Recap: Dylan and Steve are chillin' in the hotel when an ashen-faced Josie drops by to inform Dylan that her deranged brother Shane may have done something crazy...and by crazy, she means he kidnapped Noah. Dylan doesn't seem to buy her tale and mumbles, "This isn't a good time", so Josie reminds him how desperate Shane was when he begged him for money to cover her 90K worth of flushed blow during the previous episode...then adds a veiled threat about how Shane is aware that he has a goddaughter. Steve pales at the mention of his infant daughter and is all, "Huh? What's that now?" Dylan and Steve race over to the After Dark...and while they're en route, Steve calls Janet to make sure that she and Maddy are OK. He breathes a sigh of relief when she assures him that she and baby are both fine. Beach house. Matt tells Kelly he wants them to be contestants on a game show called Lover's Lane 'cause apparently every Season 10 episode must have a mind numbing, useless subplot to serve as filler. Lover's Lane is like The Newlywed Game, where couples answer questions about each other and get points if the answers match up. Janet and Donna think it sounds like an awesome idea and urge the two to give it a go. While that's happening, Dylan calls the beach house to ask if anyone there has seen Noah lately...and of course no one has. Steve calls David to see if Noah made it home, but gets the same answer. Dylan and Steve pull into the After Dark parking lot and find Noah's jeep with the smashed windshield, and his keys still in the ignition. Dylan rushes inside the After Dark to look around, then runs back out and reports that no one's inside. Steve stares at the jeep worriedly and says he hopes this is all just a silly prank. Noah is in some kind of warehouse that has a gas pump out front (?), and he's handcuffed to a pipe. When Shane tells him he plans to extort $1 million from Dylan for his safe return, he stares at Shane incredulously and points out that it's an unlikely payout 'cause he and Dylan aren't even friends. Shane shrugs and says it's worth a shot, since Dylan is worth $200 million. He is? I thought his wealth was more in the $20 million range. Shane scrunches his face all sinister-like and says he's going to give Dylan an ultimatum: either he pays $1 million or he (Noah) dies. After that, he and his henchman set up a camera on a tripod so they can film a hostage video and get this ransom storyline moving. Now Wear This. Donna tells David that Camille agreed to watch the store on Valentine's Day, and David says he'll hang around and give her a hand. He gabbles about wanting to buy Camille a cashmere sweater for the romantic holiday, but Donna suggests he keep it simple and just give her a hand-made card, like the fugly one he once gave her. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan finds Josie in the hotel bar and asks her if she's learned anything more about what her lunatic brother has gotten himself into, and reminds her that kidnapping is a serious felony offence. Josie insists she doesn't know anything...then starts gabbling about how Shane starred in a sitcom when he was fifteen, earned $10,000 a week, and was under the illusion that his acting career would last forever. He's now twenty-eight and fixes cars for a living. I guess he blew threw all that money like the dumbass he is, instead of choosing to invest it wisely. Josie pulls out her cell phone, and Dylan grabs it and dials Shane's number. When Shane doesn't pick up, he leaves him a message to call him back asap. Now Wear This. Gina drops by to tell Donna that Papa Martin finally called her and invited her out to dinner...then realizes he was probably waiting for Felice to go out of town to connect with her. What a ball-less douche he is. Donna gushes about what a super awesome guy he is, and predicts what he'll order for dinner. Gina says that since she missed having a dad for so long, she's hoping he truly does turn out to be super awesome. Beach house. Matt and Kelly are hanging with Donna and Janet as they watch Lover's Lane on TV...and it looks like a really stupid show. Kelly makes a face and says she has no desire to make a spectacle of herself on this inane freak show...but Matt's like, "Yeah, whatever", while Donna and Janet offer to coach them to success. When the couple on the TV wins the $25,000 grand prize, Kelly perks up and suddenly gets interested. Restaurant. Gina and Papa Martin are out for their dinner, and Papa Martin gushes about what a talented figure skater she is. Gina changes the subject and tells him that Bobbi told her it was his idea to keep her paternity a secret...and Papa Martin explains that he told Bobbi he'd support any decision she made, which apparently was to keep quiet about the whole blechy thing. Gina tells him that lots of dads used to come to the ice rink to watch their daughters skate and always looked so proud, then sadly says she used to pretend that one of them was her proud dad. She complains that she doesn't know what she's supposed to call him, so he suggests John...and she bobs her head in agreement as the waitress arrives with their food. Beverly Royale Hotel. Shane calls Dylan to inform him that he's going to need to pony up $1 million in exchange for Noah's life, and that he just sent him an email. Dylan rushes over to his laptop and opens an email titled Noah's immediate future, which contains the hostage video featuring a handcuffed Noah, along with Shane barking instructions about when and where to deliver the cash. After that, he references The Deer Hunter and points a pistol at Noah's head and pulls the trigger. When a bullet doesn't blow Noah's head off, the camera zooms in on his face, and he looks extremely wigged out by his bewildering predicament. The next morning, Dylan and Steve rewatch the hostage video. Dylan says he's decided to do the right thing and make a million dollar withdrawal - but doesn't want to go to the police. He nods in his annoying world weary manner and says, "I know guys like Shane. I can deal with him." Steve scrunches his face concernedly and warns him that his "superhero complex" is going to get someone killed. Lover's Lane. Kelly, Matt, Donna, and Janet are hanging out in a waiting room when a production assistant enters and gives them tips on how to interact in front of the camera. Kelly says she suddenly feels ill and dashes to the nearest bathroom to throw up...and Janet rushes out after her. Donna impulsively decides why not fill in for Kelly?, then fake canoodles Matt and tells the production assistant she's Kelly. Incidentally, the couple they'll be competing against - Judy and Ron - are wearing matching sweater vests and look extremely perky and perfectly in sync with one another. Warehouse. Shane announces that he's leaving to briefly run an errand, and Noah snarls, "Go to hell." After he leaves, Noah asks the henchman who's guarding him to turn up the volume on the TV he's watching...and the henchman's like, "Sure, no problem", then settles back into his La-Z-boy recliner. Noah uses the loudness of the TV to try to wiggle the pipes in an effort to break free. Martin house. Gina drops by to deliver a stack of frozen dinners for Papa Martin to eat while Felice is away...and is dismayed when she sees that the freezer is already filled with a dozen of his favorite frozen dinners. Papa Martin thanks her and says he'd really like their relationship to work, and she gets strangely prickly and snarks, "Then maybe call me more than just once every two months!" and storms off. Lover's Lane. Judy and Ron are doing well, as are Donna and Matt. Donna correctly guesses that, aside from their bed, the favorite place for Matt and Kelly to doink is his law office, which is kind of ew for his clients. If he had any. Now Wear This. Camille's ex-boyfriend, a hottie named Rick, comes by for a private talk with Camille. The two step out into the courtyard...and David watches them from inside the store and gets all distracted as he rings in customers. Rick presents Camille with a watch, but she declines to accept it, then returns to the store to tell David that she needs to spend more one-on-one time with Rick. As the two saunter off together, David stares after them forlornly. Lover's Lane. Ron is asked about the one thing he'd change about Judy, so he says, "The mole on her face" which seemed like a really bad answer. When Judy is asked the question, she guesses her sense of humor...and when she finds out what Ron said, she shrieks, "It's a beauty mark!" This setback means that if Matt and Donna can get the next question right, they'll win the $25,000. The host asks Matt who Kelly's best friend is, and he proudly says, "Me!" ... but, unfortunately, Donna's answer is, "Donna Martin!" Matt glares at the camera in annoyance, while Kelly (who's watching in the waiting room) mutters, "Oops." Beverly Hotel Royale. Dylan has been to the bank and now has a large duffel bag filled with cash. He grumbles that he doesn't even like Noah - but that several people he cares about seem to like the guy, so it's probably worth the trouble to save his life. Josie arrives to accompany Dylan to Las Vegas, where Shane claims he's holding Noah...but as soon as they reach the underground parking lot, Josie pulls a gun on Dylan and coldly says, "Sorry." A van pulls up and Shane jumps out the back, points his gun at Dylan, and orders him into the vehicle. He then tells Josie to grab the bag o' money and cackles, "We're all going for a ride!" On the way home from the Lover's Lane taping, Kelly and Matt are glum 'cause all they won was a bread maker. Donna apologizes for not giving the correct answer to the best friend question, but Kelly points out, "You are my best friend" and Matt scrunches his face angrily and mumbles something bitchy 'cause he's a big stupid baby. Van. Josie and Shane open the duffel bag and salivate over the bundles of cash. Dylan snarks that they're going to get caught and demands that he and Noah be released, but no one replies. Now Wear This. Gina drops by to talk to Donna, but David tells her she's currently tied up with the inane Lover's Lane subplot. He asks her what she thinks it means if a woman saunters off with her hot ex-boyfriend for longer than two hours, and Gina tells him that Camille and her ex-hottie are probably going at it in the sack right now. She then asks David to pass along a message to Donna about Papa Martin: "I tried and I failed, as usual." Beach house. Kelly tells Donna that Matt is irked about how she confides in her about everything all the time, then wails, "You're my safety net!" and says she doesn't know how to function without a female BFF. Donna suggests she sort it all out with Matt...and Kelly grumbles that being married-to-be has its drawbacks. Beverly Royale Hotel. Papa Martin drops by Gina's room to tell her he thought about what she snarked at him earlier. Gina complains that she feels like he has no room in his life for her, and adds that she hates calling him John. He says he'd be honored if she called him dad, and Gina tears up and says she would definitely like that. The van arrives at the warehouse, and Dylan hops out, his hands cuffed behind him. Shane orders his henchman to cuff Dylan onto the pipes beside Noah, then decides they're probably both going to need killing 'cause he'd rather not face a prison term for kidnapping. Dylan and Noah are all, "Wha-a-a?!" and Josie scrunches her face concernedly at the prospect of committing a double murder. Now Wear This. Camille returns from her lengthy tête-à-tête with Rick. She apologizes to David for taking so long, then explains that they broke up a long time ago and that Rick insists on giving her lavish gifts, which she hates. David glances over at the Valentine's Day gift he was just about to give to her and tells her it's for little Erin, and Camille's all, "Awww! How sweet!" Martin house. Papa Martin is on the phone with Donna, panting and looking unhealthily sweaty as he explains that he's in the middle of a workout with Gina. He invites Donna to join them for dinner so he can spend Valentine's Day with both of his daughters, and Donna says she's game. Papa Martin tells her to swing by at 6pm, and they'll all head out together. Josie, Shane, and the henchman load up the van with the cash filled duffel bag, and then Shane starts gassing up the tank. Inside the warehouse, Noah and Dylan have wiggled the pipes enough to free themselves...then attack the henchman, and find the keys to uncuff their wrists. Shane, meanwhile, tells Josie they're definitely going to have to kill Dylan and Noah, and Josie makes a face and says she doesn't approve. Dylan and Noah suddenly burst out of the warehouse and attack Shane, and he's all, "What the..?" and drops his cigarette near the gasoline pump. Noah punches the henchman a second time, while Josie lifts her gun in the air, fires a shot, and yells, "Stop it!" She reminds Shane that they're not killers...and while she's saying that, gasoline is seeping to where Shane's still-lit cigarette is smoldering. When the gasoline reaches the cigarette and bursts into flames, Dylan uses the distraction to grab the gun from Josie while everyone else flees the blaze. Noah runs back to the van to retrieve the duffel bag, then leaps super high in the air to escape the explosion. He throws the bag at Dylan, who has the gun pointed at the three kidnappers. The Walsh house. Kelly tells Matt that Lover's Lane is an idiotic show, and he's like, "Well d'yuh" then tells her he respects her friendship with Donna. Kelly says she totally gets that things have to change now that they're getting married, then presents him with a Valentine's Day gift: her private journal. That's kind of a dumb gift. He declines the offer to read her innermost thoughts 'cause he doesn't want to violate her privacy, and she's like, "OK, you just passed up gold" and he pretends to change his mind, and chases her around the living room to get it back. Nope, still no convincing chemistry there. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan and Noah debrief Steve about the weird shit that happened to them this episode, then say they're going to have to testify at the kidnappers' trial. Noah is still wigged out from the traumatic experience and stares out the window at the city lights. Martin house. When the doorbell rings, Gina yells at Papa Martin to answer it...and when he doesn't respond, she rushes over to the foyer and finds him unconscious on the floor. She screams, "Nooooo!" and checks for a pulse, then runs and answers the door and finds Donna standing there. She shrieks that Papa Martin isn't breathing, then runs to the nearest phone to call 911. Donna races to where her dad is laying and hovers over him while tearfully crying, "Stay with me!" Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Donna is at home sketching, and the living room is strewn with grisly looking sketches of forthcoming Donna Martin originals. Kelly enters the room and squeals, "Ooooh! The fall line!" - LOL - then tells her she's changed her mind yet again and has decided she's definitely, for sure, absolutely leaving the boutique. Donna purses her lips together in dismay and says that while she's scared and sad to go it alone, she's OK with it if that's what she really wants. She then whimpers about how they no longer have anything binding them together and says she already misses hanging with her at the store every day. After Dark. Dylan finds Gina moping at the bar and tells her he knows a guy named Russell who runs the Super Sports Channel, and that he may be interested in hiring her. Gina snarks about him already ruining one good job opportunity...and Dylan tosses the guy's business card at her, says it's up to her if she makes the call, and slouches off. A solemn looking Noah spots Dylan and ushers Shane and Josie over so that Shane can tell Dylan how distressed he is about Josie's situation. Apparently, the police raid caused her to flush 90K worth of blow down the toilet to avoid getting arrested - but now her dealer is threatening to kill her if she doesn't come up with the cash to cover the value of the flushed dope. Noah grimly nods at Dylan and says he can vouch for the extreme danger she's in. Dylan pulls Noah aside, makes it clear he doesn't give a rat's ass about Josie's drug woes, then advises him to dump the gruesome twosome asap and find a better class of party friends. The Walsh house. Matt and Kelly are getting the spare bedroom ready for an impending visit from Matt's brother and sister-in-law: Patrick, and his wife Julianne. Matt says he's nervous about hanging with Patrick 'cause he's a rich, successful bond trader...while he, on the other hand, is a dimwitted, out-of-work ambulance chaser who can only afford to buy his fiancee a very small diamond ring. When Patrick and Julianne arrive, they check out the Walsh house and are like, "Wow!" - but Matt explains that he just rents one of the bedrooms. Hopefully he's paying this rent to Mama and Papa Walsh, who implausibly abandoned this valuable property asset when they disappeared to Hong Kong, rarely to be heard from again. Patrick asks Matt how work is going, and Matt evasively retorts that both he and Kelly are currently on vacation. Now Wear This. Donna is busy serving the many customers who keep flooding into the boutique to shop for Donna Martin originals. Kelly drops by wanting to discuss Patrick's visit, but Donna says she's too busy at the moment...and will also be busy later, 'cause she's attending a buyer meet and greet now that she (Kelly) has left her high and dry to take care of the business end of things. Gina arrives at Russell's swanky home to interview for the Super Sports Channel job. Russell tells her he's looking for someone exactly like her on the broadcast - but first he needs her to do something totally unrelated to the job and somewhat on the demeaning side: whip Michael (his chubby son who's slouching on a nearby couch and shooting his dad the stink-eye) into shape for an upcoming dance. Gina's all, "Wha-a-a?" and Russell dickishly says he won't even consider her for the plum journalism job until after she performs this service to his satisfaction. Donna is networking at the buyer's meet and greet. She meets a stunning blonde named Camille Desmond (actress Josie Davis, who - strangely enough - was also cast as Madeline in the Crimes and Misdemeanors episode). She tells Donna she works at a magazine called L.A. Fashion and that she interviewed her about the boutique about a year ago. She gushes about how fantastic her designs are, and that she'd loooove to write a profile on her for the magazine. As Donna digests that, a bland looking buyer named Dan comes over and mumbles that he's interested in placing an order for some Donna Martin original sweaters. Squeal! Break out the winter line! The Walsh house. Steve and Janet arrive home as Noah and Darby are in the living room, feverishly getting it on. Janet stares at the horndogs in dismay and orders Noah to get the hell out of her house. Matt is out to dinner with Patrick and Julianne, and the three are discussing Patrick's low quality sperm that has been preventing them from starting a family. They're in the process of shopping around for some livelier sperm and ask Matt if he'd be interested in donating his. He's all, "Wha-a?" and then stares back at them in stunned silence...'cause ick. The Peach Pit. Noah finds Steve eating breakfast and apologizes for getting it on with Darby in his living