Recap: Brenda's at the university library, trying to dig up as much information as she can find on Roy Randolph, CU's incoming artist-in-residence. She finds a bunch of articles on microfiche and in newspapers...and when she's finished her research, she exits the library and walks past a poster advertising upcoming auditions for Cat On a Hot Tin Roof.
Brenda runs into Dylan outside and tells him she's auditioning for the lead role of Maggie in Roy Randolph's production of the Tennessee Williams play. She tells him that Randolph is reputed to be a serial womanizer and that he has an eye for young talent...then pretty much admits her willingness to whore and debase herself any way necessary to catch that eye. At the moment, though, she's off to the Peach Pit to meet the gals for their weekly "sorority meeting". Dylan says he'll see her there...but first he has to stop by the library to get some books that Erica wanted on Lincoln's assassination.
The Peach Pit. Ahn-drea is complaining to Kelly and Donna about her ballooning weight, and says her pregnancy has made her so rotund that Jesse's shirts are the only clothes she can fit into anymore. Yikes. That would explain the frumpy oversize blue and green flannel thing she currently has on. She looks glum while noshing from a big plate of fries, and moans about how her waistline is only going to get wider over the next several weeks. A sympathetic Kelly offers to lend her some of Jackie's maternity moo moos from when she was pregnant in Season 2, and this seems to really please Ahn-drea. Donna stares across the diner and asks Kelly if she knows who the twitchy, nervous looking guy with the unsightly mustache and glasses is who's talking to Suzanne and Erica. Kelly glances over and says she has no idea.
Suzanne admonishes Erica for being snappish and hostile to Twitchy, then ambles over to Kelly and asks her if she's seen Dylan. Brenda happens to arrive at that moment and informs Suzanne that Dylan's at the library, but will be on his way to the diner very soon...and Suzanne seems satisfied with that and tells the girls to enjoy their sorority meeting. Erica asks the girls what a sorority is, so Kelly explains that the four of them attended West Beverly High together during Seasons 1-3, and since the writers insist on integrating their characters in as many of the same Season 4 storylines as possible, they're required to stay in touch at least once a week. Erica hints that she'd like to join their exclusive little sorority, so the gals humor her and conduct an impromptu pledge rush. They tell her she must swear to be a good friend - but more importantly, be willing to dish some dirt. And speaking of dirt, Donna asks what the deal is with Twitchy, and Erica makes a blech face and tells them he's her mom's new boyfriend.
Brandon's studying at the counter when Clare sneaks up behind him and does the annoying hands-over-the-eyes-from-behind/guess who?thing. Brandon has no interest in "guessing who"...and doesn't look remotely pleased when he sees that it's Clare. She tells him her father's secretary told her he hangs out at the Pit a lot...and here he is! Brandon remarks that she seems very chipper today, so she tells him she turned eighteen last week, which means technically she can't be considered jail bait anymore. Brandon shrugs indifferently, packs up his books, and leaves...and Claire trails after him 'cause she's incapable of taking a really obvious hint. Brandon tries to make a break for it in the parking lot, but Clare puts her arms around him and suggests that the two of them go out on a date. Brandon gives her a quasi firm no, and pretends that his reason for not wanting to be seen with her in public is that she's the chancellor's daughter. Dylan suddenly pulls up in his Porsche, and Brandon introduces him to stalker Clare...and she plants a kiss on him and purrs, "Goodbye, mon cheri." As soon as she's out of hearing range, Dylan tells Brandon he'd be nuts to get involved with that, particularly after the Lucinda debacle. He advises Brandon to be likewhoa and Brandon insists that he did try to put the brakes on, though probably not nearly forcefully enough. He then asks Dylan not to tell anyone about Clare's fixation on him, and refers to the situation as "gnarly".
As soon as Dylan enters the Peach Pit, Suzanne introduces him to her twitchy boyfriend...and we learn that his name is Kevin Weaver. Erica sees Dylan from across the diner and asks him about the Lincoln assassination books he promised to bring her. Dylan excuses himself and slouches over to where she's sitting.
The Walsh house. Mama and Papa Walsh are gearing up to go on vacation with the Levins, who live across the street...and apparently, the Levins have asked Brenda to house-sit for them while they're away. Mama Walsh asks Brenda to help her with the dinner dishes, and Brenda, who's in the middle of prepping for her audition, starts conversing with her in a ghastly southern accent. Mama Walsh is concerned about all the pressure she's putting on herself, so Brenda explains that working with Roy Randolph is the opportunity of a lifetime for any actress...and acting is the precarious career path she stubbornly insists on pursuing. Mama Walsh wishes she didn't have her heart set on the lead and suggests trying out for a smaller part, but Brenda insists that she is Maggie the Cat: a woman scorned by the man she loves.
