Recap: A cute little black and white dog is running loose on the CU campus. He's searching for a friendly face and something to eat, and when he tries to munch on a sandwich from a couple's picnic lunch, the guy angrily shoos him away. Asshole. The dog then spots Brenda and Donna walking together toward a building and starts following them, but they don't notice the earnest little fella. Incidentally, Donna cut her hair several inches shorter since the previous episode and it's a definite improvement.
Brandon runs into Kelly in the Student Union. He asks her if she's ready for the task force's weekend retreat, and she tells him she's all set. She adds that since they'll be surrounded by distinguished chaperones, they have Dylan's blessing to be a pretend couple. She then heads off to Lucinda's ladies' seminar, where the topic du jour is serial monogamy.
Dorm. Brandon, Muntz, and a KEG brother named Artie are having an impromptu housewarming party for Steve in his new dorm room - and Brandon gives him a Barbarella poster to hang up on the wall. Steve tells his friends how happy he is to have his own dorm room, since it was obvious he wasn't going to get any action while sharing a bedroom with three other guys at the KEG house. Artie asks him if he can borrow the dorm room for his own sexcapades, but Steve derisively says he's probably not allowed to sublet the room by the hour. Artie puts on a CD, and a few seconds later, Cathy - the tightly wound RA - bursts in and bitches at them for driving her crazy by playing the same song twenty times in a row. Steve tries to ignore her bitchitude and introduces her to his friends, but she just snarks that she's only two doors away and can hear everything that goes on in the room. She warns Steve that she's not going to let him turn the floor into a “KEG house annex” then announces that she's calling Ahn-drea to tattle on him for having friends over.
Lucinda's seminar. The class is seated on the floor, discussing serial monogamy. Dylan slips in and stands by the door, listening as Kelly recites that serial monogamy occurs when people have different partners for different phases of their lives. Donna doesn't like the sound of that and snarks, “Why not just have someone new every year?” and Brenda wryly tells her she's tried that and wouldn't recommend it. Heh. After class, Dylan tells Lucinda he was very impressed with her grant proposal and would like to see her film, but she's reluctant to show it to him because it's so unfinished. Kelly tells her that that's the point; she needs money to finish the project. Lucinda remarks how weird it is to be hitting up an undergraduate student for funding, then asks, “How's tomorrow?” Kelly says she can't do it because she'll be at the weekend retreat, but urges Lucinda and Dylan to watch it together while she's gone. Mmm hmm..
Donna tells Brenda that she feels like everything Lucinda says is targeted right at her, so Brenda explains that she's just trying to be thought-provoking. She then brings up her breakup with Stuart, and says the only thing she regrets about that day is telling Dylan she's still in love with him, which she only did because she was feeling sorry for herself. Donna is shocked by Brenda's revelation, but then gets distracted by the little black and white dog that appears to be following them. They stop to pet him, and Donna pulls out a baggie from her purse filled with something edible that she pretends to feed to him. When they reach her BMW, the doggie jumps into the back seat, eager to go for a ride. Donna's OK with it, but Brenda refuses to get into the car while he's in the back seat, and bitchily orders him out. The dog obediently jumps out, but as soon as they drive off, he chases after the car.
The Peach Pit. Ahn-drea lectures Steve about Cathy's grave concerns regarding "the KEG cancer" that's spreading through Marlowe Hall. Steve thinks Cathy is unbalanced - uh, d'yuh - and Ahn-drea rebukes him for breaking their deal and reminds him that he was supposed to lay low, not antagonize the RA. She wails about not wanting to risk losing her room on campus and tells Steve he can stay there, but forbids him to have any more visitors from KEG house. With that settled, Donna and Brenda enter the diner, and Ahn-drea proudly shows them a photo of her spawn from her latest ultrasound and announces that she just got a job at the campus medical research lab (where, apparently, they torture cute dogs). Meanwhile, the little black and white dog has made it to the Peach Pit and enters the diner through the back door. Nat chases after him as he scampers toward Donna. Everyone crowds around him and Donna lovingly pets and cuddles him.
