Recap: Brenda arrives at the Peach Pit to have coffee with Kelly, Donna, and Ahn-drea. She's decked out in a skimpy black dress with matching choker, and the three girls gush about how great she looks. She proudly tells them she bought her new dress on sale at Maxwell's with her first paycheck, then adds that she hopes he likes it. Kelly's all, “Wuh? Who's he?” so Brenda gives her a quick update on the new love of her life...and they both laugh at the dorkiness of the name Stuart. Brenda also admits that she met him through a set-up that was arranged by Papa Walsh and Stuart's father. Kelly asks Brenda if she's hit the sheets with him yet, and Brenda tells her they haven't, but that she should check back with her tomorrow, since they have a date that evening. Donna sighs and remarks to Ahn-drea that they're the last of a dying breed of virgins. Ahn-drea mutely nods, keeping mum about the fact that she recently got her cherry popped by Dan Rubin. Incidentally, I notice that Ahn-drea is wearing a lumpy green sweater, no doubt to help conceal her real life pregnancy that eventually had to be written into the script. Brenda says she heard about how chummy Ahn-drea's been getting with her dorm adviser, but Ahn-drea just says that Dan's a nice guy. Kelly complains that her love life is a giant mess and says that the night she gave Dylan the heave-ho, he got carjacked. Brenda informs her that Brandon has been in touch with Dylan, and it looks as though the stolen Porsche may have been found.
Brandon and Dylan arrive at the Police Impound Lot. Dylan tells the cop on duty that he got a call telling him his Porsche had been recovered, but the cop furrows his brows and says they haven't gotten any Porsches this week. Dylan gets all pissy and insists that whoever phoned him told him otherwise. The cop asks to see his registration, so Dylan hands it over. The cop reads it over and starts chuckling, and tells Dylan that there's been a mistake. Apparently it was a Honda Civic not a Porsche that had been recovered. This just makes Dylan madder, and he beaks off at the cop before storming away. Brandon explains to the cop that Dylan got carjacked a couple of nights ago and is still dealing with the after effects, and the cop advises Brandon to tell his friend to cool it, otherwise he might land himself in some real trouble.
Faloons Night Club. Brenda and Stuart are dancing the night away and having a lovely time. They take a break and return to their table, and Brenda starts pontificating about what her pet nickname for him should be. Stewie? (Stewie?!) or maybe Stu? Stuart wryly tells her that his father has a few choice nicknames for him, such as Bum, Fool, and Hippy. Brenda is surprised to hear that Lawrence Carson can be such a douchebag, and says she's never seen that side of him. She concludes that she'll simply call her sweetheart 'Stuart'...and with that settled, the two indulge in a smooch.
Dorm. Dan wakes up Ahn-drea, who's fallen asleep in his bed. He tells her it's getting late, but that she's welcome to stay over. Ahn-drea tells him she can't because she's afraid of oversleeping and missing her first class of the morning. She then whines about how she so wanted to tell her girlfriends that she lost her virginity, but couldn't because of their agreement not to go public with their relationship. Apparently, Dan is worried about a non-existent anti-fraternization policy and doesn't want to lose his gig as the dorm's resident adviser. After some more grumbling, Ahn-drea gives him a kiss goodbye and toddles off to her room down the hall.
The Walsh house. Stuart walks Brenda to her door and kisses her goodnight. He orders her to invite him inside - but she declines, since she suspects that Mama and Papa Walsh are waiting up for her so they can give her a lecture about staying out so late. Stuart invites her to come back to his place, and then physically picks her up and carries her in the direction of his car. She snarls at him to put her down, and obediently he does...and then they kiss some more before Stuart finally heads home. Brenda enters the house and is greeted by the sight of Mama and Papa Walsh sitting at the bottom of the staircase, glaring at her. Papa Walsh tells Brenda they have to talk, and Brenda quickly apologizes for being so late and explains that she and Stuart just lost track of time. Papa Walsh tells her that he's going to lay down some clear ground rules, which is weird because didn't he and Brenda agree at the end of the previous episode that since she's now an adult in college, she can just do whatever the hell she wants? Brenda assures her parents that she's doing fine at school and work, and they shouldn't worry about her. Mama Walsh wearily points out that this is the third night this week she's come home at 3:00am, and Brenda cheekily retorts that they should consider themselves lucky she came home at all! She wishes them a good night and rushes upstairs...and Mama and Papa Walsh just stare into space, looking dazed.