room. Steve asks him if Darby has, by any chance, mentioned anything about their past doink...and when Noah says no and suggests that maybe she forgot it happened, Steve arrogantly chuckles and says that that's simply not possible. Noah points out that Darby may decide to blab about it to Janet, in which case he needs to tell his wife about the unfortunate encounter, like pronto. Beach house. Matt tells Kelly about Patrick's and Julianne's odd request, and Kelly stares at him incredulously and says she doesn't like the idea of him fathering his brother's child...not least because it's very weird to be both the uncle and bio dad to a poor tot. Matt says he told them he'd think about it, and that they'd make this decision as a team. Kelly promptly shuts it down, makes it bitchily clear that her answer is an emphatic no, and that there's no further decision to be made. Also, Matt can retrieve his shrunken balls out of Kelly's purse whenever she decides he can. Gina gets Michael started on his fitness regimen by taking him out for a long walk. Michael complains about how his father is a total control freak and that he won't let him get an earring. He dejectedly adds that the old man would probably like him a lot more if he lost weight. Gina's like, "Whatever. You're just a stepping stone to my dream job" ... but then stops the walk, stares at the kid thoughtfully, and remarks on how awesome he'd look with an earring. She then encourages him to be a lot more assertive about telling his dad what he wants. The Walsh house. Steve finds Darby straightening up the nursery and starts to ask her if she remembers a certain beer-fuelled KEG party several years ago - but then has to put a pin in that when Janet suddenly enters the room to nurse Maddy. When Darby rushes out to get some bottles, Steve decides to come clean and tells Janet he hooked up with Darby years ago at a frat party...and quickly assures her it was a meaningless romp. Janet looks appalled and snarks, "You had sex with the nanny?!" and a sheepish Steve is like, "Uh, d'yuh." Kelly finds Patrick hanging out in the mall courtyard, puffing on a cigarette. He bitchily tells her that Matt turned down his sperm donation request and that he knows it's 'cause of how hostile she is to the idea. Kelly's like, "Uh, sorry - but your inept sperm problems aren't our problem." Beach house. Donna tells David she's going out on a date tonight with Bland Dan from the buyer's meet and greet. When Bland Dan arrives to pick her up, David attempts to chat with him, but throws in the towel when he proves to be too awkward a conversationalist. A few seconds after they leave, Camille drops by looking for Donna. When David tells her she's out, she says she just wanted to let Donna know that her editor looooves the story she wrote about Donna in L.A. Fashion (because of course he does, it's Donna)...and then she and David suddenly start gazing into each other's eyes all smitten-like. On the Walsh house porch, Kelly bitches at Matt for telling Patrick that she told him to say no to the sperm donation request. She rails about how he failed to protect her and would have preferred he lie to his brother rather than tell him that she was the reason. Matt's like, "But you are the reason my brother isn't getting my sperm" and says he feels bad that the one time his brother reaches out to him for help, he has to say no because of her. He barks at her to take responsibility for her close-minded bitchitude, then storms inside the house. Kelly stares mournfully into space. Gina arrives at Russell's house to work out with Michael again, but Russell tells her he's displeased with her for criticizing his parenting and encouraging his son to get his ear pierced. He snarkishly tells her he won't be needing her services anymore, and that he filled the broadcasting job at the Super Sports Channel (likely with someone he didn't require to jump through any stupid hoops). The Walsh house. Janet admonishes Darby for not disclosing that she's a nympho, then says she no longer trusts her to care for Maddy. After Janet stalks out of the room, Steve tells Darby they slept together, years ago at a frat party. Darby scrunches her face as she thinks very hard and says she doesn't recall any such doink, then accuses him of fantasizing about her. As she angrily flounces off, Steve looks a combination of miffed and incredulous that she genuinely seemed to have no recollection of hitting the sheets with him. Now Wear This. David is hanging out with Donna, and the two discuss her boring date with Bland Dan, in whom she does not have the slightest spark of interest. Camille drops by, and she and David smilingly inform Donna that they met at the beach house last night, are instantly smitten, and are going to the movies together later! After Dark. Gina tells Dylan she met with Russell, but that things didn't work out 'cause of how big a douche he turned out to be. She says he's a lot like her pushy, hard-to-please mother, then puts her sad face on and says that Michael is a sweet boy who just wants to go to a dance. She suddenly brightens and declares that, gosh darn it, she's going to personally make sure he gets there after all! Hurray! The Walsh house. Kelly sheepishly apologizes to Julianne for putting the kibosh on Matt's sperm donation, and Julianne's like, "No worries. I would have reacted the exact same way." The camera then pans over to the living room, where Patrick is cooing over Maddy. Julianne gushes about what a great father Patrick will be one day...and this prompts Kelly to stare contemplatively into space as if she might possibly reverse her earlier no sperm edict. The Peach Pit. Shane and Josie implore Noah to appeal to Dylan again to help Josie out of her jam...and Noah says he tried, but can't get Dylan to give even the tiniest of rat's asses about her predicament. Josie scrunches her face in misery and moans, "Oh my God, I'm dead.." and Noah shrugs and is like, "Sucks to be you, but I tried." Shane glares at him and warns him that if something deadly befalls his sister he would lash out in anger...and then the henchman sitting at the table glares at Noah and adds, "Hopefully it won't be directed at you." Noah springs up from his chair and tells the group that that stupid remark has just alienated him, and that he's done hanging out with such troubled losers. He snarls, "Have a nice day!" and storms out of the diner. Now Wear This. Bland Dan drops by the store clutching a bouquet of flowers to give to Donna. He asks her to dinner tonight...but she tells him that that won't work 'cause she can't, won't, and will never feel the slightest bit of attraction to him. She asks him if this means he's going to cancel his order of sweaters, but he says he won't, and then quietly shuffles off. David clucks sympathetically at the poor sap and assures Donna that everything will eventually work out...and that she'll meet the perfect guy, live in the perfect house, and have perfect children. Donna looks doubtful, then suggests they blow off work to spend the day at the beach, but David says he can't 'cause he has plans to hang with Camille. Kelly enters Matt's office and gabbles to him about how she wants to take responsibility...and by responsibility she means she's going to now encourage him to donate his sperm to his brother and sister-in-law, weird as that is. Matt perks up and is like, "Are you sure?" and she smiles and bobs her head. The two grin at each other, kiss, and hug. Gina shows up at Russell's house decked out in a fancy evening gown and shawl...and when Russell answers the door, she defiantly tells him she has arrived to take Michael to the dance. Russell tells her that Michael isn't going, and Gina snarks, "Why? Is he not living up to your standards?" She reminds him that kids Michael's age need to have a little fun in their lives and that they shouldn't be criticized all the time...otherwise they could wind up like her: a self-hating, bulimic bitch. Russell suddenly looks contrite and says that Michael had a great mom...and that ever since she died, he's been a lost man and a total dickwad of a father. Gina clucks sympathetically and urges him to do a better job of listening to his son...and he's like, "You're soo right, Gina. Thanks a million for helping me straighten up and fly right. Have fun with Michael at the dance!" Beach house. Donna tells Kelly that while she gets that things change in life, she's bummed about being alone at the store, and then alone in her personal life. Kelly attempts to cheer her up by reading aloud part of the profile Camille wrote about her in L.A. Fashion...which, of course, is nauseatingly gushy and glowingly refers to Donna as genuine. A happy Michael arrives at the dance with Gina on his arm. He asks her why she's doing this very nice favor for him, especially since his dad didn't give her the plum broadcasting job. She simply says, "Because no one ever did it for me." He happily tells her that his dad told him he's proud of him...and that it's been a long time since he's said anything like that. The two start dancing - but after a few seconds, Michael spots Nicole, aka the girl he's currently crushing on. Gina shoves him in her direction and orders him to ask her to dance, and naturally Nicole says yes and remarks on how cool his earring looks. Dylan unexpectedly slouches in...and when Gina asks what he's doing here, he says he's here to be her date, then credits her for "the good thing" she did here tonight. After Dark. Noah has locked up the club for the night and is climbing into his jeep when Shane and his henchman suddenly appear. The henchman smashes the jeep's windshield, and then he and Shane violently pull Noah out of the front seat. Shane snarls, "You're going to get me the money I need!", then shoves Noah into his van, and the three men squeal off into the night. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Matt is using his suspension to get caught up on his gym time and hang out with Kelly. When the two arrive at the beach house, they find David and Donna sacked out in the living room, giggling about being in "the loser's club" 'cause neither has anything better to do than hang out with each other on a Saturday night. They ask Matt if he knows anyone he can fix them each up with, and he mulls that over and says he can think of a few non-picky types who might not mind dating well below their league. Kelly tells Matt she has a janitor friend named Everardo who hurt his back on the job and needs legal advice...and when Matt reminds her that he can't practice law during his suspension, Kelly bitchily retorts, "Not even a conversation?" Donna chimes in and urges him to do whatever he can to help poor hapless Everardo, so Matt decides, "Aw what the hell" and agrees to meet with Everardo. Dylan and Gina are at the opening of a fancy new dance club. Gina rushes back to their table and excitedly tells Dylan that Jennifer Lopez just asked her where she bought her shoes. Squeal! Across the club, Josie is eying Dylan and saucily winking at him...and when Gina asks whassup with the flirty skank, Dylan just shrugs as if he didn't doink Josie during the previous episode and says she's some friend of Noah's. A photographer from The Chronicle comes by their table to snap their picture, then asks for their names and if they're a couple. Dylan mumbles, "Current status unknown" and Gina shoots him the stink-eye (not sure why; they're not a couple), and storms out of the club. Now Wear This. The photo of Dylan and Gina gets published in the next issue of The Chronicle...and Gina shows it to Donna and Kelly, but explains that it was taken a few seconds before she stormed off. She adds that she has no desire to get sucked in by Dylan's moody slouchiness ever again. A few seconds later, a cute guy named Jerry enters the store and asks to use the phone (his cell battery died), and Donna giddily introduces herself. He gazes at her all smitten-like (because of course he does - it's Donna) and asks her if she's free tonight. She says she is, then writes her number down and hands it to him. He promises to call. The Walsh house. Janet is interviewing Darby: a cute, perky prospective nanny. Steve and David, meanwhile, are dressed up in surgical gear, pretending to do an alien autopsy on Matt so they can photograph it and spread misinformation about aliens in the Beat. Yes really. After the interview, Janet complains to Steve that Darby was much too cute and perky for her to not feel insecure around, but Steve says she should hire her 'cause she looked like a pretty solid prospect. The Peach Pit. Kelly runs into Dylan and asks him how he's doing, and when he grunts, "Busy", she counter-snarks, 'Yeah, club hopping." She tells him that she, Donna, and David are thinking about trooping up to the Hollywood sign to reminisce about how they defaced it during the Season 3 finale, but he makes a face and grunts, "I'll pass." After Kelly leaves, Gina makes a beeline over to Dylan and apologizes for her bitchitude the night before, then excitedly tells him that her old agent called her to let her know she's opening up a new gym and wants a telegenic athlete to act as a spokesperson. Apparently, the agent saw the photo of her and Dylan that was published in The Chronicle and thinks she might want to hire her for this very lucrative job. Gina asks Dylan if they could hang at the After Dark tonight and then meet up with her old agent, and Dylan's like, "Yeah...sure, whatevs." Matt meets with Everardo and tells him that the statute of limitations on filing a lawsuit regarding his back injury will be up in two days. He then explains to Everardo that he can't take the case 'cause he's currently suspended, but Everardo looks distressed and says he's the only lawyer that will do. Matt refrains from telling him that 1) hiring him is scraping the bottom of the L.A. lawyer barrel and 2) he should have thought about that before waiting all this damn time to take legal action. Beach house. Donna tells Kelly she's all bummed about Jerry standing her up, and Kelly's like, "Sucks to be you" and says she's thinking about a career change and might want to get into counselling. Donna assures her it's A-OK with her if they go their separate ways professionally - just as long as they stay BFFs forever. The two then stare at a dated photo of the 90210 gang (minus Brandon, Brenda, and Ahn-drea...'cause out of sight, out of mind I guess), and lament about how drastically everything has changed since Season 3. It's called the journey of life, girls. The Walsh house. Janet hires a safe looking old lady to be the nanny...but when they show her the nursery, she suddenly goes squirrelly and says she'd like to do some kind of bizarre ceremony that will ward off demons. Steve's all, "Ack!" and promptly fires her, and Janet agrees to hire Darby. Now Wear This. David drops by to tell Matt that he met his lawyer friend Chrissy, and they hit it off well enough to go out on a date tonight. He asks Donna if she's seen Noah, and she says she hasn't, but that he's been clubbing a lot lately. A sheepish looking Jerry enters the store and tells Donna he somehow got trapped in an active sprinkler and that her phone number got sprinkled away. He asks her if he can make it up to her, and she writes down her number again, warns him to steer clear of sprinklers, and the two agree to get together tonight. Beach house. Kelly tells Matt she's leaving the boutique and is ready to figure out what the hell she's going to do with the rest of her life. Matt tells her he took on Everardo as a client, and Kelly's all, "Wha-a?!" and warns him that he could get into trouble if the bar association finds out. Matt says the case only entails a mediation process, so it's unlikely anyone will find out...which can only mean that people are going to find out about it and that he'll be punished accordingly. Gina and Dylan are riding around in a limo with Noah, Josie, Shane, and a bunch of other yahoos. Josie pulls out a vial of cocaine and gets ready to take a snort, but Dylan barks, "Not in my car!" Josie looks all put out, while Gina derisively mutters, "Nice girl." Noah then pops open a bottle of champagne, and Josie grabs the bottle from him and points it in the direction of Dylan and Gina and sprays it at them until they're both soaking wet. When the limo arrives at the After Dark, Gina is angry that her clothes are ruined and that she'll be unable to impress her old agent and score that spokesperson job. Donna and Jerry, meanwhile, are sitting at the After Dark bar enjoying their first date. He asks if he can kiss her - she says yes - and after a quick smooch, his beeper goes off. He rushes off to call "work" just as David comes over to tease Donna about smooching her date. She tells him she really likes Jerry, and David's like, "Kewl!" and tells her he really likes Chrissy. Dylan gives the limo driver the night off and is driving around town with Gina in the passenger seat. He grumbles in his grating world weary way about all the people who make demands of him (e.g. Steve and Janet asking him to be godfather - how dare they!) and says he likes hanging with his new deadbeat party friends 'cause they don't expect anything from him. A police officer decides to pull Dylan over so that he and his partner can search the car and find Josie's vial of cocaine. They promptly handcuff Dylan and Gina and place them under arrest for drug possession. Chrissy drops by Matt's office to crisply inform him that she's been appointed to the bar's ethics committee, and that David blabbed to her about him representing a janitor in a worker's comp case. Nice going, big mouth. She orders Matt to drop the case or she'll have no choice but to report him for violating the conditions of his suspension, and Matt's like, "Er...OK. Thanks for stopping by." Police station. Gina tells the police she had nothing to do with any drugs...so the police officer asks whose drugs they are and warns Dylan that he could be jailed for violating his probation. Dylan says he doesn't know the coke user's full name, but will do his best to find out. He mumbles, "Just give me an hour." The Peach Pit. Steve and Janet are hanging with Darby, chatting about how she went to CU. Noah enters the diner, looking disheveled in a wife beater shirt, and leers at Darby and asks her out...and somehow she blushes and looks all into it. Steve pulls Noah aside and tells him to back off flirting with his nanny 'cause she's too sweet and innocent to get laid by a skank like him. Noah promises to behave, agrees to "keep it clean", and to have her home by 1:00am. Dylan finds Noah in the After Dark parking lot and snarkishly tells him that one of his party friends left a vial of coke in his limo...and that it resulted in him and Gina spending the night in jail. He asks Noah what Josie's last name is, and Noah gives it to him: Josie Oliver. Kelly appears from out of nowhere and tells Dylan she heard he got arrested for drugs...and he retorts something bitchy, to which she snaps, "Don't talk to me that way!" But Dylan is no longer listening as he puts on his helmet and squeals off on his motorcycle. Now Wear This. Matt drops by after wrapping up the mediation and tells Kelly it went well and that Everardo was awarded $10,000. He then happens to overhear a phone message from Donna, who talks about their lease renewal...and he puts two and two together and figures out that Kelly decided against leaving the boutique. He asks her if she did that because of his suspension, and she breezily tells him she just got cold feet. He urges her to embrace change and not worry so much about his precarious income situation. Restaurant. Donna and Jerry are out for dinner and then hit the dance floor. While the two sway cheek-to-cheek, a woman storms over, slaps Jerry across the face, and shrieks, "Cheating bastard!" She informs Donna that the creep she's out with is married, but not for much longer 'cause they're through. Donna's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and gives Jerry two hard face smacks before storming out of the restaurant. Chrissy heard about the results of the mediation and snippily tells Matt he violated her trust, and that she's going to tattle on him to the bar association. Is there anyone out there who didn't see that coming? Later, Matt tells Kelly he's now suspended from practicing law for two months. Haha! Kelly curses Chrissy for being such a tattle-tail, then laments about how bummed she is that her high school clique is growing up and leaving the nest - only six and a half seasons after high school ended. Egads - the inhumanity! She decides maybe she too should try growing up, then decides she no longer wants to spend her life selling Donna Martin originals in a shitty little boutique. She says she's scared, but excited...and Matt half-heartedly mumbles some encouraging words of support. Casa David. David comforts Donna after the Jerry debacle, then tells her how annoyed he is with Chrissy for screwing over Matt. Donna announces that she wants to pig out on candy, then feeds some to David and giggles like a six year old. The Walsh house. Janet tells Steve that Darby is working out great as the nanny...and Steve says he feels strangely protective of her and can't figure out why. Oh my...I can only hope we get to explore that further. After Dark. A scantily clad Darby is dirty dancing with Noah, who reminds her he promised Steve he'd get her back to Casa Walsh by 1:00am. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan drops by Gina's room to tell her that the cops dropped the charges against them after he gave up Josie...and Gina glumly tells him that the arrest ruined her chances of getting the fitness spokesperson job. Dylan offers to buy her her own gym, but she declines and snarls, "Just go away" and chides him for always screwing things up for her. He dejectedly slouches back upstairs to his room and finds Shane sitting on his couch, puffing on a cigarette. He informs Dylan that the police raided his sister's apartment and found her stash o' cocaine...and he heard that he was the one who gave her up. He warns, "That was a big mistake", shoots Dylan an ominous stink-eye, then stalks out of the room. The Walsh house. Steve is waiting up for Darby...and when the limo pulls into the driveway, he watches as she drunkenly smooches with Noah. When Darby notices Steve staring over at her disapprovingly, she breaks away from Noah and sheepishly runs into the house. Steve accuses Noah of seducing the cherub...then grins devilishly and asks for all the delicious details. A contented looking Noah tells him that Darby is a former gymnast nympho and did things to him in the limo he's never experienced before...then pulls his collar down and shows him the hickey she gave him. Steve turns ashen as he suddenly recalls that - OMG! - he slept with Darby while attending CU...then scrunches his face in horror. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Matt has pulled back on his desire to win brownie points with Kelly by firing Gina...so he's gone ahead and rehired her, and she perkily arrives at his office carrying two coffees. Matt tells her he's just learned that the client he met with in the previous episode has settled his case and wants his retainer back...then wrings his hands worriedly and is all, "Oh no! I spent every cent of it on Kelly's engagement ring!" Dumbass. After Dark. A pretty woman sitting at the bar eyes Dylan appreciatively and tells him her name is Josie - but he just shrugs disinterestedly, tells the bartender to take her drink order, and slouches off...and Josie stares after him looking miffed. Kelly, meanwhile, points out a cute guy sitting at the bar, but Donna says she's happily single and is enjoying doing all the things she tends to give up whenever she's in a relationship and gets primarily concerned with pleasing the guy. A waitress brings over a bottle of champagne and tells them it's compliments of Dylan. *&#@%! Donna sadly remarks to Kelly that he obviously loves her enough to let her go...and then the two stare across the room at Dylan as he puts his sad face on, raises his glass to Kelly, and takes a sip. The next morning, Kelly seats herself beside Dylan at the Peach Pit counter and gabbles about how nervous she is about the baptism rehearsal. Dylan glumly grunts something incoherent, then shuffles after her as the two head out together to meet up with Janet and Steve at the church. Now Wear This. David drops by to get fitted for a Donna Martin original sweater - not sure why, exactly. He tells Donna that Mark, the dork who runs the coffee stand across the courtyard, has such a big crush on her that he's giving free coffee to all of her friends. He urges Donna to go for it, but she says she's not interested in dating anyone right now and just wants to wait for the right guy. Church. The pastor gives an overview of the baptism logistics to Kelly, Dylan, Steve, and Janet...and the second he's finished, a bored looking Dylan grunts that he has an appointment and hightails it out of there. Janet looks dismayed and wonders aloud if Dylan is really interested in committing to being a godfather. Kelly assures her he is, and that he's only behaving like a moody teenager 'cause he's jealous about her and Matt's engagement...which doesn't exactly sound like mature, godfather-type behavior to me, but OK. Matt is working the phones to bust the balls of his more negligent clients regarding their outstanding invoices. Kelly flounces in with a handful of travel brochures, plops herself onto his lap, and gabbles about her preferred choice of a honeymoon destination. Matt irritably says it isn't a good time and that he thought they were going to try to stay within a budget...like, along the lines of honeymooning in Mount Rushmore. Yikes. Kelly looks horrified and says she wants her wedding and honeymoon to be perfect (meaning not in Mount Rushmore), and Matt politely tells her to take a hike so he can finish his phone calls. After Dark. Noah is slurping shots out of Josie's clavicle (you heard me) when Gina comes over, looks weirded out by the bizarre spectacle, and asks him if he knows where Dylan is. She finds him in the After Dark office and tells him she's in desperate need of $15,000 on behalf of someone who has been especially kind to her. Dylan agrees to write her a check, and remarks on how excited Kelly is about Maddy's baptism - and Gina responds by bitching about the way irresponsible adults make promises to babies they don't keep and calls it mean. As Dylan is handing her the check, she bitchily remarks on how he seems like a really good catch from afar...but close up he's just a bastard. The fuck? She sarcastically thanks him for the check, and Dylan somehow refrains from snatching it back and calling her out for her unprovoked bitchitude...and reminding her that he's still footing the bill for her luxurious hotel suite. Josie and her creepy brother Shane have crashed at David's apartment for the night and are sacked out in the living room. A bleary eyed Noah tells David that the two partygoers kept him up all night, and David makes one of his funny looking grimaces and says he's not thrilled about a couple of shady strangers using his place as a crash pad. Noah starts moaning about Donna and asks David if she's seeing anyone...and when David just says she's doing well and is happy, Noah takes that to mean she has a new fella. 'Cause how could a stunningly sweet cherub like Donna possibly be on the open dating market for more than a couple of days without getting snapped up by a smitten suitor? Now Wear This. Matt was too inept to find flowers after the flower shop he usually frequents was taken over by a fruit stand, so he bought Kelly a bag of oranges as an apology for being snappish to her the other day. Kelly poutishly says she can't shake the feeling that something is awful is about to happen and wishes he'd discuss it with her, but he breezily says it's just work stuff. When he goes upstairs to his office, Gina hands him the check for $15,000 and explains that she called in a few favors. He looks at the check longingly for a few seconds, but then says he can't accept it. She insists he take it, and points out that as the only working class characters on the show who didn't grow up rich, only they can truly appreciate the value of a dollar. Now Wear This. Gina tells Donna she's decided not to attend the baptism and that she feels weird about Papa Martin being her godfather and father. Yeesh, that is a little weird. Donna, who's doing a fitting for David and his new fugly sweater, says she's still not talking to her parents for being such devious dicktards. David tells Donna he got another free coffee from Mark...and when Donna responds by asking him how Noah's doing, he tells her to forget about that loser and pursue Mark. Donna thinks it over, decides, "Why the hell not?" and heads over to the coffee stand and bravely asks Mark out. The Peach Pit. Steve asks Dylan if he's OK with being godfather, then remarks on how much weirder than usual he's been acting lately. Dylan says he's fine and grumbles at him to get off his back...and Steve warns him that if he blows off the christening, he'll be off his back for good. Restaurant. Donna is on her date with Mark, and she's nervously prattling nonsense. She takes a sip of coffee and makes a point of remarking on how good it is - and Mark suddenly gets all crestfallen and stares at her with a stricken expression, and the date goes further downhill from there. After Dark. Josie is attempting to flirt with Dylan when Matt interrupts. He waves the $15,000 check at Dylan, tells him he knows Gina got the money from him, and snarkily says he doesn't want his stinking help. Dylan dickishly calls him out on squandering $15,000 on Kelly's diamond engagement ring, then laughs about the hilarious irony of him being the one financing it. Matt smugly reminds him that he's the true winner in this pissing contest 'cause he's the one Kelly's marrying...then struts off while high-fiving himself and shrieking, "Nailed it!" Dylan glares after him, then slouches over to Josie and tells her he's totes up for a revenge doink. Shane and Noah notice the two of them leaving together and chuckle at each other knowingly...which is partly icky, considering Shane is her brother. Matt tells his client Marcus that he can only afford to pay him half of his retainer 'cause he blew the money on a diamond ring for his girlfriend. Marcus looks visibly annoyed and irritably reminds him that that's an ethics violation. Kelly and Dylan meet up at a gift shop to pick out a christening gift for Maddy. Dylan derisively gestures at her engagement ring, then gets all bitchy snarky and tells her that he (pot) has been noticing that Matt (kettle) has been acting very weird lately. Now Wear This. Donna tells David about her failed date with Mark, and David informs her that Mark is no longer giving her friends free coffee. Ouch. Donna can't think of what she might have said that offended Mark - except maybe when she remarked on how hot Bruce Willis is, despite his baldness. She concludes that Mark must be insecure about his impending baldness since he's a tad thin on top. The Walsh house. Kelly tells Matt that Dylan was talking shit about her engagement ring, and Matt admits that he is short of cash at the moment...and by short of cash, he means flat ass broke. He explains that Gina got wind of his dire financial situation and asked Dylan to write her a check, which she then passed along to him. He then gives her the boring details of his retainer problem and says that technically he committed an ethics violation for using that money to buy the ring. Kelly starts to take the ring off - but he insists she keep it, which is dumb 'cause does it make any sense for anyone in their income bracket to be wearing a $15,000 engagement ring? Kelly takes it off and gives it back to him and says she wants to help him through this hardship, and Matt stares despondently into space. Donna goes over to Mark's coffee stand and asks him if he had a good time last night. She babbles an apology about inferring that he was going bald, and he stares at her in horror and cries, "You think I'm going bald?!" then explains the real reason for his pouty attitude: she had complimented the restaurant's coffee during their date, and somehow took it as an insult of his coffee. What a wacko. He then babbles nonsensically about how hard he works to provide a peak coffee experience for his customers...blah blah...and I don't know why the writers have insisted on including a mind-numbing filler subplot in every damn Season 10 episode thus far. Beverly Royale Hotel. Noah brings Josie, Shane, and a bunch of other partygoers to Dylan's hotel room...and Dylan looks less than thrilled at the intrusion. Gina drops by to contritely tell Dylan she was wrong to criticize the baptism and urges him to not make a promise he can't keep...'cause after all, the occasion is about Maddy. She gives Dylan a cross necklace and tells him that her godfather/father gave it to her, and suggests he give it to Maddy and says that a godfather can have a very positive impact on a child's life. Matt is summoned to a meeting with someone from the Bar Association, and he hangs his head in shame and admits that what he did with the retainer money was wrong. She's like, "Well, d'yuh" and snippily informs him that he's being suspended from practicing law for thirty days. Matt's all, "Wha-a?!" and says that that's going to kill his already shitty practice, but she just shrugs and makes it clear that she doesn't really give a rat's ass. Donna tries to talk to Mark again, but he's still upset that she's not enthusiastic enough about his coffee, aka the greatest passion in his life. A few seconds later, he sees David walk by in his new Donna Martin original sweater and laughingly mocks the fugly thing - bwhahaha! - and Donna puts her hurt face on and tells him that she designed it. So...I guess that's that. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan is staring at the cross necklace that Gina gave to him the night before, while Noah, Josie, Shane, et. al. continue to drunkenly party around him. Dylan decides it's finally time to be a responsible adult and declines to slurp anymore shots out of anyone's clavicle 'cause he has a baptism to get to! Church. The baptism is momentarily delayed while everyone waits for Dylan to slouch in. Steve is irked by his lateness, while a dismayed Janet says it's their own dumb fault for trusting the moody man-child. Matt, meanwhile, tells Kelly he's embarrassed by the sight of her downsized diamond engagement ring, but she assures him she doesn't mind 'cause it's a reflection of their willingness to help each other out. A few seconds later Dylan arrives, looking sharp in a well tailored suit, and asks, "Anyone need a godfather?" He admits that his record, particularly with some of the women present (Kelly, Gina), isn't a stellar one - then points out he's starting fresh with Maddy and promises to always be there for her. Until he gets too world weary and starts complaining again about how everyone wants "a piece" of him. He hands Janet the cross necklace and tells her he'd like Maddy to have it...and then the blessed ceremony gets underway. Beach house. Donna returns home just as Noah is moving out the last of his boxes. They engage in some awkward chit-chat, stare at each other sadly...and when Noah shuffles off with his boxes, Donna gazes after him with tear-filled eyes. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Donna persuades Gina to drop by Casa Martin to visit with her newly discovered bio dad. When they arrive, Papa Martin gives Gina a hug and invites her to join the family to celebrate Christmas...but then he and Felice wring their hands nervously about how on earth they're going to introduce her to their snooty Beverly Hills friends during their annual Christmas Eve party. Donna stares at them incredulously and snaps, "As your daughter" and Gina rolls her eyes and snidely adds, "Well, you've only had twenty-four years to figure it out." She storms out of the room, and Donna rushes after her. Gina tells her she needs to make her choice...and when Donna wussily whimpers that she can't side with her against her dad, Gina snarks, "Congratulations. You're an only child again" and flees the house. Steve and Janet run into Mama and Papa Sosna while they're out Christmas tree shopping. They're stunned that Janet has given birth (as well they should be, given that her pregnancy seemed to last all of three months) ... and then Mama Sosna takes a peek at Maddy and coos over how beautiful she is. Papa Sosna, however, is far less warm and fuzzy and brusquely says, "Merry Christmas" before bitchily stalking off. Community Center. Dylan is getting the communal Christmas tree set up, while Kelly arrives with a big box of kid presents donated by Now Wear This customers. The two are having one of their annoying, filled with flirty subtext conversations (&^%$?? I thought we were done with that) when an angry guy storms in to complain about the Center hosting druggie anonymous meetings, 'cause it attracts undesirables who litter Styrofoam cups and cigarette butts everywhere. Dylan politely promises to clean up the litter. Now Wear This. Noah drops by to give Donna an early birthday present: a plane ticket to Paris! She thanks him, but says she's still annoyed about his Harvard Lie and the way he allowed his parents to buy his way out of trouble when he was nineteen. After that, she gets all judgey about his drinking on the night of the accident that led to his girlfriend's death. A beleaguered looking Noah leaves the boutique just as Kelly arrives...and Donna tells her that between her paternity hiding parents and Noah's drinking and driving mishap (long before he was even a cast member, let's not forget), she rhetorically wonders if anyone tells the truth anymore. Beverly Royale Hotel. Felice drops by the hotel bar to talk to Gina about her earlier visit. She clucks sympathetically and says, "I felt for you today", then whips out her check book and asks her how much she wants. A bewildered Gina asks what she's buying, and Felice retorts that Papa Martin has an obligation to her. Gina snarks that a check isn't going to make a dent in that obligation, then gets up and storms off. The Walsh house. Janet makes a batch of subpar egg nog, then wails about how her mom's egg nog is far superior. Steve reminds her of how easily her parents melted when they saw Maddy and suggests she give them a call, and Janet agrees and gets on the phone with her mom and invites her and her dad over for dinner. They accept. Community Center. Dylan and the kids are decorating the Christmas tree when Angry Guy storms in again and bitches to Dylan about how the Community Center is lowering the surrounding property values. He dumps a bunch of litter on the floor, complains that the parents of these kids are all deadbeats, and