Recap: Season 2 starts off with a jazzed up opening sequence, and there's a new theme song which is way more hip than the one from the first season. The footage in the opening sequence is also much sexier...lots of beach and bikini shots. Also notable in the opening credits is that the kid who plays Scott Scanlon is now just a guest star...which makes sense since he fatally shoots himself in an upcoming episode. I guess the writers finally figured out that the show had no permanent place for a sexually repressed, dim-witted yokel who had no chance of ever hooking up with one of the A-list gals.
The Blaze newsroom. It's 2:55pm on the last day of school. Ahn-drea is standing in front of a giant white cake with the volunteers who worked for the school newspaper that year, and her "thank you" speech is droning on so long that Brandon finally interjects and politely tells her to shut the fuck up already, and cut the damn cake before the final bell rings. Obediently Ahn-drea shuts her pie-hole and wishes everyone a nice summer before they all dig into the yummy looking white frosting.
Random classroom. Amid a barrage of paper wads being thrown across the room, Kelly is complaining to Brenda and Donna about how pointless the last day of school is. It certainly is pointless if there aren't even any teachers present to stop the kids from repeatedly pelting each other with crumpled up pieces of paper. Kelly declares that she's ready to have the summer of her life; that said, the final bell rings and all the students spill out into the hallways.
David is walking down the hall with Scott, telling him how excited he is to finally be free. He'll be spending the summer at the beach, while Scott will be summering at his grandparents' place in Oklahoma. Bo-ring. David tries to boost his friend's spirits by suggesting that the young female Okies will like him because he's a California stud. I'm going to restrain myself from inserting a joke here about Scott's non-existent stud-hood because he's going to be dead soon...and it's probably bad karma to mock the soon-to-be dead.
In another hallway, Kelly is telling Brenda and Donna that she's planning on frittering away her summer by sunning herself in the mornings and playing volleyball in the afternoons. That way she can get a great tan, a great workout, and meet lots of cute guys. Sounds fabulous - why burden yourself with a pesky summer job when you're a self-entitled, spoiled teenager who seemingly has access to unlimited sums of money? Kelly expresses her annoyance at Brenda and Donna for taking a drama class over the summer and tells them that it's unlikely there will be any cute guys in the class. Brenda's inner bitch makes its sudden season debut and snaps at Kelly for always fixating on cute guys when there's more to life, and Kelly shoots her the stink-eye and bites back that it sounds like it's "someone's time of the month". Brenda's bitchitude quickly recedes and she responds that "it is and isn't" her time of the month, and explains that her period is five days late and she's very freaked out.
The Blaze newsroom. Brandon wants to clear things up with Ahn-drea before he starts his summer vacation...and by "clear things up", he wants to swiftly move past the embarrassing incident that occurred during the last episode of Season 1, when Ahn-drea offered up her virginity to Brandon when everyone thought the Walshes were moving back to Minnesota. Ew. Ahn-drea regrets how gigantic an ass she made of herself, but then brushes off the whole thing as no big deal. Not wanting to probe the issue with any real depth, Brandon is happy to let it go when she tells him they're now just friends. They wish each other a great summer, and he gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek before making a quick getaway out of the newsroom. Ahn-drea stays behind, looking sad and staring down dejectedly at the remains of the cake.
Drug store. Kelly and Donna accompany Brenda as she shops for a home pregnancy test. Kelly asks Brenda if she and Dylan used protection, and Brenda tells her they did...but points out that nothing is 100% reliable. Donna unhelpfully points out that abstinence is100% reliable, which prompts Brenda to snark that it's a little bit too late for that now. Considering that you're in the midst of a pregnancy scare, Brenda, it's a lot late for that now.
The Walsh house. Kelly and Donna are waiting for Brenda to take the home pregnancy test in the bathroom. Kelly is reading from the instructions and tells Brenda that blue means preggers, and red means not preggers. Brenda emerges from the bathroom and tells them that her results are green. Donna quips that maybe green means she's expecting twins. Haha! This is the second sassy wisecrack in as many scenes that Donna has made at Brenda's expense, and while I'm enjoying them immensely, Brenda is definitely not amused. Kelly urges Brenda to see a gynecologist - a sensible piece of advice I think she should follow. Brenda flops onto her bed and says that she loves Dylan, but now thinks that whatever pleasure she got out of doinking with him hasn't been worth the stress of worrying that she might be knocked up.
