Recap: Jackie Nee is regaling podcast listeners with the implausible tale of an obsessed stalker, Horny Harriet the Spy, who he claims lives in the bushes outside of his Queens apartment and won't stop calling him. He says he totally gets why he's being stalked, given how hot he is (though: not), and Che concurs with his fuckableness and expresses a burning desire to leap across the table and ride him "like a motherfucking city bike". Carrie suggests that maybe Horny Harriet just wanted her credit card back...and when Jackie says that she's not actually old enough to qualify for credit, Che hastily reminds him that joking about anything within the realm of sex with a minor isn't acceptable podcast talk, particularly when the bit in question isn't remotely funny. Carrie chimes in to circle back to a topic she's triggered by - city bikes - and as Che cackles about how "on fire" she is (?), it remains unclear why a supposedly successful author like Carrie is spending her days podcasting with two raunch-obsessed clowns whose tedious shock-jock schtick more than wore out its welcome in Episode 1.
Che tells Carrie that she did a great job on the podcast today and asks her how widowhood is going. Carrie admits that it's been a rough few weeks, but takes comfort in how happy she and Big were at the time he keeled over, describing her current state of mind as happy-sad. She then tells Che she's more than happy to be a supportive co-podcaster and attend the taping of their Netflix comedy special on Friday night, and Che grins back in appreciation.
While en route to The Reading of Big's Will, Miranda tells Carrie she finally listened to her wretched podcast yesterday and gushes about how funny Che is. Carrie says that if she's actually entertained by that kind of bawdy drivel, she's more than welcome to attend Che's comedy show Netflix taping on Friday night...and Miranda perks up at that and chirps, "Oh great!"
Just as The Reading of Big's Will gets underway, Big's lawyer excuses himself to take a phone call from his angry wife with whom he's currently in a fight which, for some reason, he can't put a pin in during a client meeting. Carrie tells Gloria she'd like to wrap this up asap 'cause she has a lunch summit she needs to get to.
Charlotte is startled to see Stanford arrive at the restaurant in advance of the gals' scheduled lunch summit and asks what he's doing here, so he informs her that Carrie invited him. When he asks if that's a problem, she half-heartedly says it's not - except that she only reserved a table for three, and doesn't want any complications, given that this was the only restaurant she could find in which Carrie never dined with Samantha or Big. Stanford decides to use this moment to lay bare his resentment about the dickish way she refuses to regard him as part of Carrie's inner circle, and adds that his therapist suggests she's threatened by his friendship with Carrie. Charlotte makes a seriously? face and asks him if he's really been talking about her during his therapy sessions, and he replies, "You've come up."
Gloria looks befuddled by a particular paragraph in Big's will and asks Miranda to help her out...and when Miranda reads it over, she stares back at Gloria with an ashen look on her face. When Carrie asks whassup with their weird reactions, Miranda points to the part of the will that refers to Big's bequest of $1 million to Natasha Naginsky. Carrie's all, "Natasha..?" and stares over at the lawyer in puzzlement, so he pauses arguing with his wife long enough to explain that sometimes when people have unfinished business with, say an ex-wife, they throw money at the situation.
During the lunch summit, Carrie moans about how well she was doing prior to learning that Big bequeathed Natasha $1 million, then self-piteously wonders if she herself is merely "one of the wives he was taking care of" ... and as that's happening, the waiter keeps banging the kitchen door on the back of Stanford's chair every time he enters/exits the kitchen. Carrie rails, "What is she doing in his will?!", so Miranda wryly remarks, "Well, he did destroy her life" - but Charlotte's all, "Nuh uh" and says she saw Natasha at Bergdorf pre-pandemic looking her usual fabulous self and can only assume that her life hasn't been destroyed. Stanny loyally grumbles, "Fuck her perfect not destroyed life and her pre-tax million dollars", but Carrie rightly points out that Natasha hasn't done anything wrong - while she, on the other hand, is the cheating skank who had an affair with her then-husband. No argument there. Charlotte reframes reality by pointing out that since Carrie was dating Big first, he was the one who cheated on her with Natasha before she cheated with Big on Natasha, and Carrie decides she likes that version of events and coos, "Gawd, you're a good friend." Charlotte urges her to not let this eat her up and wanks her about how she and Big were the happiest couple she knew...then hastily mutters, "Sorry, no offence" to Miranda and Stanny for unwittingly insulting their less-than-perfect unions. Carrie says she's very disturbed that not even Gloria knew anything 'bout the $1 million bequest to Natasha, and is translating this to mean that Big has been pining over his ex-wife the entire time they were married. Stanny asks her if she even knew that Big and Natasha were in touch, and an alarmed looking Carrie says, "Who said they were in touch?" - just as the waiter bangs the back of his chair for the umpteenth time.
Carrie arrives home and tries to log onto Big's computer, but is unable to 'cause she doesn't know his password.
