinces Dawson to stay after gym class and play some one-on-one in front of the cheerleaders...and Dawson agrees, but quickly gets irked when Pacey scores a few baskets and mockingly calls him Oompa Loompa. Oompa Loompa reacts by flying into a rage and aiming the basketball at Pacey's head, hitting him squarely in the face. The horrified cheerleaders are all, "The fuck?" and rush over to Pacey's aid, while the coach storms over and angrily informs Dawson that he's being sentenced to Saturday detention.
On Saturday morning, Dawson and Jen arrive at Capeside High, ready to serve their time in detention. They amble into the library, where Pacey (with his broken nose and blackened eyes) is sitting at one of the tables. A puzzled Jen asks him what on earth he did to get detention, but he just hangs his head shamefully and mumbles, "It's a long story." Resident shit-stirrer Abby Morgan arrives amid protests that she could be better spending her weekend serving the community. When she sees Pacey, Dawson, and Jen, she contorts her face into an ew expression and mockingly says, "It's Howdy Doody Time" ... and if by Howdy Doody Time she means an imminent emotional disembowelling of angsty teenage inner turmoil The Breakfast Club style, then yep, it's definitely Howdy Doody Time. Mrs. Tringle, the school authoritarian in the scenario, snaps at Abby to shut it, then informs everyone that today's detention will be about penance. She looks over her list and notes that someone is missing - just as Joey lumbers in, mumbles, "I'm here" and slumps into a chair. Mrs. Tringle warns the five that if they misbehave, she'll have no compunction about making them shelve books and sort library cards - egads! - but in the meantime is off to the Audio-Visual Room to watch her stories and will leave them completely unsupervised until she inevitably catches them when they break her don't leave the library rule.
Abby polls everyone about what they did to deserve Saturday detention...and when Pacey refuses to disclose his crime, she chuckles and says he probably made up another story about boning his English teacher. When the others demand to know what she did, she nonchalantly says it probably had something to do with taking ecstasy, then being the star attraction in the boys' locker room orgy.
An hour later, everyone complains about being soooooo bored, and Dawson remarks, "This is soooooo Breakfast Club" as if the blatant we're-stuck-together-in-the-library-for-Saturday-detention rip-off could somehow have escaped viewers.
As Mrs. Tringle watches Days of Our Lives in her office, Abby suggests they play Truth or Dare and targets Pacey first. He chooses truth - but when Abby asks him why he's in detention, he opts for dare...and is dared to give Jen a smooch for ten full seconds. As everyone stares at each other in fascinated wonderment as to whether or not Pacey is actually going to follow through with the dare just 'cause Abby declared that they're all playing this game now, Jen says she'll gladly abide by the rules and puckers up. The two lock lips under Dawson's disapproving gaze, and Pacey then targets Joey to reveal the truth about who she's in love with. Joey decides she'd rather not let that cat out of the bag - despite it being fully out of the bag since the pilot - and goes with dare...and not surprisingly is dared to smooch Dawson for a full fifteen seconds. The two share a slurpy smooch while Joey tenderly touches his face...and Abby, Pacey, and Jen look on with varying degrees of annoyance/glee.
After that smoochfest, Joey targets Jen, who picks truth, and bitchily asks her if she finds Dawson the most attractive guy at Capeside High. Jen's like, "Uh, define attracted to" - bwahahaha! - before dismissively calling that a stupid question...and an insulted looking Dawson asks her why it's so stupid. Jen rolls her eyes and sarcastically fibs, "Yes, I lust for Dawson", then turns her attention to Joey and snarls, "Maybe if you spent less time dwelling on me and Dawson, you might have a boyfriend of your own." Joey replies by babbling nonsensically [I can't elaborate further 'cause my brain tuned her out] until Dawson proposes they all make a jail break.
The five sneak past Mrs. Tringle's office and head over to the photocopy room where they photocopy their butts, then play Guess My Butt. Jen correctly guesses Pacey's butt, which he proudly considers a turn-on for the ladies. Dawson gets visibly steamed by his buttock boasting, so Pacey accuses him of being jealous. ..and when Dawson counters that he's a laughingstock, Pacey challenges him to a one-on-one in the gym to prove who the bigger laughingstock is ['cause admittedly it's a tough call].
