Recap: A freaked out Kelly tells Donna that her period is six and a half days late and that she doesn't know what to doooo. Donna tells her she's been that late before, but Kelly rolls her eyes at the irrelevance of her smug-ass remark and says, "But you're a virgin, Donna. There's a big difference." Donna advises her to chillax and wait out her period...'cause since she and Brandon use a condom every time they doink, there's no reason to be concerned...er, right?? Kelly hangs her head in shame and confesses that there was a recent occasion on which they forgot to roll a rubber on Brandon's dong. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and admonishes her for taking such a risk, especially after the dreary Jimmy Gold/AIDS storyline. Kelly tells her that she and Brandon were both tested for HIV and that the tests came out negative, then wigs out and wails, "Why is this happening?!" Donna gives her a hug and half-heartedly assures her that everything will be OK.
The Walsh house. Steve is assembling a Mother's Day gift basket of "aromatherapy garbage" for his mom, and grumbles to Brandon about how she always hates his presents. He says she's always so critical of him, much like Clare, who's always telling him, "There's room for improvement." Brandon remarks that all they ever seem to do is fight, and Steve concurs and says that ever since his mom dumped the chancellor, Clare keeps ragging about how awful Samantha is, which puts him in the position of having to defend her. He grimly says, "It's getting ugly." [Getting? It's been ugly since the first day these two nitwits decided to hook up.] Brandon says he doesn't get what the attraction of their dysfunctional relationship could possibly be, so Steve says, "The makeup sex is pretty righteous" and Brandon understandably makes a blech face at that disturbing visual.
The Peach Pit. Valerie is having a power meeting with Derek. He tells her that Bill Taylor is totes excited to meet her when he finishes up his bidness in the "Far East"...then says he's very concerned about her bottom line, which could be a lot healthier. He tells her that because she's tied up all her cash in the After Dark, she only has 10K of liquid funds...and informs her that Bill won't even talk to anyone who has less than 100K to invest. Derek assures her he's not pressuring her, but reminds her, "You called us." Valerie mulls that over and says she really really wants to invest her cash with Bill Taylor (not sure why exactly, other than she thinks it's a good way of getting back at Kelly, which is dumb), but doesn't know who would want to buy her half of the club. Derek says the easiest solution would be for David to buy her out, then suggests, "Find a way to make him want to."
California University. David meets up with Donna and Kelly in the food court area of the Student Union. He invites Kelly to the big show at the After Dark tonight, and she says that despite her reluctance to spend any time in Valerie's orbit, she'll definitely come. After David ambles off, Donna discreetly tells Kelly she bought a home pregnancy test at the campus pharmacy, then hands her the bag. Kelly says she'd prefer to take the test in the privacy of her own home, so it's off to the beach house they go..
The Walsh house. Clare drops by with her grim face on and asks Brandon if he could go upstairs and get Steve for her. Brandon goes upstairs, finds Steve singing in the shower, and tells him his sourpuss girlfriend is downstairs. A few seconds later, Kelly calls and tells Brandon he needs to come over to the beach house, like pronto, and he looks worried and is all, "Wha-a?"
Kelly stares at the pregnancy test box and tells Donna it's like a time bomb, and that she can pretend her pregnancy scare isn't happening until the test comes back positive. Donna scrunches her big face in faux confusion and annoyingly laments, "I wish I could understannnddd" and Kelly assures her sweetly virginal BFF that she's helping in her own special way. Donna tells her that she and David were about to bump uglies in New Orleans...but then her dad abruptly changed his mind during the last rewrite of the script and ordered the writers to nix the sex scene. Kelly tells her she's lucky she doesn't have to deal with this kind of stuff, and that when she gets pregnant, it'll be 'cause she's safely married and intended to get pregnant. Donna whines, "Sometimes I feel like the oldest virgin in the whole world." Mmm...dunno about the oldest, but she's definitely the most frequently scantily clad virgin living in the 90210 zip code. Kelly assures her she's doing the right thing and says she sometimes wishes she had a code to live by - but then Donna says she doesn't think she's been living by a code so much as blindly obeying her domineering, uppity mother. Well duh.