defends his dickishness by snarking, "These kids are no strangers to garbage." Dylan doesn't hold back his fury this time and punches him in the face, and Angry Guy clutches his bloodied nose and threatens to sue. Dylan is immediately regretful that he just punched a guy in front of a stunned group of children and tells them that violence is wrong, but then mutters, "Jerk.." under his breath. Casa Martin. Gina comes over to make a second attempt to bond with her bio dad. She glares at Felice and tells Papa Martin that she doesn't want his money or his pity...and after Felice sheepishly excuses herself, Papa Martin explains that, as usual, his uppity wife went about trying to make amends in the most ass-backwards wrong, insulting way possible. He asks Gina what she expects of him, and she's like, "I dunno" and starts nattering about the father who raised her, and admits that she barely remembers when he died. Papa Martin laments missing out on her entire childhood - despite that being a situation entirely of his own making - then tries to lighten the mood by asking her how she likes living in Beverly Hills. She says it's OK, and that she likes being able to mooch off of Dylan indefinitely and live in a fancy hotel. She tells him again that she doesn't expect anything from him, then abruptly leaves the house. Matt's office. One of Matt's clients writes him a check for $15,000 as a retainer to represent him in some kind of intellectual property case. Matt immediately decides why the hell not squander the entire amount on something stupid? and rushes down to the boutique to tell Kelly he can afford to get her an amaaaazing Christmas present this year. What a dumbfuck. The Peach Pit. Andrew tells Dylan how annoyed at him he is for punching Angry Guy in the face in full view of all the kids. Kelly overhears their conversation and chides Dylan for striking someone in front of a group of children, and Dylan gets pissy and stalks off. The Walsh house. Janet's parents are over, cooing at the baby. Steve tries to get Papa Sosna interested in whatever sports game he's watching on TV, but Papa Sosna just grunts disinterestedly then tells his wife he's ready to go home now. Steve deflates, while Janet stares after them, visibly upset. Community Center. Dylan is working the phones, trying to find another venue for Narcotics Users Anonymous so that Angry Guy won't be provoked into throwing another tantrum. An employee suddenly rushes in to exclaim that one of the kids, Justin, has just been hurt, and Dylan and Andrew rush outside and find Justin standing on the playground with a bloodied nose. Turns out he got punched by another kid for cheating at Fussball. Dylan admonishes the puncher for resorting to violence...but when he's like, "Wuh? But you punch people", Dylan stares moodily into space, his forehead looking more wrinkly than usual. Beach house. Donna arrives home with groceries and informs Noah that her parents are coming over in the morning for breakfast to have yet another discussion about the Gina/Bio Dad Situation. She then shifts the topic to his car accident from years ago and asks him how much he had been drinking that night. Noah looks tortured and wails that he lost someone he loved in that accident and doesn't want to be interrogated about it now, then storms out of the apartment. At breakfast, Donna tells her parents that she and Noah had a fight 'cause he lied about some stuff in his past, and now feels like she "doesn't know who he is anymore". She bitchily adds, "Sound familiar?" and tells her dad that Gina is hurting and that he needs to fix it. Papa Martin rolls his eyes and says that "fix it" is a child's solution to an adult problem, and that their choices shouldn't make them feel like strangers to her. Donna says it kind of does, and Felice primly tells her that that kind of thinking will leave her feeling very alone. Sounds kind of self-serving - but then, Felice and Papa Martin are nothing if not self-serving dicktards. Community Center. Dylan gathers the kids together and tells them he shouldn't have punched Angry Guy, 'cause it's always better to use one's brain rather than fists to solve problems. He then urges the kid who punched Justin to apologize to him, and the kid nods agreeably and says he'll get on that asap. After Dark. Donna tells Noah that she and her parents discussed the Gina/Bio Dad Situation some more, and now realizes that they were under pressures she couldn't possibly understand...and admits that she tends to oversimplify things. Noah concedes that he should have been honest with her about Harvard, as well as the accident, and Donna says she totally gets why he'd want to run away from the accident. She too wanted to run away from her dad when she learned the blechy truth about Gina's paternity. She says she just wants to forget about all the unpleasantness that's currently in her life...and when he asks her if she can really do that, she just stares vacantly into space. Beverly Royale Hotel. David is watching wrestling with Dylan and tells him he recently had dinner with Kelly and Matt, and remarks on what a "disgustingly happy" couple they are. Dylan grimaces and tells him that Kelly challenged him to stop his subtle flirting and commit to her in the white picket fence sense - but he didn't think she really meant it. I don't know why he thought that. She seemed pretty firm and no-nonsense during that conversation. David goes, "What if she did?" and Dylan says that her standards are annoyingly high...and that if she were truly serious about wanting him to commit to a future with her, he'd run like hell and then regret it for the rest of his life. What an immature moron. Steve is camped out at the Sosna residence, waiting for them to return home from Christmas Eve mass. He babbles at them about how he's been reading up on healthy parenting, and that if Maddy were to one day do something he didn't like, he wouldn't take away his affection and treat her like a bag of shit...the way they're doing to Janet. He then lays it all on the line and tells them that Christmas Day (tomorrow) will be their last chance to come over and show an interest in being part of their lives. If they refuse, they'll forever be persona non grata. Beach house. Matt and Kelly are putting the final touches on their Christmas tree. Kelly tells Matt about the Taylor tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve, and he agrees that that's a fine idea. He opens her gift first, which is a book of maps of L.A. and Orange County...which Kelly bought for him 'cause he's always getting lost on the highways. Seems a bit like a passive-aggressive way of telling him he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but OK. After that, Matt produces a velvet ring box, opens it, and proposes marriage. Kelly's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" as she stares at the diamond with a mixture of shock and disdain...but then quickly decides she's definitely through with all the tedious back-and-forth, under-the-radar flirting she's been doing with Slouchy and squeals, "Yes!" and Matt beams and gives her a happy smooch. The next morning, Noah kisses Donna awake and brings her a yummy looking croissant with a birthday candle stuck in it. A few seconds later, Kelly and Matt rush in so that Kelly can flash her new diamond ring and announce their engagement. After they scamper back out, Donna laments how quickly things are changing in her 90210 clique. The Walsh house. Donna and Noah drop by for the annual cast mates Christmas party. Donna tells Gina she boycotted her parents' Christmas Eve party in protest of their unwillingness to tell their snooty friends about Papa Martin's grown love child. Dylan, meanwhile, slouches in and tells Kelly he now realizes how wrong it was to punch Angry Guy and promises to be less of a dickwad in the future...then adds that his changes are also about them and mumbles, "It's time we got it right." Before Kelly has a chance to reply, Steve gathers everyone in the living room for a toast, and Matt makes a surprise announcement that he and Kelly are engaged! Kelly happily flashes her diamond ring, and everyone cheers and claps - except for Dylan, who just stares dejectedly into space. A confused Donna pulls Kelly aside and asks her whassup with proposing to Dylan one minute, then accepting a proposal from Matt the next...and Kelly tells her that even though she sometimes thinks that Dylan could be the one, he only ever seems to show an interest in committing to her when it suits him, or whenever she's firmly committed to another guy. Matt, on the other hand, has earned her love 'cause of who he is (a shitty lawyer who apparently can't navigate his way around Los Angeles), not who he's trying to be (a rich, savvy lawyer who has no need for a GPS). Janet is in the nursery, cuddling Maddy when Steve enters the room and tells her she has guests. A few seconds later, her parents appear in the doorway and tell Janet that Steve invited them to stop by for Christmas. Mama Sosna holds the baby and gushes over her cuteness, and Papa Sosna pulls the pole out of his butt and finally starts behaving a lot friendlier toward Steve. Donna finds Noah sitting outside and asks whassup with his sad face. He tearfully tells her he wishes they were in Paris right now, and also that he hates the way she's always looking for things to blame him for. He tells her he's felt a lot of guilt about Beth's death, and that it took him years to get over it. He's past it all now, but has no desire to endure it all again, even for her. He then declares, "We can't do this anymore" and declares their relationship dunzo. Donna whimpers, "I'm sorry" and he says he is too and ambles off. Fun fact: this is the second time on Beverly Hills, 90210 that Donna has been dumped by a boyfriend on her birthday! David was the first to do it in Season 4, when she refused to put out. Kelly and Matt are in bed together, canoodling and gabbling about how great their Christmas was. As she admires her glittery diamond ring, he tells her he's wanted to propose ever since they met and is looking forward to growing old with her. After Dark. Noah tells Dylan he's going to crash in the After Dark office until he makes some permanent living arrangements, and Dylan mumbles something incoherent in reply. Beach house. Gina drops by as Donna packs up Noah's stuff. She sadly tells Gina it's finally over, and Gina's like, "Yeesh, sucks to be you" and changes the subject to herself, and how shocked she was when she learned about Papa Martin being her bio dad...but is suddenly hopeful that he could turn out to be the dad she always wanted. The two smile serenely at each other and clasp hands. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Steve and Janet bring Maddy home from the hospital. The two gaze at her lovingly and vow to be there for her and teach, protect, nurture, and guide her. Maddy suddenly wakes up, sees Steve and Janet peering at her inside her baby carrier, and starts wailing. Now Wear This. Donna asks Gina if she'd be interested in helping out at the boutique during the busy holiday season, but Gina declines the opportunity to work among people who openly hate her and flounces out. A deflated looking Donna tells Kelly she'll tell Gina about her bio dad when she's more receptive to the idea of being her half-sister. Which I guess means never. Kelly meets up with Dylan in an art gallery so he can officially apologize for bailing on the Thanksgiving dinner at the Community Center during the previous episode. He tells her he'd like to buy some art for his place...even though his "place" is a hotel room that I'm sure is already decorated with neutral hotel art. Kelly moans about needing to find her true calling (apparently, peddling Donna Martin originals ain't it), then credits Matt for doing exactly what he wants with his life, even though he totally sucks at lawyering and is barely able to eke out a living. She then looks intrigued by a messy, abstract painting and says she somehow finds the fugly piece of crap inspiring and urges Dylan to buy it. Now Wear This. Donna natters to Noah about wanting to tell Gina the truth about her paternity, and Noah tells her she should definitely do it 'cause it's never a good idea to rationalize hiding the truth. And speaking of hiding the truth, Donna reminds him that they've been invited to a Harvard alumni party and that they should go, him being an alumnus and all...but Noah suddenly looks uneasy in advance of the Noah didn't actually attend Harvard snorefest of a subplot that the writers are about to unleash (spoiler). The Walsh house. Kelly and Dylan drop by to see the baby - but Steve won't let them near Maddy until they wash their hands. Nat arrives with greasy diner junk food so the couple won't have to worry about cooking (or keeping their arteries unclogged), and Matt comes bearing baby gifts. When Gina and David arrive, Dylan goes out to the front porch for a one-on-one with Gina. She tells him she's thinking about leaving L.A. 'cause things haven't worked out the way she wanted...which I'm sure has a lot to do with how brazenly cunty she's behaved toward everyone in her orbit. David steps outside and doesn't look thrilled to see Dylan and Gina talking, so Dylan sheepishly slouches back inside. Gina assures David that they were just having a harmless gabfest, then says she's not in the mood to hang with the 90210 gang today, and hightails it back to the hotel. Beverly Royale Hotel. Donna drops by Gina's room to deliver the big news. She prefaces the paternity bombshell by apologizing for not being a better, more understanding friend, and Gina scrunches her face in confusion and snidely asks, "Is it 'be nice to your poor cousin day' or something?" Hee! Donna tells her they're not cousins, they're sisters...and explains that Papa Martin nailed her mom twenty-four years ago, and voilà: she's now their fully grown love child. Gina laughs at the ridiculousness of the contrived storyline, so Donna tells her she stumbled across her birth certificate while researching her family tree...and that her suspicions were confirmed when her parents confessed that they, along with Bobbi, made an unholy pact to keep the truth about her paternity hidden. Gina looks angry and aghast and orders Donna to leave her room. Donna implores her to express whatever she's feeling right now, but Gina says there's no point 'cause it doesn't change anything. Donna sadly retorts, "I think it changes everything" and sadly shuffles out of the room. Beach house. Dylan drops by to surprise Kelly with a gift: the abstract painting she had admired at the art gallery. She tells him she can't accept it, but he tells her she has to 'cause he's too lazy to go about returning it. He sets it down on the patio and urges her to stare at it and hopefully become inspired about her life's dreams. Now Wear This. Noah assures Donna it was the right move, telling Gina about her bio dad. Donna sanctimoniously agrees and makes another point of telling him how much she hates secrets. Noah's like, "Uh, speaking of keeping secrets.." when Gina suddenly bursts in, barks, "I hate you!" at Donna, and tells her how pissed off she is that she went and told a bunch of people about her bio dad situation before getting around to telling her. She says that Papa Martin has left her several phone messages, imploring her to call him...then wails about how her life is suddenly more miserable than the well of misery it was prior to hearing this news. Beach house. Matt notices the fugly painting propped up in her living room and remarks on its abstractness, so Kelly tells him that Dylan bought it for her after they went to the art gallery together. As Matt scrunches his face in disapproval, Kelly assures him that it's just a gift from a friend - but he tells her he'd strongly prefer if she didn't accept it. Donna natters at Noah about how much she hates her parents for living with such a big lie for so many years. Noah says that lots of people live with lies...like himself, for example, in the way he's been telling people he attended Harvard, despite never having attended Harvard. Donna's all, "Wha-a?", so he explains that he had planned to attend - but that was before he got into the car accident that killed his girlfriend and then had to focus all of his time and energy into sitting back while his father bribed the local sheriff so that no criminal charges would be filed against him for driving drunk. Donna looks aghast and tells him how disturbed she is that this is the first she's hearing about his deception. Beverly Royale Hotel. David tells Gina he made reservations at a bed and breakfast for the two of them on Catalina Island, but Gina mumbles, "I can't" and stalks off...and David trails behind her as she enters the elevator. He continues to yap at her about his Catalina plans, but she tells him she's had a terrible day and doesn't feel like hanging with him at the moment. She gives him a quick peck and promises to call him later, then flees to her room. A few seconds later, she calls Dylan's room and tells him that she's just been thrown for a major loop and doesn't want to be alone right now (or in David's company). Dylan mumbles that he'll be right down. After the commercial break, Gina is railing to Dylan about snooty Donna thinking she should be grateful to be a Martin...and Dylan gently reminds her that Donna's just the messenger. Gina tearfully says that she thought being born poor was just dumb luck - but now knows the full truth: she was rejected. She then explains that she can't talk to her mom about this 'cause she'll just get all defensive, or David 'cause he has too much of a history with Donna to be suitably objective. She tears up and says, "I didn't have anyone else to call" and lays her head on Dylan's shoulder. Kelly drops by Matt's office to tell him she's thought about what he said and has decided to give Dylan the painting back...then kind of backtracks by adding that the painting was merely a gift and doesn't hold any significance for her. Unlike the vintage car she bought Dylan during the Survival Skills episode that he had no problem accepting. Matt tells her that he checked with the gallery and learned that the painting Dylan bought cost $16,000. Yikes. That frightful thing? Matt says he could never afford to buy her a $16,000 painting, and is bugged by her more than just platonic friendship with Dylan. Kelly tells him that the painting represents nothing to her - but he doesn't buy it and tells her to take some time off from their relationship to see if she's really, truly, absolutely, completely, officially over Dylan. She agrees to give that a go. Beverly Royale Hotel. David comes by to visit Gina and says he didn't want her to be alone - and gets instantly miffed when he sees Dylan in the room. David lets out a frustrated shriek and storms out of the hotel...and Dylan and Gina chase after him to explain that it's not what he thinks. Outside the front door of the hotel, Dylan tries to explain that they were just talking, but David tells him to get lost and shoves him away - and when he does that, Dylan is struck by an approaching car (luckily it's slow moving) and falls to the ground. Gina rushes over to him to see if he's OK, and he assures her he's fine. She then glares over at David and snarkishly tells him he should go...and a discombobulated looking David lumbers over to his car and drives off. The Walsh house. At bedtime, Steve tells Janet he's nervous about