Recap: Kelly wants Donna and Clare to give her their OK to invite Tara to stay at the beach apartment when she gets released from rehab (in the next day or two). Donna tries hard not to make a blech face at the thought of the creepy little weirdo moving in with them and cautiously says, "Tara's really sweet, but we don't really know her." Clare makes no attempt to hide her blech face and asks how long she'd be staying. Kelly says it would probably just be for a couple of weeks - long enough for the hospital (or whoever) to find her a more permanent home. Clare and Donna continue to look uncertain and icked out, so Kelly pleads, "I need her here" and the two reluctantly agree.
The Walsh house. Clare and Steve wake up nestled together in bed. Steve says he'd love to stay in bed all day, but Clare reminds him that he's hosting a KEG party tonight...and then the two start getting it on.
Valerie's meeting with Colin's new lawyer to discuss her boyfriend's options. He tells her there's no way Colin's not going to serve time, and Valerie says she doesn't think he'll survive prison. The lawyer tells her he can go ahead and plead not guilty - but then he'll be taking his chances at a trial, and it might not go his way. Plus, he'd have less control over sentencing. He says he can probably get the sentence reduced to six months, and that Colin would likely serve his time in a minimum security, white collar country club style prison. He caps off the meeting by telling Valerie she's going to have to sell the idea to Colin. It remains unclear why Colin's not at this meeting, going over all this stuff with his lawyer himself.
Rehab. Kelly arrives to pick up Tara...and on her way to Tara's room, she runs into Greg. She tells him that Tara's going to be staying at her apartment for awhile, and he makes a blech face and says that that's nice of her, but warns her that relationships forged in rehab don't always "translate" in the real world. Kelly ignores that red flag and tells him she thinks living together will be good for both of them. Greg's like, "OK, whatevs" and asks her if she's free for dinner tonight. She tells him she already has plans to go to a party, and invites him to be her date...and he accepts and says he'll call her later. Kelly heads over to Tara's room, and she looks happy and relieved that Kelly showed up as promised. She says she's embarrassed to be imposing and worries about putting her out, but Kelly assures her she's not, and that her roommates are totally cool with it.
The Walsh house. Valerie arrives home and tells Brandon she has to break the news to Colin that he's facing prison time. Brandon doesn't have much of a reaction - probably 'cause he doesn't give a rat's ass. Valerie asks him if it's OK if she brings Colin to the KEG party, and Brandon says that while he doesn't mind, a lot of people who'll be at the party might have a problem with Colin's presence. Valerie snarks that those people need to get over it, and Brandon snaps, "Fine!" and then says he can't predict how how well/badly Colin's presence will be received. After that, the two snipe fine! at each other a few times while she exits the kitchen.
The Peach Pit. Steve is sitting at a table, gorging on diner junk food with Rush and his two halfwit half-brothers: Ryan and Austin. Rush tells Steve he has to go out of town on business and needs him to look after Ryan and Austin. Steve gets irked and tells him he's hosting a KEG party tonight, but Rush ignores his protests and hands him a wad of cash in exchange for his non-voluntary babysitting services.
Beach house. Tara marvels at the awesomeness of Kelly's bedroom and says she'd love to be able to afford a place like this. She then acknowledges that maybe it wasn't such a bright idea to drop out of high school. No duh. Kelly urges her to remedy that fucked up situation and re-enrol asap...and then the two head over to the kitchen to make something to eat. Tara pours the last of the juice into two glasses, then sheepishly tells Kelly the carton is empty. Kelly says it's Clare's juice, then breezily tells her it's fine 'cause they all share. A few seconds later, Clare and Donna arrive home and politely greet Tara. Clare picks up her empty carton and is all, "Who drank my juice?", so Kelly hands her her glass to avoid a full on meltdown. Clare narrows her eyes and stalks out of the kitchen, and Donna explains to Tara that Clare's just on edge about having a new person living in their apartment, but thinks it'll all work out. (Ha! Not so much.)
Colin's loft. Colin's working on another of his hideous paintings when Valerie drops by. He asks her how things went with his lawyer, and she gives him a serious look and says, "We need to talk." That's almost never a good phrase to hear. Colin preempts any talk of prison by flatly declaring, "I can't go back!" She tells him that they (meaning he) have no choice, so then he gets enraged and throws a paint can across the room. She assures him it wouldn't be like a regular prison or anything - more like a country club detention center for non-violent people who broke the law. And it would only be for six months. Colin mulls that over and wonders aloud if he should take his chances with a trial - and Valerie tells him it's an option, but that things might go horribly for him if he's found guilty. Colin ponders that for moment, then agrees that the six month sentence is probably the best way to go. Valerie looks relieved, then says she wants them to enjoy the time they have left...by going to Steve's KEG party! Colin says he's definitely not interested, but she insists that they at least put in an appearance. He asks her if Kelly's going to be there, and she mutters, "Yeah, probably." Colin perks up at the thought of running into his ex, but then pretends for Valerie's sake that he's mostly worried about Kelly making a scene.