The next day, Brandon is giving Brenda a ride to school in his Mustang. He asks her what the deal is with Stuart, and if he's really as together as he seems. Brenda reveals that she's never known anyone to...then pauses to think of the right word and comes up with “woo”. Apparently, Stuart gives good woo. Brandon looks impressed and asks her if Stuart has a rich twin sister.
Sociology class. Professor Cory Randall is finishing up his sociology lecture for the day and tells the class that there will be an upcoming test. Brandon remarks that he's going to be up all night studying, while Steve tells him he's not going to “sweat this one”. Shocker. He explains that the KEG house has a one hour Super Cram course that can bring anyone up to speed on any exam. Brandon says he wants nothing to do with any shady shortcuts, then tells Steve that he's going to pay a visit to Professor Randall during his office hours in order to personalize their teacher-student relationship. Brandon then brings up Dylan's carjacking and tells Steve in confidence that Kelly dumped him. Steve tells him it's hardly a secret, since it's all over KEG that she's dallying with John Sears now. Brandon looks surprised to hear this.
Papa Walsh's office. Dylan admits to Papa Walsh that he was a moron for buying a Porsche to serve as his everyday car. Papa Walsh tells him he's covered for a rental car until he buys a new one, and Dylan jokes that he'd like to get a tank or maybe an assault vehicle. He then starts beating himself up about the way he froze during the carjacking and didn't do anything to fight back or prevent it from happening. Papa Walsh recommends that he get some counselling, since it was so helpful to Brenda when she got held up at gunpoint during the Meeting Mr. Pony episode in Season 2. Dylan tells Papa Walsh that he has something else in mind...and in the next scene, he's at a gun range, looking completely crazed as he repeatedly fires at a target.
Beach house. Jackie is over at the beach house, and she tells Kelly about how she did David's laundry (?) and then ordered pizzas for the three of them. David enters the room carrying Erin, who's now an adorable blonde toddler. Kelly lights up when she sees her little sister and affectionately calls her boob-a-la.
Professor Randall's office. Brandon stops by during the professor's office hours to engage in some good old fashioned brown-nosing. They talk about their mutual interest in sports, and Randall tips him off that if he reads chapter two of the textbook, he'll do just fine on the upcoming test.
Ahn-drea is staring intently at an outdoor bulletin board on campus. Dan joins her, and the two covertly talk while pretending to study flyers. He tells her that he enjoyed last night's doink, but when Ahn-drea sees a couple kissing and holding hands she starts to pout again. Dan tells her she's not being fair, and Ahn-drea snarks back that it's not fair that they can't even hold hands in public. She tells him she doesn't want to have to hide their relationship behind closed doors, but Dan argues that he doesn't want people to talk. Please. Is there actually anyone on campus who could give a rat's ass about these two dullards hooking up in the sack? Ahn-drea looks fed up and tells him they can't go on this way.
It's test day, and Brandon admonishes Steve for not studying very hard...however, after going through the KEG's Super Cram, it seems that Steve actually knows the material quite well. The two enter the Student Union and encounter David, who's slogging his way through Moby Dick for his English class. Elsewhere, Kelly is sitting at a table with John Sears. He tells her he wants them to go out on a real date instead of just talking on the phone...but when Dylan enters her line of vision, she gets distracted by the sight of his moping. John notices this and says he thought she dumped him. Kelly assures him that she did, but says she really needs to go over and talk to him. John looks dismayed and asks her if he's just “doing donuts”, as in 'spinning his wheels', but Kelly doesn't really answer and just calls him a funny guy. She approaches Dylan and asks him how he's doing. He grumps, “I'm doing” and acts like his usual dickish, moody self. Kelly insists that she still wants to be part of his life, and he snidely retorts that his life sucks. He then tells her that he's not going to let himself get into another situation where a punk with a gun can pull a number on him...and after that pronouncement, he slouches off. He really is such a pleasure to be around.
