Recap: Carrie wakes up in her old SATC apartment, then gets out of bed and shuffles into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Charlotte, meanwhile, is in a fancy café buying coffees...and is multitasking as she confirms Harry's colonoscopy on Friday. While that's happening, Lisa is in a different fancy café with her kids buying coffees...and when she and Charlotte meet up at the school, they chuckle when they realize they each bought the other a coffee.
Charlotte happily reports to a group of moms that she was able to book a school field trip to the Botanical Gardens and scored a personalized tour with a botany team that was recently profiled in New York Magazine. One of the other moms (Deirdre) suggests, instead of that, she could call her friend who runs an animal shelter on City Island so that the kids could get a tour and then play with the animals. A visibly irked Charlotte says she spent weeks chasing down the deaf, hard-to-reach botanists, so Deirdre back pedals and says that the animal shelter is just a backup idea...then explains that when she didn't receive a field trip update, she was afraid Charlotte had dropped the ball. Lisa interjects and tells Deidre that the update was included in an email chain and insists that Charlotte has never dropped a ball in her life. As Lisa steers Charlotte away from the mom group, she invites her to Herbert's birthday party and tells her to keep it on the down-low 'cause she's not inviting any of the other moms...and Charlotte squeals happily and says she'd like to return the favor by inviting her and Herbert over to meet her circle of friends. Lisa suggests Thursday evening, and Charlotte's like, "Perfect!" and then promptly postpones Harry's colonoscopy.
Miranda is standing in her kitchen, staring despondently into space, when Brady and Luisa bound into the room to get some breakfast. Brady's all, "You reek of weed, dude!" and Miranda irritably explains that she and her gal pals were at a comedy club last night along with a bunch of "alternative types" who were getting high all around them...and that she hasn't been able to bring herself to shower off the sensual pot cloud that Che shotgunned into her face. An amused looking Luisa says, "Miranda, come on. We're all grown-ups. We know pot when we smell it" ... and Miranda somehow refrains from reminding the impudent twit that 1) she's not a grown-up, and 2) she isn't entitled to any kind of explanation about an actual grown-up's personal pot stench just 'cause Brady's boning her in his bedroom every night.
Carrie is browsing her closet when she hears a strange noise coming from the kitchen, which turns out to be her coffee maker malfunctioning and spilling coffee everywhere. She then returns to her closet and decides on the bizarre combination of a striped shirt and a long white see-through tutu type skirt, then flounces over to the nearest convenience store to get a coffee. The clerk brightens at the sight of her, is all, "Long time no see" and asks her if she's enjoying married life...and she sadly shares that her husband recently died. The clerk sympathetically clucks, "Poor Caroline" and gives her a free coffee and roll. After that, Carrie returns to her marital apartment, wanders sadly from room to room, and stares mournfully at the Peloton that killed Big.
Over drinks, Carrie tells Miranda and Charlotte that she half expected Big to be home when she returned to the apartment, and has made the decision to sell it. Miranda and Charlotte caution her about making any life-changing decisions while in mourning, but Carrie says she's all action and has already contacted a realtor and rid herself of the murderous Peloton. Charlotte changes the subject to the Thursday dinner party she's planning on inviting Lisa and Herbert to and wants the two of them to also attend. Miranda says she can make it, then shares that she's having dinner with her law professor (Nya) this week, and explains that after she gave a kick-ass argument in her law class, Nya invited her out to dinner to discuss it further. She then looks around for the waiter and says she wants to order another drink and suggests they get a bottle, and Charlotte's like, "Nooooo!! We're fine like this!" as Carrie raises her eyebrows in mild amusement.
