Recap: Tara's in Kelly's room, in full on nutter mode as she listens to Kelly's outgoing phone message over and over. Meanwhile, Kelly and Greg arrive home after another date and are playing kissy face on the deck when Tara bursts outside, then looks fake startled when she sees them and exclaims, "Oh! Sorry!" She claims she heard noises and was just checking it out. After she goes back inside, Greg asks Kelly how it's going with her and Tara living under the same roof - and Kelly says it's all good, except that her roommates aren't exactly thrilled about living with the creepy weirdo. The two start kissing again, and we see that Tara's glaring at them through the window blinds, mimicking Kelly's voice as she recites the outgoing phone message. Yikes.
Brandon, Steve, Joe, Donna, Clare, and Susan pack up an SUV with camping gear and quickly hit the road. After driving for a few hours, they pull over at a service station and the guys ogle three attractive young women who are attempting to change their tire. Donna, Clare, and Susan (I'm just going to refer to them as DCS in this episode, 'cause it's too hard otherwise) urge their men to help the ladies out...and they don't need much convincing. The three women are thrilled to get help, introduce themselves, and tell the guys they're from Parry Sound, Ontario. I don't remember their names (or care), so I'm just going to refer to them as the Canucks. DCS watch their boyfriends yuk it up with the Canucks and look jealous, and Clare pronounces that all men are pigs. The Canucks tell the guys they're going camping, and Joe says they're also on a camping trip - then motions over to DCS and says they're with their girlfriends. This admission annoys Steve (because he's a pig), and then he, Brandon, and Joe help the ladies change their tire. I sense a pointless storyline ahead. And that goes double for this next subplot..
Colin's loft. Valerie answers the door and comes face-to-face with a crotchety blind man and his service dog. He introduces himself as Colin's dad and rudely asks who the hell she is. She politely tells him she's a friend of Colin's and that Colin's out running errands, but that he'll be back soon. She invites Grumps inside.
The Peach Pit. Tara asks Kelly what she and Greg are doing tonight, and Kelly grins and goes, "Bowling." Tara says that that sounds like fun, so Kelly invites her to come along, but Tara declines and says she hates being a third wheel. She gets up and heads off to the bathroom just as David arrives to join them. Kelly asks him what he's doing tonight, and he's like, "Nerthin", so she invites him bowling - under the condition that he ask Tara to be his date. David makes a blech face (haha!), then chuckles and says, "Not a chance." Kelly begs him to reconsider and explains how guilty she feels, going out with Greg every night and leaving Tara home alone. When Tara reappears from her bathroom trip, David dutifully asks her if she'd like to be his bowling date tonight. Tara says she fully realizes this is a set-up, and David's like, "Well d'yuh", but Tara's game for a night of bowling and accepts his invitation.
The campers arrive at their final destination and DCS are delighted with their campsite...until they realize that their neighbors are the Canucks. They look put out, so the guys offer to introduce them. The Canucks are delighted to see them again and thank the guys for their earlier assistance in changing their tire. Donna says they're more than happy to have loaned out their menfolk, and then Susan chimes in and says, "But now we need them back." The 90210 couples head back to their campsite to set up their tents, but it's clear that the Canucks are having great difficulty with that task. So far they don't seem like the handy sort. They breezily assure the 90210couples that they can handle it, and Donna chirps, "OK! Bye!"
Colin's loft. Valerie serves Grumps some lasagna and politely tries to make conversation, but he grumbles that it isn't necessary, then growls at her about how he came back from the Vietnam War with no eyes. Yeesh. Valerie asks him how long he's in town for, and he snaps, "Why?! Are you anxious to get rid of me?" She pretends that she's not, and he gruffly tells her that that's good 'cause he hasn't seen his son in five years. He says he heard Colin's doing well in California and making a name for himself. LOL. Who the hell's he been talking to? Colin arrives home, much to Valerie's relief, and is stunned to see his dad. He admonishes the curmudgeon for just showing up after many years of not calling or writing. Grumps asks him if he wants him to leave (yes please), but Colin suddenly looks contrite and says no.
Campsite. The 90210 couples are enjoying their campfire dinner, and Donna suggests they all go hiking in the morning. The Canucks, meanwhile, are still fumbling around with their tent. Steve stops by their site on his way back from collecting firewood and offers his assistance, so then Brandon suggests to Joe that they also head over and see what they can do to help. DCS look miffed, but pretend they're totally fine with it.
