Recap: Brady and Luisa are going at it very loudly in his bedroom, and Brady swaps positions and mounts Luisa, thrusting in time with the headboard, which pounds the wall adjacent to his parents' bedroom. As a chagrined Miranda turns up the volume on the TV to drown out the sex noises of her teenage son [who's in desperate need of boundaries], she gets an unexpected call from Carrie.
Miranda rushes over to Carrie's apartment, where a couple of EMT guys have zipped Big's body inside a body bag and a mournful Carrie is moaning, "What do I do nowwwww?" Miranda has no answer to that question and just gives Carrie a comforting hug.
Later, Miranda lays in bed with Carrie, who's having flashbacks of a young looking Big from an early SATC episode.
The following morning, Carrie is Googling funeral homes on her MacBook when Miranda shuffles into the kitchen and offers to make them some coffee. Carrie tells her that instead of doing that she should go home and get ready for class, 'cause she really shouldn't skip after the cringe-fest that was her first day...and Miranda mulls that over, but points out that she still needs her morning coffee.
Anthony and Stanford share a tearful hug and gush about how lucky they each are to have the other. They promise to no longer pettily nitpick each other and always realize what's most important in life...and a few seconds later, that vow flies straight out of Stanny's head when he snappishly asks Anthony if he's wearing that shitty cologne he hates. Anthony's all, "The fuck you just say?" as Stanny apologizes for his needless bitchitude.
Carrie and Charlotte arrive at a prospective funeral home...and when the greeter asks Carrie roughly how many people will be in attendance at Big's funeral, she's like, "Dunno" as a tearful Charlotte explains that they haven't had a chance to fully wrap their brains around the AJLK producers' decision to kill off a main cast member and force viewers to hereafter contend with the ensuing gloom of Carrie's ego-centric 'I lost the love of my life' grief that's sure to overshadow whatever insufferably woke story arcs are in store for this spin-off. The greeter nods sympathetically, then invites them to sit down and wait for Jane Hayes, the mortician. Once he's out of earshot, Carrie glances around the room and remarks on how much Big would hate this place 'cause it screams 'old people and death'. Charlotte bursts into tears and wails at Carrie about how sorry she is for being so annoyingly pushy about her needing to attend Lily's piano recital, and that if she'd been home with Big he'd be alive right now. Carrie reminds her that Big suffered a fatal heart attack no one could have anticipated, other than generally considering him to be at high risk of a cardiac event from all his cigar smoking, cocktail drinking, and steak eating. Jane Hayes enters the room, sees Charlotte sobbing and assumes she's the widow, and expresses condolences for her loss. Charlotte sets her straight about Carrie being Mrs. Preston, and Carrie politely thanks Jane for her time, but tells her that this comfortably appointed, traditional-style funeral home isn't going to suit the kind of stark-white, sterile aesthetic she's aiming for. She assuringly adds, "It's not you, it's me", then snarks at a loudly sobbing Charlotte to get her shit together and stand upright so they can exit with a modicum of dignity. Outside, she packs Charlotte into the back of an Uber to ferry her home, snappishly says she'd prefer to handle the funeral arrangements without her constant sobbing, then shuffles dejectedly down the street.
Miranda arrives at the university, goes through the security checkpoint with her ID card...and sees that Nya is on the other side of the checkpoint, rifling through her handbag to locate her ID card. The security guard warns that he can't let her in without first seeing her ID card, and an indignant Miranda marches over to bitchily inform him that Nya is a professor for whom she can vouch [and says this as if that doesn't mean fuck all to a security guard], points out that he barely glanced at her ID card while he was letting her through, and asks if she can have his name. He grunts, "No" and allows Nya to enter once she finds and presents her ID card. Miranda shoots her an OMFG look and exclaims, "I just had to say something!" and Nya wryly retorts, "Really? Did you have to?" LOL. Miranda's like, "Well, d'yuh" and equates her obnoxiousness just now to fighting racism and "calling it out" whenever she sees it, so Nya calls her out on her "white savior complex" and points out that she needlessly enflamed a situation that was totally under control. Miranda sheepishly apologizes for once again acting as if she hasn't been living in New York City for the last twenty years and continues to find it a confounding mystery how to behave in a non-stupid manner around non-Caucasian people...and Nya mutters something about how they're all here, learning.
Charlotte is donning a black dress for Big's funeral and explains to her daughters that while death is sad, it's an important part of life 'cause it gives everyone a chance to remember how much their loved ones mean to them. Harry pokes his head into the room to tell Charlotte that Lisa has arrived for lunch, and Charlotte's all, "Shit! I forgot to cancel!" and rushes into the living room. As Charlotte tearfully apologizes to Lisa for not remembering to cancel their lunch and explains what a giant mess she is about Big's death, Lisa tells her not to give it a second thought and gives her a comforting hug.