Realtor Seema Patel arrives at Carrie's apartment, takes in the loud wallpapered decor and odd furniture choices, and declares it gorgeous but that it's all gotta go. LOL. When a bewildered Carrie's all, "Wha-a-a?", Seema explains that prospective buyers need to picture themselves living in the apartment without having to look past all the fugly wallpaper she somehow deems fashionable...and assures Carrie that her movers/stagers will take care of everything so she needn't lift a finger. When Seema wanders into the closet and marvels at its awesomeness, Carrie makes it clear that no one is to touch the shoes...and Seema says she totally gets that 'cause she's the kind of person who names each of her purses. She then glances around the "insane" spa bathroom and says it could use one thing to "pull this whole area into focus": a Peloton. Carrie stares at her despondently for a few seconds, breezily offers to explain her visceral reaction to the mention of a Peloton another time, then says she has to head off to Podcast Headquarters now. Seema offers the services of her driver, who can drop her off in Midtown.
Carrie sniffs the back of Seema's car and asks her if she smokes, and Seema admits that, yep, she lights up once in awhile when she's alone. Carrie says she used to smoke, then accepts a cigarette while explaining that it's been a rough few weeks. As the two ride off to Midtown, Carrie sticks her face out of the window [the way my dog likes to do] while sadly puffing away on her cigarette.
Podcast manager Chloe admonishes Carrie and Jackie for not keeping their social media accounts more up to date, and tells Carrie that her Instagram has been "pretty much a corpse" for the last three weeks. As the room goes silent and the cute control booth guy warns Chloe to shut it, Chloe suddenly remembers Big's recent demise, winces, and blurts out, "Oh, fuck me! Fuck!" and apologizes to Carrie. Jackie chides Chloe for being so insensitive, and she snappishly retorts to not make this about them, and half-heartedly says it was fun while it lasted. She then turns her attention back to Carrie and says, "I'm sorry for your loss. Get your socials up." As she huffs off in her wheelchair, Jackie rushes out of the room after her and confronts her about the insanity of ghosting him when she knows she's going to see him the next day. Chloe suggests he try washing his bath towels more than once a year and wheels off with a protesting Jackie chasing after her. When the cute control booth guy remarks, "Young love", Che and Carrie chuckle about the spectacle being "not so young" and "not so love" ... and Che tells Carrie if it were them being berated by Chloe, they totally would have played the death card.
Charlotte informs Harry that she cancelled his colonoscopy 'cause she wants to have a dinner party for Lisa and Herbert in the hopes that she and Lisa can transition from being school mom friends to actual friends. She puts Harry on notice that since Lisa and Herbert are an accomplished, impressive couple, the two of them really need to "bring it" ... then looks alarmed when she glances over the guest list and realizes that Lisa and Herbert are going to be the only black people at her party. Harry suggests inviting their neighbours, the Jenkins, a very nice black couple they almost never hang out with, to give their party the kind of diversity she's looking for.
Charlotte channels her inner Stepford wife when she drops by the Jenkins' apartment to confirm with Shelly that she received her text message inviting her to her dinner party. Shelly wryly says she got all four of her texts and that she and her husband can't make it Thursday 'cause they're pretending they have dinner plans elsewhere. Charlotte suggests they drop by for drinks before dinner, then tells a clearly disinterested Shelly to text her and let her know if she can't make it...and a few seconds after Shelly shuts her door in her face, she sends Charlotte a 'nope, "can't" make it' text. Bwahahaha!!
Charlotte calls Anthony to ask about a painter he once dated, and Anthony's like, "Oh yeah, the hot black guy", then says he has no way to get in touch with him 'cause Stanford set his old address book on fire during a fit of jealous rage. Seems ridiculously out of character for lovable Stanny, but OK.