Beach house. Tara tells Kelly she knows that David doesn't like her, but she's still nervous 'cause she hasn't been out on a date in awhile. Kelly assures her it'll be fine, and Tara blurts out, "How do you know when to sleep with a guy anyway?" Kelly looks shocked and is all, "Wha-at?!" so Tara explains that she always does it too soon. Yikes. Isn't she kinda young to be saying things like I always do it too soon?? Kelly says that her general policy is to hit the sheets with the guy once she feels like she can't wait anymore...and when Tara asks her how things are going with Greg, she grins and giddily says, "I can't wait anymore!" After Kelly skips into the bathroom, Tara glares at herself in the mirror and mimics Kelly's voice: "I'm Kelly Taylor. And Greg - I can't wait anymore." Ominous music starts tinkling in the background as if we didn't already know that this girl is a total nutter.
Bowling. David coaches Tara on how not to throw gutter balls - and on her next attempt, she manages to knock down some pins. Tara declares she wants to be partnered with Greg for the next game, then grabs his arm and asks, "How's it going, partner?" Greg looks icked out, but politely nods and mumbles, "Good."
Campsite. The guys conclude that the hapless Canucks forgot to bring all the poles necessary to set up their tent. That was intelligent. DCS are back at their campsite, roasting marshmallows and looking bummed out that their boyfriends have been otherwise occupied all evening. They debate whether or not they should go over to the Canucks' campsite and see whassup, and Susan asks the other two if they think the Canucks are pretty. Clare cattily snorts, "No, I don't think so", then points out that it's kind of irrelevant what they think. True enough. The guys have officially decided to throw in the towel on Operation Erect Tent, and the Canucks thank them for their efforts. DCS come over and offer to house the Canadians in their tents, and the guys scrunch their faces and are all, "Wha-a?!" Clare snidely tells Steve they'll have to camp outside with "the rest of the snakes". Brandon looks dumbfounded and says to Steve and Joe, "We just got totally hosed, eh?" You did indeed - but the hoserreference comes about fifteen years too late to be relevant.
Bowling. Greg and Tara win the second game, and when Kelly and David amble off somewhere, Tara tells Greg that Kelly really really likes him...then needlessly adds that she isn't ready to get involved with David. Er...OK. LOL. Tara fake confides in Greg that Kelly told her that getting involved with him was too much for her, and she's worried about staying clean if they continue to date. That's...nonsensical. This "revelation" prompts Greg to stare into space and look contemplative. Kelly and David suggest they all go somewhere to play darts, but Greg says it's getting late and that he has early rounds in the morning. David hangs back with Tara and asks her what suddenly got into Greg, and she looks fake confused and says, "I have no idea."
Colin's loft. Grumps grumpily tells the story of how he lost his sight, and Colin snaps, "That's enough!" and says he doesn't want to listen to his war stories, and that he should get the hell out. The two snipe back and forth, blah blah...and Valerie breaks up the fight and urges Grumps to sit back down. She then turns to Colin and points out that Grumps has had too much to drink and shouldn't be going anywhere. Grumps concurs that he should stay, so Valerie leads him over to the bedroom...and on the way, Grumps tells Colin that he's got a good woman here - but he'll probably screw it up. That's safe to say.
Beach house. Kelly, Tara, Greg, and David arrive at the apartment. David says goodnight to Tara, and she tells him she had a great time, but that it's probably best if they just stay friends. David somehow manages not to burst out laughing and says, "No problem." She then acknowledges that she's probably not his type anyway, and David remains politely mute. Meanwhile, Kelly asks Greg if he'd like to take a walk on the beach, but he declines and says he's worried they're moving too fast. Kelly's all, "Wuh?" and says it was just getting good. He tells her they should cool things off until she "gets on her feet", and she snarks at him for asking her out in the first place. He reaches his arm out, but she avoids his touch and coldly orders him to leave. Tara grins from wherever she's lurking and quietly exclaims, "Yes!"