The Walsh house. After a wholesome, healthful dinner, Brandon skips dessert and announces that he's off to his room to hit the books. Brenda says that she got her studying done during the day and has plans to go out with Stuart. Again. Mama and Papa Walsh make a face, so Brenda quickly tells them she's just meeting him for coffee and promises not to be home late. Papa Walsh says that this relationship is moving way too fast, and Mama Walsh urges Brenda to let herself “come up for air” and focus on some other things that are going on in her life. Suddenly the phone rings, and it's Lawrence Carson, calling to invite Mama and Papa Walsh to their Bel Air estate for brunch on Saturday. They reluctantly accept the invitation, and Brenda cheekily grins at them.
Sociology class. Professor Randall hands back the tests. Steve got a B-, which, considering Steve's boneheadedness, really is a testament to the effectiveness of the KEG's Super Cram course. Brandon got an A+, along with a note from Randall to meet him the following afternoon in his office...and Steve teases him about being the teacher's pet.
Dorm. Ahn-drea and Dan are scouring the newspaper, trying to find an outing where no one who knows them will see them canoodling. They don't have any luck. Ahn-drea remarks that going public is “risky”, which makes Dan look relieved that he's not the only paranoid one. Ahn-drea suddenly looks like she's stumbled upon a brilliant idea...and locks her door and suggests that they play a game of Scrabble.
Beach house. As Jackie is feeding Erin, she snarks to Kelly that she wants to make sure Erin is well fed before handing the child over to Mel, since she can't be sure that her jackass of an ex-husband will actually feed the poor kid. Since Mel is due to pick her up shortly, Kelly offers to clean Erin up...and Jackie says she wants to be long gone before Mel makes an appearance. Kelly tells her mom that Dylan is coming over to take her out to the gun range. Sounds like a blast - pun intended. Kelly tells her mom that she strongly suspects Dylan is suffering from PTSD. The doorbell rings, and David answers it and - uh oh - it's Mel and his very pretty, much younger girlfriend, Nina. When Jackie gets wind that Mel brought Nina to the beach apartment, she bursts into the living room and makes a giant ass of herself. Mel introduces Nina to Jackie and tells her she's Erin's mother, and Jackie needlessly barks, “And don't you forget it!” She then snaps at Mel to have a nice weekend and storms out. Mel wearily tells Kelly that Jackie won't let them get on with their lives, but Kelly is unsympathetic and says he should not have brought his girlfriend to the apartment. After Mel and Nina leave, David comes to his father's defence and tells Kelly that they were all going to meet sooner or later anyway. True enough.
Gun range. Dylan is shooting at a target while a bored Kelly watches. After he shoots for awhile, he stops and tells her it's her turn. She picks up the gun but can't actually bring herself to pull the trigger. Dylan snaps at her, railing about if she wants to become a statistic or a victim. Kelly barks back that she's worried about him, and he snatches up the gun and shoots several bullets in a row. Kelly rushes out of the room, and Dylan follows her. He insists that he's just learning how to protect himself in this violent world, and declares that no one is safe.
Bel Air. The Walshes arrive at the Carson estate, which is totes awesome and luxurious. They're greeted by several servants, who direct them over to the pool area. Brenda is already there, and she's wearing a modest one-piece black bathing suit, while Stuart is in the pool swimming laps. Lawrence greets the Walshes and introduces them to his vapid wife Vivian, then orders Stuart to get out of the pool and greet their guests. Stuart obediently climbs onto the deck and quietly remarks to Brenda that his father's douchebaggery is going to make for a long afternoon. For some reason, Brenda responds by shoving him back into the pool.
Peach Pit. Kelly's on the phone with Jackie, who just now realizes how badly she embarrassed herself at the beach apartment the other night. Well, d'yuh. Meanwhile, Brandon and Steve enter the diner and encounter Ahn-drea. Brandon tells her he hasn't seen her around lately and asks her whassup, and she just says she's “been involved”. After Kelly finishes up her phone conversation, she greets Brandon and Steve. She explains that she summoned them to the Pit for a quick meeting to discuss how much of a gun nut Dylan's become. She tells them he's spending all of his free time at the gun range, that he's angry all the time, and is acting like he's Rambo or something. She's worried that he's going to hurt himself or someone else and wants Brandon and Steve to try to talk some sense into him. They agree to help.