Charlotte is laying in bed with Rose while reading to her, then chides her "baby girl" for scrunching her so far to the edge and causing her to nearly fall off the bed. Rose tells her mother she hates it when she calls her that...and by that she means the girl part of baby girl. Rose further explains that she doesn't feel like a girl, so a flummoxed looking Charlotte chews on that for a few seconds, then tells her that sometimes she doesn't feel like a girl either and tries to get a zoned out Lily, who's wearing headphones, to claim the same. Rose says she never feels like a girl, a revelation that startles Charlotte so deeply that she tumbles off the side of the bed.
Miranda and Steve are munching ultra healthy dessert food, while a canoodling Brady and Luisa are loading up on their desserts in the kitchen. Steve asks Miranda if it was a bad idea to allow their underage son to have loud nightly sex with his girlfriend in their home, and Miranda's like, "Why? Do you have a time machine?" ... and says this as though they're somehow powerless to revisit that decision, set reasonable boundaries for their teenager, and imbue him with the notion of common courtesy. Luisa remarks on how whole milk is healthier for aging bones than the low-fat kind, and Miranda shoots her the stink-eye and is all, "Excuse me?" ... and once Luisa is out of earshot, she asks Steve if they accidentally adopted her, and Steve uselessly replies that he dunno.
A restless Carrie rifles through Big's pockets and wallet and comes across a photograph of a dog with Gogi '85 written on the back of it.
Anthony is at his sourdough shop, Hot Fellas, barking into the phone at an unsatisfied customer while Rose pounds dough and Charlotte stands around and gushes about how impressive it is that he created an entire business out of one sourdough starter in his kitchen. Anthony explains that when Covid hit, he had to find a different kind of hand job to keep himself busy...and when a genuinely puzzled looking Rose asks what a hand job is, Charlotte stammers that it's "a job you do with your hands", much like the dough she's pounding. Anthony sashays over to where Rose is pounding dough, then makes an ew face and tells her she has some serious BO...and a few seconds later, Charlotte hastily pulls Anthony aside for a private one-on-one to ask his advice on how she should react to Rose no longer wanting to be referred to as a girl. Anthony brusquely snorts, "She's a kid, ignore it" - but Charlotte argues that she's her mother and therefore can't ignore it. Anthony reminds her that kids get all kinds of short-lived notions in their heads, assures her she'll handle it perfectly if/when it's something she can no longer ignore, but urges her in the meantime to provide the imp with an ample supply of deodorant 'cause, yikes, what a stank.
Carrie calls Miranda to tell her that Big once had a dog named Gogi she never heard him mention, and explains that she found a photo of the pooch when she was rifling through his wallet. She then nonsensically declares that the only real way she can move past this contrived Big drama is by looking Natasha in the eye and having a grown-up conversation with her about the $1 million bequest...and to that end has sent Natasha an email at her fancy cashmere company job. She says she's miffed that Natasha hasn't responded, then - against Miranda's advice - DMs Natasha on her Instagram account while saying she has no doubt that since she's a grieving widow, the woman has no choice but to respond with compassion. A few seconds later, Carrie gasps in dismay when Natasha reacts to her DM by blocking her from her Instagram account - bwahahahahaha!! - a move that prompts Miranda to declare her "a fucking bitch".
Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte are huddled in the back seat of a tinted Uber, staking out Natasha's workplace. Carrie says she's determined to harass Natasha into talking to her, so Charlotte tries to gently remind her that Big loved her, and that there's really nothing about him she doesn't already know. Carrie says she's wrong 'bout that, then shows her the photo of Gogi, aka "another bitch I knew nothing about" ... and Charlotte gives her a funny look and tells her she's acting crazy, while Miranda's attitude is 'so what?' about the notion of Big and Natasha having possibly kept in touch. Carrie explains that she's worried Big regretted choosing her over Natasha - just as they spot a fabulous looking Natasha exiting a car and entering her workplace. As Carrie mentally prepares herself for a needless confrontation with the ex-Mrs Big, Miranda and Charlotte tell her they'll be waiting for her at the Starbucks around the corner and wanks her about how fabulous she too looks.
Carrie tells the receptionist she's dropped by unannounced to see Natasha, and the receptionist tells her to have a seat so that her boss can think up with an excuse to avoid being in the same room with the skank who ruined her marriage. At Starbucks, meanwhile, Charlotte finds several empty Tito's bottles in Miranda's backpack while looking for a phone charger...then pretends as if nothing is amiss once Miranda returns to the table with a muffin. Charlotte asks her if everything is OK in her life, and Miranda's like, "Well, since you asked.." and says that she's been wondering if she and Steve are even a couple anymore, given that they haven't bumped uglies in years. She says that the only thing they're passionate these days about is loading up on healthy dessert food, and that any conversations they have are mostly centered around Brady and his constant boning of Luisa.
Natasha's assistant, Amber, walks over to where Carrie is sitting and crisply tells her that Natasha is unavailable today 'cause she's pretending she's in Rome, then chirps, "Have a nice day" before sashaying off. Carrie stares perplexedly into space for a few long seconds, then ambles out of the building looking discombobulated.
