Recap: This episode opens with footage of the various types of fancy schmancy cars that rich people in Beverly Hills drive. One such rich person, Dylan, is cruising along in his '61 Porsche - but when he stops at a red light, the engine starts to stall on him. In the next scene, a mechanic from Vintage Cars Garage, who has inspected the Porsche, tells Dylan it doesn't look good. He cautions him against putting this “delicate piece of machinery” through daily abuse, and says it needs to be put it up on blocks and covered at night. He advises Dylan to buy himself a practical car for everyday use and save the Porsche for Sunday drives.
Beach house. Donna is in a hurry to get to class so she isn't late for her art history class again. The phone rings, and it's John Sears calling to invite Kelly out for breakfast. Kelly looks flattered by the invitation, but tells John that she has to go to class...which begs the question: doesn't John also have class? John jokes to Kelly that she's breaking his heart, so she promises to call him later. As soon as she hangs up, Donna screeches at David to get his butt in gear so they can all leave. David trudges into the kitchen, still in his sleepwear of boxers and a t-shirt. He pours himself a bowl of dry cereal and complains that he's exhausted from DJing until 6:00am. Donna warns him that he's going to be late for class yet again, so he tells her he's just going to blow off the entire day. Kelly snippily tells him that if he's going to be home all day he should clean the bathroom, and Donna orders him not to couch-surf in front of the TV. The instant Kelly and Donna leave, David plops himself onto the couch and turns on the TV...and it doesn't look as though he's going to be doing anything resembling housecleaning.
Papa Walsh's office. Brenda is looking very industrious when a client arrives at the office to meet with Papa Walsh. He introduces himself as Lawrence Carson and is very impressed with how “well acclimated” Brenda seems. Papa Walsh emerges from his office and introduces Brenda to Lawrence as his daughter, which appears to intrigue Lawrence. He and Papa Walsh are about to start their meeting when Dylan suddenly bursts in and says he needs to talk to Papa Walsh pronto. Lawrence says it's no problem and that the delay will give him an opportunity to call his office. Dylan gives Papa Walsh a quick synopsis of his Porsche problems and informs him he needs to buy a beater he can use as an everyday transportation vehicle. Papa Walsh is agreeable to that and tells Dylan to pick out something sensible, and assures him that he'll transfer enough money to his account to cover the cost.
Student Union Games Room. Brandon and Steve are playing ping-pong while Kelly and Donna hang out and watch. Steve mentions that he has a chapter meeting at the KEG house later, and Donna says they also have one at Alpha Omega where they're expected to receive their first pledge assignments. Brandon sarcastically jokes about how it sounds like gobs of fun and then scores the winning ping-pong point. And because these two are always so annoyingly competitive with each other, Brandon rubs Steve's nose in his victory, and Steve tells him to shove it. After that, Steve, Kelly, and Donna head out for their meetings, and a bored Brandon wanders into the hallway and encounters Ahn-drea. Blech. He invites her to go get something to eat, but she acts all weird and evasive and tells him she has to study...then surreptitiously glances over at Dan Rubin, who's waiting for her at a table in the cafeteria area. Brandon then offers to study with her, but she blows him off again and says she's meeting someone from the dorm. After Brandon ambles off, Ahn-drea joins Dan at his table.
Alpha Omega house. The Alpha ladies are gathered on the front lawn of the sorority house, and Leslie Sumner, who's chairing the meeting, asks for a bunch of volunteers to bag some donated clothing for their charity. She then volunteers Kelly to help with transporting the stuff over to the Downey House. Leslie tells her that a freshman pledge from the KEG house will arrive in a van the following morning at 6:00am to pick up the bags of clothing. Kelly agrees, but doesn't look terribly thrilled at being recruited for the task.
Student Union. Dan and Ahn-drea are still hanging out in the cafeteria area, and he's telling Ahn-drea that she should allow her mind to be less literal...or some such thing. He asks her what she'd think if he kissed her, and she prudishly tells him it's not the time or place for that kind of PDA. He proposes they go to a different place, so she boldly suggests that they go back to the dorm. In the next scene, the two are in bed, amorously going at it. Ahn-drea asks him if he has protection, and he assures her that he's got it covered. Pun intended. She stammers that she has something else to tell him, then finally blurts out that she's still a virgin. This unfortunate revelation causes the instantaneous deflation of Dan's penis. Ahn-drea tells him she was worried that her virginity would be a turn-off, but Dan assures her that it isn't...but he thinks that her first doink should be something more special than a quickie in the middle of the day. He tells her he wants to be a gentleman about it, and suggests that they immediately cease all foreplay, take cold showers, and collect their thoughts. He tells a dismayed Ahn-drea her that there will be plenty of future opportunities for her to ride his baloney pony.