the way Maddy is positioned in her crib, but Janet just tells him to chillax and climbs under the covers so she can get some much needed sleep. Steve continues to stare down at the baby and gives her a small poke, and she wakes up and starts crying. An irked Janet chides Steve about being too smothering. The Peach Pit. Gina is sitting at the counter, browsing through an old family photo album, when - ack! - Donna is suddenly standing beside her, looming over her shoulder. Gina talks about the father who raised her, and how he used to push her on the swing before he died in a plane crash (when she was five). Donna says he clearly loved her very much...but that the only thing that matters now is that they're [half] sisters. Gina points out how easy it is for her to say that, since nothing has changed in her life...unlike her late, beloved father, who has suddenly ceased to exist as her bio dad. Beverly Royale Hotel. Kelly drops by to see Dylan, who just happens to be holding up the fugly abstract painting and pretending to decide where he wants to hang it. [Nowhere, Dylan. It clashes with the rest of the hotel art, plus I doubt the hotel manager would want you drilling holes in the wall so you can hang up your personal paintings in a room that you rent by the night. If you're so eager to decorate walls, get a fucking apartment!!] Kelly asks him why he's limping, so he tells her that David pushed him in front of an oncoming car 'cause he was jealous of all the time he's been spending with Gina lately. Kelly points out that Matt too is ticked off 'cause he thinks that he (Dylan) is getting in the way of their relationship. She snippily says she's getting sick of this never ending pattern, along with his constant hinting, flirting, and inappropriate gift giving. She then remembers the mission that Matt sent her on, so she firmly tells him to lay his cards on the table...meaning, if there's something unfinished between them, he should spit it out and commit to her. And by commit to her, she means all of it: a white picket fence, marriage, kids, and a minivan. Dylan stares blankly into space and grunts something unintelligible, so Kelly takes that as a firm no and snaps, "So we're clear?!" and he mumbles, "Yeah." That scene would have prompted me to let out a satisfied woot! if I didn't already know that Dylan doesn't actually mean a syllable of what he just mumbled, and that the writers are going to drag out his unarticulated worship of Kelly until they finally decide, at the end of this series, to give their shitty relationship an off-camera reboot. Beach house. Kelly tells Donna she'll take the morning shift at the boutique, then rushes off. Donna tells Noah she just lied to Kelly about him attending Harvard, but doesn't want to cover for him anymore. Noah argues that it's his life and his boring secret...but Donna scrunches her face in disapproval and does not look appeased. Casa David. Gina comes over to assure David that Dylan is OK after getting struck by the car, then apologizes for wanting to confide in Dylan instead of him. David does that weird grimace thing he's always doing with his face and says he's tired of waiting around for her while she hangs with Dylan: her preferred choice of boyfriend. He then says he's horrified at himself for nearly getting his friend killed 'cause of how crazy jealous she's made him, and says he needs to protect himself from her. Translation: I'm breaking up with you, Gina. The Walsh house. Steve left a message for Janet telling her he's taking Maddy for a walk...and then the camera pans over to him, gaily strolling along with Maddy tucked into a little knapsacky thing. When Janet pulls up beside him in the car, he tells her that he just had a heart-to-heart with Maddy about how he'll do his best to stop smothering her. He says that, yeah, he wants to prevent anything bad from ever happening to his baby daughter, but knows it's not realistic. Yawn. Kelly drops by Matt's office to tell him that she looked long and hard into whether she and Slouchy could have any kind of future together, and has given the idea a big thumbs down. For now. She gazes at him lovingly and tells him she's already found what she's looking for, and he goes, "Really?" and she smilingly nods and gives him a smooch. Now Wear This. Donna tells Kelly that Noah lied about attending Harvard, and Kelly scrunches her face all judgey-like and wonders aloud what the hell kind of guy she's hooked herself up with. Donna concurs with her disapproval, stares concernedly into space, and says he's probably not the kind of guy she wants to be knockin' boots with anymore. Beverly Royale Hotel. David drops by to inform Dylan that he and Gina are dunzo, and that he hopes they can be friends again. Dylan gives him one of his world weary nods and says he'd like that. Gina takes a trip down memory lane and takes a drive over to the house she grew up in. When the current owner answers the door, Gina explains to her that she grew up in this house and hasn't seen it since she was seven. The woman seems interested in hearing all about it and invites her in...and eventually the two head over to the backyard, where the swing Gina's father used to push her on is still intact. The woman says she's going to get some lemonade and cookies so they can talk about the house's history, and Gina ambles over to the swing and swings herself high off the ground. Now Wear This. Donna tells Kelly she's jealous of her problem-free relationship with Matt, particularly how sure they are about each other. Kelly's like, "Uh, yeah. Sort of" then says she recently proposed to Dylan. Donna looks stunned and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" so Kelly explains that it wasn't a marriage proposal per se - but that she did challenge him to shit or get off the pot with his constant subtle flirting and commit to a future together. She hastily adds that she knew Dylan would say no to this ultimatum, then says she loves Matt 'cause he's honest, kind, and safe. (Safe? Ouch.) Donna asks, "What if Dylan had said yes?" and Kelly stares contemplatively into space and murmurs, "I don't know what I would have done." Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: While honeymooning, Steve brings a breakfast tray to Janet, who's laying atop the bed, still dressed in her wedding gown. Apparently, the zipper wouldn't budge and she didn't want to rip the thing to shreds in case her future daughter has any desire to wear a maternity bridal gown on her wedding day. Steve tells her that the hotel seamstress is coming by soon to remedy the zipper problem...and the two agree that, zipper problems aside, they had the perfect wedding night. Jackie and Matt are walking through the courtyard of the mall together, discussing custody of Erin and the joint assets she shares with Mel. She barks at Matt to put it on the record that Mel is a liar and a cheat...and when Kelly emerges from the boutique to see whassup with all the snarking that should probably be taking place behind closed doors, Jackie tells her she's going to crucify her philandering pig of an ex-common law partner and make him pay big time. After that, she storms into the boutique...and Kelly tells Matt she hates seeing her mom acting so bitter and vindictive. She blames Gina for her part in the After Hours Stripper-o-rama, then stares at Matt in the judgey way she always does whenever she disapproves of the way he runs his law practice. He stands firm with his balls intact (for now, anyway) and refuses to fire Gina, but says he'll arrange for her to be out of the office whenever Jackie comes by for their meetings. Inside Now Wear This, Donna tells Jackie she feels badly about her domestic breakup, and apologizes for Noah's involvement in the Stripper-o-rama. Jackie says she doesn't blame Noah as much as she does Gina, and calls it hurtful that she blackmailed Mel and then called her to tattle on Mel for being a paying customer at the Stripper-o-rama. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" ... and when Kelly overhears what Jackie just said, she too looks aghast. Jackie wryly says that perhaps Gina did her a favor, then rethinks that and says it's also possible that she completely ruined her life. It's also possible you might be overreacting just a tad, and should maybe consider having a long hard talk with Mel before running straight to L.A.'s least competent lawyer and turning your eight year old daughter's world upside down. Beverly Royale Hotel. In the lobby, a beaming David tells Gina that last night's doink was incredible...and she half-heartedly agrees that, yep, it was definitely romantic. David makes it clear he'd like to bump uglies again tonight, tomorrow night, and the night after that...but she suggests they just play it by ear. David, who seems completely oblivious to her cool reaction to their unholy coupling, gushes about how happy he is...so happy, in fact, that he wants to shout about their hookup from the rooftop. OK, calm down, idiot. Gina steps into the elevator, says, "Call me", and flees to her room. Community Center. Dylan is talking to Patsy, the Center's co-director as well as Andrew's homophobic boss. Dylan tells her that Andrew was beaten up pretty badly and that it would be nice if she welcomed him back to the Center once he's fully recovered. She informs him that due to a sudden "weed out the gays" restructuring, Andrew's job has been eliminated. Dylan stonily asks how much he has to donate for her to un-eliminate it, and Patsy points out that since Andrew's job requires working directly with children, his gayness is "thoroughly unacceptable". Dylan points out that firing someone for being gay is illegal, and argues that his orientation isn't unacceptable. He tells her that if she refuses to hire him back, he'll stop funding the Center...and maybe the next job that gets eliminated will be hers. She shoots him a startled stink-eye. Kelly, Donna, and Erin are hanging out in a pretty park, feeding the ducks and gabbling about Steve's and Janet's wedding. When David shows up unexpectedly, Donna steers Erin to the other end of the park so that Kelly and David can snipe at each other without her having to hear any of the unpleasantness. Kelly tells David that Gina was the one who told Jackie about Mel being at the Stripper-o-rama - but David refuses to believe that and says he can't imagine his sweet new girlfriend doing such a wretched thing...and manages to keep a straight face while he's saying that. Steve is lighting the fireplace in the honeymoon suite while Janet poses seductively in the doorway wearing a silky negligee. Steve perks up and produces a bottle of lotion and offers to give her a relaxing foot massage. As he lathers the lotion onto her feet, she asks him if he smells something burning...and a few seconds later, the smoke alarm goes off. The two rush into the living room and find smoke billowing from the fireplace and quickly flee the room. Beach house. Kelly and Donna arrive home and find Noah and Matt sacked out in their living room playing video games. Kelly calls the scene frightening, while Donna thinks it's totes adorbs. Kelly makes a snide comment about Noah's "positive influence" when it comes to things like running an underground strip club, and Donna says she needs to throw a little more blame for that Gina's way. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan tells Andrew that the Community Center is falling apart without him and that he told Patsy he'd stop funding the place unless she hired him back. Andrew chides him for putting him into the position of having to confront Patsy, 'cause he'd much rather just walk away and find a more gay friendly job elsewhere. Dylan says he won't give his money to a bigot...then puts this tedious subplot on hold to make a beeline over to where Gina is standing. He tells her they need to talk, but she says last time they talked he told her there was zero chance of them having a future. David appears from out of nowhere and stands next to Gina, and an annoyed Dylan tells him to beat it. Gina snarks, "We're done" ... but as she and David step into the elevator together, Dylan growls, "I don't think so." Except that you did think so one episode ago when you came right out and told Gina to give up all hope of them ever ending up like Steve and Janet, and left it unspoken the way you always do that your moody, slouchy disinterest in her has everything to do with your lingering feelings for Kelly, which you also refuse to publicly acknowledge. Jerk. David tells Gina that Kelly thinks she had something to do with Jackie's and Mel's breakup, and that she's also accusing her of blackmailing Mel. Gina evasively says that Kelly is just upset about her mom and is looking for someone to blame. She reminds David that she should be lauded a hero for helping Mel sneak out the back door of the After Dark when the cops stormed in to raid the place...and David mulls that over and says he's choosing to believe her version of events. He asks her if she told Dylan about last night's doink, and she pretends she's going to get around to that any minute now. The two kiss in front of her door...then grin at each other and go inside and get busy. With the bridal suite damaged, Steve and Janet have been reassigned to a crappy little hotel room. Janet gets annoyed when a group of musicians start playing their accordions in the hall, so Steve steps out to see whassup. They cheerfully tell him they're a polka band, competing for the national championships. They apologize for the ruckus and tell Steve they'll continue their rehearsal in their room...which just happens to be the room next door to where Steve and Janet are now staying. Womp womp! Beach house. Kelly goes into the bathroom and finds a naked Noah getting out of the shower. She gets an eyeful of his naughties, then snaps at him to lock the damn door. After she slams the door shut behind her, she makes a face and goes, "Ew." Beverly Royale Hotel. David tells Gina that Kelly should never have doubted her innocence in the Mel/blackmail situation, and Gina tells him she doesn't want to talk about it anymore in case he happens to stumble onto the truth...which is inevitable the moment he talks to Mel. David gazes at her lovingly as she sits up in bed, calls her sexy, and mounts her. After an intense smooch, he heads out...and mutely saunters past Dylan on his way to the elevator. Dylan knocks on Gina's door and tells her he just saw David by the elevators, and Gina just shrugs and says, "You pushed me away." Dylan looks icked out by the thought of her riding David's baloney pony, coldly says, "See ya", and slouches off. Gina bellows, "I didn't want this. You did" and Dylan stares into space with his blank, soulless eyes. Jackie is meeting with Matt, discussing custody of Erin and the division of assets. She rails about what Mel's putting her through, even though he promised he wouldn't cheat on her after his philandering was called out in Season 3. She tears up and says she's most sad that Erin now has to endure their acrimonious breakup...and says this as though she hasn't had everything to do with making this breakup so acrimonious. Now Wear This. Kelly is trying to cheer Erin up by letting her try on some Donna Martin originals. Donna and Noah, meanwhile, arrive with some genealogy software that's designed to track family trees. They bought it as a wedding gift for Steve and Janet, and Kelly squeals excitedly and asks if she can chip in and go in with them for the gift. David drops by and angrily tells Kelly that Gina told him she had absolutely nothing to do with spilling the beans to Jackie about Mel's stripper fetish, but Kelly insists that she's responsible for breaking up their family and urges him to talk to Mel...which David should have just done in the first place in order to get to the bottom of this hot mess. She then snaps, "Don't defend that bitch to me!" just as Erin emerges from the fitting room with a distressed look on her face. Community Center. Andrew is coaching the kids' basketball team when Dylan slouches over. Andrew happily tells him he got his job back, and that Patsy even managed to squeak out a semi-polite hello. Patsy's son, Henry, struts over to tell Andrew that his mom won't let him play basketball for a gay coach and Dylan glares at him disapprovingly and mumbles, "It's your loss." Andrew looks upset and tells Dylan that this was the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen now that he's been forcibly outed from the closet. When Patsy emerges from the building a few seconds later, Dylan shoots her the stink-eye and tells her that because of her sad attitude, he's no longer funding the Center. Patsy's like, "Whatever" and haughtily tells him they need to keep their "we hate gay people" values intact. Janet packs up her stuff and tells Steve she wants to go home - but Steve lights a bunch of candles and tells her he has a special treat for her: he's arranged the accordion players next door to play something soft and romantic. When the music starts up and can be heard through the walls, Steve and Janet enjoy a slow dance. Casa David. Gina drops by to tell David that she told Dylan about the two of them hooking up, but David just stares back at her stonily. He says he talked to Mel and is now livid at her for taking advantage of him and destroying his relationship with Jackie. Gina stammers gibberish as she tries to explain, but he's too angry to listen and just slams the door in her face. Haha! Word of advice: it's probably not a good idea to blackmail the father of the guy you're even semi-interested in dating. Now Wear This. Kelly tells Donna she's getting really bugged about how much space Noah is taking up at the beach house, and complains that she doesn't feel at home there anymore. She then stares into the courtyard and spots Gina heading toward the stairs, so she rushes over and snarks, "How dare you show up here!" and Gina bitchily reminds her she works here and didn't do anything to Mel, David, or Dylan that they didn't want done to them. Say wuh? She smugly adds, "It's not my fault that the men in this town are so unsatisfied." Um, OK...but blackmailing Mel 'cause you wanted some quick cash and then lying to David about blackmailing Mel is your fault. Jerk. Community Center. Eight kids have quit the basketball team to protest their gay coach. Andrew rails about it to Dylan, but Dylan insists that him returning to the Center was the right thing to do, and that it's important to show these kids the difference between right and wrong. Andrew argues that the purpose of the Center is to make troubled inner city kids' lives easier and fun...then decides to throw in the towel on the whole blasted thing and marches over to Patsy's office, snaps, "I quit!" and storms out. Dylan shoots Patsy the stink-eye as she smugly smirks back at him. Steve and Janet are lounging by the hotel pool. She tells him she's glad he convinced her to stay longer, then babbles about how she can't wait for their baby to be born. Steve says he looooves their honeymoon 'cause it's so unplanned, just like their dull-as-fuck lives together are. Beach house. Donna and Noah have just finished dinner. He tells her he looooves living with her, but she makes a face and says she's fretting about the ways in which their cohabitation is negatively affecting Kelly. Noah gets all pouty and says that maybe he should just go hide in his room all day, and then storms off...and Donna purses her freakishly plump lips