Charlotte runs into Deirdre in front of the school...and, in a last ditch effort to fake demonstrate to Lisa that her entire friendship circle isn't completely vanilla, she invites Deirdre and her husband to her dinner party. Deirdre tells her she'll check with Geoff/Joff(?) and ambles off - just as Lisa rushes over to tell Charlotte she can't make it to her Thursday dinner party 'cause she and Herbert have to go to the symphony with her mother-in-law, an engagement Herbert kept from her so he didn't have to hear her bitch about it all week. Charlotte breezily assures her it's no problem to reschedule - just as Deirdre runs over and says that she and Geoff/Joff(?) can make it on Thursday night. Charlotte tells her the dinner's been suddenly cancelled cause she forgot that Carrie has a colonoscopy on Friday morning, and a smug Deirdre cites that as proof that she does, in fact, drop the ball from time to time.
Miranda and Nya are at waiting in line for a table at a fancy restaurant...and after more than half an hour, Nya gets irked and snappishly tells the host that she made a reservation. She shows him the reservation receipt on her phone, so the host checks his computer and informs her that she reserved a table at their San Francisco location. Womp womp! When the two are eventually seated, Nya apologizes to Miranda for acting so nutty just then and explains that her brain has gone wiener from all the IVF treatments she's been undergoing. She then wonders aloud if motherhood is worth it, says that she and her husband loooove her vibrant child-less life, but worries that she'll regret never having kids. Miranda points out that there are always roads not taken in life, then tells her about a gal pal from Harvard Law School who never married or procreated and is now a federal judge. Nya wryly points out that this judge goes home to an empty house every night, and Miranda stares dreamily into space and says she looooves the idea of being a federal judge and going home to an empty house - but then is happy when she sees her son, though is instantly unhappy whenever he leaves his dirty underwear on her kitchen floor...which - ew - but isn't terribly surprising, given what a slob he is about leaving used condoms littered all over his bedroom. Nya asks if it's possible to have it all, and Miranda chews on that for a few seconds before saying it is, but that "it's just really fuckin' hard".
Carrie and Seema are at an open house of a sunny, spacious downtown apartment, and Carrie motions at the motorcycle the owner left on display in the living room and jokes about how, generally speaking, back in the day she's pretty sure she used to date the now fifty year old guy who owns this place. Seema admits that she's still dating the figurative man-child and tells Carrie to feel free to introduce her to any available man she might know who has a good heart. She excuses herself to say bye to the realtor showing the place - just as a man who screams 'mid-life crisis' approaches Carrie to needlessly inform her that he's considering making an offer on the apartment. He adds that he's recently divorced, is looking to relocate downtown, and asks a horrified looking Carrie if she wants to check out the bedroom - just as Seema reappears to save Carrie by announcing that they're off to grab some lunch. Carrie jokes to Seema that she was pretty close to fleeing via the motorcycle and calls Mr. Mid-life Crisis "your worst nightmare".
Over lunch, Seema shows Carrie the various worst nightmares she's been swiping on all the dating apps she's registered herself on. She then wistfully tells Carrie she just wants a dating app that can deliver the man she's been searching for her whole life, and Carrie condescendingly says she thinks it's great that she's still putting herself out there.
While en route to Lisa's/Herbert's apartment, Charlotte asks Harry if he read the article on black literature she assigned him in advance of Herbert's birthday party so he can bring his "A game", then quizzes him on famous African-American authors...and Harry refrains from telling her to chill the fuck out already about the prospect of spending the evening with a not entirely Caucasian crowd. When they arrive at the apartment, Lisa greets them and sends them into the living room to mingle with the (gasp!) all black party guests...and Charlotte makes a beeline over to a woman she thinks is an acquaintance from her daughters' school named Gwen, and is visibly mortified when the woman politely says she knows who Gwen is, but that she's Shawna, aka a friend of Lisa's. Harry tries to distract from the embarrassment of Charlotte worrying that everyone in the room now thinks she thinks every black woman looks the same by blurting out, "Has anyone read the new Zadie Smith book?" LOL.