The Peach Pit. Brandon remarks to Nat that he's been noticing the tips are getting smaller. Nat explains that the diner always gets a lot fewer customers during the summer months because everyone's at the beach. Steve enters the restaurant, all psyched about the summer. He wants Brandon to go with him to a bonfire at the beach that evening, but Brandon turns him down because he has to work late...and he doesn't want to ask Nat to let him off early because he's saving up to buy a car. He tells Steve he has his eye on a '65 Mustang convertible, and he's talked the owner into holding it for him until the end of summer. Steve advises him to get a more lucrative job during the summer months. Brandon remarks that he used to make pretty good money lifeguarding in Minneapolis, so Steve suggests that he try to get a lifeguarding job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. He knows the manager there, Henry Thomas, and gives Brandon the man's number and promises to put in a good word.
The Walsh house. Brenda asks Mama Walsh how old she was when she first started seeing a gynecologist, and this question raises all sorts of red flags for Mama Walsh, who asks if there's something she should know. Brenda assures her that nothing is wrong, and the topic is immediately dropped when Papa Walsh enters the kitchen to tell her that Dylan has just arrived.
Brenda and Dylan are standing outside, talking about Brenda's possible pregnancy. He's freaked out, wondering aloud how this could happen. Brenda is reduced to tears, and says it was a mistake for them to have sex, but Dylan disagrees and tells her it was wonderful. He promises that he'll do everything he can to support and help her out if she ends up pregnant, and that they're in this together. As they hug, she tearfully says it doesn't feel that way.
Beach. Brandon is at tryouts for a lifeguarding job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. He's standing next to a bunch of very tall and buff guys, which really emphasizes his shortness and muscularly undeveloped body. Henry Thomas begins the tryouts by ordering the young men to do a series of sprints.
Dr. Strathmore's office. Brenda shows up for her appointment and has brought Dylan and Kelly along for moral support. Donna and her sassy mouth were not invited. Kelly goes with Brenda to check out the examination room, and Brenda is weirded out by the sight of stirrups. The nurse then enters and asks Brenda to provide a urine sample, so Kelly goes back to sit in the waiting room with Dylan.
Beach. Brandon's sucky performance during the sprint exercise does not impress Henry Thomas. As a second test, he orders the guys to jump into the ocean then swim to a buoy and back again. Brandon just stares at the ocean in dismay as he tries to catch his breath and keep himself from throwing up.
Dr. Strathmore's office. The doctor comes in to see Brenda, who suddenly looks happy after just discovering that Aunt Flow has finally come to town. She apologizes to the doctor for wasting his time, but he's cool with it and tells her that since she's sexually active, she now has a whole new set of responsibilities. Brenda does not look happy to hear that. When she returns to the waiting room, she tells an anxious Dylan that her pregnancy scare was a false alarm. He gives a brief but happy little fist pump, and pulls her aside to ask if the doctor can put her on the pill that day. Brenda immediately gets all hostile and snipes that it would just be so easy for him if she popped a pill...that he wouldn't have to worry about anything. Well, d'yuh, Brenda. That's pretty much the point of taking an oral contraceptive that's 99% effective.
Beach. Henry Thomas and the lifeguard hopefuls are patiently waiting for Brandon to swim back to shore. Some of the guys want to jump into the ocean and perform an impromptu rescue, but Henry tells them to hold back. When Brandon finally makes it back to shore, he's good-natured about the experience and thanks Henry for the best workout he's had all year. Henry stares at him for a moment and tells him about an opening for the position of cabana boy, which mostly entails setting up lounge chairs and serving drinks to rich people. Brandon is pleased to accept the offer, but not so pleased when he learns that he'll be expected to start the following morning at 7:00am. He doesn't want to leave Nat in the lurch, but rationalizes to himself that business at the Peach Pit has been slow...so maybe he will leave Nat in the lurch after all. He decides to go for it and tells Henry that he'll report for work at 7:00am.