The Walsh house. The halfwit half-brothers are helping Steve clear out the living room furniture in advance of the party. Susan and Brandon arrive with booze and snacks, and the halfwits try to sneak off with some beer, but Brandon catches them and kicks them out of the room. Brandon tells Steve that Colin (who will soon be prison bound) is coming to the KEG party with Valerie. Steve just kind of shrugs, since it's clear that he too doesn't give a rat's ass.
Beach house. Tara tells Kelly she's worried that the KEG party will be full of too many temptations of the substance abuse variety, but Kelly assures her it'll be fun and that they'll keep each other out of trouble. She invites Tara to go through her closet and pick out whatever she'd like to wear to the party, and Tara selects a short black dress.
California University. David and Donna discuss the video they're going to make during Steve's KEG party...for what purpose, I can't imagine. David says he put together a list of questions for her to ask the partygoers, and Donna frowns and reminds him that she likes to "wing it".
Colin's loft. Valerie has mounted herself atop Colin, and the two are making out...and for some reason it's a really weird visual. She reminds him they have to start getting ready for the party, and he groans and says he really really doesn't want to go. She insists that he has to face these kinds of unpleasant things, so he argues that he feels too much like a low-life around Kelly's friends. He tells her that after his brief stint in jail, he knows he'd much rather spend his time hanging with her at his place than at Casa Walsh with a crowd of people who don't like him. Makes sense.
Beach house. Kelly and Tara primp for the party, and both are decked out in short black dresses. Kelly loans Tara her favorite necklace, and then Greg calls to inform Kelly that he's running late and will just meet her at the party. Tara looks miffed that Kelly has a date with Greg and says it's weird that they'd be going out, since he was one of their doctors. Ha! Right?! Kelly says it's really not weird 'cause he isn't a full-fledged doctor - just a medical student. Whatever, Kelly. Tara says she wants to bail instead of being a third wheel - but Kelly insists she needs her at the party, and then throws her a bone by suggesting that maybe she'll meet someone special tonight. Tara mulls over that unlikely possibility and agrees to go.
The Walsh house. The party's in full swing when Kelly and Tara arrive, and they're welcomed at the front door by Brandon and Steve. Steve takes Tara inside and introduces her around, while Kelly asks Brandon whassup with him not visiting her after she got home from rehab. He tells her he didn't want to crowd her, and she tells him he always knows the perfect thing to say - and then the two hug. Susan happens to walk over at that moment, not thrilled to see them hugging. Kelly notices her standing there and thanks her for the flowers, then excuses herself to go get something to eat. Susan admits to Brandon that she was jealous of Kelly at first, but now thinks she's nice.
David films Donna as she does a dumb narration schtick, then focuses the camera on Muntz, who's facilitating a drinking game. The halfwit half-brothers want in on the drinking game, so Muntz asks Steve if they can play...and Steve gives them permission for one round only. Donna takes over filming for David and ambles over to Brandon and Susan, and then Clare and Joe. After capturing that pointless footage, she tells Joe she has lots more interviews to do, and Joe looks irked and asks her if she's not "carrying this too far". (Haha! You go, Joe!) He tells her he wants to spend time with her tonight and have fun, and she assures him they will. Meanwhile, the halfwits are roaming around the house, stealing drinks from unsuspecting partygoers. As Donna continues to film, she notices through her lens that Joe is standing by himself, looking peeved and bored. She quickly hands the camera to Brandon and orders him to take over. He furrows his brows and goes, "Um...OK", as it's clear he has no idea why or what he's supposed to be filming.
Valerie and Colin make an appearance, so I guess this means she convinced him to come. Brandon and Susan greet them politely, which comes as a pleasant surprise to Colin, and then the two start circulating through the rest of the house. The halfwit half-brothers beg Muntz to be allowed to play another round in his drinking game, but he tells them to scram. Austin then resorts to Plan B, which is to create a diversion while Ryan sneaks off with a full bottle of booze. With that accomplished, the two find a quiet place on the patio and start drinking themselves silly.
Valerie and Colin enter the kitchen, where they run into Kelly...and Valerie quickly excuses herself. Kelly tells Colin it's good to see him, and he tells her he's off to prison soon and could she please forgive him for getting her hooked on coke, along with all the douchey stuff he said and did while they were on their coke-fueled high?? She tells him she's working on forgiveness, then kisses his cheek and tells him to have fun at the party. She shoots Val the stink-eye on her way out of the kitchen.