Dorm. Steve is standing in front of a vending machine when he hears a screechy woman's voice calling out for help from one of the dorm rooms. He bursts in and finds Laura Kingman clad in a long nightgown and standing on top of her bed holding a copy of Cat On a Hot Tin Roof. She's startled by the intrusion, and he explains that he thought someone was in trouble. She apologizes for her screeching, and tells him she's rehearsing for a part in a play. Steve turns to leave, but she stops him and admits that she's been avoiding talking to him ever since the Take Back the Night debacle. She says she's had a lonely, miserable year, but is trying to turn things around by auditioning for the lead role in Cat On a Hot Tin Roof. She recalls that Steve offered to be her friend after she refrained from falsely accusing him of date rape...but she couldn't handle it then. Steve takes the bait and offers to help her learn her lines for the play, and she grins and tells him she can definitely handle that.
Student Union. Brenda finishes paying the cashier for a yogurt, and is bumped into by Roy Randolph. She immediately starts gushing about what a huge fan she is, then shows him her copy of Cat On a Hot Tin Roof and informs him that she's planning to audition for Maggie. Randolph looks intrigued, flirts shamelessly, and sounds like the arrogant windbag he is when he describes his preferred version of Maggie as "fetching, love-starved, and dangerous". After that nauseating interaction, Brenda strolls away smugly, and Randolph chuckles with delight as he brazenly stares at her ass.
Dylan's house. Dylan's working on his motorcycle out back when Suzanne drops by. She tells him that Kevin is an environmental chemist and all around good guy, and is troubled that Erica is so hostile toward him. She doesn't want the kid to scare off what might be her last gasp at romance, so Dylan offers to talk to Erica and try to convince her to give Kevin a chance.
California University. Brandon runs into Steve on his way to see the chancellor. Steve mentions that he's helping Laura Kingman learn lines for an audition, and Brandon tells him he's nuts and reminds him that the girl nearly ruined his life by publicly accusing him of rape. Steve brushes that off and says he wants things to go well for the girl, and also demonstrate that he's capable of having a mature, non-sexual relationship with a woman.
The Levins house. Brenda and Kelly are sitting by the Levins' fantastic swimming pool, going over her lines...and Brenda's southern accent continues to be as painful to the ears as her phony Parisian accent from Season 3 was. Kelly assures her that her acting is great, and that she'll be very well rehearsed. Brenda returns the compliment and tells Kelly that she read the part of May really well and urges her to try out for the role...and Kelly stares thoughtfully into space and mulls it over. A minute later, Dylan arrives to pick up Kelly, and she tells him she's thinking seriously of trying out for a small role. He's surprised by the news, but is mostly just grateful that she and Brenda['s inner bitch] are getting along again.
Chancellor's office. The chancellor tells Brandon that the Department of Education has written up a lengthy paper on their task force. Seriously? They must have been desperate for a make-work project. The chancellor wants Brandon to read it, then report back on how the task force is being perceived. Clare suddenly barges in and asks her father, in a weird baby talk sounding voice, if he's ready to head over to the museum (I guess they had prior plans?). The chancellor re-introduces his daughter to Brandon, and she pretends to vaguely recall who he is...but when the chancellor turns his attention away from her, she stares at Brandon hungrily and blows him a kiss. She then overhears Brandon promise to read the report over the weekend since he'll have the entire house to himself.
Dorm. Laura is practicing her lines with Steve, and his southern accent is almost as painful sounding as Brenda's. Laura's isn't nearly as bad, and she gets totally lost in the character of Maggie and starts fondling Steve. He looks uneasy, but also turned on and tells her she's doing great. She thanks him for being such a great coach, then gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
Ahn-drea's/Jesse's apartment. David, Donna, and Rocky 2 pay a visit to Ahn-drea to bring her some of Jackie's maternity moo moos. Ahn-drea excitedly pulls one out of the bag, and for some bizarre reason puts it on over top of the lumpy sweatshirt she's already wearing. After Donna buttons it up in the back, Ahn-drea rotates her shoulders a bit, and the stretched moo moo rips all the way down the back. David's unhelpful reaction is, "Eww...it's a little too tight." Ahn-drea is mortified and unilaterally decides that none of the clothes in the bag will fit her. Well...no. Not if she insists on wearing them over top of another thick outfit. Donna just shrugs and tells her she obviously has a really big baby on the way, but Ahn-drea looks depressed and says she just has to stop eating so much.