Carrie heads over to Starbucks to angrily inform Charlotte and Miranda that Natasha is avoiding her by pretending to be in Rome...and then the three wander back over to Natasha's workplace so that Carrie can point up at the building and rail about how she knows she's in there - and suddenly the three spot Natasha talking on the phone and staring down at them with a the fuck? expression. Carrie's all, "Ack!" and the three totter off until they're out of viewing range of Natasha. Carrie moans about how humiliated she is by what just happened - but Miranda says she finds the whole thing amusing, while Charlotte points out that Natasha's the one who should be humiliated since she was just caught out in a brazen lie.
Early the next morning, Carrie calls Charlotte as she wanders aimlessly around Manhattan. She complains about her inability to sleep and stop obsessing over Natasha, then tells her she'll swing by her place later this evening so they can ride together to Che's Netflix taping.
Carrie meets up with Miranda at the university to rail about how mad she is at Big, and how this contrived Natasha reemergence has brought back how nervous and insecure she always used to feel when she was with him. She laments that the happy-sad ending to their marriage has been ruined...then thanks Miranda for just mutely listening to her blather and not trying to make her feel better.
Carrie calls Charlotte again to report that she's still strolling aimlessly around the city, and is about to duck into a nearby coffee shop so she can use the ladies room. By scripted coincidence, she then enters the bathroom, which Natasha happens to be using with the door unlocked...and Carrie is so startled by the sight of her nemesis that she bursts back out of the bathroom and in the process spills her hot coffee all over her hands. A few seconds later, Natasha emerges from the bathroom and snarls at Carrie for stalking her first at her workspace and now at a random coffee shop, and Carrie points out that she didn't expect her to be this far uptown 'cause it's nowhere near her apartment...then has to sheepishly admit that, yep, she knows where she lives. Natasha growls, "What the fuck do you want from me?" and Carrie just kind of shrugs and says she's not sure anymore, then asks if they could chat for a few minutes and put a permanent end to the Natasha-Big-Carrie story arc. Natasha notices the burn marks on Carrie's hands, so she pulls out a snack baggie from her purse and empties it so that she can fill it with the ice from her drink, and hands it to Carrie so she can soothe her burns. She tells Carrie she's already told her lawyer she doesn't want Big's $1 million gift and says she hadn't talked to the bum since their divorce. She then says that Big was always a puzzle...particularly when he married her while being hopelessly in love with another (namely Carrie). Carrie looks somewhat appeased by that nauseating wankery, then suggests that maybe the money was his way of saying sorry for everything. She apologizes for cheating with Big while they were married, and Natasha tells her she appreciates the apology, but to get out of her life forever now and never ever try to DM her on Instagram again.
Che Diaz is performing for the Netflix taping, aka a cringey spectacle during which they bellow at the live audience to:
Che then rails about how clueless the unwoke are in the ways of processing gender individuality and complains that the non-binary are always being portrayed as sad, lonely people. Che screeches, "I'm not always sad!!" and claims to laugh "all the fucking time", then describes the experience coming out to family members during Thanksgiving, solemnly listing their status as queer, non-binary, and bisexual. The family members were like, "That's nice, now get away from the TV 'cause you're blocking the football game." Hee! Che gushes about being so lucky to have such a loving family, a remark Charlotte looks particularly touched by. Che goes on to shriek at the audience about the need to make life changes if they aspire to be truly happy...then delivers a clear message to all the malevolent heteros out there who want non-binary folk to live sad, lonely lives: "Suck my dick!" Miranda looks transfixed by the bizarreness of Che's verbal onslaught and exclaims, "Wow!" and says she's definitely up for attending the after-party - but Carrie and Charlotte are like, "Uh, pass" and say they'd much prefer to head home.
Charlotte calls Rose to tell her she just called to hear her voice and reiterate how much she looooooves her, then gets into the back of an Uber with Carrie. Miranda bids them both adieu, then heads back into the bar where she encounters Che. She wanders over and tells Che how utterly mesmerizing their performance was, what a robot she currently feels like in her life, and that she really really wants to mix things up. When she starts breathlessly gushing to Che about what a "comedy prophet" they are, Che urges her to breathe, chillax, and maybe do a hit of some potent weed...and when Miranda says she's not so good with weed, Che offers to "shotgun" her, then takes a puff of pot and sensually blows the smoke into Miranda's enraptured face.
In the back of the Uber, Charlotte tells Carrie she's worried that Miranda might have a drinking problem, and Carrie reacts by rolling her eyes and dismissively retorting, "Oh really? Aren't we all just drinking too much? 'Cause there's a lot to drink about lately" then jokes about how she's probably going to need a drink to get through this conversation. Charlotte ignores that needless cuntitude and explains that she found several tiny empty Tito's bottles in Miranda's backpack earlier in the episode...and instead of expressing the slightest concern for her friend's liver, Carrie stupidly quips that maybe Miranda was having a tiny party in her backpack. Charlotte points out that she can't help noticing all of the wine Miranda has been drinking lately, to which Carrie just snappishly retorts, "OK, could you stop noticing things?" and Charlotte just makes a weird bug eyes expression and decides that since Miranda's alleged over-drinking isn't penetrating through Carrie's thick skull, it's probably better to just drop the issue. The Uber arrives at Carrie's building - but she decides to stroll to her SATC apartment and caps off the episode with, "And just like that...I walked myself home."
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