together concernedly. Casa David. David is hanging out with Erin and reading with her when Dylan drops by to bitchily ask him if they're still friends. David's like, "I think so" and urges him to cool it with his bitchy tone 'cause he has Erin over and reminds her that she's an eight year old whose life is currently falling apart. Dylan says he's been unsure about their friendship lately 'cause of the way he's been acting, then warns him to be careful with Gina now that blackmail-gate has come to light. He sarcastically snarks about how proud Mel must be to learn that he's hitting the sheets with his blackmailer. Haha! Janet tells Steve she's pretty sure she's in labor...and that her cramps are actually contractions. Steve wigs out and shrieks, "This is it!", then trips over his feet on his way to grab their suitcases. Janet orders him to chill the fuck out, pack up their stuff, and get her to the hospital asap. As a discombobulated Steve pulls his clothes on, Janet assures him he's going to be a great dad. Twelve hours later, Janet and Steve are in the hospital, waiting out the birth. The doctor tells them they're monitoring the baby's heart rate, then urges them to relax until contractions start up again. Community Center. Dylan slouches over to where Henry is shooting hoops and chastises him for shunning Andrew for no reason other than he's a gay man. He reminds Henry that Andrew taught him a lot about what it means to be a man - that is, before his catty mother turned him against him. He points at his temple and snaps, "Think for yourself." Jackie drops by Matt's office with a bunch of financial statements. Matt introduces her to his assistant, then decides ah fuck it and comes right out and tells her she's Gina Kincaid. Gina sheepishly apologizes to Jackie for letting the cat out of the bag regarding Mel's presence at the Stripper-o-rama, but then tells Jackie she probably did her a favor. Jackie gets upset that she's in the presence of the woman who tore her world apart and tells Matt to give her a call after he's looked over her financials. After she hurries out, Matt calls out Gina on her destructive behavior and fires her. Gina bitterly tells him that no doubt Kelly will happy about her firing, but Matt solemnly says that this storyline is such a sorry mess that there's nothing in it that's happy for anyone. Beach house. Noah has repurposed the spare bedroom into a No Girls Allowed man cave. When Kelly peeks inside, she finds Donna and Erin immersed in a video game and chuckles. Community Center. Andrew has packed up his stuff and is loading it into his car. He tells Dylan he's going to miss his job - just as Henry ambles over and thanks Andrew for being such a great coach...and that he's now A-OK with him being gay. He asks him to stay on at the Center and assures him that the other guys all feel the same way, then glances over at Dylan and says that someone recently pointed out that they need to think for themselves. He tosses the basketball to Andrew, who happily agrees to meet him at the game. Patsy definitely isn't going to be happy about reinstating him on the payroll. Hospital. Janet and Steve are mulling over baby names when a group of medical personnel suddenly rush in. The doctor announces that she needs to perform an emergency Cesarean section right now 'cause the baby's heart rate is too slow. They wheel Janet out of the room, while a confused Steve stands in the hall and stares after them in bewilderment. Gina comes over to Casa David in tears. She tells David she thinks they could be totes great together, and promises not to hurt him...again. David coldly says, "Again being the operative word", but this time he allows her to come inside. Beach house. Donna is sitting at the computer, using the genealogy software to research her family tree...which is odd, 'cause I thought the software was supposed to be a wedding gift for Steve and Janet. Donna is staring at Gina's birth certificate in incredulity, 'cause it lists Papa Martin as her father...and she comes to the grotesque conclusion that he hit the sheets with Aunt Bobbi twenty-four years ago, making her and Gina half-sisters. When she tells this incredible, daytime soap-like development to Noah, he's all, "Whoa.." - but for some reason doesn't remark on how strange it is that, in twenty-four years, Gina has obviously never seen her own birth certificate. Hospital. The doctor informs Steve that Janet's placenta has torn, and that they need his consent to give her a blood transfusion. While this is happening, a couple of nurses wheel an incubator with a tiny baby inside past him and up to the NICU. Steve signs the consent form... and the doctors all rush back into the operating room, leaving him standing alone in the hall looking very freaked out. A couple of hours later, Janet wakes up and is all, "Wha-at happened?" so Steve tells her that her placenta tore, she lost a ton of blood, and the doctors delivered their baby girl. She tears up and says she wants to see her baby, and the two exchange I love yous. Steve tells the 90210 gang, who has just arrived at the hospital, that Janet is going to be OK, but that the baby is having problems with her lungs. He chokes up and says she's the most beautiful baby ever. Matt shows Steve the cigars he brought so they can celebrate, and he croaks, "Maybe later." The Peach Pit. Matt breaks client-attorney privilege once again when he blabs to Kelly about how Mel hasn't responded to any of the custody claims, and that Jackie wants to file a request of contempt. Kelly urges him to keep Jackie and Mel from using Erin as ammunition in their nasty breakup. Matt suggests they have Thanksgiving dinner at the beach house and invite Erin and Jackie - just as Dylan enters the diner to talk to Nat about preparing a dozen or so turkeys for a Thanksgiving dinner at the Community Center for the less fortunate. Dylan announces that he's volunteering to be a food server this year, and Kelly looks surprised and impressed at his uncharacteristic altruism. Casa Martin. Donna drags Noah to her parents' house to ask her dad if he really is Gina's bio dad - but has to put a pin in that conversation when she runs into Gina there (for some reason she's voluntarily hanging with Felice) and learns that Papa Martin is out playing golf. Hospital. The doctor tells Janet and Steve that they're going to take the baby off of the ventilator 'cause they're pretty sure she'll be able to breathe on her own. Janet's like, "What if she can't?" and the doctor's like, "I dunno. Put her back on the ventilator?" Now Wear This. Dylan asks Kelly if she's interested in being charitable this year by helping out with the Community Center's Thanksgiving dinner, and she looks aghast and is like, "Hell no." Jackie storms in and starts railing about how Mel hired a shark of a lawyer and has a preference for spending money on lap dancers instead of child support. Kelly tells her mom to shut it 'cause Erin is hanging with them in the store...and we see that Erin is staring sadly into space. Jackie just shrugs and barks, "Well, that's the way it is." Casa Martin. When Papa Martin arrives home, Donna pulls him aside and tells him she's been looking into their family tree and that she may have stumbled onto proof that suggests he's Gina's bio dad. Papa Martin looks ashen-faced and mutters, "It was so long ago", then admits, yep, it's true and that Felice has also been in on the secret all these years. Donna's all, "Wha-a?!" and asks why they've been lying to her her entire life, but then doesn't wait around for an answer and tells Noah they're outa here. After they leave, Papa Martin tells Felice that the jig is up with regard to his doinking of Aunt Bobbi. Gross, John. Hospital. Steve wheels Janet over to the NICU so they can visit their baby. Janet tears up and says she hopes the little tot knows they're here, and Steve assures her that somehow she does. The Peach Pit. Donna rails to Noah about how Felice knew the whole time that Papa Martin fathered Gina, then says she can't forgive them. When David enters the diner, Donna gives him an update on Baby Sanders, then remarks on how weird it is that he's with Gina, her "cousin". David says it would be nice if she could be happy for him, then says that Gina is used to men who aren't there for her, and is happy he can give her that kind of stability...however undeserving of it she may be. Hotel. Dylan drops by Gina's room with coffee, and she reminds him again that they're broken up. Excellent point. Please continue to stay broken up. As the camera pans across her hotel room, we see that there are several large bouquets of roses that Dylan has had delivered. She snarks about how little he actually cares for her, then asks him if he's ever had feelings for anyone. Dylan refrains from mumbling the name of his one true love - Kelly - and slouches out of the room. It remains unclear why he's giving Gina these mixed messages when he's made it clear to her on more than one occasion that he was only ever in it for the sex...and even that was getting so tiresome that he booted her out of his hotel room. Hospital. Kelly complains to Dylan that she feels useless 'cause 1) she can't do anything to help fragile Baby Sanders or 2) cheer Erin up. Dylan urges her to reconsider feeding the less fortunate at the Community Center on Thanksgiving, and she's like, "Ah, what the hell" and agrees. Donna drops by Casa Martin to discuss the Gina Situation with her parents. Papa Martin explains that it was the psychedelic '70s...and that one night after he and Felice had a big fight, he got drunk, nailed Bobbi, and then kept quiet for the next several decades about his bun ever being in her oven. Donna chides her parents for not being honest with her or - more importantly - Gina about her paternity, and accuses them of throwing away her future. She bristles when Papa Martin pleads, "Princess..." and storms out of the house. The Peach Pit. Dylan and Kelly are preparing the turkeys for tomorrow's Community Center feast...and they're being all flirty, giggly, and obnoxious while doing it. Hospital. Gina is arranging a bouquet of pretty roses for Janet when David enters the room. He remarks that Dylan is still paying for her hotel room, then asks her if she's trying to get away from him or get closer to him. It is definitely a strange arrangement. The two start to bicker - but abruptly stop when Janet and Steve enter the room. Janet thanks Gina for the roses, and Gina remarks that pink roses are her favorite. David perks up and says he's going to file that tidbit away for a later date, and Gina tells him she'd like to stay over at his place tonight. It remains unclear how on earth these two could possibly still be a couple. Beach house. Kelly and Dylan arrive at the house and find Matt making stuffing for tomorrow's big feast. Kelly tells him that she and Dylan spent the day doing much the same thing, then calls her mom to ask her if she's up for helping out with the Community Center Thanksgiving dinner. Matt, meanwhile, tells Dylan how surprised he is to hear that he's volunteering his time to serve turkey to the less fortunate, then says it's painfully obvious that he still has a major boner for Kelly. Dylan doesn't bother denying it and just stares contemplatively into space. The Peach Pit. Kelly, Jackie, and Erin are helping Nat pack up all the food for the less fortunate, which will then be transported over to the Community Center. Dylan tells Kelly he has to bail on the whole thing 'cause he suddenly remembered he has to pick up his Aunt Lilly from LAX. Kelly's all, "Wha-a?!" and irritably reminds him that she and her family are doing this as a favor to him, which has been added stress to their already stressful Thanksgiving. He just shrugs and beats a hasty retreat. Hotel. David drops by Gina's room and brings her a baby rose bush...then looks dismayed when he sees all of the rose bouquets that Dylan has had delivered to her room. He tells her he's irked that she kept them all, and Gina explains that she needs time to get over her slouchy ex-beau, and that she hopes he can be understanding. She suggests planting the rose bush at his place, and he quickly perks up and says, "Sounds great!" Hospital. Donna, Noah, Steve, and Janet are staring at Baby Sanders through the NICU window...and then Steve and Janet go inside to visit with the baby before the doctor takes her off the ventilator. Janet vows to be the best mom ever and tells Steve she'd like to name her Madeline. Donna, meanwhile, gabbles to Noah about how hard she's trying to not hate her devious parents. Community Center. Kelly and Jackie are serving food to the less fortunate, while Erin plays an electronic game that Mel gave her. Jackie complains that the dumb thing is rotting her brain cells, and Kelly chides her for always talking shit about Mel in front of Erin. Jackie rails about unreliable men...like Dylan, for example, and counter-chides Kelly for always being on hand to clean up his messes. Kelly tells her that that's a thing of the past (if only)...and a few seconds later, Matt enters the Center, and Kelly rushes over to him to kiss him hello. Casa Martin. Donna, Noah, and Gina are hanging with Felice and Papa Martin and watching football. Felice and Papa Martin offer to buy Gina a plane ticket to Colorado so she can visit her mom for Christmas...and Donna gets upset at the nauseating facade and storms over to the kitchen. Felice and Papa Martin rush after her and tell her to chillax, and Donna's like, "I really really want to spill the beans to Gina about her paternity!" Felice says that Gina will be upset to learn that she missed out on the chance to grow up with rich parents, and Papa Martin concurs and says it's too late to change things now. Donna growls, "Happy Thanksgiving. You make me sick" and tries to round up Noah and Gina so they can leave and eat turkey elsewhere. Noah obediently agrees, but Gina shoots her a cold stare, calls her spoiled, and insists on staying put. Community Center. Erin asks her mom for $5 so she can buy batteries for her electronic game and says, "Daddy would let me" - and Jackie opens her mouth to say something derisive about Mel, but wisely stops herself. She assures Erin that both she and Mel love her very much, then offers to let her use her cell phone to call the louse and wish him a happy Thanksgiving. Matt canoodles with Kelly, and the two agree that they're enjoying spending the holiday with the ones they love. Hospital. The 90210 gang brings over a Thanksgiving feast to the hospital for Steve and Janet to enjoy. Janet tells everyone that the baby is off the ventilator, and that the doctor is keeping a close eye on her. Gina arrives and tells David that she threw Dylan's roses out the window (hopefully not with the vases, or anywhere near hapless passersby), and the two cackle and smooch. Janet says she's not very hungry and would prefer to take a walk, and Kelly offers to keep her company. Donna pulls Gina aside and asks her what happened after she left her parents' place, and Gina tells her that Felice burst into tears, while Papa Martin took off in his car. Gina recalls all the shitty Thanksgivings she had as a child when her mom would park her in front of the TV so she could spend time with whatever deadbeat she was dating at the time...and Donna decides it's prolly not the right time to tell her the truth about her bio dad. A nurse suddenly rushes into the room and summons Steve to the NICU right away, and he turns ashen and races down the hall, with everyone anxiously rushing behind him to see whassup. Inside the NICU, Janet is holding the baby and happily tells Steve she's breathing very well on her own. Steve is overcome with joy and relief...and as Janet hands him the baby, the 90210 gang stares happily at the cute family of three from the other side of the NICU. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Donna and Kelly are at the Walsh house, hanging with Janet as she pores over her wedding to-do list. She complains that it's impossible to get a final guest count when her parents refuse to call her back...and she also has no idea if Steve's parents are planning to attend, since Samantha is currently in London, while Rush is on a singles' cruise. The three gals then stare over at Steve, who's sleeping peacefully on the couch (while dreaming of a bachelor party in a raunchy strip club). After Donna and Kelly head out, Janet pokes Steve awake so they can go over the details of the reception...and in his horny frame of mind, he pulls her atop him so the two can indulge in a smoochfest. After Dark. Dylan is meeting with Andrew, the guy who works at the Community Center. He's writing Andrew a hefty donation check when Gina breezes in and chirps, "Hi honeybun!" When Dylan hands Andrew the check, Andrew tells him he could really use his help coaching basketball, but Dylan says he's far too mopey and slouchy to want to be hands-on with the inner-city kids, and prefers to contribute to the center by doing nothing more than writing checks. Andrew implores him to reconsider...and after he leaves, Gina gives Dylan a smooch and says how cool it would be if the two of them volunteered at the center together...like a couple who actually liked each other might. The Peach Pit. Kelly snarks at David about his pig of a father who was consorting with the strippers at the After Dark's Stripper-o-rama. She tells him that Jackie is so humiliated by his philandering that's she's finally put an end to their unholy coupling. When Gina breezes over and asks whassup, David tells her - in an obnoxious, mocking tone - that Jackie threw Mel out of the house 'cause he saw a pair of naked boobies. Gina fake gasps and wonders how on earth Jackie found out about his strip club hopping, and Kelly says she has no idea and didn't want to ask. Gina, who doesn't seem to grasp (or care) that her role in this domestic breakup will likely be revealed to all in the next day or so, points out that this whole thing is Noah's fault...and speaking of Noah, he comes over to inform Kelly that he'll be moving into the beach house soon so that he and Donna can finally cohabitate. When Kelly looks less than enthused at the prospect, Gina cackles about how "life is full of disappointments" and Kelly shoots her the stink-eye and snarls, "Go to hell!" The Walsh house. Janet is decorating the nursery when she suddenly breaks down and cries about how much she hates the thought of being a lumbering bride...and Steve dutifully assures her she's beautiful and has no reason to feel insecure. Janet wails about how their wedding planning is going nowhere and makes Steve promise they'll set a date soon. Steve says he'll get right on that - as soon as he's done helping Noah move into the beach house. Dylan and Andrew have just finished up dinner at a restaurant, and are strolling down the street together. Andrew tells Dylan that he's prolly going to quit the Community Center at the end of the month, 'cause he figures that sooner or later people are going to twig onto the fact that he's gay and object to him spending time mentoring children. Dylan gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder and assures him that he certainly doesn't share that homophobic sentiment. Suddenly, a baseball bat wielding freak jumps out of nowhere, shouts, "Faggots!" and rushes at Dylan, while two other hoodlums attack Andrew. Dylan, of course, is able to deftly avoid getting struck, gives the moron the shit kicking he deserves, then