Tara tells Kelly she's having a lot more fun at the party than she thought she'd have. The halfwit half-brothers stagger into the kitchen and make a beeline over to the table to ravage the half empty drinks that partygoers have left behind. Gross. Muntz snaps at them to get away from the drinks, so they look fake innocent and tell him they're just helping him clean up. Muntz mulls that over for a few seconds and believes the halfwits because he's a halfwit himself.
Tara's hanging on the stairs with David, chatting about photography. He then continues his filming and notices how drunk Ryan and Austin are getting. He expresses his concern to Steve, and then Donna interjects and reminds David and Steve that they're just teenagers and asks, "Should we be worried?" (Um, probably.) Steve says that since they're not driving anywhere, it's no big deal. Greg arrives at the house and is greeted by Tara and Kelly...and then Kelly asks him to dance, so the two head into the living room to cut a rug. Tara puts her sad face on and creepily watches them from the doorway. Ryan, meanwhile, is stumbling around, looking as though he's about to keel over and/or hurl. He suddenly gets blurry eyed, drops the drink he's holding, and runs for the back door with his hand over his mouth. A minute later, Austin rushes over to tell Steve that Ryan is really sick and passed out on the patio. Steve and a few other people run outside to check it out, and Steve looks annoyed at the sight of his passed out brother, mutters, "Oh great", and kicks at him to get him to stand up. LOL. Greg kneels down to check Ryan's vitals and immediately orders Kelly to call 911 'cause it looks like Ryan might have alcohol poisoning. Steve looks incredulous and asks, "Can you die from that?"
Colin's loft. Colin's in good spirits when he and Valerie return home from the party. He tells her he actually had fun tonight, and that she was wonderful. Valerie looks sad and distant and tells him she's bummed 'cause of the way he and Kelly were together. He half-heartedly denies he still has any feelings for Kelly, so then Valerie accuses him of being a self centered douchewad who "falls in love with any female body that keeps him afloat". Well, d'yuh. Colin insists that he loves her and not Kelly...and that he loves her not because she bailed him out of jail and is shelling out big bucks for a fancy lawyer. LOL. Nope...he loves her 'cause of her. Valerie actually buys his load of cheeky bullcack and meekly asks, "Are you sure?" and he nods and goes, "Yeah." Valerie tells him she's always loved him and that she's never risked so much for any one person before.
Hospital. Rush rushes (haha! that sounded funny) into the hospital, finds Steve in the waiting room, and berates him for letting Ryan get so drunk on his watch.
Beach house. Kelly, Greg, and Tara arrive at the beach house after the party. Kelly unlocks the patio door, waits for Tara to go inside so she can have a romantic goodnight moment alone with Greg, but Tara refuses to get a clue and just stands there. After a few awkward seconds, she says, "Let's go in, Kelly. I'm cold." Greg gives up, politely says good night, and starts to walk off. Kelly tells him to wait up, and Tara finally announces she's going inside. She then presses her face against the window and looks on sadly as Kelly and Greg kiss. She suddenly narrows her eyes angrily, rips Kelly's necklace from her neck, and mutters, "You bitch!" and unclenches her fist so that the necklace beads fall out of her hand and scatter across the floor. Since it looks like she's gearing up to pull a Single White Female, I'll assume she's jealous of Greg kissing Kelly, and not the other way around.
Hospital. Rush is pacing the length of the waiting room while Steve and Clare tensely sit. Eventually, the doctor comes out to inform them that Ryan had his stomach pumped and that he's fine, but he's going to be unconscious for awhile. Rush looks enormously relieved, and Clare discreetly excuses herself so that Rush can berate Steve some more in relative privacy. Rush asks Steve what the hell is wrong with him, and reminds him that he was put in charge of his brothers' safety and well-being...and Steve explains that he didn't realize that Ryan was getting so tanked. Rush says that he and his brothers are the most important people in the world to him, and that they have to look after each other. Steve bows his head and says he's sorry, and Rush finally softens and tells him that everything will be OK.
The Walsh house. Brandon and Susan are plying Austin with coffee, but he insists he has enough caffeine in his system. Steve calls to let everyone know that Ryan's going to be OK, and Austin looks relieved and finally heads off to bed.
Hospital. Ryan wakes up to find Steve hovering over him in his hospital room. Steve tells him he ruined his party, got him in trouble with Rush...but then totally backpedals and says he's his brother and that he loves him. Ryan looks touched and asks if he's going to have a hangover, and Steve chuckles and goes, "Well d'yuh." When Ryan sleepily drifts off again, a nurse pops her head in the door and tells Steve he should probably leave now, but he tells her he'd like to stay with his brother. She's like, "OK...whatever."