Bel Air. The Carsons and the Walshes are eating barbecued food and lounging by the pool. Lawrence wants to talk business with Papa Walsh, so Stuart immediately excuses himself and Brenda. Lawrence rebukes him for wanting to run off and says that this business includes him, since he's also working on the project. But since he doesn't want to look like a heartless douchebag in front of company, he gives in and lets them leave. Vapid Vivian gushes about how cute Stuart and Brenda are together.
Professor Randall's office. Professor Randall has summoned Brandon to his office to talk about one of the students in the class, D'Shawn Hardell - a basketball player who has transferred to CU from somewhere in Texas. Randall says the guy needs academic coaching so he can maintain a minimum of a C average in his class, and he thinks Brandon is the best person for the job. Brandon looks intrigued by the challenge and eagerly accepts.
Bel Air. Stuart is pressing himself against Brenda while the two play pinball in the family's games room. Stuart, who I'm beginning to think is a whiny little bitch, starts complaining about constantly having to live up to his father's expectations. He then credits Brenda with helping to bridge the gap between him and his family...and the two kiss.
Alumni Gymnasium. D'Shawn Hardell is in the gym, shooting baskets with a couple of guys when Brandon arrives to give him his first tutor session. D'Shawn says he was expecting him, but makes no move to interrupt his game. Brandon gets slightly irritated and tells him that they need to hit the books pronto, so D'Shawn passes him the ball and promises that he'll start to study if Brandon can make the shot. Brandon goes for it and makes the shot, but D'Shawn now wants to play two-on-two. Brandon indulges him, proving that he's a good sport and a total wuss.
Beach house. Kelly arrives home and is dismayed to see that Mel has dumped Erin off on David and Donna. She gets mad, and she and David start sniping back and forth about their parents. Donna interjects and points at Erin, reminding them that this war is between their parents, not them. Kelly and David immediately stop arguing and see the wisdom in Donna's words. Kelly agrees that for Erin's sake they shouldn't battle each other.
Student Union. Dan meets up with Ahn-drea in the Student Union after getting a note to meet her there. She ushers him over to the exact center of the room, stands on tip-toe because of the awkward height difference between the two of them, and gives him a nauseatingly long kiss. Everyone in the Union stops whatever they're doing to stare at this horrific spectacle, and after a few seconds the crowd starts clapping approvingly. Oy.
Bel Air. Lawrence and Papa Walsh are still talking business. Vivian rebukes her husband and tells them that the Walshes clearly want to leave, and the two of them have plans to go out that evening. Lawrence remarks that Stuart and Brenda also have plans for the evening, and Papa Walsh exclaims,“Again?!” Lawrence says he thinks Brenda is the best thing to happen to Stuart, while Mama and Papa Walsh do not look pleased and hint that the two are seeing way too much of each other. They're dismayed when it's obvious that the Carsons don't seem to think this is any big deal. Lawrence goes inside the house and finds Stuart in his room, and gets annoyed when he realizes that Brenda is taking a shower in the adjoining bathroom. He orders Stuart to discreetly get Brenda back outside and take her home, and tells him that her parents want her to stay in tonight. Brenda emerges from the bathroom wrapped in just a towel. She's surprised to see Lawrence, then stares over at Stuart, looks panicked, and mutters, “Oh my God.” Lawrence tells Stuart that next time he should get her to use the pool house shower, since he doubts Papa Walsh is as tolerant as he is.
After a day of surfing, Dylan returns home in a jeep rental. Brandon and Steve are waiting for him with a pizza, and he invites them in. Steve brings up all the time Dylan has been spending at the gun range, and Dylan correctly guesses that Kelly sent them over to check up on him. Steve admits that Kelly thinks he's gone Waco (or loco), and Dylan tells them that Kelly is just overreacting because she feels guilty about dumping him.
Gun store. Dylan is looking to buy a handgun, but the guy in the store tells him that since he's not 21 yet, he can't sell him one...at least during business hours. He then lowers his voice and tells Dylan that if he comes back later, he can help him illegally obtain any kind of gun he wants. Dylan likes the sound of that and tells him he'll be back later.