The Walsh house. Clare somberly tells Steve that tomorrow is Mother's Day, aka the worst day of the year for her ever since her mom died. Steve suggests they go for a drive up the coast, just the two of them, and Clare glares at him and barks, "A drive? I'm talking about death here, and you think taking a drive is going to get rid of that?!" OMFG Steve...for the love of all that is holy, BREAK UP AND GET THIS BITCHY WOMAN OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Steve tells her he's trying, and that it's frustrating when nothing he ever says or does is good enough. She stares at him in total incredulity and calls him selfish for making this about him, so then he retorts, "You're the one who's making this about me." Ha! Go, Steve! And touche. He says he's just trying to love her, but all she does is criticize him...then says they really do need to work on their shitty relationship. Clare bitches at him for bringing up the cracks [nay, chasms] in their relationship on the eve of the worst day of the year for her, then gets up and tries to make a break for it. Steve beats her to the door and says that for once he's not letting her have the last word, then urges her to lean on him. She suddenly looks contrite and says, "You're right" and agrees to go for a drive tomorrow. He tells her they shouldn't wait until tomorrow 'cause they need a fresh start right now.
After Dark. David tells Valerie that he arranged to have extra security for tonight's big show, and she waxes on about what a fabulous job he's doing managing the club. He eyes her suspiciously and asks her what kind of strings are attached to her compliment, and she assures him there are none, then tries hard to look innocent when she says she only meant that he hardly needs her at the After Dark anymore. David continues to eye her suspiciously. (Doesn't look like this strategy is going to work, Val.)
Beach house. Brandon arrives at the apartment, looking freaked out. He asks Donna whassup, but she wisely stays mum and says he needs to speak with Kelly (who's in the bathroom). A few seconds later, Kelly emerges from the bathroom, her face ashen, and Donna moans, "Oh God" and asks her if there's anything she can do for her. Kelly tells her she's fine, but that she needs to talk to Brandon alone...and Donna leaves to meet up with David. Brandon asks Kelly if she's OK, and she blurts out, "I'm pregnant" and he stares at her blankly and is like, "Say what?" so Kelly holds out the testing stick from the pregnancy test and tells him it came out positive. He looks slightly relieved and goes, "But you're OK?" and she says, "Yeah...but did you hear what I said?" He says he did, and that he's just happy she's not sick or dying. He asks her if she's been to a doctor, and Kelly tearfully says the earliest she could get an appointment is Monday. She wigs out about being knocked up, blah blah...and Brandon hugs her and assures her that everything will be OK.
The Peach Pit. David and Donna are sitting at the counter, noshing on Nat's artery hardening diner food. Donna tells David she's grateful to him for being patient enough to wait for sex, and he says, "I'm not waiting for you...I'm waiting with you." Same difference, Davey. Donna smiles and says, "You really get it, don't you?" and David sanctimoniously nods and credits himself with getting it. The two start smooching...just as Professor Langely enters the diner, shoots them a disgusted stink-eye, then snarkishly asks, "Taking a study break, Miss Martin?" As Donna sheepishly unlocks lips with David, Langely reminds her that her class final is in one week, and that her grade will largely depend on how she does on the final. She derisively advises, "You might want to reconsider your priorities." Donna tries to explain that she still has a week left to study, but Langely cuts her off and snippily retorts, "Good luck on the exam. Or on the romance. Whichever is more important." Well that was needlessly hostile. David shakes his head and is like, "Damn she's cold" and Donna gets all frenetic and says she has to go home and study, like right now...then grabs her mega-burger and rushes out of the diner.