Joey snidely urges Jen to get her pom poms so she can cheer Dawson on, and Jen asks her whassup with her always acting such a catty bitch when all she's ever done was try to be her friend. Abby points out the obvious - Joey is in love with Dawson and fighting over him with Jen - and when Joey weakly denies it, Abby reminds her about the passionate smooch she and Dawson shared just a few scenes ago. She then excuses herself so that the two can go at it in private...and Joey chides Jen for being too nice to her, and that it'd be a lot easier to hate her if she were a total bitch. Abby glances over at the clock and screeches at everyone that they have to get back to the library right now! ... and the five flail about the halls in an attempt to reach the library before Mrs. Tringle notices they're gone, but soon encounter her standing in the middle of the hall, glaring angrily. Abby explains that they were so desperately hungry they had no choice but to scrounge for food in the gym while Pacey and Dawson played basketball, and Mrs. Tringle responds to that cheekiness by dumping a drawer of catalogue cards on the floor and ordering them to have the entire thing put back in alphabetical order by 5pm.
Shortly before 5pm, the five manage to finish putting the cards in order. Abby proudly presents the drawer to Mrs. Tringle, who lets it slip that she's in detention because of her excessive number of tardies (in other words, not because of a drug-fuelled orgy). When Pacey laughs at her for the lameness of her detention crime, she demands to know what he did - but he sullenly refuses to talk about it. Dawson bickers at him about his dare kiss with Jen and tells him that being called Oompa Loompa makes him so fuckin' angry 'cause it gets to the heart of all of his insecurities: he's an obnoxiously sanctimonious virgin, not a sex stud like Pacey. Pacey laughs about being called a sex stud [and I laughed too] then decides to needlessly bare his soul and confess the reason he was sentenced to Saturday detention: the basketball coach caught him buffin' his muffin in the locker room after he got so turned by the cheerleaders sympathetically clucking over his broken nose. Abby laughingly says that that's the most embarrassing story she's ever heard - LOL - and Pacey sheepishly tells Dawson that he considers himself to be far too pathetic ever be likened to Don Juan and self-piteously calls himself a screwup. Abby concurs with a well duh nod, while a de-prickled Dawson apologizes for taking his frustrations out on him.
Dawson explains that he's been looking for reasons to explain why Jen continually avoids hitting the sheets with him, and Jen's all, "Say wuh?" and assures him that she likes him soooooo much. Dawson whines, "I want you to want me" ... and Jen natters about what a godsend he is despite her lack of belief in God, and that amid her shitty new life in Capeside, he's this great romantic guy that gets her through the bad days. Yeesh, sounds like someone really doesn't want to go to bed with Dawson. Dawson sourly retorts, "That's all well and good, but I still want to bam-bam in the ham", and Joey takes the opportunity to rail about how appalled she is that everyone [and by everyone she mostly means the Dawson's Creek writers] is so obsessed with sex. She bitterly tells Dawson he can rest easy knowing that at least one of his friends will go to her grave being a virgin...and when Dawson assures her that eventually she'll find the right person, she visibly deflates while squeaking, "I have." Dawson stares back at her in phoney puzzlement as she sobs about her feelings of loneliness and inability to bring herself to express "all these weird feelings" she's been having. Dawson urges her to come right out and say what's in her heart, but she refuses and says, "If I say these things, I can't ever take them back" and worries that "it'll change everything" ... which is so nonsensically stupid, since it's painfully obvious what these things are and so far they haven't seemed to change her platonic (or not?) friendship with Dawson in any significant way.
Mrs. Tringle makes a final appearance to congratulate the group on serving their time, then dismisses them...and Pacey and Jen gaze despondently into space while Dawson continues to stare worriedly at Joey.
Recap: Jen is third-wheeling it with Joey and Dawson as the three spend the evening together watching movies in his bedroom. When the movie ends, Joey says she should probably head home and help Bessie around the house. Jen says she feels like she's intruding on a personal ritual and that she should be the one to leave, and Joey's like, "Yeah, you kinda are, but I still really need to leave", and blah blah blah...the girls end up leaving Dawson laying alone on his bed muttering that this three-way friendship has become waaaaay too complicated for his tiny brain to contend with.
Bessie tells Bodie she can't wait to deliver her ginormous baby - just as Joey enters the house so the two can snipe back and forth. Bodie chides Joey for aggravating her pregnant sister and implores her to give her a break, then reminds them both that tomorrow he's off to Hyannis Port for the day to check out a French restaurant.
Grams stares disapprovingly at an artsy nude calendar that Jen has pinned up in her room, so Jen cheekily points out to Grams that she regularly prays to a naked Jesus who's nailed on a cross. Grams clutches her pearls and moans, "What has happened to you?" and Jen just shrugs and says she no longer believes in the notion of a higher being and, for that matter, isn't sure she thinks much of mankind in general.
Pacey tells Tamara - after she parks her car in front of the school (!) - that they need to take their relationship out of the bedroom and into somewhere public this weekend. He adds that he totally gets how uptight she is about repeatedly committing the felony of fucking a minor, but would really like it if she started acting as if they were in a real relationship. He suggests a weekend trip to Providence, aka where no one knows them, and she gazes back at him flirtily and agrees consider that horrible idea.
