Recap: Brandon and Susan are getting coffee at a campus shop...and Susan convinces Brandon to go halfsies on a lottery ticket. After they purchase it, Brandon uses his key to scratch it and exclaims, "Oh man!" and tells Susan they just won $5,000! They get confirmation from the shop clerk, who says they can claim their winnings at a California lottery office.
California University. David grumps to Donna and Clare about finals and asks Clare if she and Steve would consider forming a study group with him. Clare's up for it, but doesn't think Steve will be able to tear himself away from his new BFF, Prince Carl. David tells Donna he has a bunch of CDs he wants her to listen to so she can give her valuable feedback on how they might produce the music videos. Joe saunters over and tells Donna he's going to practice his running later, then frets about how long he's been out of commission. Donna says that that's understandable considering he recently had heart surgery, and then offers to watch him run and cheer him on. Joe likes the sound of that, and the two share a smooch.
Colin's loft. Valerie is helping Colin pack up his stuff before he heads off to the Big House. She tells him he needs more boxes for the rest of his clothes, but he glumly tells her to just trash them 'cause they'll probably be out of style in two years. Valerie says she's so bummed that he's being forced to languish in the slammer, especially since he's not a hardened criminal or a menace to society (well...except for that dangerous police chase he instigated), and he bitterly retorts, "Tell it to the judge." She says she wishes she could, then gets teary and moans about how unfair it is. He gives her a from-behind hug and tells her not to check out on him yet...and she sniffles and says she's going to miss him and that she's scared for him, and he whimpers back that he's scared too.
Jackie's house. Kelly, who's been staying at her mom's place while recovering from Tara's murder-suicide plot, is trying on a dress that Jackie just bought for her. She thanks her for letting her stay with her, then grumps about having to go to summer school five days a week. Well d'yuh...I guess that's what happens when you ditch weeks of school to go on an extended cocaine bender and then have to check into rehab. The phone rings and it's Colin...but when Jackie answers, he just stares mutely into space and doesn't say anything.
Racquetball court. Steve is playing an energetic game with Carl and wins. After that, the two chat about Clare, and Steve says she's smart and funny and all that...but he's not ready to settle down and feels like he still has some wild oats to sow. Steve then asks the prince about his romantic prospects and jokes about him having a Princess Grace type girl waiting in the wings for him, but Carl stays mum on the topic and suggests they play another game of racquetball.
The Peach Pit. Brandon and Susan brag to Nat and the diner staff that they just won $5,000 in the lottery. Susan then signs the back of the ticket so it's legal, and she looks very giddy with excitement. She and Brandon agree to cash it in tomorrow - after she finishes writing her last exam. Fantastic.
The phone rings at Jackie's place again, and this time Kelly answers...and once again it's Colin calling but not saying anything. Kelly hangs up and remarks that it must be someone who dialed the wrong number. Over at the loft apartment, Valerie arrives with a few bags of takeout for dinner. Colin's depressed about it being the last supper before his prison term, then "jokes" about how he wants to escape to Mexico. Valerie gasps and exclaims, "Colin!" and he assures her he wouldn't actually do it - though he is still trying to think of a way out of his predicament. He wonders aloud if he's going to change and/or harden while he's in prison...and after that, the two start making out, and then head over to the bed so he can enjoy one last pre-prison doink.
The Walsh house. Steve tells Clare he's super excited about going to dinner with Carl, so she cautions him against getting himself too worked up about befriending a prince and explains that Carl has a tendency to go "full throttle" whenever he hangs out with someone new. Steve's like, "Nuh uh!" and insists that he and Carl are becoming true friends, then shows her his cuff links as proof. Clare rolls her eyes and tells him that Carl hands out those dumb things as though they're gumdrops.
Beach house. Donna's happy when Kelly tells her she's officially moving back to the apartment. Kelly asks her if she's seen Valerie or Colin around lately, but Donna says she hasn't...so then Kelly tells her that Colin has to report to prison tomorrow. Donna says she wasn't aware of that, then says the idea of being locked up for two years is scary. Kelly reminisces about how happy she and Colin were during the early episodes of Season 6 and can't figure out what happened. Donna makes a WTF face and goes, "Do you want me to remind you?" and Kelly says no, but feels as though she should call her former druggie lover and say goodbye. Donna says that that's probably OK, but only if she then closes the book on that storyline for good. Amen to that. She announces that she's heading over to Joe's for the evening - and after she leaves, Kelly picks up the phone and calls Colin's loft...and we see that Colin and Valerie are enjoying a post-coital canoodle and eating the takeout food. Valerie answers the phone and immediately gets all attitude-y once she realizes who she's talking to. Kelly tells her she wants to talk to Colin one last time, so Valerie scrunches her face with distaste and tells him, "She seems to think she deserves a conversation with you." Colin casts his eyes downward and shakes his head mutely, and Valerie gleefully tells Kelly that Colin has absolutely no interest in talking to her, then hangs up.
