Recap: Steve is wandering through the halls of West Beverly High, which are empty and deserted now that school's out for the summer. Mrs. Teasley appears out of nowhere and starts admonishing him about his shitty grades and for failing every course. She informs him that his performance was so poor that he's going to have to repeat his junior year! Steve suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat and looks freaked out. Fortunately for him, it was all just a bad dream.
Later on, he goes to the Peach Pit and tells Brandon about his disturbing dream. Brandon assures him that it didn't really happen, and that in September they'll all be returning to West Beverly High as seniors. In the meantime, however, they have two months of summer to enjoy. The two cackle over their plans to spend the summer at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, where they'll ogle hot girls in bikinis and attempt to get laid. They giddily do their annoying bro handshake, and the show's opening credits roll..
The Walsh house. Kelly and Donna have dropped by to pick up Brenda for an afternoon out. When Mama Walsh tells them that Brenda's been very sad and miserable about not being allowed to see Dylan, Donna promises to do their best to cheer her up. Papa Walsh enters the kitchen and politely greets the girls, then asks Kelly how her mom is doing. Her response is “big” so I guess she hasn't given birth to Mel's love child yet. Ew. Brenda finally ambles into the kitchen, looking glum. Donna announces that the three of them are going bikini shopping, so Papa Walsh pulls a credit card out of his wallet and hands it to Brenda. She tries to refuse it, but he insists and tells her to have a good time. Apparently Papa Walsh is tired of being thought of as an ogre ever since he banned Dylan from his daughter's life. Brenda reluctantly takes the credit card and continues to look mopey as she leaves with Kelly and Donna.
Donna's BMW. Brenda instantly perks up as Donna drives over to a nearby street. Not coincidentally, Dylan is slouching against his Porsche, waiting for her. As Brenda climbs out of the BMW and dashes toward him, Donna reminds her to be back at 6:00pm sharp. She then remarks to Kelly that Brenda's going to have to figure out some other arrangement while the two of them are in Europe this summer. And speaking of Europe, Kelly gleefully remarks that she can't wait to go to Paris and get away from everything...though she's hoping that her absence will make Jake's heart grow fonder. That's still going on? I'm pretty sure that Jake has already moved on to the first of his many Melrose Place sexcapades. Donna suddenly expresses second thoughts about going to Paris. She somehow thinks that if she sticks around all summer, her parents might not get divorced. Well that's just dumb, and Kelly tells her as much when she suggests that it would make a lot more sense for her to get away from the War of the Martins.
The Peach Pit. Nat hands over Brandon's final paycheck before summer officially begins. Brandon thanks him for not being a dick (like he was last year) about giving him the summer off so he can work at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. Nat's OK with it, and reasons that since business is so slow during the summer, he'd have to cut Brandon's hours anyway. It's really a miracle that that diner stays in business. Brandon goes to the locker room to change out of his uniform, and then looks at his paycheck with dismay. Steve follows him and notices his grim expression. He asks Brandon if he can see his paycheck, and then laughs at the paltry amount, which he calls “pathetic” and “pizza money”. God he's such a horse's ass. Brandon tells Steve that he's spoiled, and mocks him for being content to live off of his mommy. He then bets Steve his paltry paycheck that he's incapable of getting and keeping a job for an entire week. Steve accepts this embarrassing challenge and immediately marches over to Nat to apply for a job as Peach Pit waiter. Nat looks aghast at the idea of employing Steve, but agrees to give him a shot. His first shift will be later that evening.
The beach. Dylan and Brenda are cuddling together on a beach blanket. He informs her that he wants a new trustee to manage his money, but Brenda urges him not to rock the boat since things are going so great. Dylan doesn't agree that having to sneak around is “so great”, and asks her how they're going to keep seeing each other after Kelly and Donna leave for France. Brenda assures him that she'll figure something out, then lays down and sighs. She says she wishes it were the two of them going to Paris for the summer. Dylan tells her about how his father used to take him there every year when he was a kid, and that he'd love to take Brenda there if he could.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Henry is watching The Young and the Restless on his balcony when Brandon reports for duty. Henry admonishes him for interrupting his cherished soap opera, but then laughs and tells him he was just kidding (I kind of don't think he was). He invites Brandon to take a walk with him along the beach, and tells him about how he risked every cent he had to open a sporting goods store, which unfortunately went up in smoke during the L.A. riots. He then notices Brenda and Dylan spooning on the beach blanket and points them out to Brandon, who excuses himself to run over to ask whassup with their togetherness. Brenda tells her brother there was a change of plans, and that she's not bikini shopping with her girlfriends after all. Brandon says that her sneakery is none of his business, but he also doesn't want to be her accomplice. He stalks off angrily, which prompts Dylan to get up and rush after him. He starts whining to Brandon about how Mama and Papa Walsh are treating him like a pariah, and then asks what he did that was so awful. Brandon explains that Mama and Papa Walsh hate him because he's the guy "who's taking away their little girl." Wait - wuh? That's not my understanding of why they hate him. I'm pretty sure it's because of his supremely douchey behavior, which was most recently demonstrated at Mel's and Jackie's wedding reception during which he smashed a bottle against the wall and then drunkenly baited Papa Walsh to punch him. Brandon tells Dylan that he's not judging him, but he also makes it clear that he's not willing to do anything that will help smooth things over between him and Mama and Papa Walsh.