Lucinda's house. Brandon and Lucinda are sitting on the couch together while Brandon channel-surfs and finds a hockey game on the sports network. Lucinda bitchily warns him that the one thing she doesn't miss about her pointy faced ex-husband is his devotion to sports, so Brandon hastily turns off the set. He asks her if she's going to miss him while he's at the retreat this weekend, and she says she'll have Dylan to fill her idle hours. This annoys Brandon, so she explains that she's only getting together with him in order to hit him up for some much needed cash to finance her film. He hints that she'll also hit on him, and Lucinda gets all angry and indignant, which is funny since that's exactly what the floozy ends up doing. Brandon apologizes and explains that lately any time he's gotten something he wants, along comes Dylan with his money. Lucinda snarks that he's objectifying her and says she doesn't appreciate his petty jealousy, and he counter-snarks that he dislikes how they spend most of their time pretending not to be together, and gets up to leave. Lucinda swiftly rushes over to him and urges him to stay...and after a conciliatory smooch, he gives in.
Beach house. The dog is now at the apartment, and after knocking over the garbage can in the kitchen, he trots over to where David is playing Rachmaninoff on the piano. He looks totally into the music, so Donna decides to name him Rocky - short for Rachmaninoff. Kelly tells Donna that they should try to find his owner before becoming too attached to the pooch...so Donna tells her she's already created a flyer, and Kelly holds it up and laughs at how bad it is: a hand drawn picture of a cartoon dog that looks nothing like Rocky and has the words Lost Dog and with a phone number written on it. Donna giggles like the brainless tool she is and exclaims, “I did the best I could!” As David pets Rocky, he notices several shaved patches on his stomach. Donna breezily says it's probably nothing, but David continues to look very concerned.
The Walsh house. Brandon is packing for the weekend retreat as his parents stand in his room and watch. Papa Walsh asks him how the struggle is going to get more teaching hours out of the lazy ass senior faculty, and Brandon tells him that he and Kelly have been working hard to convince the dean and the chancellor to come to an agreement on this, and says they've made good progress. Papa Walsh says he's surprised to hear that Kelly is also on the task force, so Brandon explains that she isn't - and that she went to the chancellor's luncheon as his date. Downstairs, Kelly has just arrived at the Walsh house, along with Donna and Rocky. Mama Walsh is still befuddled at the news that Brandon is dating Kelly, and when she tries to get more dish on the subject, Kelly jokes that it's getting to the point where Brandon can't leave home without her. Mama and Papa Walsh exchange a knowing look. While Donna plays with Rocky, she asks Mama Walsh to look at the shaved parts on his stomach. Papa Walsh says it looks as though the dog may have been operated on, and Mama Walsh just advises the dimwit to take the dog to a vet.
Dorm. Muntz drops by to visit Steve, who, for some reason, is reading about the potency of male sperm. He cautions Muntz to keep it down so he doesn't incur the wrath of Cranky Cathy. Muntz tells him that his girlfriend of two years (we'll call her Sherry) is finally starting to get amorous, and he needs a private place where they can doink. Steve is disgusted: a) that Muntz hasn't been able to score with his girlfriend for two entire years, and b) by the revolting visual of a buck naked Muntz releasing his bodily fluids all over his bed. He tells Muntz that he probably isn't allowed to loan out his bed for sex, but after Muntz begs, pleads, and wails that he doesn't want to stay a virgin forever, Steve gives in. Muntz thanks him and promises to be as quiet as possible while orgasming.
Retreat. Brandon and Kelly arrive at a fancy looking resort in the woods and look over the schedule of events for the weekend. There's going to be square dancing! The dean and chancellor have already arrived, and the chancellor introduces Kelly and Brandon to his acerbic daughter, Clare. Clare is clearly not thrilled to be there and expresses surprise that Brandon and Kelly don't appear to be total dorks. The chancellor tells Kelly that Clare will be bunking with her, and Kelly's just like, "OK, whatever."
Lucinda shows Dylan some raw footage of a Guatemalan tribe. After the screening, she gabbles about wanting happiness, and he retorts that happiness is overrated, and she counter-retorts that it's all they have to go by...blah blah. It's a nonsensical conversation. After that, she offers to cook him a spicy Guatemalan feast and tells him he's in for a real treat.