The Walsh house. Brandon and Susan are in the kitchen studying...but both are continually distracted by their lottery earnings. Brandon thumbs through a travel magazine and says he'd like to use the money to go white-water rafting...and Susan gushes about how it's going to be the greatest trip ever. She tells him she wants to look at the ticket one more time, and Brandon just stares at her blankly and goes, "I don't have it", and she says, "I don't have it either"...and the two go through an obnoxious Abbott & Costello routine until they both fully realize neither of them knows where their winning lottery ticket is. Idiots.
Fancy restaurant. Steve, Clare, and Carl are having dinner together. Steve and Carl are talking about golf, and Clare complains that their conversation is boring the crap out of her. The waiter then serves Clare her dessert, a scrumptious looking chocolate swan, and she remarks that chocolate is almost as good as sex...and Steve looks startled and exclaims, "Clare!" Carl swiftly changes the subject and asks Steve what he's doing for his twenty-first birthday, then offers to throw him the bash that he, as a royal prince, wasn't allowed to have. Steve lights up and goes, "Dude! Prince! Thank you!" Carl excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Steve smugly tells Clare it's pretty clear that Carl isn't getting bored with him after all. Give it time, Steve.
Dorm. Donna and Joe are playing backgammon, but Donna's listening to one of the CDs David gave her and isn't paying much attention to the game. The phone rings, and she's suddenly part of a conference call with the recording company...along with David, who tells her that there's a big industry party tomorrow night. Donna excitedly RSVPs for her and Joe, but Joe looks less than thrilled to have to go and reminds her that she has exams. She promises him they won't stay long, says it's a "business thing", and is hopeful that the company will sign her and David to produce more music videos. It must be so fun living in Donna Martin Fantasy Land. Joe puts the backgammon game away and says he's hitting the sack, then encourages her to focus on her music CDs.
After dinner, Carl invites Steve to join him at a gentleman's club...and by gentleman's club, he means somewhere refined where they can drink cognac and smoke cigars (and since it's Prince Carl suggesting this, I'm actually buying it). Clare says she has to get home to study, so Steve lets her drive herself home in his Corvette.
Colin's loft. The next morning, a grim looking Colin sadly gazes around his empty apartment. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, he tells Valerie he wishes that time could stand still. She somberly tells him it's time to go, then dangles her car keys at him and asks him if he'd like to drive to the police station. That ends up being a really bad idea.
The Peach Pit. Brandon and Susan search the diner for their missing lottery ticket, but don't have any luck. Brandon tells Nat they'll need to sift through his trash, and Nat just shrugs and says they're more than welcome to climb inside of his dumpster and poke around. In the next scene, Brandon is standing knee-deep in trash as Susan bitches at him for losing their winning ticket. She snarks that she never should have gone halfsies with him...and after the two bicker back and forth for what seems like an interminably looong time, he gets pissed off, climbs out of the dumpster, and tells her he no longer gives a rat's ass about the $5,000.
Police station. Colin pulls up to the police station and tells Val he suddenly feels nauseous, then asks her to go inside and find his lawyer while he parks the car. She nods and agrees to meet him inside. On his way to the parkade, he sees a group of prisoners being loaded up on the prison bus. They're all chained together and look like mean, bad, scary dudes...so Colin hits the gas and drives away. A few minutes later, Colin's lawyer comes outside looking for him, and a dismayed looking Valerie tells him she has no clue where her boyfriend went. He asks, "Do we have a problem here?" and Val's like, "Well, d'yuh."
California University. Donna is timing Joe as he does his practice runs. She tells him he's doing amazing, but he grumps that his running time is a lot slower than it was last year, and he's worried that his shitty performance isn't going to cut it for the football team. Donna's like, "You can do it! I have faith in you!" and he gets annoyed at her cheerful optimism and bitchily snaps at her...but then quickly apologizes and explains that he's frustrated with the lack of interesting storylines the writers have been throwing his way after they let him give Pumpkin Head that awesome ass-kicking all those months ago.
The police inform Valerie that her car's been recovered, but Colin is still at large. They ask her how much cash he has on him, and she tells them she has no idea. They tell her that if Colin turns himself in quickly, they'll forgive his tardiness and assume he just got cold feet - but the longer he's on the lam, the worse it will be for him. The bondsman, who's also in the room, stonily reminds Valerie that she's on the hook to pay Colin's bond.
Night club. The important industry party is in full swing, and there appears to be an an over-abundance of women clad in bra tops dancing very vigorously. LOL. David, Donna, and a dismayed looking Joe arrive together...and Eric, the flunky from the recording company, comes over to greet them. A woman from a competing record company suddenly comes over and gushes over Joe (she appears to be a football fan), and Eric introduces Donna and David to her as a coupla hot new music video producers. Bwahahaha! He then tells his hot new proteges that he wants to introduce them to someone from Atlantic Records.