At 6:00pm, Kelly and Donna are waiting in the BMW for Brenda. Dylan pulls up in his Porsche, and he tells Brenda that he's getting tired of sneaking around. She reminds him that it's the only way they're able to spend time with each other, and promises to call him when her parents fall asleep. They exchange I love yous and kiss once again before Brenda gets out and heads over to Donna's car.
The Walsh house. During dinner, Mama Walsh asks Brenda if she found any cute bathing suits. Brenda has momentarily forgotten her lame cover story and is all, “Wha-a?” so Brandon sarcastically reminds her that she had allegedly gone bikini shopping with Kelly and Donna that day. Brenda snaps back that she remembers, but didn't end up buying anything. She apologizes to her parents for her bad mood, and Brandon snidely remarks, “I wonder why.” This prompts Brenda to bark at him to shut up, which annoys Papa Walsh. He's getting fed up with her mopey attitude and tells her that it's time to knock it off. She refuses to knock it off unless she can start seeing Dylan again, but Papa Walsh calls that issue “a closed book.” Brenda bitchily retorts, “Whatever you say, dad.” She and Brandon then exchange a wary, knowing look.
The Peach Pit. Donna tells David that she can't possibly go to France for the summer because she looks hideous in her passport photo. Well, d'yuh. Has she never looked at herself in the mirror? Cameras aren't miracle workers. David studies the photo and says it's cute, but also that it's stupid and lame to not want to travel because of a fugly passport photo. Steve comes over to take their order, which surprises Donna and amuses David. He snarls at them to stop staring, and explains that he's only working at the Pit because he has a bet going with Brandon. He then wanders off without bothering to take their order. He heads over to the counter to pick up a huge tray of food and runs into Brandon, who has just entered the diner. Brandon observes Steve deliver the wrong food to the wrong customers and happily realizes that this bet will be the easiest money he's ever made.
Papa Walsh's office. Papa Walsh is on a call while Dylan is slouching in a chair across from his desk. When he finally wraps up the call, he hands Dylan his allowance check and asks him how school went this year. Dylan mocks the question, but Papa Walsh ignores his snarky attitude and advises him to start thinking about colleges. Dylan snarks that that's none of his business, but Papa Walsh begs to differ, since he's the appointed trustee who's currently responsible for his welfare. Dylan lets out a hollow guffaw and tells Papa Walsh that he has no control over him...the way he thinks he can control Brenda. He then declares that he wants a new trustee, but Papa Walsh informs him that he's legally bound by the commitment he made to Dylan's mom (Iris). Until Dylan is of age, he's stuck with Papa Walsh as a trustee. Unable to formulate a clever, snappy comeback, Dylan yells, “Fine!” and warns Papa Walsh to never again ask him how school went. I actually think Slouchy is turning into an even bigger horse's ass than Steve.
The Walsh house. Papa Walsh tells his wife that it's obvious Dylan is as sick of him as he is of Dylan. He says he now thinks that Dylan should have been charged with kidnapping when he took Brenda to Mexico...that way he could be sharing a prison cell with his father. Hell yeah! That would have been a much more awesome Season 2 cliffhanger. Mama Walsh thinks this is terrible and suggests that they reconsider allowing Brenda and Dylan to date since she's so miserable without him. But Papa Walsh adamantly disagrees and urges her to stick with him on this issue, and to concur with him that Dylan is no damn good. Mama Walsh easily caves and, like the obedient 1950s wife she is, bobs her head in agreement.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Henry is surveying the club from his balcony, and when Brandon joins him, the two check out the bathing beauties below. Ahn-drea – ack! – appears out of nowhere, and she's wearing the beach club's uniform. There's no way this is going to bode well for Brandon. He warily asks her why she's dressed like that, and she excitedly explains that she's the head counselor of the kiddie camp program this summer. As she blathers about how the two of them can hang out all summer, she fails to notice the look that Brandon gives Henry...which is part panic, part horror. When Ahn-drea finally scampers off, he asks Henry how the hell he could hire this rambling nitwit. Henry's excuse is that she used him (Brandon) as a reference, so he couldn't turn her down. He solemnly asks Brandon if Ahn-drea is his girlfriend, so Brandon sets him straight about the relentless, unhealthy fixation she has had on him ever since he moved to L.A. He's not thrilled about working in such close proximity to her because he doesn't want to feel guilty every time he rubs up against a pretty girl. Henry thinks this is a good thing, since it will force Brandon to keep his mind on his work.