Carrie returns to her marital apartment, which has been staged and repainted to more sane, calming, neutral tones. She calls Miranda to report that the apartment is now very beige, and that it's so surreal there's no longer any sign that she and Big ever lived there. Miranda coos about how sorry she is, and Carrie says she finds herself drawn to Seema, who knows nothing of her pre-widow life, giving her the ability to pretend that none of the bad stuff in this reboot ever happened. Carrie then wanders over to the bathroom and sees that a new Peloton has been installed. She sighs and says, "I gotta get Big and go" 'cause neither belongs here anymore. She ends the phone call, picks up the box containing Big's ashes, and places it in a black Barney's bag before heading out.
Birthday party! After Herbert blows out his candles, Shawna asks Charlotte what she does, so Charlotte says she's a full-time mom and very active on the Events Committee at her daughters' school. Lisa interjects with some wankery about how not only is Charlotte is a stellar mom and killin' it at school, she's on the board of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Lisa's mother-in-law (Eunice) is all, "Hmm...so you know art" and says that her favorite art is Art Smith, aka her financial adviser...and that he told her Lisa and Herbert have spent more dough on the art in their apartment than she and her late husband spent on their first house. Charlotte explains that, in terms of an investment, she can't think of a better use of money than the art purchases Lisa has made, then points at the various paintings and photographs, likening one collection to "owning early sheet music by Beethoven". Charlotte concludes to Eunice that neither she nor Art Smith have anything to worry about, 'cause with Lisa's keen eye, the family finances are in very good hands...and as a newly impressed Eunice nods approvingly, Herbert suggests they get up and help themselves to some birthday cake. Lisa gives Charlotte a warm shoulder squeeze and thanks her for the reciprocated wanking.
Carrie returns to her SATC apartment, places Big's ashes on the top shelf of her closet, and mutters that she's only storing him there until she figures out where he'd really want to be. She then finds a card sitting by her phone, which she quickly discovers is a goodbye letter from Stanford, whose real life passing is explained by a sudden move to Tokyo to go on tour with a TikTok star he's been managing who's huge in Asia. [Seems a rather feeble sendoff for such a beloved SATC cast member, but OK.] A few seconds later, Anthony drops by to commiserate with Carrie about Stanny's abrupt departure and to reveal that he (Stanny) has asked for a divorce.
Over coffee, Charlotte admits to Lisa that she had a small panic attack when she realized that she and Herbert would be the only black couple at her dinner party...and Lisa admits that she was similarly worried she and Harry would be nervous being the only white couple at her dinner party. Charlotte winces and asks if they seemed nervous, and Lisa's like, "Well d'yuh", given that Harry was visibly sweating through his suit. Charlotte blames herself for pushing him so hard 'cause of how desperate she was to do everything right, and even invited Deirdre to her dinner party to diversify the guest list. Lisa quips, "OK, now you're doing the wrong thing" and asks Charlotte how she managed to get out of that...and when Charlotte says she pretended to drop a ball, Lisa toasts her for taking one for the team.
Carrie meets up with Seema at her apartment (following an open house) with a bag of sushi takeout. Seema tells her that the open house garnered tons of interest that includes possible offers, and then informs her that she accidentally broke a framed photo that had been sitting on the night stand - but assures her she'll replace the frame. Carrie is aghast that the framed photo is one of her and Big, snarls that since Big (aka the love of her life) touched the glass every night it can't be replaced, and chides Seema for not appearing nearly sorry enough about the mishap. Seema assures Carrie she's trying to look as sorry as she can possibly muster and doesn't mean to seem insensitive about her situation, then calls her out on her insensitivity at lunch the other day. When Carrie just stares back at her blankly, Seema invokes the 'it's great you're still putting yourself out there' remark Carrie made, and says it was hurtful, given that she still hasn't found a man after searching for Mr. Right for so many years. Seema admits that maybe a teeny tiny part of her is envious of her for finding happiness with the love of her life, and a contrite Carrie says she didn't mean any offence by the casual remark. Seema accepts her apology, and the two chow down on some sushi while, according to Carrie, becoming real friends in the process.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!