The Walsh house. It's late when Brenda arrives home. I'm so distracted by the worsening state of her overly manicured eyebrows, which look like they're dangerously close to heading into Joan Crawford territory. Mama and Papa Walsh tell her they were getting worried when she didn't come home for dinner, but Brenda assures them that there's no need for worry, since she currently has no life outside of school and work. She complains that with her busy schedule, she'll be lucky to go on one date this year. Papa Walsh points out that she can be very prickly, I mean picky...and Brenda acknowledges this and says she's willing to lower her standards a tiny bit. This from a girl who dated a moody, slouching hipster for two years. Mama Walsh then tells her she must have made a strong first impression on Lawrence Carson, because apparently he wants to set her up on a blind date with his son. Brenda looks icked out by the prospect and tells her parents she's definitely not interested...then reminds Mama Walsh about her abysmal failure as a matchmaker when she hooked up her and Kelly with the two pre-pubescent dork boys in The Game is Chicken episode. Papa Walsh assures her that there's no danger of Lawrence's son being pre-pubescent, since he's twenty-four years old...and so Brenda reluctantly agrees to give the date a chance. But when she learns that the guy's name is Stuart, she looks aghast and tells her parents that Stuart can't possibly be the name of her true love.
Dorm. It's 12:30am, and Ahn-drea is wide awake and still horny. When she can take it no more, she climbs out of bed, throws on some clothes, and walks the short distance to Dan's room. Hesitantly she knocks on the door, and Dan answers right away. She tells him she couldn't stop thinking about him, and he tells her he's been thinking about her too. He then invites her into his room...and mercifully the scene fades to black where a commercial break once occurred, and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that.
Alpha Omega house. At 6:00am the next morning, Kelly is bagging a few stray clothing items when the delivery van arrives. She's surprised to see John Sears behind the wheel, and tells him that she was expecting a freshman pledge. She insinuates that he planned this "coincidence" and he doesn't bother denying it. He chides her for not calling him back the previous day, and she lamely says she got busy and forgot. He asks her if she'd rather he didn't call her, and she gives him a vague non-answer and tells him she wishes that her life weren't so complicated. She says she needs time to figure out how she wants everything to turn out, so John lays on the charm and tells her he'd be more than happy to give her the next fifty years to sort everything out. He then says he hopes Dylan appreciates what he's got in her, and Kelly is clearly impressed by his display of patience and fake maturity.
Dorm. Ahn-drea has just showered and is standing in front of her mirror, admiring the after-glow on her face. Brandon stops by with coffee and pastry and asks if he can use her computer, and Ahn-drea's like, "Yeah, whatever." She's still discombobulated from getting her cherry popped the night before and just continues to gaze dreamily at herself in the mirror. She asks Brandon if she looks any different, and since he has no idea what the hell she's talking about, he asks her if she's feeling OK. She tells him she's never felt better.
Beach house. Donna tip-toes into David's room, then abruptly rips open the blinds and bellows at him to rise and shine. After being jolted awake, he invites her to lie down on the bed with him so they can snuggle. Donna leans over and gives him a kiss, and then giggles girlishly and tells him that his breath is stinky and he should brush his teeth. David looks annoyed and tells her that she really knows how to kill a romantic moment. She then rebukes him for sleeping all the time and doing nothing except watch TV all day, and he accuses her of nagging. She denies being a nag and tells him he can't just let his entire life go down the drain just because he's a campus DJ. She then says she has to get going, and informs him that there's coffee in the kitchen. Just as she's leaving, she cheekily suggests that he do some laundry, and this prompts him to throw a pillow at her...and she lets out that weird sounding girlish giggle again.
Student Union. Dylan tells Brandon and Steve that he's contemplating buying a new car for everyday use. Naturally Steve thinks he should buy a Corvette, while Brandon's car of choice is a Dodge Viper. Kelly then joins the conversation and adds her two cents, which is that Dylan should buy a pink convertible Cadillac. The guys laugh heartily.