subdues him with the baseball bat. Andrew, unfortunately, doesn't fare as well...and he's laying on the street, bloodied and seriously injured. The Walsh house. Steve arrives home and finds Janet slumped on the floor of the nursery, clutching a paint roller. She moans about how they're behind schedule...and he pries the paint roller out of her hand and says they need a new approach to wedding planning asap. Beverly Royale Hotel. After being treated for non life-threatening injuries in the Emergency Room, Dylan tells Andrew that the ring leader won't give up his buddies, so he (Andrew) will need to give the police a statement. Andrew says he doesn't want to speak out, 'cause then the jig will be up with his employer and he'll have no choice but to fully come out of the closet. Gina enters the room and asks Andrew whassup with all the bruises, and he tells her he was just in a car wreck, then bids them both good night and heads home. Gina excitedly tells Dylan that her mom invited the two of them to visit her in Denver...but Dylan makes a blech face and says he's not into that idea at all. Gina sighs and asks him if he even knows anything personal about her, and he just rolls his eyes and mumbles, "I'm tired." She presses ahead and says he doesn't know anything personal about her 'cause he never asks, then professes her love for him. He grumbles, "That's not fair" and she snaps, "No kidding!" and storms out. Please break up. Steve and Janet summon the 90210 gang to the After Dark to inform them - surprise! - that they've planned a day-long scavenger hunt for them! That...seems like a major imposition to put upon a group of (mostly) employed adults with no advance notice, but OK. The gang is divided into three teams, and they'll all be expected to race around town to find clues that lead to the next clue, and so on, until they reach a final destination. Janet then says that if any of them are desperate enough to just throw in the towel on the whole dumb thing and want to be directed to the final destination, there's an emergency number they can call. I'm genuinely surprised that Dylan refrained from whipping out his cell phone at that moment and dialling the number. Kelly, who's paired with Noah and David, rails about Mel being a pig. David says he doesn't think a lap dance is that big of a deal and blames Jackie for breaking up the family - but Kelly snaps back that she's doing that 'cause she's sick of his wandering eye. Noah just stays quiet and stares out the window in mute desperation. Donna and Matt make it to scavenger hunt location #1: a copy center. The two are tasked with putting together a calendar, and then photocopy their butts. After that, we get a pointless montage of the two photocopying various body parts...and at one point, Donna is standing atop the copier, making a copy of her shoe soles. I'm surprised that the copy center staff didn't tell her to get the fuck off the machine before she breaks it. David, Noah, and Kelly arrive at the copy center...and Noah begs Donna to trade places with him 'cause Kelly's being a major douche. Donna agrees and tells a confused David that they're off to find clue #3. Oh joy.. As Dylan and Gina drive to the copy center, Gina spots a little dog dodging traffic. She orders Dylan to stop the car so they can help the pooch, but he refuses 'cause he's a heartless monster. Please break up. Noah and Matt are driving around with a blow-up doll in their car...and I must have zoned out during this episode at some point, 'cause I have absolutely no idea why they're in possession of a blow-up doll. A police officer on a motorcycle pulls up beside them, stares over at them curiously, and orders Matt to pull over. David, Donna, and Kelly arrive at a house that's decked out with an insane amount of Christmas decorations and find their next clue. As they read it over, the old lady who lives in the house comes out and asks whassup with them loitering on her front porch. Donna tells her that she's under investigation for all of her over-the-top Christmas decorations...but when the old lady doesn't look convinced, Kelly 'fesses up and tells her they're on a scavenger hunt, and the old lady gets very excited at getting tangled up in this dumb storyline. Minutes later, Gina and Dylan arrive at the house...and Gina promptly ditches Dylan and gets into David's car, and the two drive off. It looks like Dylan is now scavenger hunt teammates with Donna and Kelly. Andrew calls Dylan on his cell and tells him that the police caught the other two hooligans who attacked them, and they're going to need someone (e.g. Dylan) to ID them in a lineup. After the call, Donna and Kelly ask Dylan whassup, so he tells them he got into a scrap yesterday and is therefore not in the mood to be on a scavenger hunt. Kelly asks him whassup with him refusing to break up with Gina (right??), and he just shrugs and says they're having fun...even though there doesn't appear to be much fun going on in that toxic hookup. Kelly lectures him on the importance of being with the right person and haughtily says she's surprised that he'd be willing to settle for less. David and Gina locate the lost dog and bring him to the nearest veterinarian's office. The vet takes him to the exam room to look him over, and Gina tells David she'd like to stick around and make sure the little guy's OK. She then grumbles about what a sucky "boyfriend" Dylan is, citing his disinterest in meeting her mother and his unwillingness to stop for the dog. She stares at David longingly and says, "I wish Dylan was more like you." No you don't, please break up. Donna, Kelly, and Dylan are in a mattress store...and Dylan is decked out in a onesie (it's not adequately explained why, or maybe my brain tuned it out). He leaps onto one of the beds and urges the salesman to join him - which, incredibly, he does, and Kelly snaps their photo. Meanwhile, the old lady at the Christmas house tells Noah and Matt to give up on trying to win the scavenger hunt, then cackles, "My girl Donna's going to win!" Of course she is. She's the world's sweetest, smartest, most resourceful cherub. The vet brings the dog out and tells Gina she called the owner, who's on her way. Gina gets annoyed that the vet would just hand over the dog to the negligent person who let the poor thing roam around in traffic and declares that she's taking the dog (!) and will decide if the owner is reliable enough to regain custody of her pet. She leaves her number with the vet, scoops up the dog, and flounces out of the clinic with David. I now fear for that pooch. The 90210 gang, minus David and Gina, arrive at the scavenger hunt's final location: a lovely historical park. Noah and Matt admit that they gave up on the scavenger hunt fairly easily and called Janet's emergency number to get this address. After Gina and David arrive, Nat plugs in some lights, plays Here Comes the Bride on a small boombox, and gets his camera ready. Steve, Janet, and the pastor suddenly appear several feet away and announce to the gang that they've arrived at their surprise wedding! Hurray! The two exchange tearful vows, while Nat snaps photos. When Steve and Janet are pronounced husband and wife, everyone is all ooooh, awwww and applauds. Janet and Steve host a small wedding reception for the 90210 gang at the Beverly Royale Hotel...and they all gabble about how fun the scavenger hunt was. Janet explains that the calendar that Donna and Matt made is "something blue", the mattress Dylan and the salesman were laying on is "something new" (the happy couple just bought it, apparently), the Christmas lights taken from the old lady's house are "something borrowed", and the wedding venue was "something old". Dylan offers a toast to the happy couple, who then hit the dance floor so they can romantically sway against each other. Janet tells Steve that while she's bummed that her parents aren't here, she's super happy...and he beams at her lovingly and concurs. Noah tries to make nice with Kelly, then explains to her that strippers are people too and that they need to make a living in order to support their families. Like, Trina, for instance...who jiggles her naughties every night so she can afford food for her children. Kelly's like, "Whatever" and huffily flounces off...then gazes longingly at Janet and Steve and murmurs, "I want that." Matt, who doesn't seem to grasp that by that she really means Dylan, tells Kelly he'll fix it with Janet to ensure that when she throws the bouquet, it'll land in her hands. Once Matt is out of earshot, Dylan slithers behind Kelly and tells her that Janet doesn't hold a candle to her on her wedding day, and then slouches off and apologizes to Gina for being such an asshole about the dog and having zero interest in meeting her mother. Gina says she probably shouldn't have moved into the hotel, then explains that she only did it to be closer to him. Dylan warns her that he doesn't see them ending up like Steve and Janet...so she storms off, finds David, and asks him to take her somewhere. David declines and says he doesn't want to repeat the subplot in which he hangs with her and gets all hopeful about them becoming a couple, only to watch her get back together with Dylan. Kelly, Donna, and Noah go back to the Christmas house to return the lights they borrowed from the old lady. After Kelly calls it a night and leaves, Donna contorts her giant lips into a serene smile and tells Noah she'd really like to help out Trina. Noah's like, "Huh?" then says he just made up that story so that Kelly would stop being so judgey about the strippers he hired - LOL - and Donna scrunches her big face in disappointment. Beverly Royale Hotel. Dylan and Andrew are hanging out, enjoying some beers. Andrew says he's been telling people he was in a fender bender...but then one day his boss Patsy dropped by the apartment to check on him, and was horrified to find him canoodling with his lover. She ordered him to take a few weeks off, and Andrew correctly assumes that this meant she wants him to permanently remove himself from the Community Center. David and Gina are in bed, bumping uglies, and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that. Kelly drops by Dylan's room to ask him what in the blazes he was talking about when he told her how gorge she looked on her wedding day, so he explains that he had secretly flown in to L.A. that day...and lurked around in what must have been a disguise, 'cause none of his friends appeared to be aware of his presence. He describes her dress and the way her hair looked...then says he got so upset at the thought of her marrying someone who wasn't him that he couldn't bear to stay, so he jetted back to Europe (or wherever). Kelly stares contemplatively into space as she turns and slowly ambles down the hall. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Donna arrives at the mall where her boutique is located and finds a flustered looking homeless man. She asks him if he's OK, and he cries, "I'm sorry, Kenny and Louis!" then scampers off. Donna's all, "Wha-a-a?" and stares after him concernedly. Steve and Janet summon Kelly and Dylan to the Peach Pit in order to make an important announcement: they've chosen them to be the baby's godparents (apparently because of their integrity and loyalty). Future godparenting will entail a trip to Ojai tomorrow to meet with the pastor who will be performing their wedding ceremony, and Kelly and Dylan tell them they're totes on board. Steve grimly says they can all drive up together, since they're trading in his Corvette for a more family friendly minivan. Across the diner, Matt and Walter Hawkins are waiting for word from the governor regarding Pete's final appeal. When Matt goes to the counter to pay the check, Kelly ambles over and tells him that Steve and Janet asked her to be godmother to their spawn...and he's like, "That's nice" and says that right now he's too preoccupied with the Hawkins case to give much of a rat's ass. Kelly hastily reminds him that she doesn't want to discuss the case, and Matt gets snarky and tells her that being a godmother requires compassion...which she hasn't shown much of lately. Ouch. As he storms off, Kelly stares after him in bewilderment. Dylan and David are at the minivan dealership with Steve and Janet as the two look over all of the available options. Steve is morose at the prospect of having to trade in his beloved sports car...so when the car dealer tries to get him to sign an agreement to trade in the Corvette for $24,000, he just stares in horror at the contract. Mel Silver is Gina's newest exercise/fitness client, which I'm guessing is part of their blackmail agreement. He asks her if he can't just pay her to keep her mouth shut and go away forever, but she jokes that she wants to leave him in perfect condition...then gives him a disapproving squint-eye and says she didn't appreciate him telling Kelly about her bulimia. Agreed - that violation of dentist/patient confidentiality was kind of dicked up. Mel sighs wearily and writes a check for $1,000, and a delighted Gina promises to keep mum to Jackie about his strip club hopping. Steve parks his Corvette in the After Dark parking lot, puts a for sale sign on the windshield, and tells David he wants to find a good home for it. A prospective buyer comes along, looks over the car, and offers him $28,000 (despite a minor oil leak problem). Steve abruptly changes his mind about selling and tells the startled buyer it's no longer available. Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina bursts into Dylan's room and invites him to lunch - but he's pecking away at his laptop and mumbles that he's too busy. She canoodles him from behind and takes a rain check for tomorrow, so he tells her he'll be in Ojai tomorrow with Steve and Janet, who have chosen him to be godfather to their baby. Gina gushes about how great that is...but when Dylan informs her that Kelly was asked to be godmother, she poutishly retorts, "Every single road leads back to you and Kelly." Dylan rolls his eyes and says he thought they were past this tedious love triangle, but Gina's like "Uh, not" and orders him to turn down the godfather request. Dylan refuses, says he's going to support his friends whether she likes it or not, and Gina's like, "Not!" and storms out. It remains unclear why neither of these idiots ever considers permanently ending this horrible, toxic, jealousy-fueled hookup. Now Wear This. Noah drops by as Donna is closing up and invites her out to a movie, but she tells him she's busy with "stuff". Noah's all, "Whassup?" and reminds her that they're supposed to be moving in together, and Donna snaps, "That was before you got me arrested as a hooker!" - bwahahahahaha! - and says she's no longer sure she wants to live with him. He trails after her as she flounces out of the mall...and the two are all, "Ack!" when they encounter a group of policeman who are standing around the lifeless body of the homeless man Donna had seen earlier. She sadly tells Noah she ran into him this morning and that she had turned away from him when he needed help. I'm not sure that's an accurate account of what actually happened, but I'm all for Donna feeling bad about herself whenever possible. Beach house. Kelly coos at Donna that there's nothing she could have done for the homeless man, but Donna disagrees and says she could have run after him and somehow forced him to accept food or water from her...then laments about how the man had wanted to let Kenny and Louis (?) know he was sorry. Donna tells Noah she realizes there's no logical reason to feel this way about a man she didn't even know...but she can't shake the lingering feeling that someone somewhere will want to plan a memorial in his honor. She wails, "I may have been the last person he ever saw!" and Noah solemnly offers to help her work through this latest mission of mercy. Casa David. Gina drops by to ask David if he knows about the Dylan/Kelly/Godparents Situation, then bitches about how they're terrible choices...and by they're, she mostly means Kelly. David shuts her down and says he has zero desire to listen to her trash-talk his step-sister or gabble about anything Dylan-related, given that he's still so crazy about her, so she shuts it and decides it's enough for her to just sit quietly with him for awhile. Ojai. After the wedding rehearsal, Dylan asks the pastor what being a good godfather entails...and Kelly says she worries that she won't be any good at being godmother. The pastor says they'll be required to build a spiritual support system for the baby, and points out that the two of them will be linked forever from the perspective of their godchild. Kelly and Dylan perk up at that and stare longingly at each other. David arrives at the After Dark just as a woman named Marta is checking out Steve's Corvette. She tells David she's bummed that the car no longer has a for sale sign in the window and asks him if he knows whether or not it's still for sale. David tells her it hasn't been sold yet - and she suddenly recognizes his voice and tells him how much she looooves his [sexist] radio schtick! She also looooves his slogan 'If you're going to play, you might as well score' and says she suspects that most women love it, but are just too scared to say what they want. David ignores that weird red flag and tells her that the price of the Corvette is $27,000, then calls Steve to confirm the sale. Janet picks up his phone, is irked that Steve hadn't yet sold the car, and gives her blessing to David to "sell the damn car!" David tells a happy Marta that the Corvette is all hers. Donna and Noah are talking to the coroner about the homeless man. Since he had no ID on him, he'll been classified as a John Doe and will be cremated, his ashes then flushed down the toilet. Donna hates the fact that the poor man will disappear without being memorialized in any way, but the coroner just shrugs and says they don't have the time or resources to conduct an investigation. Donna sanctimoniously says, "I'll take it from here", so the coroner shows her what the homeless had on him when he died. One of the items is a photograph of the deceased, along with (presumably) his wife and daughter. Ojai. Kelly and Dylan are strolling through a lovely park together, and Dylan remarks that he rather likes the idea of being linked to her for life. A few seconds later, Steve and Janet drive up in their minivan to inform them that they're heading back to L.A. to deal with the Corvette Situation. Dylan tells them that he and Kelly want to stay and check out the famous Ojai pink sunset, so they'll rent a car and drive back to L.A. later. Mmm hmm.. The Peach Pit. Marta tells David she's a performance artist, and invites him to her next show tomorrow night. He accepts, then says something about how the guy should always pick up the check, and Marta covertly tape records him saying that. Matt's office. As Matt, Gina, and Walter nervously wait for word from the governor, Kelly calls to let Matt know that she and Dylan have decided to stay overnight in Ojai. Gina figures out whassup by listening to Matt's end of the conversation and immediately gets enraged, snarks that this is just like Mexico all over again, and storms out of the room so she can hightail it to Ojai. Noah and Donna amble around a sketchy looking neighborhood and show random people the John Doe photo to see if anyone can identify him. One man IDs him as Willard Reiner, and describes him as a thief and swindler who no one will