Steve tells Miranda he thinks that the Peloton workout was what killed Big...and when Miranda points out that exercise is good for the heart and that Big got the OK from his cardiologist, Steve says he needs there to be a specific culprit in order to make sense of his friend's unexpected death. The two agree that death sucks, then urge Brady to come over so they can all clump together in a family hug.
Carrie's on the phone with the person in charge of the funeral venue and says she'll be there soon, then wanders into the closet, stares at Big's suits, and leans into them to get a nose-ful of his lingering scent.
Carrie, who's now decked out in a simple black dress and a flying saucer hat stuck to the right side of her head, arrives with Stanford and Anthony at the Greene Naftali Gallery: a sterile, all white space that features Big's casket at the front of the room and several rows of white chairs for the guests. Carrie sees the beautiful white floral arrangement atop Big's casket, scrunches her horsey face in disapproval, and stomps off to find out who in the fuckity fuck allowed flowers to be part of her husband's no flowers allowed funeral. The women in charge explain that the flowers arrived right after they got off the phone with her, and that they figured she should at least see them and make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to keep them. Carrie asks who they're from, so they hand her the card that accompanied the flowers, which reads Love, Samantha. Carrie immediately reverses her no flowers policy and tells the women that the arrangement can stay.
As the guests arrive, Charlotte and Miranda wank Carrie about how perfectly sterile and chic everything looks - just as Carrie notices the arrival of Big's long-serving secretary, Gloria. She rushes over to warmly greet her, then greets Che Diaz, who felt compelled to stop by and offer condolences and weirdly offer to bounce anyone who gets too rowdy during the reception.
Stanford tells Gloria she's sitting in his reserved seat, and Gloria looks put out as she dismayingly realizes that Carrie didn't give enough of a shit about her to seat her in the front row along with the spin-off's main cast members.
Miranda approaches the bar and asks for a drink...and when the bartender tells her she's been told to serve alcohol only after the service, Miranda haughtily tells her that all the liquor came from her husband's bar and that she'd like a neat bourbon super quick please 'cause she's about to deliver a terribly written eulogy.
When Carrie gives Miranda the green light, she heads up to the front of the room and deliver a silted sounding series of statements about how lucky they all are to have known "this amazing man" and how lovely it was for them to have shared "dinners, drinks, deals, and - for some of us - cigars with this one-of-a-kind". The speech ends by remarking on what a big hole Big's departure will leave in their lives and "how sad, how very sad" it is. When she takes her seat, she reveals to Charlotte that Carrie wrote the odd sounding drivel...and Charlotte refrains from muttering that that certainly explains why it came across as so weird and pretentious.
Next up is Big's older brother, who tells everyone that Big had recently told him he'd never been happier in his whole life, decrees "that's the way to go out", then nauseatingly thanks Carrie for being the world's greatest spouse...and she gives him a mournful, yet serene nod in response. After that, someone hits play on a slide show that features photos and film clips of Big, and Gloria starts to wail so loudly that Che rushes over and hands her a tissue. Susan-Sharon rolls her eyes and asks the woman sitting next to her, "Am I the only one that remembers what a prick he was to her?" ...which, bwahahaha!! And yes.
Carrie bids Gloria adieu, fake promises to call her soon, and asks Charlotte to go outside with Gloria and ensure that she gets into a cab. Bitsy Von Muffling wanders over to tell Carrie that she understands her grief, after losing her Bobby a year and a half ago - RIP, Nathan Lane's character! - then found love again after she hooked up with his pianist. Susan-Sharon sees an opening, so she comes over and gets all in Carrie's face about how she's forgiven her, 'cause life is too short to hold a grudge. As Carrie stares at her in befuddlement, Susan-Sharon further explains that she told herself to "fucking let it go" and make things right with Carrie, adds that she's not expecting an apology, then declares, "I love you. I'm back. The end" and suggests that they work this out once Carrie has the bandwidth. Once she's out of hearing range, Miranda asks Carrie what in blazes happened between her and Susan-Sharon, and Carrie says she has no earthly idea, especially given that her last documented interaction with Susan-Sharon occurred just prior to Aidan's dumping of her in Season 4 of SATC, and that absolutely nothing contentious happened between them during that scene. Carrie shuffles off just as Steve comes over to tell Miranda how amaaaazing Carrie is for keeping it together during the funeral, and says if it were her (Miranda) in that box, he'd be a blubbering mess. [He might end up changing his tune 'bout that, several episodes from now.]