Donna is complaining to Brenda about David's transformation into a useless couch potato who does nothing but watch game shows all day. Brenda asks her what Kelly thinks of all this, and Donna says that Kelly is just as annoyed as she is. Donna rhetorically asks how people survive relationships, and this opens the door for Brenda to lament that she doesn't have a relationship, but rather a blind date. What's worse, her date's name is Stuart.
Brandon, Dylan, Kelly, and Steve are making the rounds at several car dealerships, and they're now checking out a shiny new Viper. Brandon is super excited to be there and, for no real reason, starts talking with a southern twang. Steve informs the salesman that Dylan is an 'all cash' type of customer, and the salesman immediately perks up and encourages him to take a test drive.
English class. Ahn-drea enters the classroom trying very hard to look as nervous and awkward as possible. When Dan sees her, he smiles and gives her a knowing grin. Blech.
The Walsh house. Stuart Carson arrives to pick up Brenda for their date. Incidentally, it's the same actor who played Tom the Bellboy in the Palm Springs Weekend episode in Season 1. Weird. Stuart chit-chats with Mama and Papa Walsh and Brandon in the foyer...and when Brenda descends the staircase, the two stare at each other hungrily. Stuart murmurs, “Wow” and says how right his father was about Brenda's stunning good looks. I guess he's not as distracted by her over-tweezed, overly manicured eyebrows as I would be. Stuart tells the Walshes he's taking Brenda to Villa Cucina, which really impresses Mama Walsh. As the two head off for their date, Mama and Papa Walsh and Brandon stand on the doorstep and wave goodbye at the happy couple. A few seconds later, Dylan arrives unannounced in a brand new silver Porsche. He's very excited about his shiny new purchase and tells Papa Walsh what a great car it is, and that it was love at first sight. Papa Walsh looks dismayed and says he thought he was going to buy more of a practical, everyday transportation vehicle. He's curious how much it cost, and makes a face when Dylan directs him to look at the sticker in the window. He infers that Dylan is a show-off, so Dylan snarks back that it's his money. He climbs inside his new Porsche and angrily squeals off.
Villa Cucina. As Brenda and Stuart engage in awkward first date conversation, the waiter comes around to take their drink orders. Stuart orders a bottle of champagne, and when the waiter asks to see Brenda's ID, Stuart slips him some bribe money to not pursue the matter further. Brenda looks very impressed by the slick move...and after that the date starts to get a little less awkward.
Beach house. Kelly and Donna have decided to confront David about his messiness and laziness. Donna's worried that he'll get upset with her, but Kelly insists that they need to do this for his own good, as well as their sanity. When David finally saunters into the living room, Kelly lectures him about ignoring their house rules, and Donna chastises him for never cleaning up after himself in the kitchen. She tells him they need his cooperation keeping the apartment from degenerating into a total pigsty, and Kelly also suggests that he practice a little personal hygiene. Ouch. Stinky gets all defensive and says he wants the freedom to live like a slothful pig if he so chooses, and reminds them that he's extremely busy with his overnight radio job. Kelly snarks back, telling him to stop using his DJ gig as an excuse...and he gets mad and storms off.
Dorm. Ahn-drea and Dan are having another amorous rendezvous, but suddenly Ahn-drea puts on the brakes and says she isn't sure if getting involved with him is such a good idea. Dan looks confused and tells her how much he enjoyed their doink the other night. Ahn-drea concurs, but says she feels weird about him being her English teacher during the day, and her lover in the dorm. She says she's either going to have to switch English classes or stop seeing him. In that case, Dan tells her there's no real choice...then orders her to find herself another English teacher. The two smile at each other and resume their foreplay, which is really starting to make my eyes bleed.
Villa Cucina. Brenda and Stuart are enjoying a scrumptious chocolate dessert, and Brenda declares that this was the best meal she's ever had. For some reason, she tells Stuart that she and her slouchy ex-boyfriend hardly ever went out anywhere...and certainly never to fancy places like this. And instead of leaving it there, she continues to natter about how Dylan is an alkie and that they could never even enjoy a glass of wine together. When she finally realizes that Stuart's eyes have glazed over from listening to her talk about her ex-boyfriend, she shuts her pie-hole. A relieved Stuart tells her the night is young, and that she "ain't seen nuthin' yet". After dinner, the two head over to a swanky dance club, and Stuart ushers her past the long line of people waiting to get in. Inside the club, he introduces her to everyone...and then explains to her that he and the club's owner went to prep school together. He invites her to dance, and the two make their way over to the dance floor and do the stiff, white person's jig.