Retreat. Brandon heads over to his cabin and is surprised to see Josh Richland there...and that they're going to be roommates for the weekend. Josh tells Brandon he's covering the retreat for The Condor, and that he'd like to interview him for his article. Brandon agrees, so Josh brazenly asks him what he had on Professor Randall to get him to drop the charges against Steve for breaking into his office. Brandon tells him that because he was tutoring D'Shawn - Randall's favorite jock - he was willing to cut Steve some slack when he got into trouble. Josh then snappishly asks, “Are you friends with Randall's ex-wife?” and Brandon immediately clams up and tells him he doesn't like this line of questioning. Josh ignores that and asks him if he has any idea why Randall and his wife are getting a divorce, which irks Brandon even more, and he asks him why he's doing this. Josh comes right out and says he's doing it because he doesn't like him, so then Brandon snaps back that the feeling is mutual and storms out of the cabin.
Lucinda's house. Lucinda carries a big plate of food into the living room for Dylan and herself, then lights a bunch of candles and explains that they signify earth, water, animals, and the universe...and adds that the light of the candles signifies the light of the sun. Um, yeah OK. Lucinda tells Dylan she's very glad Kelly introduced them, so Dylan's like, “You know she's my girlfriend, right?” Lucinda huskily tells him she knows he wouldn't be at her place if he didn't want to be, then says that sex doesn't get any safer than when the girlfriend is out of town. She leans in and kisses him, and he stares back at her with a look of surprise.
Retreat. Brandon is bummed that Josh is at the retreat, and Kelly encourages him to try to relax and commune with nature. Brandon says he knows he shouldn't let Josh get to him, and Kelly diminishes Josh by calling him a big jerk. Brandon then decides to come clean and admits that he and Lucinda Nicholson have been seeing each other on the down low. Kelly looks genuinely shocked (though somewhat impressed) and says she now gets why he needed a decoy. He says he hopes she's not insulted, and she assures him she isn't. Suddenly, Josh saunters over and snarks, “Everyone's favorite couple” and says he was hoping get some pithy quotes from Brandon. Brandon and Kelly immediately get up from their bench and start to walk away, and Josh declares to Brandon that there's no private life for a public figure, and that he'd better get used to it. Since when does being on a task force equate to being a public figure? Kelly gives Josh the stink-eye and coldly tells him to “pith off”. Haha.
Vet. The veterinarian examines Rocky and notices that he has a tattoo from CU's research lab. She suspects that he was freed by someone who didn't like what was going on in the lab, then says that he could be sick or contagious. She tells them she has no choice but to notify the lab. Brenda reminds Donna that Ahn-drea works there and may be able to tell them what's going on...since clearly this veterinarian is useless in terms of determining a diagnosis.
Retreat. Everyone's square dancing, and after dancing with Clare, Brandon tells Kelly that she tried to grope his naughty parts. They look over at the chancellor and dean, who are maniacally dosey-doe-ing together - and Brandon remarks that it's going to be hard to be intimidated by those two ever again. Yep - that's safe to say. Kelly tells him how weird it is seeing him dance, and Brandon jokes that square dancing isn't so much dancing as following instructions, and recalls that the last time he danced was with her during the Spring Dance episode. Kelly reminds him that she made a move on him that night and that he responded by telling her they could never be a couple because she's like a sister to him. That mortified her, but she felt better when he added a caveat and said if they were total strangers, he'd be totes in love with her.
Dorm. Ahn-drea enters her/Steve's dorm room and is shocked and grossed out to find Muntz and Sherry naked in her bed. A startled Muntz explains that he's a friend of Steve's, but this only makes Ahn-drea flip out more...and when nosy Cathy comes a' knockin', she manages to keep her from entering the room and seeing Muntz. After the Cathy crisis is over, Ahn-drea snarks to Muntz that she'll be waiting outside. Steve, meanwhile, is heading toward the room, nonchalantly carrying his laundry basket. Ahn-drea yells at him for allowing Muntz to use her room for sex, so Steve explains that Muntz was one of the few frat brothers who stood by him when John Sears was trying to get him thrown out of KEG. Ahn-drea doesn't give a rat's ass and says she can't deal with him anymore. Steve whines that if she throws him out he'll be homeless, and Ahn-drea retorts that it's better than both of them being homeless. Except that she wouldn't be homeless, since she lives in an apartment with Jesse now and no longer needs a dorm room - which makes this entire storyline dumb and illogical. Ahn-drea snarls that she wants Steve out by the following morning.