Miranda enters the lobby and finds Brady smoking pot out of Che's pipe, so she storms over to demand WTF is going on here. Che explains that Brady wandered by and requested a hit of marijuana so figured 'why not help this young stranger break the law by doing pot while underage and in a public space where smoking anything isn't even permitted?' - and Miranda screeches, "He's seventeen!" Brady implores his mother to stop embarrassing him, and Miranda reacts by getting all in Che's face and lets out a string of expletives as she rails about funeral pot pushing and snarls, "You don't want want to mess with me" and threatens to rip Che's head off. An unfazed and somewhat amused looking Che backs off and urges Miranda to chillax, while a mortified Brady explains to his mother that he was so sad about Big he found himself in desperate need of a quick hit of weed. An unsympathetic Miranda bellows at him to go home with Steve and decrees, "No Luisa for a week!" Hurray! Brady's headboard and I thank you, Miranda.
Miranda returns to the funeral reception, where an oblivious-to-what-just-happened Carrie introduces her to Che Diaz, her podcast boss. Che politely says, "Nice to meet you" ... and once Carrie excuses herself and is out of earshot, Miranda stammeringly explains her reaction to finding Brady smoking pot from a strange person's pipe, but Che breezily remarks on how cool it is that she was protecting her son...and that she's way more papa than mama bear. Miranda chuckles, and the two agree to reset and introduce themselves again. Che explains that Che is the first three letters of Cheryl, then remarks that Miranda is a less suitable name for a sultry firecracker such as herself than is the moniker Rambo...and Miranda blushingly cackles at her intriguing new friend's assessment of her.
Miranda and Charlotte accompany Carrie back to her apartment, where they find a plethora of flowers and food donations lining the hallway. They grumble over people not respecting Carrie's firmly stated no flowers, no nuthin', fuck off edict and go inside the apartment. Later, Carrie is unable to sleep, so she turns on her phone and texts thank you to Samantha for ordering the lovely floral arrangement that sat atop Big's casket.
The next day while waiting for the subway, Miranda sees Nya enter the train station...and a few seconds after that, a guy in a creepy Chucky mask harasses Nya before grabbing her purse, so Miranda runs over and clubs him over the head with one of her humanitarian law textbooks. Miranda sheepishly tells Nya she hopes she didn't just insult her with an inappropriate white savior moment - but Nya assures her she's just grateful for the intervention that kept her purse from being stolen.
Carrie's doorman delivers a box containing Big's ashes, and she reacts by inviting Miranda and Stanford over to help her get through the tough moment by drinking cocktails. When Carrie gets alerted that Charlotte is on her way up, she orders Stanny to hide in the other room 'cause she doesn't want Charlotte to think she didn't invite her over for cocktails - which she didn't - and explains to a disgruntled looking Stanny that he has to be the one to hide 'cause it'd be less suspicious for Charlotte to see Miranda in her living room drinking a cocktail, given that it's her night to babysit. Charlotte arrives at the door and tells Carrie she just stopped by to bring her some magazines to read - just as she spots Stanford tiptoeing back into the living room to retrieve his martini. For a few seconds, Carrie pretends to have no idea why Stanford is inside her apartment, then acknowledges that the jig is up when she tells Stanny he can to stop pretending to hide now. Miranda wanders over and explains to Charlotte that Carrie was very upset after Big's ashes were delivered, and Charlotte reacts by handing Carrie the bag of magazines and despondently shuffling towards the elevator. Carrie runs out after her to explain that she called Stanford to come over and cheer her up after the ashes came, and implores her to not make this about her. Charlotte wails that she's trying really hard not to, but that it's sooooo obvious she called Stanford over her 'cause she's still mad at her about being pressured to attend the piano recital. Carrie comes right out and says that, yep, she purposely didn't call her - but that it's 'cause she gets so emotional, and clarifies that she's mad at herself for not driving to the Hamptons with Big that night, then shrieks, "Like I waaaaaaaanted to!!" Carrie's hoodie clad neighbor, Phil, pokes his head out the door and asks if everything's OK, and Carrie apologizes for her shrillness and invites Charlotte to come in and hang. Charlotte tells Carrie she can't blame herself for not being with Big that night 'cause she had no idea he was about to keel over from a heart attack, and Carrie points out, "And neither did you." Stanford interjects to ask, apropos of nothing, whassup with the designer white hoodie on "the old coot neighbor", and Carrie cites Stanford's ability to find levity in even her darkest moments as the reason she opted to invite him - and not her sobbing friend - over.
That night, Carrie has troubling falling asleep in her bedroom, so she tiptoes into the living room to settle onto the couch, where she lays her head atop her pillow and stares glumly at the box containing Big's ashes.
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