Inside the school's men's room, Pacey tells Dawson that Tamara agreed to consider his let's be seen publicly request, and cockily says he's pretty sure she'll cave...then insists that this unholy hookup means so much more to him than just getting his rocks off. He suddenly looks alarmed and quickly checks the bottom of each stall to make sure no one's eavesdropping...which is sort of like closing the barn door long after the horse has escaped, but OK. After the two exit the men's room, we see that a stoner named Kenny Leaverton is sitting atop one of the toilets with his feet up, smoking and muttering, "Oooooh man.." LOL. Oooooh man indeed, Kenny.
Jen tells Dawson there's a disturbing-to-visualize rumor circulating around Capeside high that Pacey has been getting it on with Miss Jacobs, and Dawson's like, "Ack! I have to find Pacey asap and give him a heads up." An incredulous Jen stares back at him and asks if there's any truth to it, and he tells her to not ask him that question if she doesn't want him to lie to her. So, uh, yes Jen. It's true.
Joey rushes over to Dawson and Jen to tell them she just heard something implausibly juicy - just as Pacey appears in the hall and gets approached by some random girl who asks him if it's really true that he's boning their English teacher. He stares over at Dawson with a look of panic etched across his face.
In a vacant classroom, Dawson tells Pacey that it turns out Kenny Leaverton was hiding in the bathroom stall when they were talking about Tamara...and Pacey moans, "This is really really baaaaad" and hopes to hell that the rumor doesn't reach Tamara. Dawson reminds him that he's in full control of how he reacts to the rumor, and advises him to confidently saunter down the hall all casual-like as if nothing's happened. Pacey mulls that over and exits the room, and confidently bounces down the hall as his schoolmates point and titter.
Tamara is discussing Romeo and Juliet with her English class when someone makes a crack about her hitting the sheets with a prepubescent boy. She looks startled at being outed, then glares over at Pacey.
After school, Joey finds Pacey moping near the dock. She tells him she has no idea if the icky rumor is true, but is sorry that he's enduring the embarrassment. She reminds him that she knows exactly what it feels like to be talked shit about by other kids, e.g. her misfortune to have an unwed knocked-up sister, a mom who died of cancer, and a dad who's imprisoned for drug dealing. She assures Pacey that all he has to do is wait for the next scandal to come along, 'cause it'll quickly take the attention off of him.
Jen is walking home with Dawson, railing about how much she and Grams irritate the shit out of each other. Dawson urges her to find a less abrasive way to interact with Grams - just as the old lady appears at the front door of her house and glares at them all judgey-like.
Joey arrives home and finds Bessie and her truck helplessly stuck in the mud. Bessie explains that she was on her way to the clinic 'cause - surprise! - she just went into labor. She then doubles over in pain...and when a panicked Joey suggests they call an ambulance, Bessie says that unfortunately their phone isn't in working order and so she needs Joey to transport her to Dawson's house (instead of the nearest hospital). Joey reminds Bessie that the quickest way to get to Dawson's place is by rowboat, and Bessie's all, "Uh huh.."
In the next scene, Joey is slowly rowing the two of them down the creek to Casa Leery. Bessie snappishly says if she were rowing any slower they'd be moving backwards, then grabs the oars and vigorously takes over...and as she's doing that, her water breaks.
Joey bursts into Dawson's house to inform him that her sister is about to give birth on his front lawn. Dawson's all, "Ack!" and calls for an ambulance, but is told that there aren't any available 'cause there's a big traffic pileup on the freeway.
Pacey is waiting at Tamara's beach house when she arrives home. She shoots him the stink-eye and says she's not having this conversation, then chides him for opening his big fat mouth about them bumping uglies. She reminds him that everything about their grotesque affair hinged on him not talking about it to anyone, and says that in a matter of one day everyone on the faculty knows, which means that soon the administration will get wind of it...and then it's only a matter of time before she's charged with a sex crime. As well the pedo should be. She snappishly declares them broken up, then rushes inside.
A laboring Bessie cries, "Where's the damn ambulance!" while Dawson and Joey confer about how in blazes they're going to help get Bessie through this TV tropey medical emergency.
Joey rushes next door and preemptively acknowledges to Grams that she's well aware of the bitter contempt she holds both her and Dawson in - but that she's going to have to put a pin in that for now 'cause Bessie's about to deliver her baby...and reminds here that, as a nurse, she's obligated to help. Grams responds by continuing to stare at her hatefully.