Kelly and Brandon are walking along the beach, talking about the pregnancy situation. Brandon reasons that since Ahn-drea and Jesse made it, he's pretty sure they can too. Um, excuse me, but Ahn-drea and Jesse didn't "make it". They were a horrible, wretched couple who fought constantly, cheated on each other...and get divorced in Season 8. Kelly says that this is the time of their lives when they should be having fun, but Brandon thinks he can put a baby ahead of his frivolous needs and is confident that their relationship could survive them having to function as grownups sooner than expected. Kelly says she doesn't think it's the right time for them to have children, then asks him if their relationship would survive an abortion...and Brandon furrows his furry brows and looks contemplative as he mulls that over.
After Dark. Valerie tries a different approach in Operation Liquidation and asks David what went wrong with their relationship. As I recall, you made David spend a night with your slutty friend, Ginger, in exchange for her keeping mum to the 90210 gang about all the devious shit you did in the Buffalo Gals episode. David just chuckles uncomfortably and says it's prolly not the right time to explore the past. Valerie presses up against him, and he visibly recoils and goes, "Val, don't." She tries to kiss him, an advance he also rebuffs, so she says, "I just thought you might want to feel a woman's skin again. It's not like you're feeling much of Donna." Haha! True enough. When David doesn't retort, she snidely asks, "Or is she putting out a little more these days?" (nope) and David just glares at her. After he stalks off, Valerie grins to herself and strides over to the phone. She calls Derek and says she may have found a way to convince David to buy out her share of the After Dark, then invites him to the club tonight to celebrate.
Steve and Clare are zooming up the coast in his Corvette. Clare says, "I'm glad we did this" and Steve suggests she spend Mother's Day with her dad. She says she can't 'cause he refuses to ever talk about her mom, but he urges her to keep trying 'cause he has to get on with his life, which is something Samantha once remarked on while she was dating the chancellor. Clare rolls her eyes and snipes, "She's a narcissistic snob" but Steve says he refuses to take the bait and fight about their parents' relationship anymore. He says, "We have to fix this and fast" and she replies, in a faint sounding voice, "I know. I just don't know how"...and by how, she means she's finally going to give him the heave-ho during the season finale. [Sorry, Steve, but it's the best thing for you.]
After Dark. Brandon and Kelly are seated at a table, looking stressed and glum. Jackie arrives at the club and makes a beeline over to them, just as Valerie saunters by to say hello...and digest the fact that Kelly showed up, which apparently she was not expecting. She politely tells them all to have a good time...and a few seconds later, one of her employees tells her that Derek Driscoll is at the door. She freaks out and wails, "Noooo! He can't come in here!" I'm guessing she doesn't want him to run into Kelly and discover that she's been lying about them being besties.
Jackie tells Kelly she looks pale, and Kelly tells her they need to head to the ladies room so she can ruin her Mother's Day. In the next scene, Kelly tells Jackie she's pregnant and wails, "What should I doooo?!" Jackie says the choice has to be hers...and brings up the abortion she had years ago, and says it was very difficult. She then shakes her head in disbelief and says she doesn't get how Kelly could let this happen, so Kelly snarkishly retorts, "You should talk. You made the same mistake twice!" (I take it she's talking about herself and Erin??) The two start bickering back and forth about each other's pregnancy mishaps, blah blah...and Kelly snaps, "I'll figure this out on my own!" and storms out of the bathroom. Jackie rushes out after her and assures her that she'll support her decision regardless of what it is. She also assures her that she wasn't a mistake (unlike Erin...oops, sorry Erin) and the two exchange I love yous.
Clare is too depressed to enjoy the After Dark show, so she tells Steve she's going home to mope. Valerie notices that Derek somehow got past security and goes over to say hey...and he admits that he only managed to get in 'cause he bribed a bouncer with $100. He asks about "the famous Kelly Taylor" and asks Valerie to describe what she looks like, so she gives him a fake description...and, a few seconds later, when they walk past Kelly and Jackie, Valerie goes, "Hey, Shelley." Kelly scrunches her face in confusion and asks her mom, "Did Valerie just call me Shelley?" Hee!
