Beverly Hills, 90210 - Season 4, Episode 30

"What are the chances my baby will turn out to be a babbling, neurotic tool?"

"Vital Signs"
Original airdate: 5/11/1994

Episode summary: Brandon's name is left off the task force's traveling roster, and he worries that he's no longer invited to attend the conference (or whatever) in Washington. David meets a music rep and is invited to jam with three other musicians, but quickly realizes they're into drugs. Ahn-drea is admitted to the hospital so her precarious pregnancy can be closely monitored.

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Recap: Ahn-drea's having a dream that she's walking through the woods and hearing a baby cry, then gets distressed when she can't find it. She's jolted awake when her alarm goes off at 3:00am...and rolls over and takes her meds, which are supposed to prevent pre-term labor. I'm pretty sure that ship sailed well over a month ago, writers. She gets up and lumbers into the living room and finds Jesse sanding a baby cradle. She admonishes him for not studying for his upcoming law school exam, then gripes in her usual whiny fashion about how tired she is of being on perpetual bed rest, and that she just had the "lost baby in the woods" dream again, wah wah. Jesse responds with something soothing...I guess. I checked out while watching this scene 'cause I really couldn't care less about Ahn-drea and her "premature" spawn storyline. I'm more than ready for her to give birth and permanently transfer to Yale.

The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is reading the newspaper promo for Cat On a Hot Tin Roof aloud to Papa Walsh. She's excited to see Brenda's name in print, but is also nervous for her. Brandon enters the kitchen and announces that he's off to campus to pick up the task force handbooks so he can get them over to the chancellor's office. After that, Brenda ambles into the kitchen and reminds Brandon not to be late for the play's premiere that evening...and he promises to be there on time. Papa Walsh suddenly looks contemplative and reflects on how proud he is of both of his kids' success, then brags that he must be doing something right. Brenda informs her parents that they'll be sitting with Donna and David, then adds that she offered Steve a pair of tickets; however, he declined. But she refuses to let anything that Steve does bother her and imperiously declares, "That's his problem. I have a show to do."


Dylan's house. Erica runs into Dylan's bedroom and urgently wakes him up. Kelly stirs on the bed beside him and looks annoyed, and Erica looks momentarily startled to see her, but insists that this is an emergency. She tells Dylan that she overheard her mom and Kevin talk about relocating to South America. She wants Dylan to talk to them and find out what's going on, so he sleepily promises to give Suzanne a call...but Erica informs him that he doesn't have to, since Suzanne and Kevin are already in his living room. Ack! Why in the hell do these annoying people have a key to his house? After Erica dashes out of the bedroom, Kelly points out to Dylan that the little imp could have easily interrupted them while they were doinking...but Dylan shrugs like he couldn't give a rat's ass, then pulls on some clothes and slouches into the living room.


Suzanne apologizes for barging in uninvited, but explains that before they could go shoe shopping, Erica insisted on dropping by to ask Dylan which kind of sneakers she should buy. That's...ridiculously lame. Dylan comes right out and says he heard a rumor that they're moving to South America, and Suzanne looks shocked and is all, "Wha-at?!" while Kevin twitches and mutters, "Boy, something's screwy here!" Erica says she heard them talking, so Suzanne announces to her and Dylan that she and Kevin have talked about possibly relocating to the southwest - not South America. [Or Mexico. Where they abscond with Dylan's millions in Season 5.] Dylan asks Kevin about the likelihood of finding work in California, but Kevin says he doesn't want to get back on a "corporate treadmill" and would prefer to set up his own research lab...however, the investors he's pretended to talk to aren't interested in setting up a new venture in L.A. Kelly suddenly appears, fully dressed, and acts as though she dropped by a few minutes ago to pick something up. She departs hastily and Erica remarks to Dylan, "I still think you should be with Brenda." Perish the thought, frizzhead.


Beach house. Donna needs a storyline, so she's been tasked with lining up a band for the CU Mardi Gras in the season finale...and she and David are listening to a bunch of music CDs.


Chancellor's office. Brandon bursts into the reception area with a box of task force handbooks. He's very excited and wants to show them to the chancellor, but Peggy, his secretary, says he's busy and that Brandon should just leave them with her. Brandon sets the box down and browses through one of the handbooks. He's dismayed when he notices that his name isn't on the list of delegates traveling to Washington and asks Peggy who did the final proof. She tells him the chancellor did it right before he left for Europe with Clare. Brandon says it's probably an oversight, but when he looks over at Peggy for confirmation, she just gives him an unhelpful wince. He tells her he'd really like to talk to the chancellor about this passive-aggressive maneuver - I mean oversight, but Peggy forbids him to enter the chancellor's office and says he specifically told her he wasn't to be disturbed.