The Walsh house. Brenda is moping in her bed when Papa Walsh enters her room and tells her he has a surprise that's sure to cheer her up...and adds that Mama Walsh is packing up the car. Brenda tells him she can't go anywhere with them since she already made plans with Dylan...er Kelly for the day. He urges her to change her plans, but she refuses, and asks if his surprise can wait a day. A disappointed Papa Walsh gives up and leaves. He tells his wife that their ungrateful daughter doesn't give a shit about any big surprise, and this worries Mama Walsh. She's concerned that Brenda is drifting off on an emotional iceberg. Papa Walsh, however, refuses to give in to Brenda's gloomy mood, and he and Mama Walsh leave to go celebrate their boring mystery surprise.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Henry asks Brandon to deliver a bottle of champagne to a couple who just rented one of the cabanas. When Brandon enters the cabana, it's no surprise that the couple turns out to be his parents. They giggle and tell Brandon they're finally going to live a little and spend their summer at the beach. Brandon is less than thrilled with this news, and later tells Henry how badly it will suck to have his mommy and daddy hovering over him all summer. Henry just laughs, and it's becoming apparent that Brandon's discomfort is a source of amusement for him. He then orders Brandon to help a woman in the parking lot unload her stuff, which he goes and does. As he's finishing up, he notices Dylan's Porsche. He quickly finds Kelly and asks her if she's seen Dylan and Brenda, hastily explaining that Mama and Papa Walsh are on the premises. He needs to find the lovebirds before his parents catch sight of them.
Mama Walsh is enjoying the view from her balcony...until she looks down and notices Brenda and Dylan amorously frolicking together in a public shower. Ew. She makes a lame attempt to prevent Papa Walsh from seeing them, but he does, and immediately looks pissed off. Brandon, meanwhile, is still rushing around the grounds of the beach club, asking his friends if they've seen Brenda and Dylan. Ahn-drea points them out near a bicycle rack, so Brandon runs over to warn his sister. Brenda's dismayed to learn that her parents have rented a cabana, but she's ready to bite the bullet and talk to them. Dylan offers to go with her, but she tells him it's not a good idea. This gets him all mad and bitchy, and he tells her that it's her call, and that she's the one who's calling all the shots. He then snarls that he's through playing games and stalks off. Brenda puts a pin in that crisis and rushes over to her parents' cabana, worried that they might already have spotted her and Dylan. Brandon half-heartedly offers to accompany her for moral support, but is visibly relieved when she tells him she intends to face them alone.
Brenda enters her parents' cabana with fake enthusiasm about what a great surprise this is. When she tells them that Kelly and Donna brought her to the club for some sun and fun, Mama Walsh wearily tells her to cut the shit. Papa Walsh is especially pissed off that every time he sees her with Dylan, he always seems to have his hands all over her. I've noticed that too, Jim. And I too find it very ew. He then yells at her for pretending to be miserable when she was sneaking around with him the entire time. He's so disgusted with his lying sack of a daughter that he announces he wants to go home. Brenda gets angry and storms out, and Papa Walsh orders her to come back. When she doesn't, he runs out after her. She snarls that he's wrong about her and Dylan...and then declares that she's not going to lie anymore. She's in love, and will see her slouchy boyfriend whenever and wherever she wants. By this time, a small crowd of club members and beach goers has gathered 'round to enjoy the embarrassing spectacle of the two of them arguing. Papa Walsh warns her not to walk away and says if she does, nothing will ever be the same. She ignores his warning and publicly sasses him by storming off.
The Peach Pit. Steve is pouring glasses of water for Kelly and Ahn-drea, but can't manage the task without spilling it everywhere. He expresses his surprise that Mama and Papa Walsh joined the Beverly Hills Beach Club. Donna clucks sympathetically about how Brenda will be lucky if her parents ever let her out of the house again, and Kelly remarks that everyone who was within a five mile radius heard the two of them arguing. Brandon then enters the diner, and is immediately amused by the sight of Steve “working”. He calls him a soda jerk, and Steve sardonically retorts how cozy it must be at the beach club with mommy, daddy, and Ahn-drea Zuckerman constantly looking over his shoulder. Haha...good one. Brandon sits with the gang, and Ahn-drea asks him if he wouldn't mind driving her to the beach club in the mornings. As Brandon agrees, purely out of politeness, Steve interjects and unhelpfully suggests that Brandon could also drive her home after work. It's really a shame that Ahn-drea doesn't ever realize that she's a laughingstock among people she considers friends.