The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is sitting on the kitchen floor, sifting through the trash for recyclables when Brandon arrives home. He tells her about his new job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, and she kills his buzz when she asks whaddup with his job at the Peach Pit. Brandon says he isn't able to give Nat any notice, but maybe he could offer up Brenda as his replacement. Sorry Brandon, but the writers already used that storyline in the Fame is Where You Find It episode. Also, no one wants to be tortured with a reappearance of Brenda's obnoxious alter ego, waitress Lahw-verne.
Brandon goes upstairs to begin a campaign of sucking up to Brenda so she might do him this favor, but forgets all about his ulterior motives when he finds her sitting on her bed looking sad. When he asks what's wrong, she starts babbling nonsensically about how there were things that once seemed so important, but when she went out and did them, she can't remember what she got all worked up about. She then gets into specifics and tells him how she's always wanted to have a cool boyfriend, and to not be the last girl on earth to have sex. She's all out of sorts, regretting that she had sex for the first time at such a young age. Brandon asks her if Mama and Papa Walsh know about her virginity loss, and she says no and swears him to secrecy. He promises, and then wisely figures that it's probably not the best time to ask her about working for Nat this summer.
As Mama Walsh is separating out recyclables, she discovers an empty home pregnancy test box and stares at it in shock.
In the next scene, Brenda is sitting in the living room with her parents, clutching the home pregnancy test box. She immediately goes on the defensive, accusing her mother of trash spying, but Papa Walsh assures her that they're not angry...they just want to know what's going on. And then he dials down the intelligence level of the conversation and, in a funny sounding halting manner, asks Brenda if there was something she did that might give her reason to believe she could be pregnant if her period was late. Poor stupid Jim. Sarcastically Brenda retorts, "You mean like sex?" Hee! She then admits to her parents that she's been hitting the sheets with Dylan ever since the night of the spring dance...and this news is too much for Papa Walsh, who jumps up from the sofa and starts railing about how this is Dylan's fault. Mama Walsh tells Brenda that there's no way she could be emotionally ready for sex, but that's OK by Brenda, who tells them she no longer wants to be an adult because she can't handle the responsibility of sex. In the midst of this cringeworthy discussion, Dylan shows up at the Walsh house to pick up Brenda for a night out. Papa Walsh is all set to take Dylan out to the woodshed, but a mortified Brenda begs him to say and do nothing. She answers the door for Dylan, still holding the box, and Papa Walsh squeezes out a tight hello before heading into the kitchen with his wife. Neither parent knows exactly what to do about the situation, and Mama Walsh comes to the conclusion that the only real answer is to put all of their hope and trust into Brenda. Boy are they screwed.
The Peach Pit. Brandon stops by the diner to talk to Nat, who's very excited to see his young friend. He offers him anything he wants to eat and drink on the house, but Brandon declines and quickly breaks it to him that he just got a job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club...and it uh starts the next morning. Nat's smile vanishes and his face falls, and he starts whining about all the yutzes out there, and how it's hard to find good help and then get them trained so they can properly sling hash. He begs Brandon not to desert him until he can find a replacement, but Brandon sheepishly tells him he's already committed to his new, more appealing job. Nat immediately gives up the fight and grimly wishes Brandon a good summer. And Brandon looks troubled and clearly feels like shit.
Beach. Dylan and Brenda are making out in his Porsche, but it's obvious that she's bummed out, so he asks her what's wrong. She tells him that her parents know about them hitting the sheets, and then launches into a recap of their relationship thus far. She feels lucky to have met him, she reminisces about how sexy she thought he was when they first started going out, she fell in love with him, and then trusted him enough to have sex with him. But now she feels like they've crossed an imaginary line, and suddenly things are happening way too fast. She doesn't want to have to worry about condoms, birth control pills, or seeing a gynecologist...and thinks the best thing to do is break up. Dylan thinks she's overreacting out of fear and doesn't want to break up, but Brenda has already made up her mind.
The Walsh house. The next morning, Brenda enters her parents' bedroom and announces that she and Dylan have broken up. She over-explains to them that things got more serious than she wanted them to, and that she's not ready for a sexual relationship. Mama and Papa look a little relieved at Brenda's self-imposed re-virginization, but they're also somewhat dazed by the news.