miss. He jokes that if he were to go into the Rum Cellar and announce that Willard Reiner is dead, everyone would cheer for joy and buy him drinks all night long. Ouch. Ojai. Dylan slouches over to the where the pastor is standing and tells him that his wife [of five minutes] died in Season 6 - and that during their [ridiculously brief] courtship, he brought her to Ojai so they could watch the pink sunset together. Don't recall that happening; it must have taken place off camera. He tells the pastor that he's hooked up with various women since Toni's death, but hasn't connected with any of them emotionally. The pastor suggests that maybe it's time to watch the sunset with the right person. Gina stops to gas up her car, and is told by the attendant that her credit card has been rejected. She irritably pays him in cash, then calls Mel Silver to demand more money. Mel angrily tells her they're through...and when she threatens to tell Jackie about his fixation with strippers and lap dances, he hangs up on her. Haha! The Peach Pit. Donna wonders if maybe interjecting herself in this boring, filler subplot was a mistake, but Noah tells her she shouldn't give up just 'cause one person told her that Willard was a jerk. He then babbles about how wrong it is to build up people to a height that no one can live up to, then walk away when they're disappointed. He chides, "Sometimes you expect the world" and Donna looks sheepish, then stares contemplatively into space. A guy in a red Corvette pulls up at a traffic light beside Steve and Janet in the minivan. He calls Steve "sir" and asks him the time, then squeals past him when the light turns green. When Steve looks over at Janet with a mournful expression, she throws in the towel and agrees to let him keep his stupid Corvette. Ojai. Kelly and Dylan eat mini bar snacks and watch the news for an update on Matt's case. The governor commuted the death sentence! Matt does a quick, on air interview and says it's a great day (well...for Pete) and declares the death penalty cruel. Kelly remarks on how impressed she is that her boyfriend just saved someone's life. She gushingly calls him amaaaaazing, and a bummed Dylan suggests she call him, and save the watching of the pink sunset for when the two of them can see it together. Kelly gives him a thank you hug just as Gina bursts into the room. Naturally she knew exactly which room to burst into, and naturally the door was unlocked. She shoots them both the stink-eye and snaps, "You can see the sunset better outside." The Peach Pit. David hands Steve the check Marta gave him for the Corvette, but Steve happily informs him that Janet is allowing him keep the car after all...and that technically it's still his 'cause he hasn't yet signed the pink slip. David tells him he's meeting up with Marta later to check out her performance art. Wendy Reiner, Willard's daughter, drops by the After Dark to thank Donna for going above and beyond by writing up an obituary for her father and putting it in the paper. She says her father was a good man - until he got into a horrible car accident that killed two young boys named Kenny and Louis. After that, he started drinking and became a thieving, alcoholic mess. Donna gives her the photo that the coroner passed along to her, and Wendy thanks her once again and heads out. Noah gazes lovingly at Donna and credits her for being so awesomely kind-hearted, angelic, and beneficent...and Donna purses her lips in her obnoxious, sanctimonious manner and bats her doe eyes as she vacantly stares into space. David takes Steve and Janet to Marta's performance space. They suddenly hear David's recorded voice from when he said that guys should pick up the check. The performance piece is called The Chauvinist...and Marta has spray painted Steve's Corvette, and unleashes several chained men on it, who smash it with sledgehammers and and then tear it apart with a chainsaw. The theme is something about "deconstructing in an effort to reconstruct". Seems more like a crazy waste of money to destroy a perfectly good Corvette, but then I'm a recapper not a performing arts expert. David asks Steve if he kept Marta's check (he did), then wryly says, "I think the sale is final." Kelly drops by Matt's office to congratulate him for launching a successful appeal. She admits that she may have been a tad bitchy when she refused to talk to him about the case, but tells him she wants to hear all about it now. She adds that she didn't end up seeing the pink sunset in Ojai 'cause she wanted to wait and see it with him, and he beams with delight. Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina sifts through her mail and notices that Mel has stopped payment on his checks. Dylan sits beside her and asks whassup, then says he thought the sullen ride back to L.A. went very well. LOL. She tells him she doesn't trust him, and that even though he and Kelly weren't caught in mid-hump, it's going to take a loooooong time for her to not be suspicious of that friendship. Dylan just kind of shrugs and says, "Hope it happens!" - LOL - and tells her he's heading out. It continues to remain unclear why he doesn't take this opportunity to rip off the bandaid and, for once and for all, put a merciful end to this horrible cesspool of a relationship. After he leaves, an enraged Gina snatches up the phone, calls Jackie, and tells her there's something she needs to know about her husband (though technically he's not her husband, since the two never remarried after the divorce). Dylan slouches over to the beach house and is about to knock on the door...but instead peers into the living room window, where he sees Kelly and Matt talking, giggling all romantic-like, and eating Chinese takeout. Dylan puts his sad wrinkly face on, then turns around and slouches off into the night. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Angry Radio David is in his DJ booth, giving horrible, sexist advice to male callers about their relationships. When caller Tony complains that his girlfriend Amber hasn't put out yet, David recommends a swift dumperoo...then somehow gets Amber on the phone and publicly dumps her on behalf of Tony. As the After Dark crowd howls with laughter, David cackles about how awesome that felt...while Tony's on the other end of the line, looking aghast and muttering, "Wha-at just happened?" LOL. Beach house. Rapist Joe's parents, The Patches, have dropped by for an awkward one-on-one with Kelly. Mama Patch tells her they forgive her for pumping lead into their son, and hopes she can forgive them for unleashing their psychotic rapist son onto the world. Kelly snarks that it's inappropriate for them to be here and says she can't offer them forgiveness 'cause some things are unforgivable. After Dark. A weenie guy who lives across the street from the After Dark complains to Noah about how loud the club has been past their usual operating hours. Gina happens to enter the club at that moment and sweetly promises to talk over the noise issue with Noah...but as soon as weenie is out of earshot, she rolls her eyes and calls him an idiot. She rolls her eyes again when Noah informs her that he and Donna are planning to move in together...as it is the most talked about, unanticipated by anyone cohabitation in the history of television. FUCKING MOVE IN TOGETHER ALREADY, SO YOU CAN FINALLY SHUT UP ABOUT IT. The Walsh house. Matt is getting dressed while watching a news report about himself, in particular his current case of trying to overturn the death sentence for a convicted murderer/rapist named Pete Hawkins. The Peach Pit. Donna tells David she heard his show last night...then purses her giant lips in disapproval. David breezily tells her that people love the whole "angry guy routine", then brags about the high ratings his show has been getting. Also...in his deluded mind, he's encouraging men to stand up for themselves against women who don't want to put out fast enough for their liking. Over in the After Dark, Noah and Gina are conspiring about tonight's instalment of the After Dark After Hours Stripper-o-rama - and when Donna unexpectedly enters the room, they clam up and pretend they were talking about Halloween party themes. Gina stammers about how she particularly liked the 80s theme, then says she's off to go buy herself some acid wash jeans and a hair crimper. Noah presents Donna with a lovely bracelet that he bought for her (courtesy of the Stripper-o-rama profits) and she squeals about how beautiful it is. They both agree that things are finally working out great, then indulge in a nauseating smoochfest. Court house. Matt is visibly nervous and tells Kelly he's freaked out 'cause his client's life literally depends on him. Kelly gives him a half-hearted pep talk and tells him his murderous client is lucky to have him. When court is in session, Matt does his best to implore the jury to overturn the death sentence, and reminds them that killing Pete will not bring his victim back. He then calls Pete's brother, Walter Hawkins, to the stand...and Walter natters about their shitty childhood with their violent stepfather, then begs the jury to let his brother live. The Walsh house. Steve brings home a huge supply of Halloween decorations and tells Janet he wants to create a haunted house for all the neighborhood kiddies to enjoy. Janet introduces him to her funked out college friend, Pinky, and tells him she's going to be playing in Pinky's band on Halloween night. Steve's all, "Wha-a?" and says he disapproves of his pregnant fiancee going club hopping on Halloween night...and Janet refrains from pointing out that she's not club hopping, she's playing guitar at one club (the After Dark, no less) with her friend's band. Court house. The prosecutor tries to sway the jury that it's in society's best interest to stick to the death sentence Pete was given, then plays an audio tape of him confessing to raping, stabbing, and strangling his victim. Kelly turns ashen at the killer's remorseless, monotone sounding voice and flees the courtroom. After Dark. Tony confronts David and tells him he wants Amber back - but David insists he made the right decision dumping her, 'cause now he's back on the market and can look for someone who would be willing to hit the sack with him a lot quicker. Tony gets angry and rails, "You ruined my life!" and Dylan quickly intervenes and orders Tony to calm down. After Tony surrenders and slumps over in a chair, Dylan follows David to the DJ booth and admonishes him for acting like such a horse's ass lately, and snarls that the shit he's been blurting out in anger doesn't equate to wisdom. David shoots him the stink-eye, then goes back on the air and throws out the topic du jour for his Neanderthal radio fans to chew on: when is it OK to tell old friends to 'go to hell'? He glares hatefully at Dylan while he's asking that. While David continues to bitch about his old friend being a pain, Dylan calls a cab for Tony, who has become so drunk he can barely stand up. Donna, meanwhile, flashes her new bracelet at Noah, and he promises that stuff at the After Dark will ease up soon and they'll have more time to hang out together. After Donna ambles off, Noah covertly tells Gina that the Stripper-o-rama will be open for business at 2:00am, and she assures him he'll have the all clear, since she's leaving the club with Dylan soon. Dylan enters the DJ booth to tell David how badly he screwed the pooch with Tony and Robin - but David doesn't acknowledge playing any role in those self-created debacles and says that people have to take responsibility for their lives regardless of what he says or does. He gleefully adds that people always used to take advantage of him - but not anymore. Now they're secretly mocking his spiky, wet looking hair that looks as if it's being regularly doused with black shoe polish. Seriously, hair and makeup people, WTF with that fugly new 'do? The Walsh house. Janet arrives home and finds the house decked out with ghouls, skeletons, and pumpkins. She tells Steve that her rehearsal with the band went great, and that she surprised herself by not being the slightest bit nervous. Steve just stares into space forlornly, and Janet gets irked and tells him she deserves to have his support. Beach house. Matt drops by to tell Kelly he regrets bringing her to the court house and inadvertently traumatizing her with Pete Hawkins' audio testimony. Kelly asks him if he'd want Joe Patch executed if he had raped and murdered her, but Matt mumbles that he thinks the death penalty is immoral and would prefer if Joe were just imprisoned. Kelly gets mad and snaps, "I hope your client dies!" and Matt glares at her and storms off. Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina gets a call from Noah, who urgently needs the key to access the DJ booth so that the strippers can have something to gyrate to while they perform lap dances. He asks her to get Dylan's master key and bring it over, pronto. Gina sneaks out of bed, slides the master key off of Dylan's keychain, then tiptoes out of the room. The After Dark After Hours Stripper-o-rama is in full swing. Gina notices Mel Silver sitting across the club enjoying a lap dance, and gleefully points this out to Noah. Donna drops by the club unexpectedly and asks whassup with all the strippers roaming around...and is in the process of angrily storming out when several police officers burst in and inform Noah that he's being charged with disturbing the peace, operating a strip joint without a license, and possibly prostitution. Gina rushes over to where Mel is sitting, points to where the cops are handcuffing Noah and Donna, and urges him to sneak out the back door. Donna tries to explain to the cops that, despite the high skank factor of the Donna Martin original she chose to wear this evening, she's not a hooker - but the cop just sneers, "Tell the judge" and hauls her away. Bwahahahahahahahaha!! Beverly Royale Hotel. Gina tiptoes back into Dylan's room, slips the master key back onto his keychain, then crawls back into bed. A few seconds later, the phone rings for Dylan, and he's informed that police raided the After Dark last night, and that Noah and Donna are in jail. Gina pretends to slowly wake up, lets out a fake yawn, and feigns complete bewilderment. Kelly lectures Matt about how immoral it is of him to defend Pete Hawkins. He tells her she's personalizing this, and she's like, "Well duh" and tells him he should try doing that sometime. They arrive at his office and find Walter Hawkins there, anxiously awaiting the verdict. Police station. Noah explains to Donna that he was just trying to earn some extra cash for their future cohabitation, and she rips off the bracelet he bought her and throws it at him. Gina informs Donna that she called Felice to tell her about her arrest - bwahahaha! - 'cause she wanted to rub it in her face...I mean, didn't want her to find out from someone else. The Peach Pit. Donna once again expresses her disapproval at David for giving terrible relationship advice and mocking hapless people on the air. She poutishly asks him what he'd tell a teenage girl who wants to wait for marriage to have sex, then says he's a shell of his former dork self and that she barely recognizes him anymore. And the black, shoe polish hair ain't helping either. Matt gets a call about the verdict - and the news is not good (for Pete, anyway). Walter gets upset and wails, "He's going to die!" and bursts into tears. After Dark. Gina giddily tells Noah they made $4,000 last night, but Noah is too bummed about being arrested to care. Dylan storms into his office and bitchily reminds Noah that he's still on probation for his stupid gun toting antics at the Marchette estate last season and doesn't need any kind of heat from the police. A fed up Noah reminds him of the nature of their business arrangement: he (Noah) leases the building from him (Dylan), but otherwise he doesn't report to him. He then snarls at Dylan to get the fuck out of his office, and Dylan snarls back that he currently owes him $20,000. The Walsh house. Steve is dressed up as a skeleton, having a fun time scaring the bejeezus out of the trick-or-treaters. Janet announces that she's off to perform with the band, then sadly tells Steve she wishes he would come with her and watch her perform. Steve declines and sulks that she's abandoning him on Halloween. David goes over to Amber's house to apologize for publicly breaking up with her on behalf of Tony. He admits that what he did was wrong, says it was his idea's and not Tony's, and that Tony has been miserable without her. Amber chastises him for hurting people, but then mulls over what he just told her and offers him a piece of Halloween candy. Kelly drops in on The Patches and tells them she's ready to talk forgiveness, and The Patches look delighted by her change of heart. After Dark. It's 80s night, and Dylan is dressed up as Bruce Springsteen, while Gina has a thick head of crimped hair. Dylan calls her out on being involved in the Stripper-o-rama and says he knows that she "borrowed" his master key the other night. He says he doesn't give a rat's ass about the club, but forbids her to lie to him anymore. She [crosses her fingers behind her back and] vows, "No more lying" and the two hug. David apologizes to his listeners for being such an angry douche and giving horrible dating advice. He adds that it's never a good time to tell an old friend to go to hell...and the camera pans over to Dylan, who is smiling approvingly. Noah tells an angry Donna that the police dropped the charges, but she bitchily reminds him he still has to pay the fine. She then says she can't move in with him if she can't trust him - &^%$#@!! - but he points out that he only launched the Stripper-o-rama 'cause he was trying to set aside some cash for their future. The Walsh house. Matt arrives home and finds Steve glumly sitting on the stairs. He complains about the lull in children's visits, but Matt points out that it's 9:15pm, which is probably bedtime for a lot of kids. Steve mulls that over, then tells Matt he's sorry about him losing the case and that he too believes that the death penalty is wrong. After Dark. Janet is backstage, telling Pinky she's too nervous to perform. Steve suddenly appears, dressed up as Sonny Crockett, and assures her she's totes awesome. This immediately buoys Janet's confidence, and she grabs her guitar and joins Pinky and the rest of the band on stage. They perform We Got the Beat...and I couldn't help but notice that Pinky is barely sub-par as the lead singer. Gina flounces up to the office and calls Mel Silver to bitchily ask him what David and Jackie would think if they knew he was consorting with strippers. She makes it clear she's going to need a large cash infusion if he expects her to keep her mouth shut. Beach house. Kelly tells Matt she visited The Patches and offered them the forgiveness they needed. She says she feels neither happy nor sad about it, but knew it was the right thing to do after seeing Walter Hawkins weep after the verdict was announced. Matt says he hopes he has her full support for the next phase of the case: an appeal to the governor. Kelly says that Pete Hawkins will probably die - not because he didn't save him, but because the man is a cold-blooded killer. She then tells Matt that she doesn't want to see him until this dreary death penalty storyline is finally over. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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