Campsite. The guys have spent the night sleeping in the SUV. Steve is the first to wake up, and shrieks at Brandon and Joe to get up. The three exit the car and stumble over to DCS, who are cooking breakfast. They tell their boyfriends that the Canucks really appreciated them giving up their tents...and that they're off on a hike. They suggest going for a hike as well, but Brandon irritably refuses and says they're going fishing.
Beach house. Kelly emerges from her bedroom dressed in a fantastic pale blue suit as Tara sleepily stirs on the couch. Kelly tells her she's off to do errands and go to her therapy session at the hospital. Tara asks her how she feels about what happened last night, and Kelly says she may have been a little hard on Greg. She now thinks he was right to stop them from rushing into anything...and Tara suggests she tell him that when she sees him at the hospital. As soon as Kelly leaves, Tara makes a beeline over to the phone and calls a flower shop and orders two bouquets: one for Greg, with a note telling him not to call her (Kelly) anymore; another to Kelly Taylor.
Colin's loft. Colin is angrily painting another hideous masterpiece when Valerie drops by. He tells her that Grumps is out walking his dog, then remarks on how much he had to drink last night. Valerie asks him if he told his dad about his impending prison sentence, and he says he didn't 'cause he's not up to the abuse. Valerie advises him to tell Grumps about it, 'cause he might need his support, but then Colin gets all bitchy again and snarks that he's been doing fine without him and wonders what his real agenda is. Money? Grumps returns from his walk and remarks on all the freaks there are out there, which I found amusing and ironic. Valerie suggests they all go to the Peach Pit for lunch, but Colin ignores that suggestion and bitchily asks his father why he's here and how much money he wants. Grumps says he doesn't want anything and tells him he knows all about his legal problems (apparently Colin's mother told him) and he came to L.A. 'cause he wanted to help. He growls that it doesn't look like he needs anyone after all, then dejectedly shuffles out of the apartment. Valerie urges Colin to go after him and says if he doesn't, she's leaving too. Colin suddenly remembers that Valerie is the one paying his legal bills, so he runs out after his dad, apologizes for his hostility, and admits that he should have told him about his drug bust.
Hospital. Kelly arrives for her session and asks one of the nurses if Greg is around. The nurse heads down the hall to Greg's office, then comes back and says he's too busy...and that he doesn't want to see her. Awkward. Kelly scrunches her face in confusion and tells the nurse to pass along her hello.
Campsite. The guys are fishing, but not catching anything. Brandon wonders aloud if maybe they should have gone on the hike with DCS. The Canucks suddenly appear and inform them that DCS are having a nice time hanging with some new friends: a group of hot guys. Brandon, Steve, and Joe look concerned and debate what they should do next, and after some pointless back and forth, they decide they should return to the campsite and check out the competition.
Beach house. Kelly arrives home and tells Tara she had a crap day 'cause Greg refused to see her. Tara looks fake bewildered and calls him a weirdo, which was seriously funny. Kelly acknowledges that she tends to move too quickly with guys she doesn't know well enough...but she's surprised she was so wrong about Greg. The doorbell rings, and Kelly's bouquet of flowers arrives. She reads the fake note from Greg, which says it's not a good time for them to date...and after reading it, she looks upset and leaves the room. Tara grins to herself with smug satisfaction.
After Dark. Colin shows his dad his grisly mural, and Grumps feels its texture and looks very impressed. He tells Colin he recently read an article about his art and how he sold two pieces to a collector. Ah yes, the shittastic paintings from his infamous Cocaine Period. He tells Colin that his upcoming prison sentence is just his "rainy season" and promises that his sun will shine again. Colin gives him a hug, and Grumps says he's been a better son than he's been a father. Please let this be the last time we ever see this crusty sourpuss.
Colin's loft. Valerie and Colin enjoy a glass of wine while Colin regales her with stories of when Grumps used to take him to art galleries, blah blah..
Campsite. The guys spy on DCS with binoculars, but they're confused when they don't see any hot guys hanging around. DCS are cooking lunch, fully aware that they're being spied upon by their idiot boyfriends. When the guys amble back to the campsite, they accuse DCS of flirting with other guys and demand to know who and where they are. DCS reveal that the whole thing was a ruse: payback for flirting with the Canucks. The guys sheepishly admit they did flirt, acknowledge that it was inconsiderate and apologize...and then everyone kisses and makes up.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!