Retreat. After the square dance, Brandon and Kelly go for a walk, and he tells her the sordid back story about him and Lucinda hooking up. He says it was romantic at first, but now it just feels like sneaking around. He looks thoughtful for a moment and says that square dancing with her this evening felt a lot nicer than sneaking around with Lucinda. Kelly looks touched and compliments him on his great line, but Brandon insists it wasn't a line...then leans in to kiss her. Kelly looks totally into it, but reminds Brandon that they have two people at home who trust them - but then she kisses him again. After their lips unlock, she tells him it would probably be best if she walked back to her cabin alone.
The Peach Pit. Dylan's walking around with a clipboard, looking as though he's doing some kind of inventory when Lucinda enters the diner. She waves hello at him, and he rolls his eyes and slouches over to where she's sitting. She tells him she'd like to order a mega-burger, and Dylan snarks that he'll summon a waitress...but when Nadine comes over, he changes his mind and says he'll take care of it. Lucinda looks insulted and tells him she was hoping for a friendlier reception, so Dylan snarks that she should call a welcome wagon. She crinkles her face in confusion and says, “What's wrong with you?” He tells her he shouldn't have been at her house last night and that he knows she's only trying to get him in the sack so that he'll finance her film. Lucinda argues that she's genuinely attracted to him, and he snaps back that she only finds him appealing because he's worth millions. Lucinda insists he's wrong, says some other stuff, blah blah - and angrily storms out of the diner.
Dorm. Ahn-drea comes by her dorm room again and hears the bed creaking. She starts pounding on the door like a lunatic, so Steve bellows, “Beat it!” When he realizes it's Ahn-drea, he answers the door half-dressed. Ahn-drea immediately starts berating him for not moving out yet, and squawks about not wanting to lose her room because of his debauchery. She tries to push her way inside, while he leans against the door to keep her out. When she's finally able to burst in, she's stunned to see Cathy, half naked, and sheepish and ashamed that she was caught hitting the sheets with a frat moron like Steve. Ahn-drea is totally speechless and hastily leaves the room, cackling to herself.
Retreat. As everyone prepares to head home, Clare tells Kelly that Brandon is super cool, then asks what he's like in bed. Let's see, on a scale of one to ten, it's none of your business, freak. Kelly just stares back at her mutely, and Brandon and the chancellor amble over. Clare tells Kelly she was a model roommate, then kisses both of Brandon's cheeks and murmurs something to him in French. After that awkward display, Clare and her dad head off, and Kelly tells Brandon she can't go along with their “dating game” anymore. She says she always wanted to kiss him, but that it can't ever happen again. Brandon grins and tells her she should try to make herself a little irresistible, and Kelly looks very flattered. The two share one final, friendly kiss together then head toward the car.
California University. Donna tells Brenda she's worried about returning Rocky to the research lab. Well, d'yuh. On their way, they encounter a group of angry students protesting the lab, and they ask Donna and Kelly to sign a petition that supports animal rights. A disheveled looking guy tells them about all of the horrible experiments the lab is doing on the animals. Donna, who often acts as though she's been too gently bred to absorb bad news of any kind, shakes her head and softly says she doesn't want to hear about it. Brenda, on the other hand, looks angry and disturbed. Ahn-drea comes out to greet her friends and snarks to the protesters that the lab is doing life-saving research. Donna expresses second thoughts about returning Rocky, but Ahn-drea asks, “Who are you going to believe?” Donna hands Rocky over to her and gives him a sad goodbye. After that, both she and Brenda sign the animal rights petition.
Beach house. The gang is over, and Brenda is depressing the hell out of everyone as she reads from the pamphlet the animal rights protesters gave her. Brandon looks annoyed and offers to buy Donna a new dog if it'll make Brenda stop ranting about the plight of abused animals. The doorbell rings and it's Ahn-drea and Jesse...and Rocky! Ahn-drea explains that Rocky has become worthless to the researchers now that he made it to the outside, so they get to keep him if they still want him. Hurray! Rocky gets happy hugs and cuddles all around. Kelly asks Dylan how his weekend with Lucinda went and asks if she “hit the jackpot” in terms of film funding, and Dylan just says, “Not exactly.” Kelly teasingly says she'll have to do some persuading, and the two fondle each other and play kissy face. Brandon looks nauseated at the PDA and bids everyone good night before leaving.
He heads straight over to Lucinda's house, and when she answers the door he asks her if she missed him...and she fibs and says she thought about him all weekend. He enters her house, the screen fades to black...and that's that for this episode.