Theater. The lobby is packed with students waiting to audition for Cat On a Hot Tin Roof. Brenda's sitting by herself and notices that Steve is there with Laura. Steve mouths "good luck" to Brenda, while Laura just shoots her a bitchy glare. Roy enters the lobby and looks pleased by the large turnout. He introduces everyone to his curmudgeonly stage manager, Eddie, who has been a Broadway fixture for decades. Roy assures all of his auditioners that everyone will have an equal chance of earning a role in his play. As he continues to gabble, Kelly bursts in late...and Randolph pauses to eye her appreciatively, and then reminds everyone that they need to exercise patience, since the audition process can be time-consuming and tedious.
Kelly takes the seat beside Brenda, and the two glance over at Laura and Steve. Kelly remarks that they've obviously patched things up since she threatened to falsely accuse him of date rape. Brenda then says, "She's definitely bent enough to be Maggie" - and says this without a scrap of irony or self awareness.
The Walsh house. Brandon answers the door and Clare immediately bursts inside. She's carrying a ginormous overnight bag, and for some reason drops it on his foot. She slips into her annoying baby talk voice again and announces that her father, who's currently out of town, thinks she's spending the night with a friend. She needlessly adds that she's into sex, rock, and decent literature. Brandon tells her he's busy reading through the report for her father, and that her being at his house isn't going to work. He offers to drive her over to her friend's house, but Clare says that this "friend" went to a late night movie and won't be home for hours. She then walks over to Brandon, stands really close to him, and asks, "Am I repulsive or something?" Um...to me she kind of is, but Brandon diplomatically tells her that he owes it to her father to keep a respectable distance. Clare then pulls out a small radio from her large bag, turns on some music, and starts swaying seductively. Brandon stares at her blankly...and since neither he nor his penis are moved by her gyrations, he heads back upstairs to resume reading the chancellor's report.
The Peach Pit. Dylan finds Erica at the counter, reading a book about Lincoln. He tells her that Kevin seems like a good guy, and urges her to give him a chance, but Erica says she doesn't like him 'cause he reminds her of John Wilkes Booth's getaway driver: good looking, with the mind of a ten year old. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, since Kevin is definitely on the uggo side of the looks spectrum. Plus, he's a scientist, so I'm sure he's no dummy. Erica explains that she doesn't want her mom to have a boyfriend, because if the two of them get married, she'll have to move to Orange County (where Kevin lives), and wouldn't get to see Dylan anymore. Dylan promises her they'll always be close and urges her again to cut Kevin some slack, but she just shrugs noncommittally.
Theater. It's Brenda's turn to audition, and she strides over to the stage wearing a filmy white dress. She does a monologue in her atrocious southern accent and, a few seconds in, starts crawling across the floor for dramatic effect. Randolph remarks to Eddie that Brenda has the fire and desperation [actually, Roy, that's spite and bitchitude], and Eddie accuses him of enjoying this gig 'cause he gets to hang around eighteen year old actresses. Roy responds with a hearty chuckle, which...ew. Laura overhears Eddie, looks troubled, then stares bloody daggers at Brenda.
The Walsh house. Steve calls Brandon to tell him how amazing Laura did at her audition, then credits his coaching abilities for making it all possible. Brandon tells Steve he's busy...then suddenly hears Clare giggling on one of the extensions. Brandon immediately cuts the call short, and a few seconds later hears Clare ascending the stairs. She enters his room with the overnight bag slung across her shoulder, and she's now clad in a one piece black teddy. She informs him that her friend is staying over with a guy, so she has nowhere else to spend the night. Well, except for the house she lives in, which was always an option. Brenda suddenly arrives home, and Brandon orders Clare to stay quiet and stay put, then rushes downstairs to quickly get rid of his sister. Brenda immediately starts yammering to him about how great her audition went, then asks him why Steve was there with Laura Kingman. Brandon mumbles that he's just helping her out, so Brenda tells him about how Kelly was still waiting for her turn when she left. Brandon couldn't care less, and ushers to toward the door so she can return to the Levins' to continue house-sitting. When she finally leaves, Brandon races back upstairs and is dismayed to find Clare stretched out on his bed, handcuffed to the lamp that's attached to his bedpost. Brandon tells her she has to leave his house right now and looks around for the key to the cuffs. She saucily tells him that the key is hidden on her somewhere, and Brandon is clearly turned off by the idea of conducting a full body search. He throws in the towel and tells her she can spend the night in his room, then shuts off the light and closes the door behind him. Haha! A dismayed Clare shrieks, "Brandon!"