Pacey is moping around town when he runs into his brother Doug, who smirkingly says he just heard a rumor about a Capeside kid who got it on with his teacher...and word on the street is that the kid made it all up. He says he has no problem believing he has a shameless liar for a brother - but is concerned about how all this trash-talking is affecting Tamara. He derisively asks Pacey if his lies were a pathetic cry for attention, then informs him that the superintendent just called an emergency board member to get to the bottom of the rumor and discuss whatever charges might be laid against Tamara.
Dawson aims his videocamera at Bessie's nether regions and announces that he's taking it upon himself to film the birth for Bodie's benefit, and Bessie tells him she's A-OK with that - but then looks distressed at the arrival of Grams. Grams ignores her protests and takes her pulse, then promises to resist all urge to bond with her during and/or after the birthing process.
Pacey arrives at City Hall and finds Tamara glumly sitting on a bench next to her attorney, who snarlingly tells Pacey to back off and only communicate with Tamara through her. Pacey scrunches his face into a hurt looking expression, mumbles, "Sorry", and dejectedly shuffles off.
Laboring Bessie is shrieking in pain so loudly that Joey decides she can't bear the spectacle and makes a break for the front door.
Tamara is facing a panel of stern looking school board members, who inform her that it's come to their attention that she's been indulging in icky sex romps with a minor. When the superintendent glares at her disapprovingly and demands to know if the rumor is true, Pacey bursts into the room and retorts, "No, it's not true" and admits to being the origin of the rumor. He natters about how he used to daydream that he was better looking, more sophisticated, and older...'cause only then would Tamara (or anyone else with any semblance of good taste) consider him datable. He refers to his "unrequited" crush on Miss Jacobs as "an adolescent fantasy" and fake assures the panel that she's been nothing more to him than an English teacher.
When Jen unhelpfully points out that Bessie's laboring is turning into a literal bloody mess, Grams snaps at her shut it and assures a freaked out Bessie that excessive hemorrhaging is a perfectly natural part of the process...but then privately concurs to Jen that, yep, there's a whole lot more blood coming out than she's comfortable with. She encourages Bessie to recite The Lord's Prayer with her...and when this seems to have a calming effect on her, Jen's all, "Hmm.." and recites along.
Dawson exits the house to see whassup with Joey abandoning her sister during labor. He assures her that Bessie will be OK, and that she's in the hands of a capable, if curmudgeonly nurse. Joey explains that she got so freaked out 'cause Bessie's shrieking reminded her of the physical pain her dying mother was always in and how hard that was to watch. Dawson clucks sympathetically and points out that since she was willing to stay in the room while her mother suffered, she should sure as hell be willing to support Bessie while she temporarily suffers through childbirth.
Doug encounters Tamara as she makes her way out of the courtroom and flirtily says he hopes she doesn't hold Pacey's fuckwittedness against all male Witters. Tamara retorts that she finds Pacey to be a sweet, sensitive, intelligent young man...then shoots him the stink-eye and snappishly says he can address her as Miss Jacobs. She then flounces out of City Hall, climbs into her car, and drives off. Across the street, Pacey stares after her with a sad look on his face.
An exhausted, sweating Bessie makes one last push and finally squeezes out her spawn...and Grams declares the infant "healthy and beautiful".
Pacey stops by Tamara's beach house for a sheepish chat. She tells him that his apology isn't needed (well duh, you're the adult pedo in this adult pedo/teenager scenario), and that she appreciates what he did for her during the hearing. Pacey promises to never again breathe a word about their illicit hanky panky - but she just kind of shrugs and says it's a moot issue now that she's made the decision to resign from Capeside High (yay!) and leave town (hurray!) and go live with her sister in Rochester. When he stares back at her all crestfallen, she tells him he must have known that the clock was always ticking on their fling, not least 'cause eventually he'd graduate high school and want to date someone his own age...and that she's thirty-six and kinda pushing the envelop with being able to have kids with a partner who's a fully grown male. Pacey asks her if he can have a goodbye kiss, but she declines and says that the two of them kissing started this whole grossness in the first place...so she gives him a hug, and he wishes her well in Rochester before sadly ambling off.
That evening, Jen says goodnight to Grams and remarks on what a long day it's been...and Grams beams back at her and says, "It was a good day." She then tells Jen she'd be very shocked if, after just witnessing the miracle of birth, she still holds no belief in God, and Jen's like, "Uh, no...I still have no belief in God" but that she's coming around to re-believing in the goodness of mankind.
Bessie and Bodie are cooing over their new baby, then hand him over to Joey so that she too can coo over him.
Pacey strolls along the beach and stares over at Tamara's beach house. He sadly watches as she turns out the lights and calls it a night.
So long, pedo! See ya in Season 2.