Beach house. Carl comes over and presents Clare with a beautiful pearl necklace, which he says is payback for all the crappy things he did to her when they were children. He then tells her he'd like her and Steve to accompany him as he checks out a possible location for Steve's birthday party, so Clare calls Steve at Casa Walsh to tell him about the impromptu plans. He's running upstairs with the laundry basket (and accidentally drops a pair of socks on the stairs in his hurry). Clare tells Steve that the three of them are going to Long Beach, so he tells her he'll be over at the beach apartment asap...but on his way down the stairs, he slips on the socks, takes a nasty tumble, and lands hard on his face. He tries to communicate to Clare what just happened, but is only able to grunt into the phone.
Dance club. Donna and Joe are swaying together on the dance floor, and he tells her that this party is totally not his scene and that he really really wants to leave, like pronto. Donna promises to leave with him once the song ends. Eric stands next to David and asks him whassup with Donna and Joe and goes, "Are they engaged?" David's like, "Nah, they're just dating" so then Eric says, "Interesting. She's really beautiful, don't you think?" and David looks across the room at Donna and agrees that she's the most gorgeous creature who's ever walked the earth, and will ever walk the earth however long humans continue to roam the earth. The camera then does a slo-mo close-up of David as he continues to check out Donna. Nauseating, writers...just nauseating.
Beach house. Kelly arrives home and is startled to find Colin hiding on her back patio. She asks him what he's doing here, and he says he's been waiting for her. He asks her if he can come inside, but she says no and then asks, "Hey - weren't you supposed to turn yourself in today?" He says he was, but that he made the stupid, impulsive decision to bolt, and is now in dire need of a friend. She says she can't help him, and also makes it clear that she no longer cares about him in the special way she used to. He then wails that he doesn't know what he should do: turn himself in? keep running? He just can't seem to decide. She says she has no answers and that he's going to have to figure that out for himself. Um...OK. Well, here's my advice, Colin: TURN YOURSELF IN BEFORE THE POLICE CAPTURE YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. Kelly promises not to tell anyone he was at the apartment, but warns him not to come again.
The Peach Pit. Steve is wearing a neck/jaw brace and sitting at a table with Clare and Carl. Turns out he has a broken jaw, and his jaw is wired shut. This probably shouldn't amuse me, but somehow it does. A sympathetic Carl invites him to recuperate in a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel for a couple of nights - on his dime. He'll also throw in a team of servants who will take cater to his every need. Steve perks up and accepts Carl's offer by making happy sounding grunting noises.
Jackie's house. Kelly brings over a basket of lotions, soap, and shampoos for her mom as a thank you gift for letting her stay at her place after the Tara ordeal. She tells her mom that Colin showed up at her apartment after not turning himself in to authorities. Jackie raises her brows and goes, "Excuse me?" and Kelly tells her she's proud of herself for turning him away. Jackie says she's just happy the druggie deadbeat is finally out of her daughter's life.
The Walsh house. Valerie and Brandon commiserate about the awful night they just had...and Valerie challenges him to top hers. He tells her he lost $5,000, had a big fight with Susan, and that their dream trip around the country is cancelled. Valerie tells him she lost 100K, Colin jumped bail, and now she's on the hook for the bond. Brandon concedes that, yep, that tops his problems...and she says she's still numb about it and needs to take a long walk to get her mind off of it. She then starts leafing through one of Brandon's travel magazines, and suddenly the winning lottery ticket falls out. Brandon's all, "Wuh?! Yippee!"
California University. Joe tells Donna he slept in instead of doing his usual morning workout. He no longer likes the idea of being identified as nothing other than a football quarterback, and wonders what his life would be if he didn't play the sport anymore. He tells Donna he should probably find out, and for some reason she looks really put out by his decision and snaps, "I can't believe I'm hearing this!"
Newsroom. Susan apologizes to Brandon for her bitchitude yesterday and says she doesn't usually act like such a tool about money. She just felt sad that it slipped through her fingers so quickly. She then tells him she wishes they'd never bought the ticket, but when Brandon suddenly pulls it out of his pocket and holds it up in front of her, she squeals, "Aaah! Where did you find it?!" so he tells her it was in one of their travel magazines. He then says that the ticket has caused them nothing but grief and doesn't want to lose her over the money, and she agrees and says they should do something charitable with it. She glances at the paper and sees a story about a family who just lost their home in a fire, so they decide to donate the money to them. After that, they exchange I love yous and kiss...and, nope, still no chemistry there.
Beach house. A sheepish looking Valerie pays a visit to Kelly and asks her if she's seen Colin in the last twenty-four hours. Kelly says she doesn't know anything, and the two snipe at each other...blah blah. Valerie whines that she could lose the After Dark and everything she's worked for since Season 5, but Kelly doesn't give a rat's ass and gleefully retorts, "I hope he runs and runs." Valerie sourly remarks that it was a mistake coming here, and Kelly bitchily tells her to not make the same mistake twice, then shuts the door in her face. Me-ow.