Kelly's on the phone with Brenda as she drives her snazzy BMW convertible around L.A. She tells Brenda she thinks she's overreacting, but Brenda explains that she wants to be her own person for awhile. She assumes that Dylan hates her right now, and Kelly tells her this is a bad way to start the summer...but a great hook for a new season of Beverly Hills, 90210.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon encounters Dylan as he's waxing his surfboard and tells him about his new job at the club. He also admits that he had to bail out on Nat without any notice, which doesn't impress Dylan. He bitches about the particular way "you Walshes" dump on people, and then tells Brandon that the beach club isn't worth selling his soul for. This remark makes Brandon stare into the distance and look thoughtful.
Drama class. Brenda and Donna are surprised to see that Ahn-drea is in their drama class. Of course, Ahn-drea is less interested in drama than she is in "spicing up" her college resume. The teacher then enters the room and immediately offers a lot of excruciating details about himself that he tells in a very rehearsed sounding performance schtick. Incidentally, this guy is a dead ringer for a young Elvis Presley, which is probably why the actor who plays him was cast in the short-lived TV series, Elvis. When he's finished his oral autobiography, he tells the students that what he just delivered was a tedious and unnecessarily lengthy monologue. He now wants someone in the class to give it a try and volunteers Brenda.
Beverly Hills Beach Club. Steve is playing volleyball on the beach, which means we get plenty of looped footage of bikini clad women and buff men wearing sunglasses. Kelly runs over to Steve to start spreading the dish that Brenda and Dylan broke up. Steve isn't fazed by the news and remarks that Dylan is probably happy that she finally cut him loose. If only, Steve. If only. Kelly is dismayed by his cold reaction to the breakup of the century and scampers off in annoyance.
Henry Thomas is in his office watching The Young and the Restless. Apparently, he does this every weekday from 11:00am to noon and somehow remains secure in his masculinity. Brandon interrupts his story watching to inform him that he'll need a week off in order to return to the Peach Pit until Nat can find a replacement. He then declares himself a boy of great integrity who cannot dump on his current employer...and that Henry should appreciate his remarkable sense of loyalty. After disdainfully asking "Who is this Nat?" Henry agrees to give Brandon a week and tells him he'd better be worth waiting for.
Drama class. Brenda is delivering her monologue, telling the class how she moved from Minnesota to California, met a boy named Dylan, fell in love, made sweet tender love with him, and then kicked him to the curb after things got "too intense". At Young Elvis's prodding, she admits that the breakup has left her feeling sad, alone, and confused. Young Elvis encourages her to embrace all of these feelings because it will make her a better actress. Ahn-drea then asks if they're going to be graded on this exercise, proving that she's completely missing the point of the class.
The Peach Pit. Brandon returns to apologize to Nat for deserting him, and assures him that he can resume his job for a week until a replacement can be found. But Nat isn't cheesed off anymore because he's found a replacement. In less than a day. That was remarkably and unbelievably fast. But Nat appreciates the gesture and - sincerely this time - wishes Brandon a good summer.
Drama class. When it's Ahn-drea's turn to deliver a monologue, she bores the class with a summary of her various boring achievements. After class, she tells Donna and Brenda how nervous she was...but Brenda lies through her teeth and tells her she did fine. As they walk along, they see Dylan loitering in the hallway. Ahn-drea and Donna discreetly excuse themselves so that Dylan and Brenda can strategically place themselves in front of a baby poster and hash out their feelings. Subtle, show. Dylan feels bad and tells her he doesn't want to be broken up. He tells her that he used to think that breaking up with her would fill him with tremendous relief (a reasonable assumption)...but that all changed after he fell in love and was no longer a loner. Brenda assures him that he can still depend on her, but says they need time apart because they got so close it scared her...and she doesn't want to be scared with him. He tells her he understands, and that time will tell if they're meant to be together.
Dylan offers to take Brenda home, but she says she'll walk. They exchange sad goodbyes with each other, and the final scene of the episode ends with Brenda looking teary eyed.