Doctor's office. Ahn-drea and Jesse arrive for her check-up, and the doctor tells them that her test results were not good. The pills she's been taking aren't doing much to control her pre-term labor, and she's dilated another centimeter and has an excess of amniotic fluid, which apparently is very serious. The doctor ominously tells her that her condition has become dangerous for the baby, and he doubts that she'll be able to carry it to full term. He advises her to check into the hospital that evening so she can be monitored. Ahn-drea looks alarmed and wails, "I'm only twenty-seven weeks pregnant!" The doctor tells her that the baby will almost certainly be premature, and that this will probably lead to a whole host of complications. He doesn't seem to be much of an optimist, this doctor. Ahn-drea and Jesse hold hands and look really freaked out.


Steve is in Laura's dorm room, packing up her stuff when Brandon drops by. Steve explains that he promised Laura's parents he'd make sure everything got shipped to Fresno. Brandon asks how Cray Cray's doing, so Steve tells him that she's under a doctor's care...and that it's not the first time she's gone squirrelly and threatened to kill herself. With all that's happened, Steve can't bring himself to see the play, even though he'd really like to patch things up with Brenda. He then changes the subject and asks Brandon what's going on in his life, and Brandon says he continues to deal with the curse of Clare. He tells Steve that his name wasn't on the task force's traveling list for the Washington trip, and that he can't get access to the chancellor to even inquire about it. And speaking of the chancellor, he's sensed some "strained vibes" ever since he told him the truth about his trampy daughter. Steve looks amused by all this and remarks that for once Brandon is in the position of having to sweat.


Theater. Brenda is sitting in the dressing room, staring at herself in the mirror and doing some last minute rehearsing. She picks up a small wrapped box just as Roy arrives. He tells her he thought he was the only maniac who arrived two hours before the curtain goes up...and Brenda confidently declares that she's ready to do the show, then unwraps the box and finds a medallion. Roy takes a look at it and explains that it's St. Genesius, the patron saint of acting...and says it must have been a gift from someone special. Brenda turns over the box and sees "Dylan" scrawled on the card, and she agrees that, yes, it did come from someone special. Blech. I'm not looking forward to even a brief regurgitation of that relationship.


Ahn-drea's/Jesse's apartment. Ahn-drea and Jesse are packing for her hospital stay. She's whining about how the various doctors she's seen have told her different things, wah wah - and Jesse assures her that they'll get through this. She then babbles about how her pregnancy complications are probably her fault, since she worked around cats while she was pregnant, and Jesse assures her that she's not to blame, and that this is all just bad luck. In an effort to shut her up, he shows her the finished cradle and says that the baby has to be fine, since he can't have done all of this work for nothing.


Theater. Cat On a Hot Tin Roof has reached its conclusion for the night, and the cast takes a bow while receiving a standing ovation. Roy appears onstage with a bouquet of roses and hands them to a smug looking Brenda, which was nauseating. Afterward, Erica is gushing to Dylan and Kelly about how great Brenda was in the play, and when she asks Kelly if she agrees, Dylan interjects and tells her that Kelly also tried out for the role so she may have a "different interpretation". Kelly says she thought Brenda was outstanding, then gives Dylan the stink-eye for his unnecessarily dickish remark. Elsewhere in the theater, Mama and Papa Walsh are gabbling about Brenda's awesomeness when Brandon suddenly spots the chancellor and tells his folks he'll catch up with them at the after-party. He rushes after the chancellor, who appears to be with an African delegation of some sort, but gets blown off when the chancellor says that he and his foreign friends are off to dinner, and that he'll also be too swamped to talk to him tomorrow. Brandon stares after him looking disheartened.


The gang sees Brenda and they all tell her she was fabulous in the play. Roy, who's looming behind her, tells her he needs to introduce her to some important theater guy from Portland, and the two rush off.


Dylan tells Papa Walsh he's thinking of investing in a bio-chemical company, and Papa Walsh agrees that it's a hot sector right now and tells him they should get together and discuss it further. Kelly ambles over and asks Dylan whassup, and he informs her that he's planning to invest in Kevin's future company. She rolls her eyes at that, and when he calls her on it, she shrugs and says she has no say in what he does with his money.


Hospital. Ahn-drea is getting settled into her room, and a friendly nurse named Dottie hooks her up to a fetal monitor and tells her she'll be around all night. Ahn-drea tells Jesse she's exhausted and that he should go study for his final...and he looks only too happy to leave.