Some random guy enters the Peach Pit, and Ahn-drea spots him and calls him over. It's Jay Thurman, former editor-in-chief of The Blaze. He's come by to take Ahn-drea to the movies, which surprises Brandon...and me. I'm frankly amazed that any guy could be remotely attracted to such a socially inept ninny. Steve suggests that if Ahn-drea has a man, maybe she won't be all in Brandon's face for the entire summer. That is indeed a hope we can all cling to.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is grimly looking through Brenda's empty closet. It seems she's packed up all of her clothes and moved out. She tells Papa Walsh she wants to call Dylan's house, but he stops her and tells her he's going over there.
Dylan's house. The doorbell rings, and Dylan finds Brenda and her suitcases on his doorstep. She whines about how she can't live with her parents anymore because they don't approve of her life. The two hug, and Dylan looks less than thrilled at the prospect of living full time with Brenda. Or maybe he is, and I'm just projecting how I'd react if Brenda showed up at my house with suitcases.
The Peach Pit. As Steve serves crappy diner food to the gang, Brandon needles him about being a waiter. Nat suddenly barks at Steve to do something in the back room, and then asks to speak privately with Brandon. He discreetly tells him that Steve is a terrible employee who needs firing, but he doesn't have the cajones to do it. He also expresses puzzlement as to why a spoiled, self-entitled teenager who lives off of his rich mommy's allowance even wants a job in the first place. Suddenly there's a loud crash in the back room, no doubt a mishap caused by Steve that involves a lot of glassware. Nat runs over to survey the damage and Brandon chortles with the gang about Steve's general incompetence.
Dylan's house. Just as Brenda is telling Dylan that she's decided to move out of her parents' home, Papa Walsh arrives and rings the doorbell. Brenda doesn't want to speak to her father and rushes toward the bedroom while Dylan warily answers the door. Papa Walsh demands to speak with his daughter, and wants her to gather her things and come home with him. Brenda emerges from the bedroom and declares that she's not coming home until he accepts a certain slouchy guy as part of her life. Papa Walsh, of course, isn't willing to do that, so Dylan snidely asks him if he's going to drag his daughter home, kicking and screaming. Papa Walsh tells him that while things may be bad, they haven't yet degenerated to that point. Damn.
The Peach Pit. Steve looks dazed as he slumps beside Brandon at the table. Nat found his cajones and fired him, which means that Steve is forced to admit losing the bet. He tells Brandon he's not cut out for “this kind of stuff”, meaning work. Brandon lifts his lazy idiot friend's spirits by telling him that even though he is completely incapable of waiting tables in a diner, he's a damn good customer. And with that said, the natural order of the universe is officially restored. The next day, Steve plans to show up at the Beverly Hills Beach Club as a customer, while Brandon drudges around the resort cleaning up after rich people.
Kelly's/David's house. David tells Kelly that he just dropped off Donna and the two of them walked in on her parents going at it in the living room...half naked. Ew. Apparently this means the divorce is off, which also means that Donna has no more lame excuses not to go to Paris for the summer. Suddenly Jackie bursts in and announces that her water just broke. Mel is stuck somewhere in traffic, so David and Kelly rush around to get Jackie's suitcase and pull the car around so they can take her to the hospital.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is sitting in Brenda's room, looking upset. She's worried that they're going to lose Brenda, but Papa Walsh assures her that that won't happen. Brandon arrives home and asks where his sister is, so Mama Walsh tells him that she moved out and is living with Dylan. Brandon starts to ramble nonsensically about how he's tried to stay uninvolved in this situation, and suggests to his parents that their problems with Dylan don't actually have that much to do with Dylan. I have no idea what the hell he's babbling about.
Dylan's house. Brenda's sitting on the couch in her pajamas. Dylan comes out and asks her if she's coming to bed, and she tells him she can't sleep with him tonight. She feels guilty for leaving home, and that if she and Dylan doinked, she wouldn't be able to get the image of her parents watching her out of her head. That's weird. Dylan tells her it's no problem for him and his deflated penis to sleep on the couch. Brenda apologizes for acting like a little kid, and tells him she loves him. He urges her to get some rest, so she heads over to his bedroom after they wish each other a good night.