Theater. When it's almost Kelly's turn to audition, she abruptly changes her mind and heads toward the exit. Randolph happens to come out of the theater at that moment, sees her, and rushes to stop her. She tells him she's not trying out for the play after all, and that she only showed up as a favor to a friend. Randolph smarmily tells her that he waited all day to hear her read, and declares that no one walks out on his auditions. He then feeds her a line about how she has a certain freshness and fear, and insists on seeing how she performs onstage. She warns him that he'll probably be disappointed, but eventually gives in and agrees to audition.
Beach house. There are newspapers laid out on the floor in an effort to catch Rocky 2's pee and poop. David bitches that the little dog just peed on an uncovered area of the floor and wants to rub the tiny pooch's face in it. Well that's just mean and ineffective. Fortunately for Rocky 2, Donna refuses to allow any rubbing of the dog's face in his own urine. The phone rings, and it's Brenda calling for Kelly. Kelly emerges from her bedroom, pajama clad and groggy, takes the phone and tells Brenda it was so late by the time when she finally finished auditioning that she didn't have a chance to call her last night. Brenda tells her that Randolph is posting a list of callbacks at 11:00am, but Kelly says she can't make it and wishes her luck. After she hangs up, Donna remarks that Kelly didn't tell Brenda she ended up reading for the lead role. Kelly just shrugs and says that Randolph talked her into it...but she doesn't believe she actually has a chance.
The Walsh house. Brandon spent the night on the living room couch, and is awoken by the sound of a car honking. Clare is (mercifully) fully dressed in her school uniform, and lumbers down the stairs with her huge bag. She tells Brandon that she called a cab and has to head off to school. She asks him if, by any chance, he molested her while she was sleeping...then correctly guesses it must have just been an erotic dream. Brandon tells her that normally he isn't such a boy scout when girls throw themselves at him in so shameless a fashion, but since he doesn't feel the slightest bit of physical attraction for her, he's just going to say, "Goodbye and good luck." Ouch and double ouch. Instead of being utterly mortified the way a normally functioning girl would be, Clare insists she had fun. She wanted to spend the night with a college guy...and she did! Girl has serious issues. For some reason, Brandon allows her to give him a long, drawn-out smooch before she finally gets the hell out of his house.
Doctor's office. Ahn-drea is having an ultrasound and is convinced that something is not quite right with her spawn. The doctor tells her that everything looks normal, and when Ahn-drea points out her high weight gain, the doc says it's not abnormal and that she should chillax. Ahn-drea still looks stressed out and tells Jesse that she's worried about complications...and he reminds her that ultrasounds are pricey and that insurance will only cover so many. She then starts wailing that she's sure something is very wrong.
The Peach Pit. Suzanne thanks Dylan for asking Erica to be nicer to Kevin, and when the subject turns to surfing, Kevin starts babbling about a sonar gizmo he fitted to his surfboard. Dylan looks predictably intrigued and tells Kevin he'd like to check it out. The two walk outside together, and when a bus suddenly hurtles toward Kevin, Dylan reacts by pulling him onto the sidewalk. The near death experience has made Kevin look even more nervous and twitchy than usual, and he tells Dylan he just made a pal for life...and the two shake hands.
California University. Brenda arrives on campus and heads toward the theater to check out the callback list. Laura ambles over to her and congratulates her for making the cut, and says she also got a callback. She says that Randolph has whittled the group down to five for the role of Maggie: the two of them, two people we probably won't ever see, and Kelly Taylor. Brenda's all, "Wha-a?!" and Laura grimly says that someone in the crew told her that Kelly is the frontrunner. She bitterly adds it didn't hurt that Kelly went out with Roy for cappuccino after the audition. Brenda continues to be all, "Wha-a?!" and Laura fans the flames of Brenda's wrath even further by saying, "With friends like that, who need enemies?" then wishes a seething Brenda good luck and strolls off.