At 7:00am the next morning, Kelly runs into Brandon in the CU parking lot while he's staking out the chancellor. He tells Kelly about how his name is missing from the traveling roster for Washington, and she says it's probably just a mistake. Brandon glumly shakes his head and tells her it's doubtful he's going on the trip, and she warns him against self-fulfilling prophecies, something she recently learned about in one of her psych classes. He wryly tells her not to psycho-analyze his torment. Suddenly a car pulls up, and Brandon assumes it's the chancellor and rushes over to it...but is disappointed when he sees Peggy step out. She informs him that the chancellor is already in his office returning calls and can't be disturbed, then adds, "It's not going to be a good day."


Recording studio. David is waiting around while Donna wanders around the studio in a skimpy black crop top as she tries to book Babyface for the CU carnival. At the water cooler, David encounters a music rep named Ariel Hunter, and she jokingly (I have to assume it's jokingly) tells him she thought he was a gangster rap artist. He tells her that his taste is a lot more "old school" than gangster rap, and the two discuss their tastes in music. She seems intrigued by him and asks him if he's a musician, and he tells her he had a "pretty kickin'" rap single last year (bwahahaha!!), but it "didn't make much noise". Yeah, that's safe to say. Ariel tells him she's trying to discover the next big thing in music and is in the process of putting a band together. She invites him to jam - sweet baby Jesus, nooooo!!! - with three other musicians she's been working with, then hands him her business card.


The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is aghast that the company Dylan wants to invest in is a start-up that hasn't actually been started up by Suzanne's boyfriend...er fiance. Papa Walsh says he definitely wants to know more about Kevin, but Dylan says that he's so busy talking to investors that the only free time he has is tomorrow...so Papa Walsh agrees to invite them over for brunch. He says he has to "clear it with the boss", then tucks his balls between his legs and skulks upstairs to ask Mama Walsh if it's OK to have people over. Dylan sees Brenda washing up the dishes and slouches over to the kitchen. He tells her he read the glowing review she got for last night's performance, and Brenda gives him a smug smile then quotes the review from memory. She thanks him for the medallion and says it brought her luck, and also thanks him for standing by her during the craziness of auditioning. She leans forward and kisses his cheek, and he looks totally turned on. The two stare at each other longingly...and Brenda abruptly excuses herself and says she has to get over to the theater. He wishes her a good show, then stares longingly at her backside.


Hospital. Donna drops by to bring Ahn-drea a bag full of gifts, including an Etch-a-Sketch and a book about color therapy. She tells her about booking Babyface for the CU carnival, and that David has an appointment to jam (bwahahaha!!) with a bunch of other musicians. Ahn-drea says that that's great news, and tells her that Jesse thinks David is really talented after hearing him play piano at the beach apartment. Donna says that Jesse is no slouch in the husband department, and Andrea tells her he's been a rock through all this.


Brandon arrives at the hospital and runs into Jesse in the hallway. Jesse tells him how stressed out he is about having a premature baby, and that ever since he and Ahn-drea doinked without using birth control, his life has drastically changed. Ahn-drea's doctor suddenly shows up, and Jesse and Brandon head over to her room to get the latest update. The doctor announces that he'd like to do an amniocentesis to see if the baby has any birth defects...and Ahn-drea acts uncharacteristically Zen about it and tells everyone she's going to stay positive. Fantastic.


Recording studio. David is standing in front of a keyboard, playing what sounds like jazzy elevator music when three unruly looking cretins tumble into the booth. Ariel appears behind them and introduces them: Carlos, Lenny, and P.K. - and all three come off as immature horse's asses. Ariel encourages the four of them to "jam together", so David resumes playing his elevator muzak, and the others join in with their instruments. Ariel grins and bobs her head as though she's really getting into the dull-as-dishwater melody.


The Peach Pit. Dylan tells Brandon, Steve, and Kelly that he really wants to invest in Kevin's company, and is happy that Papa Walsh seems to be on board with it. Nat suddenly bursts into the diner accompanied by Brenda and Roy, and cheese-tastically announces to everyone how amazing "the incomparable Brenda Walsh" was in Cat On a Hot Tin Roof. Roy tells the gang that Brenda has the potential to be a fine actress, though she could use some classical training...so Brandon cheekily remarks that she did, in fact, receive classical training when she was in that play where she almost took all of her clothes off. Haha! Brenda bitchily retorts that at least Steve came to that play...and a sheepish looking Steve says he's apologized for not attending any of her performances, and she snarks back, "Talk is cheap, Steve." She reminds him that there's only one performance left: tomorrow's matinee.


Hospital. Ahn-drea's having the "lost baby in the woods" dream again, but this time she finds a tiny hologram looking baby and cups it in both of her hands. Weird. She wakes up smiling just as Dottie is checking her vitals. Ahn-drea tells her she finally found her baby, and Dottie pretends to understand what the hell she's talking about.