Jackie goes home to allow Kelly and Brandon to spend the rest of the evening lamenting about the unexpected bun in her oven. Kelly tells Brandon that her mom says the decision to go ahead (or not) with the pregnancy needs to be hers...then abruptly stops and says she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. She just wants to watch the show, and then go home...by herself.
David confesses to Donna that Valerie came onto him, and Donna's all, "Wha-at?!" and demands to know the details. He recounts exactly what happened: Valerie pressed her gigantic bosom against his scrawny chicken chest and then forcibly kissed him. He insists he didn't kiss her back, so Donna snaps, "What do you want? A medal?" then immediately apologizes for her bitchitude. She then decides that there's no way he and Valerie can work together anymore...and when David points out that he owns half of the After Dark, Donna urges him to sell his share. She wails, "Our entire relationship is on the line!" - egads! - then adds, "You need to get that." David really is expected to get a whole lot of stuff for the sake of this relationship.
The Walsh house. David bursts into Valerie's bedroom...and she emerges from the bathroom in her robe and saucily asks him if he had a change of heart. He tut tuts her for her lack of respect for his relationship with Donna, and Valerie just rolls her eyes, calls their relationship ridiculous, and says she doesn't get the appeal of living like a monk. David's like, "Whatever...it's none of your business" and says he can't work with her anymore. She concurs and says it's too hard to be around him now that he's with Donna, then offers to sell her half of the club to him. David says, "Fine. Draw up the contracts" and stalks out of the room...and Valerie smugly grins to herself. Well played, Val. Too bad you get swindled in the end.
Beach house. Steve tells Clare he dropped by to see Chancellor Arnold earlier, and that they had a nice long talk and looked at family photos. He brought along the photo album and remarks on how cute she was as a kid, and how beautiful her mom was. Clare's all, "Wha-a?!" and says she's shocked that her dad actually looked at the photos. Steve says the chancellor told him he looks at his late wife's photos every night and talks to her, and Clare is baffled by this 'cause she assumed he never wanted to talk about her mom. Steve says that she's the one who's not over her, and Clare tears up and goes, "She was my mom" and Steve's like, "Well d'yuh" and urges her to look at her mom's photos, talk to her, and let her back into her life.
Restaurant. Jackie, Felice, and Donna are enjoying a ladies brunch when David unexpectedly arrives. Donna rushes over to see whassup, and he tells her he made the decision to buy out Valerie's share of the After Dark. Donna squeals happily and hugs him, and he says he didn't want to lose her, and the two start making out. As Jackie and Felice watch them kiss, Felice concedes that David really does love her daughter...and smiles happily. That's a nice switch from her usual snippy bitchitude.
After Dark. Valerie tells Derek that David is buying her out and she should have her money soon. Derek says, "Let him have the club - you'll have the cash." He says that Bill Taylor cannot wait to meet her, then explains that once they close the deal, he'll put her money in an account [and abscond with it], and then she and Bill can plan out an investment strategy. He assures her it's a smart financial move, and promises she'll make a lot of money. The two toast to new beginnings and future successes.
The Walsh house. Brandon and Kelly are cuddling in his bed. He says that whatever she decides, he'll love and support her. She argues that she doesn't want to make the decision alone, and he goes, "It's your body" and she counters, "It's your baby too." She wants to know how he really feels, so he says, "At twenty-two, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father...but at forty-two, I don't want to look back and realize we made the biggest mistakes of our lives." Kelly says she doesn't either, and that they could have a lot of kids someday...and Brandon interjects and says, "But one will always be missing." She cuddles him tighter and says she doesn't know how she'll live with herself...but knows she can't have a baby right now. Brandon murmurs, "I know" and stares listlessly into space.
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7/27/2020 08:36:56 pm
I stumbled upon this website Bc I’m binging 90210 for the millionth time in my lifetime. I started just reading the recaps of the missing Hulu episodes but the recaps are soooo funny omg now reading them and laughing as I watch the episodes. Keep up the good work!
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