Beach house. Kelly is home studying when John Sears calls and expresses surprise that she's home alone on a Saturday night. He invites her out but she declines, so he assures her that he's totally cool with just talking on the phone. Suddenly the doorbell rings, and Kelly puts the conversation on hold to go answer the door. It's Dylan, looking stressed out. He tells Kelly he's been driving around for a few hours, thinking about the silver Porsche he just bought. He can't really justify buying a luxury sports car to use as an everyday vehicle, and admits that Papa Walsh's reaction to his purchase made him feel guilty. Kelly doesn't get (or care) what the problem is and points out that it is his money. Dylan then asks her if she'd like to go out for a drive, and Kelly says she would, but needs to throw on some clothes first. She rushes back to her bedroom and gets back on the phone to tell John that she has to go...and promises to call him tomorrow. She looks annoyed as she puts her jeans on, particularly when Dylan bitches, “Anytime, Kel” from the other room. What a moody tool.
Dance club. When Brenda realizes that it's after 1:00am, she tells Stuart she needs to get going. She has class in the morning and also hates to worry her parents. Stuart agrees, but insists that they must first dance to a slow song.
The Walsh house. It's now 1:45am, and Papa Walsh is in the kitchen, getting himself a snack and pretending not to wait up for Brenda. Brandon enters the kitchen, mentions something about how he's up very late studying, and accuses Papa Walsh of waiting up for tardy Brenda.
Radio station. David confesses to his listeners that ever since he started living on his own, he's turned into a major slob, and that his slothful ways are driving his girlfriend and roommate nuts. Donna happens to be awake with the radio on...and she smiles happily when she hears his apology. Back at the station, Howard enters the booth and asks David if the ol' ball and chain is giving him grief about his slothfulness. David blames his demanding DJ schedule, and Howard tells him that working nights definitely takes some getting used to. David asks him how he did it, so Howard produces a handful of “caffeine” pills and hands them to David. At first David is reluctant to take them, but Howard insists. He then tells David that if he needs anything stronger [crystal meth perhaps?] he should let him know. After Howard leaves for the night, David stares down at the pills.
Dylan and Kelly return to the beach house after their drive. She asks him if he feels better after driving around, and he says he does...and he also informs her that he's trading in the Porsche for a more practical car. He says that a Porsche like this is for picking up girls, and he doesn't need to do that since he already has a girl...and Kelly mumbles “Yeah” in a faint voice. Ouch. Dylan asks her what's wrong, so she tells him she's really tired, and so he invites her for a sleepover at his place. She declines, and when he presses her again to tell him what's wrong, she says it's obvious that they both want different things right now. She wants to do all the typical college and sorority stuff, but knows he isn't into any of that. She then tells him that she wants the freedom to see other people...like John Sears, for example. For some reason, Dylan invokes Brenda and says she once said the exact same thing to him before they split up. He wishes her a good night, and she asks him if he'll call her. He quietly mutters, "Some time." She gives him a kiss goodbye and gets out of the car, and Dylan looks very sad as he drives off in his Porsche.
The Walsh house. Stuart walks Brenda to her door, and she tells him she had a great time. She then tells him that her father is probably still up, and is no doubt preparing a lecture about staying out so late on a school night. Stuart gives her an intense kiss, then kisses her hand and schmaltzily asks her if she has plans for the rest of the week...or the rest of her life. She grins at him, tells him she'll talk to him later, and goes inside. As predicted, Papa Walsh is still up, sitting at the kitchen table. Brenda joins him and apologizes for worrying him, but declares that they need to develop a new understanding. She reminds him that she's an adult, in college, and is capable of making her own decisions. To her surprise, he completely agrees. Brenda furrows her brows in confusion as Papa Walsh swiftly changes the subject and asks her if she had fun on her date. Still looking puzzled, she tells him she did, and he remarks that Stuart seems very nice. He then tells her he's going to turn in and gives her a fatherly kiss good night.
Dylan and his silver Porsche are stopped at a red light. Out of nowhere, a carjacker bursts in through the driver's window, grabs Dylan by the neck and presses a gun in front of him. He orders him to “Get out of the car, suckuh.” And then the episode abruptly ends!
Duhn duhn duhn!