Recording studio. David and the cretins are finishing up their muzak song, and Ariel looks very impressed. She tells David how great he is, and one of the cretins says - and this is a direct quote, "Aw right aw right, man - way to go! My boy D's in the house. Full props man." And then David responds with, "Thanks man, I was jumpin'." The cretins tell David they'd play with him anytime...and suddenly one of them remembers that David used to hang out in Andy's drug lair. Also, all three guys know Howard, and they make it clear that they're all heavily into crystal meth. As David silently wigs out, Donna rushes over and excitedly tells him that Ariel suggested that she book him, Carlos, Lenny, and P.K. as the opening act for Babyface. Carlos, Lenny, and P.K. are excited about getting their first real gig, but David just looks wary and depressed.


Chancellor's office. Brandon arrives on Sunday morning to speak with the chancellor...and this time he refuses to take no for an answer. He storms past Peggy and barges into the chancellor's office. Peggy tries to stop him, and apologizes to the chancellor for the intrusion...and when the chancellor assures her that it's all right, Brandon gently shoves her out of the office. Now that he has the chancellor's attention, Brandon confesses that while he was attracted to Clare (wait - wuh?), he never laid a hand on her. He also reminds him that he "worked his guts out" on the task force and shouldn't be barred from traveling to Washington just because the chancellor didn't like hearing the truth about his skanky daughter. The chancellor scrunches his face in confusion and assures Brandon he is going to Washington. When Brandon asks him why his name isn't on the traveling roster, or why no airline tickets were issued to him, the chancellor says there was obviously a printer error when the handbooks were published...which also explains why he wasn't issued an airline ticket. Brandon seems to buy that weak explanation, and the chancellor tells him he was right to put Clare in her place. Well, d'yuh.


The Walsh house. It's brunch time. Mama and Papa Walsh are chatting with Kevin about his microorganism research, and Papa Walsh says that if the profits are there, the investors will be lining up. Dylan interjects and says that that's OK, just as long as they line up after him. Kelly rolls her eyes again and looks unimpressed by the whole thing.


Hospital. Donna tells David she wants to hang around the hospital until Ahn-drea is finished with whatever tests she's currently undergoing. She asks David how his jam session went, and gushes about what a great opportunity it is. David breaks the news that he's passing on any future jam sessions with the cretins because they're drug hounds...and reminds her that the writers wrapped up the crystal meth storyline ten episodes ago and have no intention of revisiting the issue. Donna tells him she's cancelling the druggies, along with Babyface...but David hastily assures her that Babyface is a class act and not into drugs, so it'd be OK to book him.


Dylan drives Kelly home after the brunch. The two sit in his Porsche, and she asks him what's going on with them...and that if they took away the sex, they'd have no relationship. He mumbles something about a communication breakdown, so she asks him if their issues are fixable, and he asks her if she can forget about everything that's happened during the past few weeks. She tells him she can...and after a long smooch, he tells her to consider their relationship fixed. Ta da! He thanks her for coming to the brunch, and she remarks that Papa Walsh seemed very impressed by Kevin and his work. Dylan says that soon Kevin will be a regular moneymaking machine, which causes Kelly to raise her eyebrows and remark that ever since Suzanne and her frizzheaded daughter showed up, he's changed. Dylan immediately gets testy and snarkishly accuses Kelly of resenting Suzanne and Erica...or anything that takes his attention away from her. Kelly looks fed up and says that maybe their deeply-rooted problems aren't fixable...and he agrees and declares that they should start seeing other people. She rhetorically asks him, "So this is it?" and he puts on his shades and drives off.


Theater. The cast of Cat On a Hot Tin Roof is taking a final bow, and as the audience cheers, Brenda looks smugger than ever. Afterward, in the dressing room, Eddie tells her she wasn't half bad, and Roy says that coming from Eddie that's a huge compliment. Roy then praises her talent and tells her that he really didn't expect to come to CU and find an actress. After that nauseating exchange, Steve appears in the dressing room to grovel. Brenda looks happy to see him, and he tells her she was great in the play, and that he's glad he came. He also wants her to forgive him, and she responds by giving him a hug and accidentally gets makeup all over his jacket...which they just laugh off.


Hospital. Brandon drops by Ahn-drea's hospital room to tell her that he's leaving for Washington later that day. Jesse enters the room with the doctor...and suddenly Ahn-drea looks distressed and wails that her water just broke. Brandon urges her to chillax, and the doctor quickly examines her and warns her that she could have the baby at any moment. Ahn-drea flails around miserably and yells, "It's too soon!" Brandon promises not to leave town until her baby is delivered...but she just keeps howling, "No! This is all wrong! Wah! Wah!"

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